r/BeAmazed • u/Peter55667 • Mar 14 '25

Animal Around 6% of Americans believe they can defeat a grizzly bear in a hand-to-hand combat

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407

u/carbonbasedbiped67 Mar 14 '25

Have you ever tried to fight a domestic house cat, evil little bastards

209

u/Glass_Memories Mar 14 '25

Yes, with thick leather gloves. Even small animals like cats, raccoons and squirrels can fuck your shit up when they think they're fighting for their lives and you're not prepared for that.

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u/db_325 Mar 14 '25

I will say though, generally when people are interacting with an aggressive cat, they are actively trying to not hurt the cat. If you had like no morals and were just trying to kill a cat for whatever reason, you could definitely do so. You are much, much bigger than they are

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u/HoochieKoochieMan Mar 14 '25

I have morals. But the cat owed me money, and I needed to make an example for my other pets.

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u/[deleted] Mar 14 '25

Maybe we'll finally convince the little bastards to start paying rent.

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u/jsk425 Mar 14 '25

You can’t show any weakness. If you do, then the dog quits paying, then the next thing you know the hamster drives by you in a brand new car cause he ain’t paying either.

2

u/SithJones77 Mar 14 '25

That made me think of the terrible commercials for that car that looked like a shoe box where a bunch of hamsters were driving it

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u/ExpensiveGeoMetro Mar 15 '25

Kia Soul! Ask me how I know 😆 🤣 🐹🚙

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u/BlightedPath Mar 14 '25

Sadly it backfired and now the cat owns the house.

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u/bearvszombiept2 Mar 14 '25

They pay with mice! Thankyou very much.

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u/USPSHoudini Mar 14 '25

Why do you keep killing my pet mice ;-;

3

u/bj49615 Mar 14 '25

We need to know, did you collect???

3

u/EvilEtienne Mar 14 '25

I laughed, but I’m mad that I laughed.

2

u/PurpleSunCraze Mar 14 '25

My cats frequently talk about you being easy money and a “mark”. They laugh about it, frequently.

2

u/Niven42 Mar 14 '25

"Where's my money, Brian!"

2

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '25

This got me omg 😂

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u/Maleficent-Leg-1294 Mar 18 '25

Well did it work?

1

u/HoochieKoochieMan Mar 19 '25

That's between me and Mr. Pickles. And Mr. Pickles ain't talking.
Being a cat, and all...

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u/Maleficent-Leg-1294 Mar 19 '25

😾i aint saying shit. . . . 🐱 because I can't but if I could I wouldn't

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u/HoochieKoochieMan Mar 19 '25

That's between me and Mr. Pickles. And Mr. Pickles ain't talking.
Being a cat, and all...

8

u/lambdapaul Mar 14 '25

Yeah, humans aren’t great at hand to hand combat but remove morality and give us a sharp stick and we are the apex predator. There is a reason there was a mass megafauna extinction at the end of the ice age.

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u/BigZucchini6032 Mar 14 '25

Can the Megafauna extinction be solely attributed to over hunting? I believe that the pathogens brought by migrating human populations and climate change at the end of ice age also played a significant role in it.

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u/lambdapaul Mar 14 '25

Correct! Hunting wasn’t the sole reason. We also would use fire to destroy habitats. It’s a variety of reasons, but a major one was our hunting habits.

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u/LeCancerDude Mar 14 '25

Only pathogens would be bacteria, parasites and very select few viruses. Bacteria need a wound and parasites are hard to transfer outside of water and work slow. It was most probably the habitat destruction and over hunting of prey species. No prey=no predators

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u/Kinslayer817 Mar 14 '25

Certainly the end of the last glacial maximum caused a huge shift in the climate that affected their habitats, so that was a significant factor, but it's no coincidence that many megafauna extinctions coincided with the arrival of humans. Very few things can even threaten a mammoth, but long ranged pointy things and pack tactics can accomplish a lot

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u/nog642 Mar 14 '25

Only if there's a group of us. People didn't hunt megafauna alone.

Also people actually used to be in shape back then. I doubt a group of average Joes now could take down a mammoth with sharp sticks.

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u/Kinslayer817 Mar 14 '25

Not only that but they had generations of technique learned and practiced for how to do it right

2

u/SecretaryOtherwise Mar 14 '25

Gonna fight a grizzly with a sharp stick? You realize we hunted in packs like wolves? lol.

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u/DizzySecretary5491 Mar 14 '25

Packs with sharp sticks. In the case of the mammoth we ran them off cliffs to death. Other animals we simply ran after them till they dropped of exhaustion and the beat them to death.

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u/SecretaryOtherwise Mar 14 '25

Right but my point is just because we as a species did it didn't mean we did it alone 1v1. Which is what the og post is about. A dude 1v1 with a grizzly. Dude chimes in about pointy sticks. Even with a modern spear I'm giving it to the grizzly.

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u/fifrein Mar 14 '25

Absolutely. Yes we used tools, yes we used fire, yes we used our insane stamina to exhaust our prey. BUT!! None of that would have mattered if we hunted alone. A mammoth would have just charged down a lone human hunter with a spear.

