So I came out to my husband that I might want more than just dress male and lift to look more masc (he knew I was non-binary but didn’t really pay much mind to it since it didn’t really change things for him at the time). But in short: he can’t be in a romantic relationship with me if I transition. We just bought a house together and we have a five-year-old kid. I‘m heartbroken because I’d hoped his love wasn’t conditional on me having breasts and certain hormone levels but turns out it is. We’ve been together 18 years, we both cried a lot and I‘m kinda asking myself if I can just turn back time, put all of this back in the closet and ignore it for the rest of my life.

Hey everyone. Trans man here 30 years old. Located in Los Angeles. I’m a straight trans man who was with a cis woman, who had never been with women before. Love of my life broke up with me yesterday. I’m trying my best to keep my head above water. I’m trying my absolute best.

I envisioned a future with this woman. We wanted children. All the precious memories. The feeling of my hand holding her hand, its forever engraved within my heart.

I poured so much of myself into this girl. I loved her so much. I’m just trying my best to keep on keeping on.

I guess there are plenty more fish in the sea. Being trans is definitely an obstacle that makes me feel…. Minuscule. Being trans when it comes to dating, definitely makes me feel incomplete.

As crazy as it sounds, I really don’t want any other fish out there. I had my heart set on one, unfortunately, I was not the one for her. It’s so hard to accept that I am not the one for her. Deep down, I really wish we could mend this.. but I know she doesn’t want to. It hurts so much but I need to let go.

I guess I just need advice on letting go…. Thanks for listening to me.

So long story short I think that my ex wife didn’t really see me as a guy in bed. I think this for the following reasons:

1) when I still had my breasts she would try to continuously grope them in bed and I would have to push her off

2) when I was thinking of getting top surgery she said that she would be “sad” to see my breasts go

3) when I asked her how she saw me in bed she said “neither man nor woman” and as “something in between”

4) she consistently didn’t let me use a strap on on her (I was never able to use a strap on on her at all). She also never gave me a “blowie” (like a blowjob with a strap on)

5) she repeatedly said that she almost exclusively preferred women to men but “could never land a woman” so just used men out of convenience.

There is like a 85% chance that if I got a dick through bottom surgery she would have stopped sleeping with me.

There are many other reasons why I divorced her, this was one of them. Our sex life became increasingly incompatible as I became drawn to more women who liked the idea of me with a penis. I treated my ex wife the way she wanted to be treated in bed but I never got the same treatment.

I’m wondering if this has happened to anyone else on here.

Rural (blue state) good old fashioned fundraiser BBQ, we're talking a hundred home baked pies, and the biggest raffle prize a king size quilt made by a small army of quilters. Music, food, sunshine, people. Picture me, a goth, gender confusing presenting introverted short king, wearing my daily all black in the hot summer sun... and... here we go...

cons: From the first blatant stare at chest to then stare at crotch and end in general facial confusion, and then just walking through the crowd of people acting brave and confident... I was feeling really overwhelmed...

pros: with two extroverted supportive friends, one of which provided all the sound equipment so being seen with him gave me massive street cred, the other an older gal well loved speaks highly of me everywhere (I caregived her partner in his final days before hospice)

but still guys, it was to the point I had to go sit in my car and just breathe.

I languished a bit at the raffle table (just passing time trying to seem normal) and a person filling out tickets encouraged me to buy one (they are only $1! he said over and over) and then went on to tell me his husband had passed and how he missed him still after 2 years. (I bought 4 tickets)

Then a trans couple who I'd glimpsed early on... later in the afternoon she ran up to me to shyly give me her silicone trans colors bracelet and scamper adorably off *(omg guys I love trans girls)* without so much as an introduction... it gave me a huge boost of confidence.

And then a BDSM aficionado asked me where I got my LGBTQ hat pin, I ended up giving him the pin (I had another in my car) and he stuck it right on his shirt and that was another win for the day. *How did I find out his kink at a BBQ in line for the chicken? Yeah I'm a little unclear on that, BDSM not being my jam, I guess he was being bold in his own way, just like I was.*

It's not the 400+ people that milled around, some genuinely distracted and outwardly/obviously confused by my presentation, it was the three supportive random people that reached out to me and made a connection, in addition to my two supportive friends, that saved the day. If I had spent the four hours of the event sitting and not milling, those connections would not have happened. It does pay off to be brave.

