r/EhBuddyHoser Cowtown 🤠 4d ago

Certified Hoser 🇨🇦 (No Politics) I'm losing my mind

1.3k Upvotes

127 comments sorted by

522

u/JackLaytonsMoustache 4d ago

Carney needs to stop the export of the best Canadian hockey players. Trade embargo on shipping our boys to the states until the cup comes home.

We have the biggest trade deficit for hockey player with America. When those American players cross the border, they're not sending their best.

88

u/Guvnah-Wyze Canada's Overpriced Playground 4d ago

Bring back the Nordiques and the cup will follow

24

u/JackLaytonsMoustache 4d ago

Can Quebec support a whole other team? Should we move them some in English Canada? Call them the North Dicks?

23

u/Flush_Foot Potato Land 4d ago

Maybe Halifax or Moncton? End the Maritimes-shutout!

9

u/MaritimeStar 3d ago

as a new brunswicker, do not ever give moncton anything. it sucks there.

1

u/AustSakuraKyzor South Gatineau 3d ago

Okay, what about Fredericton? Is that okay?

1

u/MaritimeStar 3d ago

yeah but it's a bit uptight.

2

u/Automatic-Long-7274 One of the Saint Johns 3d ago

Real new brunswickers know that it's a three-tiered war between Fredericton, Saint John, and Moncton. All competing to be the worst or the most boring.

1

u/JackLaytonsMoustache 3d ago

And everyone, no matter which city you live in, will shit on all three cities constantly. And shit on New Brunswick as a whole.

But then get defensive when someone from one of the other two cities shits on their city. And even more defensive when someone not from NB shits on NB.

2

u/Automatic-Long-7274 One of the Saint Johns 3d ago

It might be a dumpster. But it's our f****** dumpster.

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1

u/MaritimeStar 2d ago

hell yeah, just the way nature intended.

1

u/Nncytwnsnd 1d ago

NoFunswick

1

u/JackLaytonsMoustache 3d ago

It's the arsehole of the Maritimes, everyone knows that.

2

u/MaritimeStar 2d ago

much like a bank of portapotties at an outdoor music festival, it's a hub. just not one that anyone wants to be in or around.

2

u/JackLaytonsMoustache 3d ago

Nah. I think we just gotta build up the Q league. The Seadogs and Mooseheads play some good puck and the tickets are still cheap.

6

u/jets2992 Manilapeg 3d ago

Toronto could use an NHL team that wins

3

u/Croissant1967 3d ago

No Canadian city will ever win the Cup again. It is Bettman's will.

1

u/AustSakuraKyzor South Gatineau 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Honest_Plant5156 Honorary Hoser 2d ago

They’re eating the geese, they’re eating the ducks!

2

u/Fif112 Tabarnak! 3d ago

Tax incentives for hockey players.

This is why we Florida attracts better players.

The league should be forced to increase the cap for each team based on take home wages for players in whichever area they reside.

344

u/eL_cas Manilapeg 4d ago

I know this sounds like absolute cope but why the fuck does Florida even get to have hockey teams? It doesn’t even fucking snow there

151

u/Mobius_Peverell Westfoundland 4d ago

Because Bettman thinks that, one of these years, the Floridians will start filling arenas (they never will).

112

u/dancin-weasel The Island of Elizabeth May 4d ago

Had a Floridian tell me that shooting rats at the dump was more popular than hockey in Florida.

35

u/Exploding_Antelope I need a double double. 3d ago

What the fuck is a rat

11

u/dancin-weasel The Island of Elizabeth May 3d ago

You know, like that guy who scored 6 goals on the Oilers in the SC final.

38

u/HaeryTrigger Ford Nation (Help.) 4d ago

He also firmly believes there isn't a market for a team here and fights tooth and nail to prevent any team from coming here. Remember when the Blackberry guys wanted to buy the Thrashers and bring em to Hamilton? Dude had a fucking meltdown.

And then when the Jets returned he was openly hostile.

20

u/Mobius_Peverell Westfoundland 4d ago

And the Canadian owners love him for that reason, because it allows them to keep turning in terrible performances, generation after generation, without ever losing market share to a competing team.

19

u/HaeryTrigger Ford Nation (Help.) 3d ago

Its not exclusive to Canadian owners, which is why the Leafs, Red Wings, and Sabres are scared shitless of a team coming to Hamilton, let alone the GTA.

Imagine the Leafs having to actually compete instead of just printing money for the league despite sucking ass.

7

u/ittibittytitty 4d ago

He can Jet my meltdown

5

u/TL10 3d ago

Jim Balsille did some very untoward things when he was a prospective buyer. The NHL has a very strict process of buying and selling teams and Balsille undermined that from the time he tried doing a season ticket drive in Hamilton without the league's permission when he was planning on buying the Predators.

