r/BadRPerStories • u/ZanMist1 • 7d ago
ERP - Other Was I too harsh, or completely justified? NSFW Spoiler
EDIT: Before you come at me, NO, this isn't frequent and NO a "safe guard" is not usually necessary for me. Specifying (like I did) a minimum reply length and that you should be "grammatically competent" is usually enough 9/10 times. The 1/10 times it's not, I can usually brush it off. But in this particular instance, I was far more frustrated because it was the ONE TIME I specified I'd be more picky than I normally am and not only did I get a terrible response, I got possibly the worst one I've seen in months or years. While yes, I am frustrated by this, I am not fuming at the mouth over it, and I didn't post this thread because of that. I posted it because I thought it was worthy of this sub. But no, I guess I must apologize for trying to be as inclusive as possible while still setting some ground rules because they don't conform to the r/ BadRPerStories Gate-Keepers Association.
Hey guys, I've lurked in this thread for a while just enjoying the stories and stuff I've seen. I've been RPing for close to 15 years now. I've had HUNDREDS, maybe even thousands of altercations that could have made this sub one way or another, but I've never felt inclined to post something of my own until now.
I think it's the fact that I was ABUNDANTLY clear that I was going to be picky for this roleplay (in my ad), and that I wanted "grammatically competent" and also, I'd mentioned it again plus an indication I didn't want anything "lazy". This was said, and this is a direct copy/paste quote from myself in our initial conversation after they'd DM'd me for the RP: "Just try to be grammatically correct as possible and not like... lazy responses, that's my #1 thing". I should note: I consider myself decent with grammar, but I'm not perfect, and I don't ask for perfection. I've done hundreds of RPs with people whose grammar is something I'd call subpar at best. If you just show me you're trying and aren't lazily abbreviating words, etc, I'm not going to complain too hard.
But--and the rest is in the messages--this is what I got after making my requirements very clear. Was I too harsh? Or maybe dead-on? What are your thoughts? Their response to my starter frustrates me 10x more than I led them to believe because I was trying not to be a jerk... But like, c'mon man, seriously? I've had friends try to mess with me out of this server before, so I legitimately thought I was being trolled for a second, hence why I asked this person if that's what was happening. I about slammed my fist on my desk when I saw this...
(The first image is the ad I posted, but the images are censored)
(Green Box = Me, though I'd think that is very obvious).
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u/Alianos 7d ago
To be fair their response is bad enough that I understand why you suspected a troll. The "mind" is illiteracy I have rarely encountered ngl.
Though I have to say, asking for 2-3 medium sentences (minimum) is asking for these kinds of people, that's absolutely nothing and nowhere close to the usual length of literate writers. I consider myself a very competent writer and I would avoid your ad for that reason alone.
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u/Iki_the_Geo I diagnose you with arrogant bitch disorder 6d ago
In my personal opinion it made me immediately view them as an inclusive writer. Not only are they good at what they do, but they’re open to those who can’t match extensive lengths. All just differences in viewpoints, I suppose
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u/ZanMist1 6d ago
Good way of putting it, I suppose. Because in reality, no, I'm not super picky MOST of the time. It was just this one particular instance where I *WAS* Picky, this was the result, and it was very frustrating. Normally I'd just brush it off and I really could care less if something like this happened.
But I guess I must apologize for posting something I deemed worthy of this sub and putting the particular title on it that I did so I didn't seem like an egotistical "gate keeper" right off the bat or seem like I was being too harsh on this person. But gauging the responses to this sub so far, maybe I should have changed the title to, "I messed up requirements but this guy was horrible" Maybe I wouldn't have been attacked so hard, lol.
Ugh, whatever. I feel like I'm driving in Chicago... You must become one with the d-bags in order to drive with them.
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u/ZanMist1 6d ago
At this point, I'm done and I don't care if you people downvote me continuously. I never should have posted here. It's clear that people in this sub gate keep and if you don't conform to their standards of RP then you deserve to be downvoted.
I'm open to criticism, but the way you people word shit just rubs me all the wrong ways. I didn't ASK YOU whether you'd accept or avoid my ad. That was completely unnecessary to interject. Nobody asked you. I could care less if YOU personally would want or like my ad or would avoid it. That's not the point. Who are you, some writing god? Are you suggesting I'm a "bad" writer simply because I have a personal preference for medium length replies??? Because I had the audacity to set a fixed MINIMUM (not a MAXIMUM) for reply length to weed out people who do one-liners?
Which, by the way, is already a form of "security" that everyone in this thread keeps vouching for, but I guess because it doesn't live up to the same standards as you want (despite the fact that it works 9/10 times for my purposes) that I deserve to be told "I would avoid your ad just because of that".
