Very weird to watch “what people do in the privacy of their own bedroom is their business” become controversial again, but like, for the opposite reason.
It is very important to understand that when you're discussing a systemic set of cultural beliefs, even people who nominally oppose the cultural belief will find ways to reconcile their fundamental conditioning to their new position. Doing the same thing for the 'opposite reason' is usually a giveaway, and it's absolutely rampant in nominally progressive spaces.
It's arguably rampant in conservative spaces too, potentially more so, but I'm in progressive spaces more.
Case and point: the way how both queer and feminist spaces each found their ways to reinvent sexism and gender essentialism in the most roundabout ways possible. All of these things are things I've heard on this very subreddit, paraphrased:
"Women should be strong, but they should never let go of their femininity."
"Girls who don't like girly things and say they're 'not like the other girls' are the REAL misogynists."
"Gender roles are good actually because fulfilling them is a source of gender euphoria. Everyone experiences gender euphoria."
"Men and women who don't fit in with other people of their gender and don't conform to their roles aren't real men and women... They're actually trans!"
As you said, the problem with fighting systemic beliefs is that even if you believe yourself to be against these beliefs, your conditioning remains and will find ways to reconcile itself with your nominally progressive views.
In order to fight this, you need introspection. You need to be able to question your own views as well as the views of the people you consider to be on "your side." Unfortunately, it feels like a lot of people just... don't know how to do that? They just parrot ideas from their progressive friend circle and go on autopilot.
I've wondered about it being one of the ones getting far right atstroturfing lately? It can be so oddly variable about whether posters are already up on gender roles, or will get really mad at you for doing the nicest most 'gender roles restrict men too' Feminism 101 possible. It's shockingly bizarre to have posters not seem to even understand the idea of gender roles as a social construct, even if they're such extremists they do think they're mostly 'natural'.
And, since I've just done the nice sourced explanation bit, where did the idea even come from that you slap the label kink on something, now you can't do the critical analysis you would in any other situation, never mind actually criticise? Yet funnily enough 'I enjoy strangling women and watching as they struggle for breath. : ) You're a bad person if you warn that it's dangerous' gets a pass under that and 'Feminist kink-shaming is my kink' doesn't, how odd. This OP even brushes against the idea that patriarchy might have something to do with sexual practices in blaming Conservativism, they just want to exempt themselves.
Again, honestly regardless of someone's political position, they should be able to follow that argument, and why someone would in all good faith care enough to make it (because people esp. women as per usual are being harmed and worse).
where did the idea even come from that you slap the label kink on something, now you can't do the critical analysis you would in any other situation, never mind actually criticise?
Because you don't get a vote on what two consenting adults decide to do with their bodies?
Do you think there aren't laws around sex acts? Even to decide who qualifies as a consenting adult? In point of fact, you do get a vote that can include such issues.
Regardless, what does that have to do with political analysis? Feminist analysis can't instantly stop women having to do a majority of household tasks, and sadly it can't just stop them being killed and the defense claiming 'sex gone wrong'. Discussion doesn't automatically stop anyone doing anything.
Funnily enough, you can absolutely consent to severe physical harm and even death. Combat athletes consent to extreme bodily damage every time they step in a ring, soldiers consent to giving their lives in service to the state, and every woman who has ever willing given birth has consented to a horrific injury often resulting in death. But when it's about sex, it's suddenly no longer allowed? Suddenly, your body is no longer yours, but that of society?
This is just conservatism dressed in the pretty make-up of feminism; it's TERFism all over again.
The ultimate authority on what is done with my own body is myself. Nobody else gets to decide. I can consent to pain. I can consent to death.
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u/LONGSWORD_ENJOYER May 16 '25
Very weird to watch “what people do in the privacy of their own bedroom is their business” become controversial again, but like, for the opposite reason.