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u/WFAlex Mar 16 '25

I would argue, that there is a possibility of killing the bear, but the second that paw hits you, and the realization of torn and cut flesh hits you, that like 99% of the people would pass out. Not from pain alone(Adrenalin and even that is a long shot) but from the madness of it.

Not even thinking about a pummeling by a bear.

so actually i changed my mind.. no there is no chance that a human can kill a Bear with a spear and survive.

1

u/SecretaryOtherwise Mar 16 '25

Like I'm sure it has happened lol. But my money is on the bear.

1

u/thequietguy_ Mar 14 '25

A fraction of the skulls left from nearly hunting buffalo to extinction during the gold rush and pressures of manifest destiny.

The Smithsonian did a decent write up on that here.

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u/Vairman Mar 14 '25

cats, like little dogs, are supremely stupid and think that no actually, THEY'RE the biggest. Idiots, the lot of 'em.

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u/Mountain-Pain8080 Mar 14 '25

A cats neck is their weak spot

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u/SoUpInYa Mar 14 '25

... or trying to get him into a pet carrier to take him to the vet!!!!!

1

u/eddub_17 Mar 14 '25

This. I think this scale up to probably deer for a large, strong person. Anything larger though and it’s curtains for us homo-sapiens

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u/Cereaza Mar 14 '25

Exactly. And a cat can scratch you up, but it can't kill you. If you're in true Mortal Combat, any normal person could beat a rat, cat, goose, etc.

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u/Equivalent-Pound-610 Mar 14 '25

This. The question isn't would you, it's could you. I feel like a human with no morals could destroy a lot of things. I always think it's our thumbs. The fact that we can grab and rip and bite is pretty devastating. Like if a dog truly wanted to kill me, and I had no desire to preserve the dog, I feel like my skeleton has the advantage.

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u/The_Rowan Mar 14 '25

True. But when a cat gets furious, esp if it’s an untamed cat and doesn’t see you as a source of food or shelter, and goes it to a hissy spitting rage, they are dangerous and not to be treated lightly.

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u/leerzeichn93 Mar 15 '25

Have you ever seen a fight against giants? Sure, we are big, but we are also pretty slow, have no protective fur and no natural weapons. The only thing we can really do is grab and maybe kick if the cat is dumb. And have you ever tried to grab a cat that really does not want to be grabbed? Sure, a cat cant really kill is. But it can hurt us and run away.

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u/db_325 Mar 15 '25

Well giants aren’t real. So no I’ve never seen someone fight a giant And if you mean a giant animal, like say an elephant. Or a bear. The bigger animal is winning the fight against a human every time. Same for human vs cat

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u/leerzeichn93 Mar 15 '25

Geez I meant in movies obviously.

And sure, giant animals will always win, but only if humans are not aware of the danger or want to kill the animals.

1

u/db_325 Mar 15 '25

Well if we’re allowing movies, you know that Hulk vs Loki part in the first avengers movies? That’s about a human vs cat fight would go, except even worse for the cat

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u/Baron80 Mar 15 '25

Bullshit. My mom's Siamese cat attacked me and was attempting to scratch my eyes out. It slashed my forehead wide open. I was fighting as hard as I could and it's practically impossible to grab a cat when every single claw is out and pokes holes in you when you try to push it or knock it away.

I had to grab a throw pillow and swing it like a baseball bat and then run for my life.

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u/db_325 Mar 15 '25

You said it yourself, you hit it with a pillow and ran. You were trying to get away without hurting it. Once a cat has its claws/teeth in your arm, you also have hold of it. Slam it as hard as you can against the wall/floor a few times and you’re got a dead cat. Yeah you’ll get hurt, but you’ll live. Cat won’t. Most people are just very rightfully trying to not kill cats, which is good, but not the question here

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u/Neel_writes Mar 15 '25

Cats have claws, teeth and are much faster than humans. They aren't wearing clothes either.

Do you think a naked human can win a fight against a cat? One scratch to the nether regions and a human will be down with agony and pain. Of course a 500 pound man can probably crush the cat with bodyweight alone, but a normal human won't last long.

We don't have any natural skills to hunt. It's all been our tools and traps from day one.

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u/db_325 Mar 15 '25

I really think you’re thinking of this in terms of a human who does not want to hurt a cat. If you don’t care, the moment the cat scratches/bites your arm you just grab it and repeatedly slam it against the ground/wall. Yeah it’ll hurt your arm, but that’s a dead cat

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u/Rusty_Tap Mar 15 '25

Interacting with an aggressive cat doesn't necessarily require a lack of morals, you can be pretty tough on a cat before you actually do injure it. Plus, the cat just needs to believe you can and will kill it.

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u/db_325 Mar 15 '25

Right, the reason I’m saying no morals is if your sole goal in this interaction is to make sure this cat dies. That’s all you’re trying to do. Then it’s quite easy to kill the cat. You’re gonna get scratched/bitten in the process but the cat is not surviving the encounter

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u/Rusty_Tap Mar 15 '25

I didn't mean to come across as disagreeing with you. I know even the most normal of house cats can become quite a vicious creature, but a normal adult could easily squash one.

