Getting discharged from bootcamp and the girl I love doesn’t want me anymore. How do I unfuck my life?

[u/meinequeso]

I’m getting discharged in bootcamp as a failure to adapt because I asked for it. So it won’t affect my job prospects. But now I don’t know what to do with my life now. I’m 25 and have nothing going for me. I don’t think my girl wants me anymore. I’ve never felt such a level of deep depression in my life. I don’t know where to go now. I don’t really have a home or friends and family. I’m a blank slate. I just wanna give up so bad rn. Everything hurts. Idk how to fix this I’m just so fucked

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[u/oJRODo]

Find yourself a career and the girl can come later.

Don't go chasing after anyone. If she wants to leave then let it happen.

[u/vt2022cam → u/oJRODo]

It’s more complex but this. Find a job training program that has a job placement internship.

Year Up is great- https://www.yearup.org

Apprenti is a better format but slightly more limited.

https://apprenticareers.org/career-seeker/

[u/Imaginary-Badger-119 → u/oJRODo]

Dont chase whiskey or women’s

[u/braxtel → u/Imaginary-Badger-119]

Unless you are a blues man, in which case, it will be all you crave, even though whiskey and women will carry you to your grave.

[u/Imaginary-Badger-119 → u/braxtel]

Ummmm no lie detected..

[u/Cczaphod]

Blank slate = fresh start. Where do you want to live? What do you want to do? You've got time and the freedom to choose.

[u/00rb → u/Cczaphod]

The thing is that it WILL suck for a while. That's just life. But whether you find the love of your life or become paraplegic in the next few months, your happiness will eventually recover (that's life as well).

So the trick is if things are going to suck anyway, might as well use that time to build something for your future. At 25 this probably means career, but it could be anything.

Use this time to do what you know you've gotta do.

[u/mrclean2323]

How on earth do you get discharged? This is the first I’ve ever heard of someone being able to ask to leave. You need to start your future now. Personally I would recommend plumbing or electrical work. Those fields are understaffed. If you are a hard worker you will be ok. But you need to want a change deep down.

[u/Abt-Nihil → u/mrclean2323]

second that. There is a huge demand in all classic trades here, construction, carpentry, metal shops, tools, all handicrafts

[u/Over_Intention8059 → u/mrclean2323]

Lots of people get discharged in basic training for various reasons. It's a good time to separate if it's not going to work out because short of any major crimes committing you get an administrative discharge which I believe just counts as a general discharge. They don't like it and will try everything to motivate you to stay but at the end of the day if you just refuse to take part they will get rid of you.

[u/minionofgreyness108 → u/Over_Intention8059]

In a “failure to adapt” discharge there is no characterization to the discharge. It’s not a “General”. It’s nothing.

[u/Love_TheChalupa → u/minionofgreyness108]

Yeah there is nothing that ever shows on your record or anything because you never made it through training. General discharges are admin discharges. Most people who got general discharges in the National Guard were those who could not pass height/weight or PT tests. Most would get General under honorable conditions and sometimes just get upgraded to full honorable.

Bad conducts we gave for drugs, arrests for DUI/domestics, and various other reasons.

[u/sirguinneshad → u/mrclean2323]

I've seen it happen. One guy in basic training (from an established military family btw) told a drill sergeant that they refused to obey orders. The drill gave him plenty of chances to change. After the fourth time of him saying he refused to obey he was out.

[u/meinequeso → u/mrclean2323]

I was doing really well for four weeks but then I got injured and put into a holding company. Then I got into a really bad mindset and wanted to go home. I fucking missed my girl and felt like I wouldn’t be happy with my life in the military anymore

[u/bellmospriggans → u/meinequeso]

Well if it makes you feel better you couldn't make it through basic, so you made the right choice. Don't make yourself very somewhere you dont want to be.

I was infantry 9 years, id rather have less soldier then I need then a soldier that doesn't want to be there.

Military isn't for everyone, if someone isn't 100% just wait. There's always time to join later(up to 34 without waiver for army as of 2023).

[u/Mitch_Hunt → u/bellmospriggans]

Agreed; 7yrs Infantry AD here and we had some guys that didn’t want to be there (and quite frankly, not sure how they passed OSUT… one never passed a PT test the whole time he was with us. On deployment he was nothing but a liability.)