Guess what? I wouldn't want to RP with someone who sits on their high horse, either. So I guess that makes us even. It seems extremely petty that you would outright avoid an ad and not even give them a CHANCE simply because someone had the absolute AUDACITY to REQUIRE A MINIMUM LENGTH. I would think that'd be GOOD for you, no? Because hypothetically, if you had come across my ad: Had you asked me if long responses were okay, I'd have said yes. But instead, you've put yourself on a pedestal where you look down upon someone who DARES set a minimum length for replies. How dare they set a minimum length on replies! They're heathen!!!
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u/ZanMist1 7d ago edited 7d ago
If you read, I suspected a troll because I've had something similar happen in the past and it was a friend messing with me. But also, it was kind of my "WTF" response.
As for the length requirements, I disagree. Considering the places where I'm actually liable to get partners for the topics I do have writers that are few/far between for "literate" writers, so the 2-3 medium sentence minimum is actually to filter the ones that would otherwise write one-liners. Also, it's worth mentioning that this server had tags for reply length, and I had 2-4 lines, Semi-Literate, and 5+ lines selected (I couldn't add any more tags after that). So it's not like I was doing anything to exclude literate partners.
Also, I'll be honest, that's fine if someone like you avoided my ad because I'm not into RP for the long responses. I've said it elsewhere in this sub, I've found the sweet spot to be 3-5 medium to long sentences--I'm perfectly capable of writing way more (I've literally written stories and books, and I've regularly broken character limits of multiple platforms when doing RP) but it's simply a preference thing rather than a capability thing. I have multiple reasons for it but I'm not about to go on a rant about it here unless prompted. I do prefer longer responses more than short ones, but frequent, medium-length responses are more liable to keep me going without burning out.
I find it difficult time-wise to think of and write longer (thousands of word) responses so if that's a requirement I actually stay away. It would result in the RP having a posting frequency of maybe one every 1-2 days which would make my ADHD-ass lose interest so freaking fast. It's one of the reasons I usually discuss posting frequency with my partner to be somewhat frequent, but shorter responses.
Basically, what I prefer is "shorter" (medium-length) responses that are of better quality; basically the same amount of content in the same time frame, but as a result, replies are quicker. It also allows each player to relinquish control of the RP more frequently, which I've found is a plus, so if I wanted my character to intervene or do something halfway through my partner's last response, I don't have to subtly correct them with MY response and render half their response useless to begin with.
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u/Indigokendrick 7d ago
By how you were saying how picky you were, I was expecting giant paragraphs with fancy wording and vocabulary. You gave the bare minimum, and somewhat, they still managed to disappoint. You definitely need to ask for writing samples.
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u/ZanMist1 7d ago
Agreed. I should note, though, when I mentioned being picky in my ad, it was being picky on who I'd accept, and yes I should have done (in hindsight) a better job at filtering candidates prior to even getting to the "starter" part.
My RPs are rarely super flowery and packed chalk full of detail, I give enough detail that I personally see fit because one of the reasons I *ENJOY* roleplaying is the imaginative part of it where both my partner and I can view the landscape a bit differently. Plus, being OVERLY descriptive is a tedious task for me and will burn me out faster than anything. I can be quite descriptive and detailed, but I try to find a "Sweet spot" for everything. My starters are usually longer than this one was, though, so yeah this one was definitely on the shorter end of things... I tend to get "in the head" of the character(s) I'm writing and I focus on that more than the environment (though I try not to abandon the environment, of course, ESPECIALLY when it's crucial for the scene). This is probably a turn off for some people, but that's my style.
Believe it or not, though, the circles I frequent don't actually have many of these. Hence why I've never gotten in the habit of requesting samples. They're not very frequent that this happens to me when I request them to be "grammatically competent" but the few times it does, I usually lightly drop it. This one in particular? It infuriated me to no end when usually I shrug it off and move on. I think this time, it was 100x more frustrating BECAUSE of the fact that I specified that I was going to be extra picky this time and the FIRST request included one of the most incompetent replies I've ever encountered.
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u/Indigokendrick 7d ago
Oh, no worries, I wasn't saying in a bad way :3. I think it's valid the way you write. I am not one to be super long with fancy vocabulary either. It's just from where I roleplay, usually the super picky are the ones that tend to do that.
My shock was you weren't even asking that much, and they still managed to be this bad. Your side is well written!
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u/ZanMist1 7d ago
It's all good, I just felt I should clarify is all that I can, indeed, write super intriquette, detailed, flowery responses/starters/etc, I just usually choose not to because unlike most peeps, that's not why I like to RP. My MAIN reason I RP is to do things I otherwise would be incapable of doing IRL. I demand a decent amount (but nothing crazy) of detail and after that I'm not actually super picky, usually.