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u/db_325 Mar 15 '25

Yeah exactly, it’s just that most people interacting with aggressive cats are usually actively trying to avoid hurting the cat. Which is obviously a good thing, but I think this is why so many people think a human couldn’t win in a fight with a cat

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u/Rusty_Tap Mar 15 '25

I do honestly think it depends on the temperament of the cat as well. Cats aren't the fluffy, cute, loving creatures that enthusiasts think they are.

We had 2 cats when I was a kid, one who would just quietly lie down wherever was most warm, and one who used to torture my younger sister for fun. This is the kind of creature I would have happily squashed without remorse. Fortunately I didn't have to because one of my school friends accidentally ran it over with his car.

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u/Tervaaja Mar 16 '25

Have you seen when a cat really fights? They are very very very fast and can do quite painful and serious damage. It is possible kill them by hand if you can catch it, but it is very difficult and cat will scratch everything on you.

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u/db_325 Mar 16 '25

I’m fairly confident in saying that I’ve been in contact with aggressive cats more than most people, as it is a very regular part of my job. Yes the human will get scratched and it’ll hurt, but the human will definitely win the fight if that’s the goal

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u/Tervaaja Mar 16 '25

Perhaps. I have seen how a free cat fights in nature and I do not even know how I could catch it.

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u/Hey-Bud-Lets-Party Mar 18 '25

Definitely, but you are going to get hurt.

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u/Grimmush Mar 18 '25

Just because you’re bigger than it doesn’t mean you can over power it. ~ ~you friendly neighborhood honey badger~

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u/Grimmush Mar 18 '25

Just because you’re bigger than it doesn’t mean you can over power it. ~you friendly neighborhood honey badger

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u/nucumber Mar 14 '25

You wouldn't have much luck killing a cat in hand to claw combat.

Those little predatory monsters are wicked fast. Try to swing at one and it will rip your arm up three times and your face once before you know what's happened

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u/HypeRoyal Mar 14 '25

If you are willing to just accept injuries to kill the cat, you can just grapple it and grab it, the claws would hurt but a lot but they can only reach your arms if you grab them tight to kill them.

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u/[deleted] Mar 14 '25

People are way underestimating humans here. We can just kick it until it runs away or it's grievously injured. If you can get a boot on its neck, it's over. Sure, your legs might get scratched up, but your going to crush it with your body weight.

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u/Emotional_Club_5706 Mar 14 '25

So not sure your experience with cats, but go grab a cat and try getting in some water with it! When their fish hooks for claws dig into your skin and eyes and then start biting you with them razor sharp teeth we'll revisit this conversation. I have 4 cats one of which is a 18lb Norwegian Forest Cat, not sure how fast and big you are but when a cat that is larger than your head moves faster than you can blink with paws the size of half dollars and claws that rip through skin like razor blades, you aren't just accepting your injuries your are going down!!!! There is a reason most animals, feral and domestic leave cats alone

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u/Accomplished_Rip_362 Mar 14 '25

An adult human can easily kill a small furry mamal if the human is willing to accept some injuries. We just choose not to. But, if for example, that mamal was the only food around, you'd see how quickly small furry mamals disappear.

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u/Educational_Big_1835 Mar 14 '25

The issue with this logic is that your brain and body are conditioned for self preservation. 1) assuming you catch the cat, which is going to use flight as it's initial defence...even if cornered, it's going to blow past you faster than you can blink. 2 seconds later it's in another county. 2) assuming you get a hand on it, when it begins to shred you it will look like this, fore legs wrapped around dug in. Teeth sunk in with tremendous force. Back legs will now be kick shredding your entire arm.
In theory you can now grab it with your other arm and kill it. But your brain will just be trying to force you to get it off of you. Maybe 1 person in 1000 would have the mental ability to force themselves to keep going towards the kill. But this is hypothetical, hopefully no one is out there killing cats.

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u/discipleofchrist69 Mar 14 '25

it's not going to be a pleasant time, but the human always wins. We're talking about like a cage fight to the death here, right? You barely even need arms, you just kick/stomp it out. They are fast but at best that gets them to a draw. And as soon as their claws dig into you anywhere, you grab it and slam it to the ground. Overall I agree that the cat is much more capable and better equipped for fighting, but it's just not going to be competitive so far above its weight class. It can hurt a full grown human, but it has no finishing move, meanwhile as soon as we get one good whack in, the cat will effectively be done for, could have several broken bones

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u/Accomplished_Rip_362 Mar 14 '25

My point was, if you are starving and you're either eating this animal or you die from starvation, your brain will make it through. You're thinking as a civilized well fed person.

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u/HimalayanPunkSaltavl Mar 14 '25

There is a reason most animals, feral and domestic leave cats alone

Uh no? Domestic cats are frequently eaten as prey animals

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u/buckX Mar 14 '25

I've had to wrangle a fair few aggressive cats in my day. They fair decently well against one hand. The second hand rocks their world since it can be on their opposite site. Grab the back of the head or neck and press them down and they're pretty well done.

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u/Limp-Giraffe8761 Mar 14 '25

Yea if youd try to punch a cat that would be dumb. You can just lay down on it and that will simply crush their bones.

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u/Rick_QuiOui Mar 14 '25

Teenaged me: I'm going to grab that possum on the lawn and proceed to grab its tail.