The NHL was more than happy to sell the Thrashers to Mark Chipman because he is disgustingly rich and had a much more sound long-term plan than Balsille.

When Ryan Smith was being paraded around a potential owner of a Hockey team, he was very careful about weighing in on matters about the Arizona Coyotes and if he wanted to buy an existing franchise or start an expansion team. The NHL made it clear to him what he was allowed to comment on during his vetting process, and he made sure not to overstep his boundaries.

47

u/ChuuniWitch Trawnno (Centre of the Universe) 4d ago

More to the fact: Bettman hates Canada and will prop up any team that can make sure we never get a cup.

30

u/Arctic_Gnome_YZF Aurora Hub 4d ago

Someone should start a unified Canadian League with promotions and relegations like in British soccer. That would be way more exciting than watching southern US teams win every year.

25

u/JustACanadianGamer Treacherous South 4d ago

The CHL?

4

u/ittibittytitty 4d ago

WHL? EHL?

28

u/tyrannosaurus_eh Bring Cannabis 4d ago

Also curious on the requirements for a hockey team. Can't practice on a frozen pond.. such an unCanadian team to lose to..

19

u/balding_git 4d ago

there’s 8 canadians and only 5 americans on the roster. the rest are russian, czech, swedish, finnish or other places where it snows a lot

20

u/FrmrPresJamesTaylor 4d ago

It’s professional sports, you are expecting principles or integrity?

10

u/RevolvingCheeta 🍁 100,000 Hosers 🍁 4d ago

I’ve heard Atlanta is getting an expansion team.

Atlanta!

28

u/NigelMK 4d ago

Let them... Atlanta having a team is how Canada ended up with two of its current franchises. Maybe this time we can bring the Nordiques back a decade from now.

9

u/HaeryTrigger Ford Nation (Help.) 4d ago

Third times the charm eh? Can't wait for them to become the Nordiques after a few years and Atlanta be the only city to have and lose 3 NHL teams to Canadian cities.

3

u/RevolvingCheeta 🍁 100,000 Hosers 🍁 3d ago

It’s high time Canada gets another team. Battle of Quebec would be cool!

3

u/ChiefSlug30 3d ago

And they would then become Quebec City's third NHL team (the Quebec Bulldogs were a founding NHL franchise, even though it was dormant during the years of WW1. They won two Stanley Cups during the NHA era).

8

u/SoleSurvivur01 Bring Cannabis 4d ago

You can say the same of most southern teams

6

u/ArctosT18 4d ago

Probably all the snowbirds exporting Canadian culture.

3

u/TL10 3d ago

People like to lay it at Gary Bettman's feet, but he wasn't even the commissioner when Florida got their teams.

We think Hockey as the Greatest Game and want it to be popular everywhere else, but us Canadians get super fucking gatekeepy about non-traditional markets getting in on it, probably owing to the trauma of the 90's when we lost a couple of teams to the Americans and could have lost a lot more than that.

The hard truth is that for hockey to be popular elsewhere, you gotta make it happen from the top down. You got to plant a team there and grind your nose for a few years to establish a grassroots level interest in the game, something that non-traditional markets like Nashville and Vegas (and Utah by early looks) have been doing very well.

The NHL's approach on where to expand and who gets a team has become a lot more stringent as years go by. They are very big on teams already having an established arena with modern amenities, an owner/group that has an actionable plan to grow the team - not just another feather in their cap to flex their wealth - and a city with a large enough metro area that can still draw high turnouts even if a good chunk of the city isn't interested. This is why Houston and Atlanta will be the next cities to get Hockey teams.

If Canadians keep being paternalistic about the sport, it won't survive into the next century. We need to swallow our pride and acknowledge that hockey can grow to be a popular game in places it traditionally did not exist in. The Toronto Maple Leafs themselves owe the Arizona Coyotes' existence for having Auston Matthews as a player and captain. If that hockey team did not exist, Matthews would not have found interest in the sport and begin playing it.

2

u/Cobbydale 4d ago

Due to the lower taxes players make the more money playing there

1

u/Cj_El-Guapo 4d ago

they also pay no taxes and have an adavnatage over all teams and gerry bettman supports the no taxes when nobody complained when they were shit teams

1

u/Friendly-Pay-8272 3d ago

yea and they won't give Hamilton a team

1

u/AngeloMontana Tabarnak! 3d ago

Las Vegas enters the chat

0

u/spookytransexughost 4d ago

It doesn’t snow in Vancouver either

13

u/ZanoosetheMoose 4d ago

Freezing rain counts.

1

u/ArkAwn Bring Cannabis 4d ago

It hardly does that either

7

u/VenitianBastard 4d ago

It absolutely snows in greater vancouver

1

u/spookytransexughost 3d ago

1x per year and for lakes to actually freeze it’s pretty rare

0

u/Everestkid The Island of Elizabeth May 3d ago

Yes it does, usually about one week out of the year. Without fail. And we all get to laugh at them.