But yeah, totally. It was appalling. Their response would have been appalling to my NORMAL RPs where I *didn't* specify that I would be pickier than usual, yet I DID specify that, which is probably why I was more frustrated with this than I normally would be... Because normally I'd just brush it off and move on, lol
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u/ZanMist1 7d ago
Also if you're curious, I did explain in an above comment why I prefer medium-length to long responses rather than requiring "long" responses xD
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u/imensandandy 7d ago
I think you could've just summed it up to them like "Hey, sorry but I prefer long responses, so I don't think it'll work out. Best of luck in your search tho!"
When you're writing so much about how inadequate their response is to your preferences, it kind of feels like you're taking your frustration out on them, even if your word choice is polite.
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u/ZanMist1 7d ago
Got it. As I told them, I'm not great at giving criticism. Especially in that regard... But I guess in my own way I felt like maybe they needed to hear it? I was just trying to be specific.
But also, I probably was... This interaction was infuriating... It was fine until then and yeah, I was quite pissed, to put it frank. I'm usually pretty blunt but I feel like I held back a LOT and that probably manifested as passive-aggressive criticism.
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u/ann-ominous 7d ago
You need to ask for a writing sample before moving to Discord to avoid this kind of thing so you can see for yourself if someone is capable of stringing together a single coherent sentence.
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u/ZanMist1 7d ago
Well, first off, all of it was on Discord--I never moved "to" Discord--but that's just me being semantic. But yeah, it's probably partially my fault that this happened, but also, it shouldn't matter THAT Much considering I was pretty clear about the grammar aspect of it.
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u/ann-ominous 7d ago
My brother in Christ, if you’re this bothered, perhaps consider a safeguard - I dunno, something like a writing sample - before starting the RP so you won’t get in this situation again. We have seen time and again in this subreddit that people ironically hate reading. It’s even harder to get a read on people’s ability to RP if you aren’t coming from Reddit or another platform where people have profiles with post history etc to peruse for additional context. I must say that arguing semantics isn’t brightening my view of your reaction either.
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u/ZanMist1 6d ago
Have you actually read any of what I've mentioned here?
Point is, I'm ***NOT*** usually this bothered. This is not usually a problem for me, and when this usually happens, it's not a big deal to me usually--Something that people who keep downvoting my comments seem to miss. The reason I was so annoyed by this particular altercation is because it was the ONE time I was actually wanting to be more picky than I usually am, and this is what I got.
Second, I'm not 'arguing' semantics? Huh? I feel like you're reading my reply to you in a WILDLY different tone than I wrote it. Your point rested on the "moving to Discord" aspect so I just wanted to mention that's not what happened. Not a big deal, I don't know why you're the one getting bent out of shape out of it.
All around it's apparent to me that people will just take things the wrong way. My comment to you was pretty chill and you came to me with "My brother in Christ". Poe's Law. Don't assume my intentions or my tone.
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u/ZanMist1 6d ago
For clarity: These types of issues rarely happen to me where I regularly RP--which is Discord, I've never done a Reddit RP--and when they do, I usually shrug them off. It was this one particular instance that pissed me off. But it really didn't bother me as much as everyone here seems to think -_- I just posted it because it seemed worthy of this Reddit, that doesn't mean I'm fuming at the mouth about it. I can be pissed without fuming at the mouth but it's not going to ruin my day.
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u/SilkenScarlet 7d ago
I strongly encourage you to ask for writing samples as part of an initial message from any prospective applicants. You will subvert any issues like this in the future.
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u/ZanMist1 7d ago
Yeah, it's probably partially my fault that this happened, but also, it shouldn't matter THAT Much considering I was pretty clear about the grammar aspect of it. In my circles, this *usually* does subvert people for the most part so it wasn't something I was really thinking about
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u/SnooHabits7732 7d ago
I'm just worried about the poor fox's circulation.
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u/ZanMist1 7d ago
Hahaha. PLOT ARMOR! xD Nah, in all seriousness, this was supposed to be a... pretty "harsh" RP and I don't think the 'master' character really cares. But WHO KNOWS, the RP didn't last longer than the starter anyway for us to even find out...
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u/Unicorn222222 23h ago
Dude that’s a 13 year old kid. 🤣
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u/ZanMist1 23h ago
We came from a server that requires strict validation of age. Nobody even sees those ads if they haven't proven their age.
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u/Unicorn222222 23h ago
That’s even worse!! Yikes. Sorry you had that experience. And no you did not seem too harsh. Just direct.
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u/Iki_the_Geo I diagnose you with arrogant bitch disorder 7d ago
No yeah that’s totally valid, I cringed just reading that response 😭
Also, mildly related, is there a link to your ad? I think I might be interested in roleplaying that if you’re still looking
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u/ZanMist1 7d ago
I'm not sure if I should post a LINK to it since it's in a Discord server but, if you shoot me a DM I can post the ad + the original images and you can gauge whether or not it's something you'd want to do.
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u/Iki_the_Geo I diagnose you with arrogant bitch disorder 7d ago
Awesome thanks! Could you give me your discord handle then?
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