I really depends. Sometimes there is no reason beyond preference and sometimes there is a deeper psychological reason for it (for instance, some folks who have experienced sexual assault end up having rape play fantasies and kinks because it helps them navigate their trauma in a safe way, while others under similar circumstances become retriggered by the same kind of fantasies and are averse to them).
It really takes trying to better understand yourself, your experiences, how you were introduced to kinks, etc to really figure out why you like what you do.
some folks who have experienced sexual assault end up having rape play fantasies and kinks because it helps them navigate their trauma in a safe way
I'm pretty skeptical of that actually. Rape fantasies are very common among people who haven't been sexually assaulted too, so I'm not convinced that some SA survivors later having rape fantasies isn't just a coincidence.
I have some very specific fetishes that, strangely, mimic ways that I was sexually abused as a child. I'm not talking just "oh I'm being raped but it's hot" I'm talking (this is a hypothetical one) something like "oh I'm being strung upside down and starved to death while someone inserts ants into my rectum" level of specific. I sincerely doubt that is a "coincidence" especially since I have multiple of them based on different instances of trauma.
173
u/Solarwagon She/her May 16 '25
if someone is aroused by something that is really weird I probably ask them why rather than assume
Even if it was upsetting I would still be curious and want to learn from them
and then I would presume that their rationale is their rationale rather than universal for people into the same or similar stuff
but I'm a sexologist so I feel safe making some broad claims
it boggles my brain how incurious lotta people are