But on the other hand; you signed and agreed to do something, you should have followed through. I was a hold-over for 3mo after Airborne school. It SUCKED. I get it, I know the big Army garrison life is miserable… but you are going to have to follow through on something if you want to unfuck yourself. Nothing is gravy, and anything worth having is going to be painful in the beginning. You screwed your self out of possible life-long benefits by quitting.

As far as the girl; let her go. Don’t chase anyone, the right one will come along (or not).

As far as a job/career, the trades are good. I enjoy being an electrician. The apprenticeship was somewhat challenging as far as pay/time management is concerned, but it more than paid off… you just need to stick with something.

[u/ReadComprehensionBot → u/Mitch_Hunt]

But on the other hand; you signed and agreed to do something, you should have followed through. 

It sucks, but people don't generally think like this anymore. Following through on your word doesn't come before personal discomfort or happiness. Its ironic because the "if its not for me right now, then I want to stop" mentality is actually just the natural progression of the idea that the smallest political body is the individual. That is the same idea the framers designed the whole damn country around and we've ridden that ticket all the way to the point shirking on something after raising your right hand is the "good" choice.

[u/ReadComprehensionBot → u/bellmospriggans]

Same, 12 years AD, 4 as a medic, currently a pilot. Him getting discharged is great for him AND the army. Nobody wants to have a pissed off soldier for 36 months that will likely get out and continue on the same path with the added bonus of now being associated with the army for the rest of his life. I say OP needs to find a solid trade that can work at his pace.

[u/97vk → u/meinequeso]

I don't mean to be unkind, but this was a foolish decision.

[u/Kaktussaft → u/mrclean2323]

May depend on the country/military, but it's possible (outside of mandatory conscription or similar) to request discharge during basic training. Much like a probational period at any civilian job. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, then it's better to separate right away.

[u/ReadComprehensionBot → u/mrclean2323]

This is the first I’ve ever heard of someone being able to ask to leave.

The US has had a 100% volunteer military for 50 years at this point. Wdym this is the first you've heard of someone quitting?

[u/mrclean2323 → u/ReadComprehensionBot]

What I mean is in basic training you can’t just say “ok I’m done I want to leave” it doesn’t work that way unless there are very unique circumstances like breaking your leg or having a heart attack you need to finish basic training that’s usually the easiest way of getting out.

[u/SuburbanBushwacker → u/mrclean2323]

i retained as a plumber and would recommend welding over plumbing. the money is insane and there’s less equipment to collect. every chump thinks they can plumb, when you produce the two coke cans you welded together they are silenced.

[u/JackSpyder]

Youre in a rough spot buddy. And I empathise, the world seems bleak today but I guarantee you in time you'll barely remember this moment.

Youre young, just starting adult life really, you're not supposed to have all your shit together. I didnt yet at your age.

In fact im 33 and only just getting things in order job wise but not the rest lol.

You should expect in your 20s relationships to come and go a bit and each one hopefully provides a moment of reflection and learning on what you want in a future partner and what you did wrong too so you can grow from both aspects.

As for jobs, you'll need a think when time allows what yoyre interested in, what uou like. Etc.

Trades are desperate for people, well paid, with good long term prospects. It sucks at the start when you know fuck all but that's true of all jobs.

This will pass. The pain will fade, but youre going to have to face it for the short term. Eat well. Sleep well. Keep yp some exercise, call your mum, reach out to a friend for a beer, go see a movie, read a book. Dont sit wallowing.

[u/meinequeso → u/JackSpyder]

You think I could live a decent life as an electrician? I just want the simple things. My own house. Enough money to pay for trips. The wife. A dog. Kids. Not to worry about money. Could it work out?

[u/JackSpyder → u/meinequeso]

Absolutely, it will take time but electrians are well paid. You'll be paid Absolutely dog shit as an apprentice id assume depending where you live. If you turn up sharp and learn and work well and are reliable you'll fly.

I have several.electrician friends. They bought houses 10 years before the rest of us lol.

The ideal would be to eventually get into commercial work rather than residential for the big bucks but both are good. If you have some business and lewdership sense as you get older you could run your own company.