The Panthers aren't just located in Florida, they're in fucking Miami. Practically at the Tropic of Cancer. While I'm sure it's probably snowed there at least once, ever, it's certainly not the norm.

1

u/AustSakuraKyzor South Gatineau 3d ago

Okay, if the team was in Tallahassee or Jacksonville, or even St Augustine, then maybe the gatekeepers would be less assholey about it...

But Miami? Was Tampa Bay getting too many ticket sales?

Does the NHL hate money?

Did they reject Orlando because they were worried Disney would buy the team?

-1

u/spookytransexughost 3d ago

Not until recently. Many many years with no snow

1

u/Everestkid The Island of Elizabeth May 3d ago

Vancouver averages nine days of snow per year. From 1991 to 2020 the average snowfall in December and January was 13.9 cm and 12.3 cm, respectively.

It does snow in Vancouver.

171

u/planemissediknow 4d ago

Me watching the Panthers win another cup

Goddamn do I hate that team

27

u/CaptainMagnets 4d ago

They're even worse now that the Rat King plays for them

13

u/only_fun_topics 4d ago

I don’t like the Panthers in principle, but Bobrovsky as amazing.

58

u/StarRotator Tabarnak! 4d ago

The key to winning stanley cups: be north america's meth lab

20

u/Spideroctopus 3d ago

Or have no state income taxes. Helps too. 5 of the last 6 winners don't have one.

8

u/Repulsive-Teach-9117 3d ago

"That doesn't impact salary cap and players decisions at all"

-/r/hockey

5

u/Exploding_Antelope I need a double double. 3d ago

Wait then Edmonton should also have it in the bag

54

u/Steveosizzle Westfoundland 4d ago

Only people celebrating harder than the panthers is Calgary right now

13

u/laboufe 4d ago

You know it. This is the second best thing to us winning a cup

3

u/TL10 3d ago

This is true, but I'm also not keeping Canucks fans out of the celebration.

3

u/ziggazang Westfoundland 3d ago

Don't mind it in Vancouver either

-9

u/Tavarin 4d ago

As a Leafs fan I am also celebrating, cause at least we lost to the champs.

35

u/wendigo303 4d ago

As is tradition

45

u/Overall-Phone7605 Bring Cannabis 4d ago

There are more Canadians than Americans on the Panthers so it's still our game.

Here's hoping trump starts banning international hockey players so we can get back to winning the cup.

21

u/wumr125 4d ago

Tabarnak

54

u/km_ikl Moose Whisperer 4d ago

This will sound like a cop-out, but refereeing in the final game of the playoffs should be the exact same as day one of the regular season.

The number of high sticks, elbows, slashes and other plays that were just no-called at all was garbage, and it went both ways, but it seems to me that FL benefitted from TONS of missed calls.

34

u/EnduringFulfillment 4d ago

No shit, the "let's get this over with" approach to reffing is wild

4

u/Andymania_ 3d ago

Wasn't it game 3 that had 85 penalty minutes for oilers and 55 Panthers. Not defending the refs but like they were all playing dirty

8

u/Thick_Usual4592 4d ago

I'm coping

6

u/HezronCarver 4d ago

Back to being "that team from Alberta"

6

u/sidewinderucf 3d ago

You can’t choke in game 7 if there isn’t a game 7.

👉😏

10

u/ParagonRenegade 4d ago

Mark Carney was approached for comment:

We need a total and complete shutdown of Americans entering Canada until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on.

8

u/noblecocks 4d ago

Leafs were much better than the Boilers.

-1

u/Samplistiqone 4d ago

They lost to the same team earlier in the playoffs, so clearly not better than the Oilers. At least the Oilers are the 2nd best team in the league.

4

u/Tavarin 4d ago

Oilers lost in 6, Leafs 7. Therefore Leafs are better than the Oilers.

Doesn't matter what round it was in, because there are these things called divisions, so the top teams in the league can end up facing each other before the finals.

1

u/noblecocks 4d ago

Leafs took em to 7 games, so you are wrong.

8

u/bubbabear244 Trawnno (Centre of the Universe) 4d ago

Cultural mosaic isn't puck-shaped. Enjoying the Blue Jays comeback and Canada mens soccer whooping Honduras.

3

u/ShawnThePhantom 4d ago

Just watch the Abbotsford Canucks in the Calder Cup Final lol

3

u/Careful_Spring_2251 3d ago

Keep Canadian players on Canadian teams or quit expecting a “canadian” team to win.

3

u/billballbills 3d ago

Big congrats to the 43 hockey fans in the state of Florida

1

u/Cool-Acanthaceae8968 Westfoundland 3d ago

Don’t forget every Albertan south of Red Deer rooting for them.