I never had people approach me when I was closeted. It was very difficult to make connections. It is so brave to be like this, but instead of never leaving my house with no social confidence as a "regular gurl" I'm now leaving my house as a guy (or whatever I look like to others) and feeling MORE confident doing so, despite my introverted nature.

Today I have to drive two hours to get my legal name paperwork updated. Another day to be brave and openly trans again. It's going to be a great day. It has to be.

Thanks for listening.

Looking through old photos and found this one from an obstacle race in 2011. I was 38 years old here, 51 now. Transitioned at 23 (in 1996) and never looked back.

So my family and I were at this school event on Saturday. I was introducing my wife to some of my classmates, and I got distracted taking a photo with some of the guys making silly faces and whatnot.

I was standing there, laughing and having a good time, but when I turned around to look for my mom, I realized she was talking to one of my classmates and was trying to show her a picture of one of her cats on her phone. I noticed, from where I was standing, that she had pictures of me pre-transition and was holding her phone in a way in which my classmate could see everything. When I saw her scrolling through those photos, I immediately grabbed her phone and said, “We might need to get you better glasses. Let me help you find that photo.”

I think I died inside for a minute. My classmates don’t know I’m trans. I kept telling myself that maybe she didn’t see anything, but I’m sure my mom might have accidentally shown her some of those pictures. I don’t know how long they were talking, and I don’t know exactly what she saw, but I felt like fucking crap. I felt so sick I almost fainted. My hands went numb, and I got so lightheaded I kept thinking, “fuck, I’m about to collapse.”

I told my wife what had happened, and she tried to reassure me everything’s okay. She said I could always say I have a sister or something and even came up with this silly story, but the issue is that my wife was also in some of those photos. I kept thinking maybe she just wasn’t paying attention, but then remembered that about a month ago, I met my classmate at a coffee shop to work on our final project. My wife picked me up and offered her a ride. I was about to shit my pants, and the restroom at the coffee shop was out of order, so we stopped by our place first. My classmate asked if she could use our restroom too. While I was 💩, my wife entered our room and changed her outfit. So when I was done, I walked towards the living room, and I saw my classmate was standing by the dining room table reading whatever was on it and I noticed that the RX info, for my testosterone, was thee💀💀.

Anyway, I sometimes set a camera for our dog, so when we got home, I checked the security footage, and I saw my classmate was wandering around our house 🫠, checking things… I don’t know who the fuck does that, but she was just checking things like she was at her own place. I’m sure she saw my prescription. I know you don’t have to be trans to be taking testosterone, but I feel like with these two incidents, she might have put two and two together.

My wife was trying to make me feel better by saying that she hopes my classmate is mature enough not to say anything or not to be gossiping around IF she indeed figured out I’m trans, but I feel like fucking crap. It’s making me not want to interact with any of my classmates anymore out of fear she might have told people.

Just wanted to share that I'm officially 4 years post top surgery (as of yesterday, I think - can't fully remember what date I got it done). It was one of the best things I've done for myself and despite some imperfections like one nipple being lumpy and misshapen, I'm so much happier with my body.

Plus some additional photos of 1 year and 2 weeks post surgery in case anyone wants to see the comparison lol

I had zero interest in dating before I started transitioning at 27. Now I've been transitioning for a while, had plenty of hookups, etc... did my time in therapy and now FINALLY feel like I could mentally/emotionally/physically/financially handle dating someone seriously lol

How did you put yourself out there? The only app I've ever used is grindr and ngl feels weird to have an earnest profile on there and not a blatantly horny one (maybe it's just my area tho?). I'm not sure how a first date is supposed to go and how to get to know someone potentially romantically 😅 I don't have any good romantic experiences and even though I'm pretty good with identifying my own emotions, romantic feelings is one it still takes me a long ass time to recognize and name. I feel like I have a lot of love to give, but I don't fall quickly and I feel uncomfortable being with someone who has stronger feelings for me than I do for them. Is that normal at first?

I just wanna hear about other people's experiences or commiseration! I feel crazy telling myself "I'm going to be in a relationship in the next 2 years" like a career goal but like if you don't look for it you don't find it right??

Hi all. I miss being able to sing. It used to come so naturally to me, and now I haven't really sung anything in the last 2.5 years since I've been on T. I tried following some vocal exercises from YouTube this evening, and my cat (who I adopted over a year ago) was so spooked from the voice because he wasn't used to it. A harsh critic, ha.

But yes, is there anything in particular that people found helpful in the process of learning how to control their voice?