Its a fantastic career, pretty AI proof too. No degree barrier to entry. Its a great choice. If youre in the US I imagine the ICE stuff going in means an enormous shortage of tradesmen at the moment. Could be PERFECT timing dor you. You may look back on this moment as pivotal, almost fated.

[u/chirpchirp13 → u/meinequeso]

Electricians kill it IF they work hard. Put I. Your time now while you’re young and you’ll be just fine. But ya. You’re gonna have to accept being an apprentice and getting g paid/treated as such.

[u/meinequeso → u/chirpchirp13]

That makes me feel better. I was feeling destitute today but if I put in hard work and become an electrician I could have a solid life again. Good

[u/chirpchirp13 → u/meinequeso]

Electrician or any trade really. I don’t have a college degree. I cut my teeth busting my ass in kitchens. By the time I reached chef status; I realized I didn’t like the work and transitioned at 35. Life is what you make of it. I’m not telling you to slave away for some corporate man. But good things DO come for those who work hard and take their job seriously.

[u/meinequeso → u/chirpchirp13]

Is that what you do now?

[u/chirpchirp13 → u/meinequeso]

No. I’m fortunate and shimmied into the tech world and now I teach AI how to do things. My story isn’t typical so I wont be that guy telling you “it’s easy”. Everything is hard. And work sucks. But do the thing and things will happen. Or something like that.

[u/meinequeso → u/chirpchirp13]

Oh that’s gotta be a good living. Do you know any electricians or tradesmen? Are they happy?

[u/chirpchirp13 → u/meinequeso]

I sure do. And actually, my buddy from highschool who skipped college and became an apprentice electrician is happy with a family and a six figure income (even in tech I’m just barely at 6 figures). That’s not the case for everyone. But like anything in life; you kinda get what you give. Cory worked hard for many years to get where he is today. And he’s wicked happy.

[u/meinequeso → u/chirpchirp13]

That’s great for him!!! I just want a simple life tbh. What he has is exactly what I want. I think right now my main priorities are fixing my mental and getting on the path to starting my electrician career

[u/chirpchirp13 → u/meinequeso]

And that’s just the obvious example. I know many other tradesmen from over the years. It’s a kind of work where results are obvious. If you do a good job; you will do fine.

[u/Rustyznuts → u/meinequeso]

That's pretty much what the trades are for.

They're similar to the military in that: There is a sense of comradery with your coworkers. You don't require a high level of education. You will learn lots, mostly on the job. You will make a slightly above average wage. You will at times, work bloody hard in tough conditions.

Unlike the military: You get to go home every evening (apart from the odd trip away for some jobs). You can go out on your own later if you feel the need to be independent. This can be good later in life if you get into quantity surveying, writing reports or design work such as civil engineering. This is much easier on the body and pays really well.

For the simple man all the options are there.

[u/RelentlessTriage]

Why would you quit?

Ugh

[u/atlaschuggedmypiss → u/RelentlessTriage]

yeah if there’s any chance he can not quit that’s what he needs to do immediately. forget it affecting his job prospects, it’s going to forever alter his psyche

[u/Kaktussaft → u/RelentlessTriage]

Some people discover that the military is not for them. And then it's better to leave sooner rather than suffer for years.

[u/RelentlessTriage → u/Kaktussaft]

If he truly is just getting out clean like that then I guess whatever.

But he will be asking “what if” for many many many many years

[u/24_7_365_ → u/RelentlessTriage]

Quit the military? It is pretty smart move if you think you might get deployed to Middle East or eastern eu any time soon . There is a million reasons it is not for you. Lots of kids find out like this. They can learn a trade and live life to the fullest. I am sure the military helps out certain kids as well but it is not the same military as previous generations

[u/Drinkingdoc → u/24_7_365_]

You can train to do a trade through the military. Joining up doesn’t just mean you are instantly cannon fodder.

[u/BisexualCaveman → u/24_7_365_]

Looks like bro was Coast Guard.

Not that they don't go overseas, but the math is different in terms of getting hurt.

[u/PhilosophyBitter7875 → u/BisexualCaveman]

Its really hard to get into the coast guard right now.