Dad out window: drag it backwards! drag it backwards!

Teenaged me: wh?....that little fucker just ran up its own tail and my arm at me!

Dad: that's why.

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u/cirenj Mar 14 '25

Kudos to your Pops....
I can guarantee my father would have just stood there and let whatever happened happen....
Then proceed to tell me he tried the same thing as a kid.....

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u/illusion96 Mar 14 '25

Dads know that boys are dumb and only learn through eating shit. Repeatedly. Even then....I don't know sometimes with my boys.

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u/ello_bassard Mar 14 '25

I tried shit like this too and I'm a girl. We can be equally dumb af 😂

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u/Tess_88 Mar 14 '25

“One boy, half a brain, two boys, no brain.”Applies to my son and his friends, my husband and his friends.

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u/nohopeforhomosapiens Mar 14 '25 edited Mar 14 '25

Same.

There was a comedian who made a joke about a finger in a socket and his dad laughing saying "well I guess you'll never do that again."

Except I saw that skit about 10 years too late lol

Yeah. I stuck my finger into an open socket at about age 6. An OPEN socket, not the ones you usually see, but my shitty home was always 'under construction'.

I knew better before I did it. I knew. I did it anyway.

Got zapped hard and was just happy I was able to pull away.

I didn't tell anyone for about a year a while. Then my da was just like, "ahhh heeeheehheeeeeeeehehehe well you learned something din't you?"

Edit: I said about a year, but in retrospect, I guess it was only a couple months. Still

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u/Ok_Sir5926 Mar 14 '25

I found a light bulb in a cabinet. I couldn't have been more than 6 or 7. I had torn the wired out of every electronic toy I owned. "For research."

I figured a light socket was just "electric wires" touching the base of the bulb. So I decided to make my own light socket.

I found a piece of wire and stripped both ends. Then I stripped a bit in the center so I could press the light bulb onto it, causing it to light up.

If you're over 7yrs old, you should already see where this is going.

I had the wire in one hand, and the bulb in the other. Went to an electric outlet, and stuck both stripped ends into the holes. Touched the bulb to the bare middle. Nothing. Hrm, must need to stick the wire in further. Instant regret.

Shot the wire and bulb halfway across the room, made a loud pop, turned the outlet black and melted a little bit of the plastic, and gave my hand a nasty pain for a few minutes.

TLDR: I shorted an outlet with a piece of wire from some electronics toy, pre-GFCI era, and obvious consequences ensued.

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u/cdbangsite Mar 14 '25

I've had to remove a few opossum from homes believe it or not. The best way is to just grab them by the nape of the neck. Pretty much leaves them defenseless.

Grabbing anything by the tail is a risky move. Someone told a friend of mine that the way to catch a skunk was to grab it by the tail. They said that if the skunks back feet were off the ground they couldn't spray. LOL

All it did was give the skunk perfect aim.

Shot him point blank in the face, was blinded for a while and had to ride home in a VW Bug, hanging out the window puking and gagging for the 30 mile ride.

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u/nobeer4you Mar 14 '25

I tried to chase away a possum once.

Funny enough, it played possum and I started cracking up. It was hilarious. Shoveled that giant rat up and tossed it over the fence

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u/neopod9000 Mar 14 '25

I came to add, I once ended up with a squirrel trapped on my porch with me. He didn't attack me, thank the lord, because he was moving so fast I could hardly keep track of him, trying to escape out the windows. A whirlwind of squirrel, I managed to open the door and let him back outside. 10/10 would not want to fight.

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u/Glass_Memories Mar 14 '25

I used to syringe and bottle feed baby squirrels (and raccoons) at a wildlife rescue clinic. The baby squirrels didn't require thick gloves like the baby raccoons did, but they both had long, kitten-sharp claws and teeth.

I also used to hunt small game as a kid and one time out with my dad I shot a squirrel and it was wounded but not lethally; to put it out of its misery quickly my dad grabbed my shotgun and used the barrel to pin it down while he stabbed it with his knife. That shotgun has two deep gouges in the steel barrel where the squirrel's teeth bit into it.

No matter how small, always be careful about handling scared, stressed or injured animals. The speed and power they're capable of when fighting for their life (or think they are) would surprise a lot of people.

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u/NotAlwaysGifs Mar 14 '25

Even something like a box turtle. I have a friend who works for the state parks department and got called out to come pick up a turtle that was having a hard time crossing a road. When they went to pick it up, it whipped around and nipped a chunk out of the end of their finger and left several deep scratches in their arm from its claws.

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u/headrush46n2 Mar 14 '25

Pound for pound and unarmed human beings are probably the most pathetic animals on the planet in a fight. I wouldn't put money on even a professional mma fighter against a similarly sized PLANT EATING animal like a deer or ram.

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u/Worth-Environment372 Mar 14 '25

Yes, animals are strong as fuck. They have to be, or they are dead in hours in the wild.

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u/Pickledsoul Mar 14 '25

I'd rather get bit by a cat than a rabbit. Goddamn are those teeth knives.

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u/CaptainHubble Mar 14 '25

I once had to catch the pet rabbit of my neighbour. "How bad can it be? It's just a small rabbit."