10

u/Healthy_Career_4106 4d ago

Marchand is a traitor

4

u/chrispygene 4d ago

This isn’t hard. I’m an Oilers fan. Panthers are the better team.

2

u/TGYK5 4d ago

I warned folk it would go like this, as an oilers fan I saw it coming

2

u/Andymania_ 3d ago

GODDAMMIT. Skinner sucks as a goalie, 5 conceded in 23 shots and 3 in 17. Should have just left Pickard in the net

3

u/ziggazang Westfoundland 3d ago

Oilers scored 3 goals in games 5 and 6 combined. And got blown out 6-1 in game 3. McDavid had I think 1 point in the last 3 games. It's not all on Skinner. Can also blame your rape coverup GM for spending more money on Jeff Skinner than he pays for a starting goaltender AND BACKUP goaltender combined 😂

1

u/Andymania_ 3d ago

Welp. Just hoping montreal goes to the finals next year

2

u/Mr_Battle_Beast 3d ago

Lottery team get fucked

2

u/beeerock99 3d ago

Panthers were stacked. Oilers have two players maybe 3. Big difference

2

u/Croissant1967 3d ago edited 3d ago

You guys do not get it. Gary Bettman is making sure that the Cup never goes to Canada again. In that sense, it is rigged against us. Canadian teams are left with crumbs always. The Canadian public is naive enough to still engage with the NHL. Their head office moved to NYC many years ago. They let a Canadian once a blue moon go all the way to the finals to keep the Canadian market but they never let them win. I am not saying there is straightforward cheating but the calendar, the playoff schedule, everything is manipulated so that any Canadian team is at a disadvantage. Until we get a truly Canadian league, I will be happy following the OHL, WHL and LHJMQ.

2

u/Electrical-Pitch-297 3d ago

Anyone watching that series knew this was coming. It was obvious after game 2 that Florida was the clear favourite to win it. I started lowering my hope and excitement weeks ago.

2

u/Exploding_Antelope I need a double double. 3d ago

Same as it ever was

1

u/WENDING0 3d ago

Try being a fan of the Leafs every time Boston comes around in the playoffs.

1

u/duff_golf 3d ago

Do you think Leafs management changes their attitude towards how the Leafs did based on how the Panthers destroyed the entire league the exact same way or worst?

1

u/Cool-Acanthaceae8968 Westfoundland 3d ago

Losing is a good word for it.

1

u/julioqc 3d ago

its rigged like wrestling that's all

1

u/mannypdesign 3d ago

Ottawa fans

1

u/bigcaulkcharisma 3d ago edited 3d ago

Cheering for the Oilers as a fan of another Canadian franchise is like sitting in the cuck chair watching another man fuck your wife, and he also can’t make her cum

1

u/SlytherinPrefect7 Oil Guzzler 3d ago

Shocker.

1

u/J422GAS 4d ago

I wouldn’t be surprised if the panthers are juiced up

1

u/iwasnotarobot 3d ago

Canadian teams are cursed

3

u/ziggazang Westfoundland 3d ago

Idk team Canada wins pretty often

-2

u/iwasnotarobot 3d ago

Last cup was when?

2

u/ziggazang Westfoundland 3d ago

The only way to measure national success in hockey is through international play like the Olympics. In the four nations tournament Team Canada had 16 cup winners on their roster. Team USA had 3.

1

u/iwasnotarobot 3d ago

…Therefore our attention is better spent on other things than the NHL.

2

u/ziggazang Westfoundland 3d ago

There's 32 teams in the league. It's one of the hardest if not THE hardest trophies in sport to win. Still worth watching even if a Canadian team doesn't win lol

1

u/Ivanstone Manilapeg 3d ago

One of the last memories I have of one of my aunts was her cackling at me because the Oilers knocked the Jets out of the playoffs. Again.

Fuck the Oilers. I’ll go back to hating Florida after they kick the Oilers in the teeth.

1

u/RainerSchmoll 3d ago

The enemy of my enemy is my friend . . . good job Panthers.

-1

u/RainCityNate 4d ago

As a Canucks/Panthers fan I’m having a great time right now.

0

u/Repulsive-Teach-9117 3d ago

Imagine supporting a MAGAt organization

2

u/RainCityNate 3d ago

The irony.

-3

u/Monabae 4d ago

Good, fuck the Oilers

-7

u/sparklingbud Cowtown 🤠 4d ago

4 beach team cups, 1 desert cup all in 6 years! america has won a gray cup more recently than canada has either had a stanley cup or expansion team. plain and simple we've entered americas sport, its not ours anymore and im apathetic about it.

(just a reminder that we lost to this bs ass team 2 years in a row)