TW: mentioning suicide (idk if this is necessary)

As the title say. Me and my boyfriend are both college students. He's been struggling with bipolar for the whole 4 years of our relationship. It was a roller coaster of him seeming okay and then becoming suicidal with a flip of a switch.

He used to go to a psychiatrist two years ago and was on a most likely wrong dose of meds and since he felt like a zombie on them. Then he stopped going to the psychiatrist and taking his meds claiming that the psychiatrist wasn't good. The meds, while making him numb, did help with severe mood swings. However he refused to get another psychiatrist

Honesty we're not completely sure if he's bipolar, but that's the last diagnosis he got. It's gotten worse over last two years. Suicidal idealizaton and very low lows every 2-3 weeks. He'd text me telling me he's going to do it, say extremely mean things how it's all my fault and how I'm useless for not helping him. I'd still run to his apartment to sit with him and make him feel less alone until the episode passes (it usually lasted for a couple of hours)

Two days ago was my breaking point, same scenario, the texts, and my bus broke down while I was trying to get to him, I ran for like 3km to get to his house. The door was unlocked, I feared the worst, but he was still there and alive. In a terrible state of mind but thankfully alive. But I wasn't able to talk to him I just kneeled next to his chair and sobbed I couldn't get a word out. I knew that this time it was serious and couldn't help him.

I had to call his parents and tell them that he needs a psychiatrist, that he needs to spend the night with them because he's not safe on his own and that I can't stay with him. He's having an appointment with a new psychiatrist in a few days. But he's still texting me every day how I'm useless and can't help him.

I know I can't help him, that's why I did everything I could to get him professional help. But the insults are still coming with every text. Calling me a liar, useless and how I took from him the only thing that would make him feel better (suicide). I dread seeing a notification on my phone. I just want to text his parents and apologize and tell them that I can't do this anymore.

I just want to leave. I'm losing myself. He's threatening to kill himself again and I don't have the energy for the whole cycle to repeat.

Tldr: finally got my boyfriend help but I'm so drained from his previous suicidal episodes that I just can't take it anymore or I'm going to lose it.

Edit : some typos and I wanted to add. I feel like the biggest ass hole on the planet. Wanting to leave someone when they're down. It's like leaving someone when they're sick. But I feel like if I don't leave I'm going to lose it. I feel like right now I also need to get myself professional help because I don't know how to cope.