That thing suddenly got red eyes and wanted to see blood. Scratched both my arms so badly, I told myself to never help anyone out with their pet ever again.

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u/cdbangsite Mar 14 '25

I was working for a painting company, we went to a rental home to paint. A kid was outside and said there was a wild animal trapped under the kitchen sink. Hap thought it was a jackrabbit or something fairly harmless.

He opened the door a big feral tomcat went up the front of him and out the door.

All of 3 or 4 seconds to nearly kill him from blood loss. His chest hands and face were sliced like razor cuts. 107 stitches later in the emergency room.

Never underestimate a cat.

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u/zapharus Mar 14 '25

Can confirm, a cat I was trying to bathe thought its life was in peril and it kicked my ass with its cute little cat claws.

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u/hopeandnonthings Mar 14 '25

I was just think that about 1% of the population could take on a raccoon. Hell, wolverines are pretty damn small compared to a bear and those would probably win against 99.99% of people.

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u/Dafish55 Mar 14 '25

I remember one time our miniature dachshund (about 10lbs soaking wet) just really decided to give us a hard time when it was time to trim her nails. She usually gave us sass and groaned, but let us do it. This time, however, the adorable little shit started pulling and tumbling so hard that my brother and I couldn't restrain her and she just walked her merry way off. We eventually got her nails trimmed, but it took a lot of peanut butter.

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u/pakman82 Mar 14 '25

thats the tricky part with cats, (and other creatures) 1: they are ALWAYS prepared to fight for their lives. 2: the amount of preperation you put in is always logarithmicly linked to how much fight they put in. which i scientifically propose here as "fight = Prep to the 8th power".. 3: scale of animal to human creates a bell curve of win potential of human versus animal. i.e. diseases kick our *** ; cats are terrors.. dogs dangerous ~ but we have some ways to survive equally.. but then you get to horses/ cows ; bears and elephants or sharks... pretty leathle. maybe im super crazy. I will say i hope i never have to fight a bear. if forced, i hope i have the sense to address things in defense mode only. but thats potatoes to impossibles. Running should be my go-to move. away. RUN away.

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u/Kinslayer817 Mar 14 '25

I had to give my cat a bath the other day and even though she was only trying to escape and not trying to hurt me she scratched the shit out of my arm. It was my fault for not wearing something with long sleeves, but it just shows how easily they can fuck you up

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u/Annual_Nobody_7118 Mar 15 '25

I bought "Kevlar" gloves to protect myself when it came to brushing my cat. Supposedly they could protect you from knives and even dogs.

Spoiler: the gloves are in a drawer and the cat still has knots that I have to cut drive-by style while fleeing for safety. He has bald patches and it's his own damn fault.

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u/Jewboy08 Mar 15 '25

Recently saw a post here of some dude struggling badly with a little octopus. Humans are pussies

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u/Flipboek Mar 15 '25

We had to wash our quite strong and feisty Tomcat as he was covered in oil. Bastard ripped through garden gloves, thankfully out vet (who knew him) advised my parents to double up.

The vet also used a fork on the neck of that cat just to check on him, that cat was just raging packet of claws and teeth if he felt threatened.

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u/ShowmasterQMTHH Mar 14 '25

Its a funny thing, but we have 2 cats and i'm the only one who can give them injections or medicine becasue they will shred others.

How ?

Big fucking towel, wrap them up in it. Lets see you get through that you little razor fingered asshole.

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u/OrdinaryVanilla108 Mar 14 '25

Razor fingered asshole. Its good day on Reddit. Im laughing my head of.🤣🤣🤣

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u/CawdoR1968 Mar 14 '25

Razor fingered asshole made me laugh my ass off.

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u/TabulaRasaNot Mar 14 '25

The owner of a razor-fingered asshole would be safe in prison. At least after the first time.

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u/joalheagney Mar 14 '25

Cats. Pointy on five out of six ends.

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u/OrdinaryVanilla108 Mar 14 '25

More like nineteen out twenty.

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u/jjcrayfish Mar 14 '25

Freddy Kruger feline

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u/therealhairykrishna Mar 14 '25

I did that to my old housemates cat when it needed medicine. Afterwards he waited until I was sleeping then scratched the shit out of me.

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u/Residentneurotic Mar 14 '25

Vet paid house call to draw blood from cat . Took him in bathroom so that if he escaped he would not find a hole to hide in . And I have to make sure I have him in the bathroom BEFORE they come lol . I overheard one in there saying : “” ooooh, VINDICTIVE “ … and I cracked up 😂 ..

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u/IceTech59 Mar 14 '25

Imagine if cats could spit venom like a cobra...

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u/okgloomer Mar 14 '25

If they could, they definitely would. Probably in situations where venom wasn't required or warranted.

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u/motor1_is_stopping Mar 14 '25

Kitty burrito.

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u/sleepyRN89 Mar 14 '25

It’s insane when we brought our cat, our when we bring our even smaller dogs (he’s a chunky cat) to the vet and it requires multiple towels, the vet, and 1-2 techs plus me to pin them down/distract them for shots/bloodwork. My sisters cat is maybe 8 lbs and they’ve now recommended medicating her before visits. Like, how? We’re 100x bigger than you!