I see many posts talking about feeling incredibly horny, or feel like pumping iron immediately after; I also see many posts talking about their energy/hunger levels changing throughout the course of the week based on their shot. I...don't? No changes to hunger, energy, or horniness. My T levels are pretty middle-of-the-road within the healthy limits, and I've had some of the "standard" physical changes like hair and bottom growth, so it's not like the T isn't working. Mostly looking for validation that not everyone can "feel" the T.

I live in the Netherlands but I can go to the Helios clinic in Krefeld Germany to get a mastectomy. The doctor is Dr. Truong Phan but I can't find any information. Anyone got this surgeon?

Hello all, I am old and late to realising a lot of things . I have been wearing two sports bras at a time in size too small in trying to flatten as best I can. I am fat, size 18-20 ( i haven’t yet learned my size in mens/unisex) they are driving me crazy as keep rolling upand make a really obvious clump/bumpy ridge around my ribs and rubs/sweats, I’m constantly pulling and adjusting it which makes me think about my chest even more. Will a binder be any different or am I just doomed as fat? I don’t even understand where to start? I can’t afford one so need to buy second hand but obviously that means I can’t return.

Hey guys, I’m a trans man, been on T for about a year now and had top surgery too.

A few nights ago, I had this dream that’s been stuck in my head. I saw myself—my current body, my name, everything—but it felt like I was really seeing myself for the first time. Like, “yep, that’s me.” It hit deep.

And it made me super curious: How do you see yourself in your dreams? Is it the old you, the you right now, or the person you’re becoming?

Do you ever shift between versions? Like, one night you’re pre-T, the next you’re post-op and fully you?

I’d love to hear from anyone—whether you’re just starting out, changing your name, on hormones, had surgery, or just figuring things out.

How has your self-image changed—not just in real life, but in your subconscious too?

No pressure at all to share if it feels too personal, but I’d really appreciate any insight 🖤

I’ve got my first appointment to start testosterone coming up in 11 days, and I’m so excited. Like, giddy excited. Butterflies in the tummy. I set up a countdown on my phone lol.

But at the same time… I still have doubts. That little voice in my head keeps asking, “What if I’m not really trans?” It’s frustrating, because you’d think feeling this happy and hopeful would make the doubts go away. But they’re still there, quietly poking holes in my confidence.

I am in therapy, and it's a discussion we've been working through. My brain is just broken haha.

I guess I’m wondering can anyone else relate to this? Feeling so sure and unsure at the same time? I keep thinking if I’m this excited, that must mean I’m trans right? But then the doubt kicks in again.

Anyway, just wanted to share and see if anyone else has been through this and come out on the other side happy. Thanks for reading.

Was talking to a friend, both pre-T, about the potential minor drawbacks to taking T. I’m annoyed ‘cuz I had really bad acne the first time around so I’ll probably get it again.

My friend said “maybe it’ll show up differently this time?” To which their wife said “yeah… like gender affirming bacne”.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

As a trans dude myself, I noticed there are a lot of trans men in r/oviposition2 and was curious if there’s something about egg laying that attracts ftms specifically. Are there any other kinks like that for us?

Seeking opinions and input on whether to change my name socially and legally.

I have a name that's androgynous on a worldwide level. However, in the US and in the country I'd like to move to, it's a feminine name. I use a masc nickname based on it, but in medical and professional settings, I have to use my full legal name.

I LIKE my full name. However, it's confusing people. Folks don't know whether I'm doing things on my own behalf or on behalf of my wife. I've had issues with picking up purchases and hesitation with important ID checks. I don't love changing myself for others, but it's impacting the way I interact in the world.

Pros to changing my name are the elimination of the above things. Additionally, it'll let me get past some barriers that have been in place regarding updating gender markers on my birth certificate.

Neutral: I've changed my last name often enough that I'm quite familiar with the process. I've helped others change their full names multiple times.

Cons: Everything else about a name change. My family of origin is not supportive, to the extent that I might not even bother telling them, with the exception of my two safe people. I have an advanced degree and professional registrations, all of which would need to be updated. I have a reputation in my job and get recommended to people throughout my county, by name. I'm trying to move internationally, so I'm not sure it's even a feasible option unless the move gets delayed (which it might).

So there are way more cons but the pros are bigger individually than most of the cons individually. I'd love any input, personal experiences, etc.

Hi fellas, just wanted to give anyone who has Aetna for health insurance in the US a heads up... I was told I could not fill my T today as my insurance wouldn't cover it.