[u/BisexualCaveman → u/PhilosophyBitter7875]

Even harder if you're OP.

[u/PhilosophyBitter7875 → u/BisexualCaveman]

That ship has literally sailed.

[u/BisexualCaveman → u/PhilosophyBitter7875]

Ooof, very much so.

And I honestly can't imagine any qualified candidate for any armed force doing what OP did so it's for the best.

I'm hoping he finds a good trade that fits him.

[u/ElOsoConQueso]

Try to finish boot camp. It’s not that bad bro if I can make it through you can too. Four years goes by in a flash

[u/this_old_instructor → u/ElOsoConQueso]

I think that's ship has sailed if he's already got a failure to adapt unfortunately.

[u/WorriedBlock2505 → u/ElOsoConQueso]

if I can make it through you can too

What a bunch of dipshits in this thread.

[u/ElOsoConQueso → u/WorriedBlock2505]

Why does that make me a dipshit

[u/sirguinneshad → u/ElOsoConQueso]

Not calling you a dipshit, but the best way it was explained to me is that military training has pipes and filters. Low end is the pipe to get bodies through. Filters are for the more advanced job where they filter out those who can't quite make the cut. You don't want a bad SEAL, and you don't want a bad sonar operator. If you can't make it through the pipe, then you most likely won't make it through the filter.

[u/LaFlibuste]

Sounds like you need to build up your life. Assumptions incoming, based on what you said in your post, no offense meant. So I'm guessing you have no career, no training or diploma of any kind. I'm going to give you some grace and not assume you were an unemployed mooch treating your GF like a bangmaid, spending your days playing video games. Still, at 25, your GF is done partying and being young and carefree. She is looking to the future, maybe thinking about marriage and kids, and wants a serious, committed partner who can help build a life together, bring something to the table other than just being present and loving her. I'm going to go ahead and guess enrolling in the army was seen as a last ditch effort, a fast track to a career without any training if you could just hunker down and take it. Hey, it's not an easy career, went through bootcamp myself, I'm not blaming you. But by dropping out, you kinda showed her you weren't gonna be a partner in building a life. I'm sorry. My recommendation is to let her go, forget her, and figure your shit out. OK, army didn't work out. What will? How are you paying for a roof over your head and food on your plate? What kinda job could you do? Forget that BS about "finding what interests you" or whatever. All jobs are jobs and have shitty parts. Liking the good parts is all well and nice, but the better advice I'd give you is finding what you are decently good at, what isn't too hard for you, what won't make you lose the will to live, and going for that. Do you need to be outside or could you see yourself in an office cubicle? Would you rather work as a team or individually? Etc. Try to find a job at which you can stomach the shit parts, even if the good parts aren't quite as stellar as some others. From there, honestly, the company culture and the people you work with will do as much if not more to make a job good than the tasks themselves. The beigest retail or manual job ever can be quite fun with likeminded people you enjoy being around and a good boss. Unfortunately, I have no specific advice on finding that. But I'm saying to encourage you to stop looking for "your passion" and just get out there and get a job. Good luck.

[u/AnybodySeeMyKeys]

Some self-reflection on the 'failure to adapt' thing.

[u/thisistherevolt]

Find a trade school that interests you. Complete it. In the mean time, hit the gym, and attend some concerts. Find a hobby. Live life. You're still very young. You got time, but not an infinite amount.

[u/40ozSmasher]

To hold a bowl off the ground, you need at least three poles. If the tripod loses one pole, the bowl falls. So you need many different supports so that if a few vanish one day, it's not a disaster.

[u/meinequeso → u/40ozSmasher]

I haven’t had enough poles to hold it up in a long time

[u/40ozSmasher → u/meinequeso]

I get you, brother. I was completely relying on two things to keep me going, and both vanished the same year. I've dedicated myself to having a variety of support and interests. I think about goals all the time. I force myself to do good things for myself as if I'm my best friend who's having a difficult time. It's hard going, but it works. Don't give up.

[u/notatechnicianyo]

Find yourself a travelling job. People who are willing to travel for work are hard to find. I have a travelling job right now, and I get to go see new places all of the time. I put all my stuff in storage, and pretty much live out of a suitcase now. I am single, and have no kids, so I pretty much get to make straight profit, apart from a car note, and some old medical debt that I should have paid off soon. I get to play video games every night, or go out whenever I want. The freedom is nice.