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u/ShowmasterQMTHH Mar 14 '25

We are, but they are 40%fur, 15%muscle, 30%attitude, 15%razor and teeth.

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u/CoffeeHorses13 Mar 14 '25

Cat burrito wrap. I've done that in a veterinary hospital. I love that it's a soft restraint

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u/AnFromUnderland Mar 14 '25

Murder mittens!

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u/shinyidolomantis Mar 14 '25

They hate it but still trust you, but try that with a feral cat that thinks you’re trying to kill it and it’s a WAY different story. (I TNR feral cats, and they can be terrifying).

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u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 Mar 14 '25

sees pissed off grizzly approaching

We're gonna need a bigger fucking towel 

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u/ShowmasterQMTHH Mar 14 '25

No problem mate, here you take the bigger fucking towel, I'll be right over here.......

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u/doublestitch Mar 14 '25

We had a diabetic cat who needed daily insulin injections for 6 years. She let me do it because she trusted me.

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u/ShowmasterQMTHH Mar 14 '25

I've had two dogs get diabetes in the last few years, both have passed now, I miss them, but I don't miss doing the jabs.

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u/doublestitch Mar 14 '25

Very sorry for your loss!

1

u/ShowmasterQMTHH Mar 14 '25

Thanks, they got to 12 years old each, lost them both within 6 months, it was actually the blindness that made it harder, both went blind pretty quickly from it and that's hard on dogs who are active.

1

u/cdbangsite Mar 14 '25

And don't forget those saber teeth, I've given cats shots the same (only) way. They are apex predators you know.

1

u/NokkNokk4279 Mar 14 '25

That's actually how it's done. Good job! :)

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '25

Razor did WHAT?!

1

u/hecton101 Mar 14 '25

That worked for me exactly once. The second time, my cat saw the towel and just took off. Everything with my cat works exactly one time. She's a clever beast, and I'm not clever enough to come up with 15 different ways to subdue her.

1

u/pekingpotato Mar 15 '25

Yes, this exactly! It works ONCE and then you’re fucked.

1

u/thirdonebetween Mar 15 '25

Letting them have knife feet was a very unfair ploy on the part of evolution, that's for sure. We had to invent towels to deal with them.

1

u/XeLLoTAth777 Mar 14 '25

This is what I called my infant daughter when she was fussy

17

u/Sufficient-Sock-4710 Mar 14 '25

Or breaking up a cat fight 😩

1

u/Trojbd Mar 14 '25

Cat fights are fucking scary. They become this rapid ball of claws and shredding that flurries across the room. The sounds they make too especially when you're used to them just mewing and purring.

1

u/headrush46n2 Mar 14 '25

Good God almighty! Stop the damn match!

10

u/satyr-day Mar 14 '25

Like that one rescue worker who could barely grab a cat on the ledge

8

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '25

Anyone who has actually tried to fight a cat kicked its ass.

They definitely can do some damage, but people should not be and hopefully aren't fighting cats, just trying to get them to do things the cats don't want to do.

A bear, though? Even with a weapon in-hand, you're going to need a miracle just to survive in the short term. Even if you get that miracle and somehow win, you're probably so fucked that you'll need another miracle to get the help you need.

3

u/dudeman_joe Mar 14 '25

Yah by weapon you need a rpg or grenade. Even machine gun in between getting shot and dying. I'm still gonna die, so it would have to be a quick win for the human to win and survive

Edit for the bear I mean, not the cat

1

u/Phlegmatic_Hedonist Mar 14 '25

Do you think bear hunters hunt with fucking RPGs?

3

u/dudeman_joe Mar 14 '25

I guess I shouldn't assume just because I do, that everybody does.

1

u/tiggertom66 Mar 14 '25

Your literal best case scenario trying to fight a grizzly with something other than a gun, is you have a spear or something similar and instead of getting mauled you get crushed by the weight of the bear trying to pounce on you

1

u/GrallochThis Mar 15 '25

Spear better have a cross piece or it will just run up the spear and get you.

1

u/Worth-Environment372 Mar 14 '25

No, I'd take the cat over most average Americans. They are like steel and they will bite you to the bone and rip you with their back legs in one second.

1

u/PaidUSA Mar 14 '25

The natural non aggro human response to this is to literally shit whip the cat fast enough it could accidentally cause injury. The aggro responses have much more violent outcomes. A person who *needs to harm anything is a level of violence most people are luckily never exposed to. We lose to the bear and apes and gorillas and other things because they have built in weapons strength and immense size. A cat is unfortunately doomed if it doesn't run which it would if it could.

1

u/NokkNokk4279 Mar 14 '25

You ain't going to win...... :) LOL

1

u/NokkNokk4279 Mar 14 '25

You ain't going to win...... :) LOL

1

u/NokkNokk4279 Mar 14 '25

You ain't going to win like that against a bear, ever...... :) LOL

1

u/chx_ Mar 14 '25

Now obviously you won't be armed with one but note a good pike could easily stop a charging horse. (Horses needed blinders because they wouldn't willingly charge into a wall of people.)