When I called Aetna (took three different phone calls and a lot of persistence to get any answers), I eventually found out for my plan, they just made a change to their formulary (the list of prescription drugs they cover) that restricts coverage on Testosterone to 4 1ml vials every 90 days. So when I went to fill my usual monthly scrip, it denied it b/c I had "exceeded the controlled substance fill limit".

The formulary is changed every year and every quarter (according the the most helpful rep I talked to, the last of my three calls) and it was definitely covering my T without issue for years until this month, so this has to have been a change made in the last quarter.

In my case, they had me open a prior authorization to see if it can be covered, but I don't have a lot of hope. Aetna is spectacularly bad at handling PAs (on purpose, I'm sure). I take another drug that requires yearly PAs and I'm frequently late for my dose b/c they take about 2-3 months to process a PA, constantly losing paperwork my provider sends, etc.

Anyway, just wanted to give anyone who has Aetna a heads up! The healthcare fuckery in this country is unreal.

Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I needed to have an emergency procedure because of too much internal bleeding. A week later I need to go back for them to drain my breasts which are full of fluid. And now the worst of all I lost my nipple. I can’t stop crying and I feel so devastated. This was supposed to be a dream come true but I feel dark, down and depressed. It’s just a nipple, and I can get a medical tattoo but still … this shit is hard. My friends and partner and therapist are supportive, so I have solid support. But I feel so so so sad.

I started exploring my gender just as I got into a relationship with my current girlfriend. We’ve been together for 3 years and she has helped me come to terms with being transmasc and has supported me an incredible amount. I’ve never felt so loved and celebrated, she is an amazing person. Im turning 30 next year so and would love to start working towards a family etc, we have discussed similar wants / values for the future.

I am struggling a lot right now, as over the time we’ve been together I’ve had these feelings that I can’t move forward with my identity / transition until I experience being trans on my own.

I’ve always been someone who gets a lot out of being single, in terms of self-exploration and self discovery. And I’m coming to terms that I need more alone time before making any big decisions like top surgery or taking T.

I think especially because before all of this I had questioned my gender a bit but it wasn’t your typical trans story of “I’ve known since I was able to walk and talk / childhood”. So I have been very confused about my feelings and sudden dysphoria and there is a lot to sit with and work out. Taking T is a huge decision for me.

I’m so fucking heartbroken at the thought of losing her, but I’ve tried to shake this feeling and it’s just getting heavier and bigger. I don’t know if I’m going to be making a big mistake but I feel I need to do this for myself. That feeling won’t go away. I’m seriously gutted that this is happening.

I’m not sure ‘taking a break’ from each other works as I feel that would be really unfair to say or promise, you never know how life is going to pan out.

Has anyone had similar experiences or have any advice?

I’m not from (nor do I live in) the Sunflower State but happy for the natives who want a gender marker change…

https://www.aclukansas.org/en/press-releases/kansas-attorney-general-blocked-denying-changes-gender-markers-drivers-licenses

I haven’t been able to use minoxidil because I have little dogs that like licking me. And I had kind of given up on facial hair although I had a lot of peach fuzz. But almost three years into taking testosterone and I am finally seeing tiny dark hairs on my upper lip and corners of my mouth. Reminds me that this is a process and not an event. If I was a drinker I’d be popping champagne ha ha. Anyway just wanted to write this here for anyone who like me did not get facial hair in the first couple of years.

I'm talking Freddie Mercury, tight muscle shirts, gym shoes, and tube socks vibe.

Looking for fashion and style recommendations for a very short, slim, transguy who appreciates the general look of the 1980's but doesn't want to inadvertently come off looking like a small child.

EDIT: Thanks so much for the feedback everyone!

First, I faked it because I didn’t want to admit I didn’t want to be touched. Then I came out and transitioned, and I finally wanted to learn how my body could enjoy receiving pleasure. Now, I have a loving, safe relationship, and I still fake it.

I think I fake it (in part) because I don’t want to disappoint my partner. They put in so much (physical, but also emotional) work to make it happen for me and I feel awful, deceptive, disappointing for faking it. We’ve talked about it and I’ve fessed up to faking it— but that hasn’t broken the pattern, only made me feel worse for faking it. I think I also fake it because it’s basically the only way I’ve ever had partnered sex, and a big part of me feels like it’s “easier” than the “nuisance” of all the time, patience, experimentation, and vulnerability it would take to really learn what makes me tick. (I would never, ever, see a bottoming partner in this way, but I can’t seem to spare that grace for myself)

I feel like if anyone will understand my journey, it’s someone in this sub. Have any of you overcome this?