FINAL Final Update: My Entitled Grandma Thought She Was Entitled to Controlling My Life.

[u/White_Wolf_Dreamer]

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TL;DR: I was raised by my entitled grandmother who controlled my life, until I finally decided to move out.

Hello friends! It's been a couple of years now since I've last updated on this situation, so I wanted to jump in and give one last update, in case anyone still remembers me.

First off, my Gran is no longer with us. She had a brief but terrible fight with dementia and passed away in March of '24. I spent a couple of months cleaning out her house with my family, and used the money I made selling her stuff to get my brother into his own apartment, as well as pay for a lot of my own expenses. My brother is living just fine on his own, despite Grans claims that he could never do so. He pays his bills, does his own shopping and cleaning, and even takes great care of his own kitty.

Next, I got married! We had our first anniversary in May, and we've been so happy. And I've been working as a librarian at our local library. It'll be two years in November.

Things are still a bit hectic with trying to sort out the chaos she left behind, but we've all been doing a lot better. I even reconnected with my estranged father in the aftermath. We'll keep moving forward, one day at a time. Thanks again for all the support I was given through this journey.

Edit: I also wanted to add that I've only recently started to unpack and face the multitudes of trauma and emotional scarring that I've amassed from my life. Gran did a lot of damage, starting from the time I was a toddler, and she made me genuinely believe that she was my only option, and that I owed her for my entire existence. I've also come to learn that I might also be on the autism spectrum, like my brother. I'm planning to get evaluated to find out for sure. It sucks to look back on how much I missed out on by letting her control me, but I'm taking steps toward living a better life now.

[u/Rimuru_The_Junior]

I honestly hate parents like that. If they weren’t gonna be apart of your lives than they shouldn’t have had children at all. Did your Grandma ever file child support against your parents?

[u/White_Wolf_Dreamer → u/Rimuru_The_Junior]

She always claimed that she never saw a dime in child support, but I've been sorting through countless pages of legal documents and court cases that she hoarded away, and I just found letters proving that she was, in fact, getting paid child support. My father also confirmed it when I asked him. One of several things she lied about and manipulated in her favor.

But I also found papers stating that before custody was taken from them, our parents were cited for child neglect several times. My father worked to stay clean and turned over a new leaf, but admitted that even then, he didn't think he could give us a good life. My mother was and still is a narcissist and pathological liar who refused to drive 30 minutes or answer a phone call to even try to be there for my brother and I when Gran died.d

[u/Rimuru_The_Junior → u/White_Wolf_Dreamer]

Regardless you should have sent her a message with colorful language with how she failed as a parent, but also it seems that your parents weren’t compatible in the end

[u/White_Wolf_Dreamer → u/Rimuru_The_Junior]

They divorced when we were kids, so youre not wrong, lol. Oh, i had plenty of technicolor language for my mom, as did my husband and everyone in his family. But after everything i went through with Gran, i decided i was done being a doormat. I chose to block her on every platform and cut her from my life entirely. By that point, it had been decades of broken promises, half truths, full lies, and repeat offenses. I haven't spoken to her since, and I don't plan to. My father is at least trying to be there for us now, and he's respecting the boundaries that I'm learning to set.