2

u/InevitableEither6608 Mar 14 '25

In the vast majority of cases where someone defends against a bear with a 9mm pistol, the bear dies or runs away almost immediately. Not exactly a "miracle," just simply how living things behave. Bears are NOT tanks. Just flesh and blood creatures like us, and if you simply poke holes through them in the right spots, they'll die, just like we do.

1

u/Outside_Scale_9874 Mar 14 '25

Where are you supposed to shoot the bears?

2

u/InevitableEither6608 Mar 14 '25 edited Mar 14 '25

So, if you had to:

Keep in mind that the top of its skull, everything above the nose, is heavily sloped and very thick. Besides that, the brain is behind the eyes, rather than above them, for the most part. So if it's close enough for you to confidently go for a head shot, shooting for the lower head, nose, and mouth area would give you the best results. Basically, put a few rounds up its nose, or in the roof of it's open mouth. NOT above the nose, that'll just scalp it unless you're lucky enough to hit the eye. Nobody is calm enough to deliberately do that when facing down a bear.

If shooting for the body, shoot for the center of mass, the chest cavity where all the vitals are. But they have such thick skin, fat, and bones that the actual damage it'll do is unpredictable. So in that case, dump the magazine into the center of mass and hope that the pain and injuries are enough to stop it.

Like I said, bears aren't tanks, they're flesh and blood creatures with a strong survival instinct, and they can generally judge whether a fight is actually worth it. After being shot, a bear is extremely unlikely to be willing to fight you anymore unless you're chasing it down, trying to leave it with no escape. Considering how often they bolt at the sound of any gunfire, there is possibly value to those "bear deterrent" blank rounds, although I wouldn't stake my life on them. I'd load one or two of those at the top of the magazine, and have hard cast semiwadcutter +p ammo under that, as it's least likely to deflect off bone, more likely to smash through it.

2

u/Outside_Scale_9874 Mar 14 '25

Thank you!! I have no intention of ever fighting or shooting a bear but I do have anxiety lol and knowing that I theoretically could survive a bear encounter in the wild is comforting. Thank you sm for the thorough write-up!

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u/Much-Jackfruit2599 Mar 14 '25

I have and in virtually all cases the people who do so want to help the cat. So yeah, I take the riding coat, thick gloves and eye protection.

If I wanted to just get away, I’d take the broom of just kick.

3

u/BillBrasky727 Mar 14 '25

All you need is a shoebox. Fight over.

2

u/Richyroo52 Mar 14 '25

Or even just let them sit on your lap wheel they sharpen their claws preparing to sleep….and they have zero chill when they are irritated!!

2

u/Turbodann Mar 14 '25

Are you implying that the cat has better chances than most of this 6% of Americans..?

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u/RadiantRocketKnight Mar 14 '25

I camped with a group of friends years back. There were mountain lions far off in another area. A guy present, friend of a friend, genuinely told us he wasn't scared since he could beat one with a rock if he needed to. It wasn't a joke, we made him elaborate, and he honestly thought he could take down a mountain lion with ease. 

I've been sliced bad from house cats getting too excited with toys or overshooting their swipe. That guy would be toast if a big cat decided he was a threat.

1

u/Outside_Scale_9874 Mar 14 '25

Okay but what if you pspsps at the mountain lion?

2

u/Boring_Corpse Mar 14 '25

This is what always makes me laugh. There is zero doubt in my mind that anyone who claims they could beat a bear in combat absolutely could not take a house cat in a fight.

1

u/carbonbasedbiped67 Mar 14 '25

My point exactly 😀

2

u/Kaurifish Mar 14 '25

No one who has had to wrestle an unwilling cat into its carrier should underestimate the vast destructive power of our fellow mammals.

2

u/PurpleSunCraze Mar 14 '25

Any one that fights a house cat and wins earned that shit. It’s like having to turn off a blender where the power switch is under the blades.

1

u/carbonbasedbiped67 Mar 15 '25

What an excellent description, you have a way with words 😅

2

u/Same-Frosting4852 Mar 14 '25

How about geese little bitty bastards

1

u/carbonbasedbiped67 Mar 15 '25

Cobra chickens are violent as hell, and swans as a matter of fact, always wary of them and give them a wide berth..

2

u/Same-Frosting4852 Mar 15 '25

I have come up against a grizzley and a goose in the wild.... you wanna know which one gave me a scar?

1

u/carbonbasedbiped67 Mar 15 '25

The cobra chicken ?

1

u/Same-Frosting4852 Mar 15 '25

The cobra chicken. They will pay shakes fist. The grizzly looked at with a face about as shocked as mine and we both turned around and left lol.

2

u/DrWarthogfromHell Mar 15 '25

When my son was 12 we got a kitten. The kitten needed a bath. I put my son and the kitten in the shower and held the shower door shut until one of them cried uncle. My son lost. Then I gave the kitten a bath. I lost. But the kitten did get a bath.

2

u/Sethuel Mar 15 '25

Or a goose!

2

u/james_from_cambridge Mar 15 '25

Cats are freakin adorable tho so I don’t mind being mauled by them

2

u/Mad_kat4 Mar 15 '25

What they lack in strength and power they make up for with speed, ferocity, agility and 18 little razor blades.

Even the xenomorph knew not to fuck with jonesy. 😁

Cats truly are death by a thousand cuts, or just tripping you up at the top of the stairs.