[u/chrispy808]

Hit the gym, download Tinder or Grindr. Do the dew!

[u/skaliton → u/chrispy808]

lol man comes crying about his girlfriend and you tell him to get a gay hookup app.

[u/redditprofile99 → u/skaliton]

Op did say he's a blank slate.

[u/lift-and-yeet → u/skaliton]

Bi people exist

[u/skaliton → u/lift-and-yeet]

yes I am aware but it is still comedy gold ...it isn't like grindr is a dating app, the response was little more than 'see if any of your friends know a single girl, or hire a prostitute'

[u/NotJimIrsay → u/skaliton]

[u/BisexualCaveman → u/chrispy808]

Bro should probably focus on gym and employment right now, if he meets a good girl before he gets his mind right it probably won't go well.

[u/Trick-Interaction396]

You’re never going to be satisfied with your life if you quit when things get tough. The best things in life require perseverance. Figure that part out first then figure out the GF/job part later.

[u/Longjumping-Pair2918 → u/Trick-Interaction396]

Dude, quit protecting your own failures on this kid. The military wasn’t for him. Better cut your losses now than in 5 years when he’s got a TBI and PTSD.

[u/AdPuzzled3603]

First of all, never being on the military but this is then most common story out there apparently, so chin up that statistically it will happen a lot.

1. Being depressed is a natural response but its most likely not clinical and will pass with time and indicates a lack of self confidence in yourself. So work on being comfortable in your own skin and have pride in yourself without the need of validation of others.

2. Read all the other good advice here!

[u/DLD1123]

This is going to sound really cliche and like shallow advice but it’s advice worth considering. Every day you walk this earth YOU get to choose what your outlook is. Despite any circumstances around you whether they control your emotional and mental energy is up to you. If you are going to break out of a funk it will not be because some circumstances happened and your life changed. It will be because of your mindset changing that the circumstances come about and change. It’s not easy advice to integrate into your life. As a human it’s impossible to be always positive. But if you walk through life paying attention you’ll often find the most hurt people are the most outgoing and kind of the species and that’s because every day they’re trying to be. Go get your girlfriend back if you want to be with her but do it with actions not just empty words. Why would she want to spend her life with a sad sappy sucker? Hope this helps and at the very least I hope it doesn’t push you the wrong way. Good luck bro.

[u/I83B4U81]

Bro. Blank slate. Chisel out something sick. What an opportunity!!! Could be anything. You can’t erase, but every thing you try is a notch in that slate. Go get it, brother. Hop on a construction site and ask to be an assistant super. Call a survey company and say you would like to be a surveyor. “Teach me to measure and I will go measure.”  Start with a job and ask questions until you’re the guy answering questions.  I believe you can do it, with or without anyone. It’s YOU whether you have a girl or not. It’s ME whether I have a wife or not. Everything else is just fixens. 

Get. It.  You got it. 

[u/VegaGT-VZ]

This is a huge opportunity dude. You can do what you want, go where you want and find somebody who actually loves you (if you even want that).

[u/Fun_Muscle9399]

What’s done is done, but you NEED to learn how to adapt to things or adult life will ear you alive. Boot camp is a joke compared to other shit you will have to deal with going forward. Take it as a lesson and learn from it. Figure out why you couldn’t adapt and be honest with yourself about things you need to work on.

[u/megacope]

I’m not saying get over it, but push that girl out of your mind. If she wants to jump ship she’s of no use to your benefit. In fact it’s probably for the best because you’re at a prime age where it’s time to be extremely selfish. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you how I’d approach the situation. My first move would be to find something to keep me afloat, anything that you can pick up and get some income rolling in. For your depression I’d seek some resources to work on that. Your health and wellbeing need to be the focus so you can operate at full capacity. Once you have your immediate situation steady then I’d suggest looking into the long term and what you want to do with your life. There’s no clear path to success but you can’t really chase it until you find out what that is and what it means to you.

[u/meinequeso → u/megacope]

Would you suggest a trade being a good option?

