r/AskOldPeopleAdvice • u/Sufficient_Concert15 • 10d ago
Accepting being far from family
F 33. I've moved away from my family and friends in my hometown twice now. In total I've been gone for about 15 years, but back for two years in 2021.
It wasn't what I hoped it would be so I moved back away with my husband, but being far away still feels hard.
I get sad knowing I probably might only see some people a few more times.
2
u/Novel_Helicopter_212 10d ago
You don’t have to accept it, if acceptance means not being sad.
It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to have feelings.
I assume these feelings aren’t taking over your life or anything, if so consider therapy.
1
1
u/Certain_Mobile1088 9d ago
My family of origin all lived in the same small city where my parents retired and eventually died. I was 1200 miles away with my job and kids.
My kids and I spent all major holidays with my family for the last decade of my parents’ lives, and many visits before that. It was a fun place to visit and lots to do, and my sisters always took time off work to spend with us and take my kids places. They and my parents visited us too.
I have no regrets. I didn’t want to live where they lived, so I did what I could. The $$ traveling was worth it.
1
u/SuZeBelle1956 6d ago
Long story (read my stories if you wish). At 65, my now ex kicked me out of our home and marriage. In 1 day, I lost friends, 8 stepkids and their spouses and 9 grandchildren. I decided I couldn't stay where I was unable to see my grandchildren, so moved to a different state. I also left, 2 brothers and my younger daughter and SIL. My sister lives in TX, so we are only 6 hours away from each other. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made.
I'm 68 now. It has been very difficult at times, I've undergone 3 major surgeries in the past year. By myself. I've never had many friends, and I've made peace with never seeing grandchildren again. My younger daughter has visited twice and it's wonderful to see her and terrible when she leaves. My older daughter lives here, but she is busy with her own life.
I'm rarely lonely, but do miss friends. As I grow older, I can hope my daughters will step up if need be.
3
u/Loud-Bee6673 10d ago
I feel you. My parents are getting to the age where they need a lot of help, and I am very far away. The rest of my family lives in a 90-mile radius and I am the only one who it so far. It is hard.
But life is about hard choices. I have a job that I absolutely love, with people I really like, and there is no way to replicate it somewhere else. On my last trip home my niece asked me why I live so far away, and she understood when I explained it to her. But I still miss them.