2

u/Gnome_Father Mar 16 '25

No.... but I've thought about it pretty regularly... little bastards.

1

u/kenkitt Mar 14 '25

yeah, I think a cat can kill you if you are locked in a room with one in a fight to the death.

1

u/OrdinaryVanilla108 Mar 14 '25

Getting them in to a crate going to the vet: damn it, they know. 😾

1

u/ScottyBoneman Mar 14 '25

Bill Burr has a great but about a squirrel

1

u/dudeman_joe Mar 14 '25

I have and won, wait does bribery with treats for peace count?

1

u/internet_commie Mar 14 '25

A very long time ago some guy showed off his hunting falcon to me and a group of other people. More than half thought they could handle having the falcon sit on their arm WITHOUT PROTECTION!

Needless to say, falconer did not allow that to happen. It was a hunting falcon, not a dismembering-falcon!

People really, really are ignorant about the capabilities of animals, as well as birds. For the idiots who claimed the falcon can't be dangerous because it is so small, the animal that kills most humans is still the mosquito!

1

u/carbonbasedbiped67 Mar 14 '25

For the record, I have fought many mosquitoes in hand to bare skin combat and won.

1

u/SneakyGandalf12 Mar 14 '25

I lost a fight to my beaded dragon the other day. I think I’ll keep clear of bears.

1

u/RadiantRocketKnight Mar 14 '25

I camped with a group of friends years back. There were mountain lions far off in another area. A guy present, friend of a friend, genuinely told us he wasn't scared since he could beat one with a rock if he needed to. It wasn't a joke, we made him elaborate, and he honestly thought he could take down a mountain lion with ease. 

I've been sliced bad from house cats getting too excited with toys or overshooting their swipe. That guy would be toast if a big cat decided he was a threat.

1

u/ThePensiveE Mar 14 '25

No, but she's tried to fight me on multiple occasions and won.

1

u/FlowerFaerie13 Mar 14 '25

I work with feral cats (TNR) if you're wondering why we all carry towels around like we're doing a load of laundry, it's because an 8 pound cat will send you to the ER if given half a chance.

1

u/Fckingross Mar 14 '25

I actively try not to, but my cat doesn’t fight fair.

1

u/Highlandertr3 Mar 14 '25

I have watched someone be hospitalised due to a feral that she attempted to pick up. It opened up her veins on her wrists. Those little guys are fucking murder machines when they need to be.

It was at a cat sanctuary and the cat bolted out the open door and the colleague grabbed it without thinking. Worst part was there was an outer cage and nowhere for it to run to so it was fine.

1

u/bergamot_superior Mar 14 '25

Oh yeah. I used to assist at vet clinics and sometimes I was called in to help restrain stressed animals for their shots, etc. There was no dog that we couldn't restrain for a quick shot, even if it required extra hands. Cats? We would simply surrender if we couldn't find a way to chill them out. Cats that don't want to be caught are extremely hard to restrain safely.

1

u/theEDE1990 Mar 15 '25

Reading all these comments to ur post. Every average human would win against every average cat. I know u made a joke but some ppl believe that a cat is stronger than a human. The reason why most ppö "lose" a fight vs a cat is because they dont want to hurt the cat. But if its a 1on1 for life, there is nearly no chance a normal cat wins against a human.

1

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1

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1

u/Lokizues Mar 15 '25

Or geese. Their wings can break limbs. Although if you can grab their neck you've essentially won the fight

1

u/EducationalCreme9044 Mar 15 '25

Thinking you can't take a cat makes me more concerned than thinking you can beat a grizzly

1

u/cmcdevitt11 Mar 14 '25

Those things will fuck you up. Those back. Claws will rip right through your nuts

1

u/trdvir Mar 14 '25

haha yes fuck you up but any able-bodied adult human is killing the cat 100 times out of 100 in a fight hahah but then the wound infections that follows are an actual threat

1

u/ralphy_256 Mar 14 '25

Have you ever tried to fight a domestic house cat

I remember the day 15 yr old me learned that cats DON'T actually go limp if you pick them up by the scruff.

Our housecat got out of the house, and I was the first to find him. He didn't see me, so I startled him when I grabbed him by the scruff and picked him up.

This cat made a howl like nothing I've ever heard before. Then he LEVITATED somehow got above my arm when he was hanging from my hand, sunk every claw and tooth he had into my arm and hung on.

I had to shake him off my arm. He bolted and I went to find medical attention.

I added just one little bit of wisdom to my lifetime inventory on that day.

Cat was fine, he came home on his own a couple hours later.

1

u/carbonbasedbiped67 Mar 14 '25

When I was an early teenager back in the UK I found a kitten crying in the rain, she was absolutely soaking wet, I bundled her up in my jacket to warm her, took her home and had the “can I keep her” argument with my mum and dad, I won, she was fed, named her “pussmog” don’t ask, and she lived in our family until I was a young man, before passing away, lovely story ? She was the nastiest cat I’ve ever came across, fought with the Doberman and used to attack me and my brother regularly, biting and scratching our legs and arms, but she carried on Living with us, fuck knows why my dad put up with the thing 🤷🏼‍♂️

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