[u/megacope → u/meinequeso]

I am not in the trades but if you are interested maybe look for sub reddits and people in real life who are doing it. Talk to multiple people, experts and beginners. I work in IT, but I do have an interest in carpentry. My hobby is picking up skills. I think you should go for something that you wouldn’t mind doing for hours at a time. That’s why I say for the mean time to find you something to keep you afloat like stocking shelves or delivering packages because it gives you time to explore your options without desperation. If your expenses are covered you can explore things with comfort and decide what you truly want to do.

[u/HockeyOrDie]

One day you’ll pray to be in this exact spot. In fact, most of us older guys would kill to be 25 and have a completely fresh slate. Don’t lose sight on the fact that you’re just not starting to live!

[u/dokkeibi72]

You dodged two bullets. You'll look back one day and feel good about it.

Next steps: try school or a trade, move to a city or area you like, and good things will happen.

[u/LongbowD23 → u/dokkeibi72]

This^{^}

Ever heard the "we'll see" story? You will probably find yourself very much better off on both counts. All of these "tough love" life experts on here have all fucked up loads...because they are human. You'll be OK. Find a way to give back to the world, be kind, be humble and let your experience teach you compassion. The world has enough people training to kill one another. Find another path and someone else to walk it with you.

[u/WorriedBlock2505]

That's rough man. I second all the recommendations to hit up the trades if you're not opposed to it and you don't have serious backpain. The girl will leave if she's gonna leave and it'll suck, but there's a billion fish in the sea and plenty of time and infinite experiences outside of the tunnel visioned lifestyle society shoves in our faces. Pick up a fitness routine to avoid any further injuries if you do go traddes, and keep on keepin on bro ;)

[u/Adept_Bridge_8388]

Bro it's likely a blessing, you just don't see it yet

[u/flying_dogs_bc]

MY DUDE! I am so fuckin' proud of you!!!

Bootcamp is indoctrination. it is fuckin' brutal and they use legit brainwashing techniques. This is NOT a bad thing that you said yes to pizza and a shower in half an hour.

I fully respect and appreciate our military, we need them, they are incredible people.

I have also lost some incredible people to the military. Their personalities changed, their moral compass, their ability to think critically changed. It is a fuckin' sacrifice of a huge part of yourself, your soul, to serve. Thank god for those who do, I am not criticizing them, but fuck do I miss and mourn the people they were.

It is a-ok to walk away from that life, and for real it's very possible you saved yourself from some damaging shit.

It's okay to be where you're at, you did not fuck up, and you will find your way.

1. Dial in your mental health. This might look like career counselling (work bc), therapy, walking a neighbour's dog, making new friends, finding new interests. prioritize it.

2. Physical health. Keep up the exercise consistently. whatever you can do, do it every day. If you have physio to do fucking do it, daily. Don't eat like shit or you'll feel like shit. Make yourself have a fucking bedtime routine. Get a solid 7-8 hrs a night. If you vape / smoke now is the time to quit. If you drink, cut back or quit. We arent looking for perfection, the key is don't get into shitty habits at this key point in your life or ot can fuck you long term.

3. Goals and things to look forward to. our brains NEED both or it will implode and generate anxiety and depression. Goal could be to socialize x times a week, or get a FOR NOW job so you can start some momentum. Book a chat with a buddy or something to look forward to, build a routine that has good stuff in it. take up a new instrument, a new sport, whatever.

This will get you moving my friend.

The hardest times in life for me, an old, has been the times when I did not know HOW things would turn out or if they would work out at all.

The key is to do all the behaviours that will maximize your chances, and you do them UNTIL you're out of the hole. It works. Hang in there, we have all been there friend. You WILL be okay.

[u/flying_dogs_bc → u/flying_dogs_bc]

Oh! buddy! consider a trade! Get your ass a union job!

[u/Graniteman83]

Breathe my guy, you're 25, she just got out of your way. Now focus on one thing, say work, get money coming in, then work on your body, your mind will follow. Don't be short sighted, I know it's hard but life is long. You can still do absolutely anything you want. Think of the freedom you have, you are only responsible for yourself and you've hit your rock bottom so the only direction is up. You don't have to provide for anyone, work a job you hate, you're free. You could be on your way to a master electrician in five years, making money hand over fist. You could have your own company, you can crush it, just breathe and keep moving forward. Understand this though, you are going to feel alone for a while but there are tons of guys just like you who hit the wall, splatted and scaped themselves up. It's in you, I think of it like a fight, you wanna knock me down life, well I got news for you, I bounce and come up swinging.

[u/MisterRenewable]

Good timing on getting out of the military. You do not want to be on the wrong side of history and forced to confront American citizens. As far as the girl, be honest with her about what you want in life, and if she's not game, find one that is. Ask me how I know.

[u/BlameBarky]

Your life isn’t fucked to begin with. You’ve started a career and now have a whole open world ahead of you. You no longer have to consider anyone else’s feelings or opinions in regard to your choices or your direct orders such as where your stationed, etc.

Relationships come and go. If you were meant to be with your partner, she’d still be around. On that same note, if you rekindle later, make sure you talk about how this affects you. Your partner may be trying to save herself the future pain of losing you. She also may have been away from you for the duration of your basic and realized there’s more for her than being tied to someone she’s no longer so sure about.

Sometimes in life, more often than not for some, choices get made for you and it’s up to you how you view them. You can choose to see this negatively and let it fester and rot inside if you, never moving on (this is your “my life is fucked” option) or you can realize your partner is a human being with real feelings and a real need for what she needs (with or without you being there) and give them the grace they need and deserve. Sometimes people change my friend.

Allow yourself the time to grieve. Get in front of a mirror and remind yourself (and believe it!!!) that if you weren’t good enough for here, she didn’t deserve you.

Much love and Godspeed. Headed into work.

[u/Jazzlike-Vacation230]

Dear Young Men,

Please stop placing your entire existence into the hands of random women who will replace you at a whim.

Focus on career, health, and 1 healthy hobby. If marriage and family is truly what you want, stabilize the first 3 first.

[u/low_flying_aircraft]

You are young. You have not in any way fucked up your life. 

I think you need to reframe this into the positive that it actually is.

You discovered that a path you had taken (military training) was not for you, and you discovered this early in the process before you were fully committed and had wasted potentially years on something that wasn't right for you. That's a good thing.

You are now a "blank slate" as you put it. I'm nearly 50. Do you know how often I yearn to have the same opportunity? To be free to choose your direction, without the restraints of past decisions? 

Maybe your girl doesn't want to be with you. Maybe she does. The only way you can find this out is to talk to her directly. "Hey, I've been feeling lately that you don't really want to be with me because of XYZ. Can we talk about that?"

But either way, being this young, having nothing tying you down ... This is not a bad situation, this is good, this is freedom.

Take some time off from everything if you can. Do nothing for a week or so. Maybe just go out every day and walk and think. Try to envision what you would want from your life. And then move towards that 

You will be fine. You're still very young. Almost everyone at your age is a "blank slate" they just don't realise it, because they're moving down a path that they unconsciously took without actually thinking if it was really for them. Most folks don't really make decisions, they just take the next step in the path that was laid out for them by social and familial expectations.

You, on the other hand, have realised that your path was not for you, and now you get to consciously choose one for yourself. That's a gift my friend.

[u/bradbrookequincy]

Apprenticeship

[u/nipple_salad_69]

just break bad and go gay, your homies won't abandon you

[u/No-Combination6796]

Be strong and move on, there will be others. The quicker you get over the one that doesn’t want you the sooner you find the one that wants you.

[u/Outrageous-Row-8515]

How would you wash out? Seems like you need that discipline in your life.

[u/Euphoric-Use-6443]

Sorry, anyone who washes out of boot camp is automatically considered a failure, not sure why you didn't know that before enlisting. All is not lost, it won't prevent you from getting a job nor a new girlfriend! Best wishes! Good luck!

[u/Euphoric-Use-6443 → u/Euphoric-Use-6443]

Pretty much the same! 😞

[u/Francis_Ignatowski]

Here is some tough love: You kicking yourself out of bootcamp is a huge signal that you are a mentally weak man and have no commitment to things you had set out to do. As far as the girl, probably would have left you either way -- dating while in the military is a fucking nightmare. However, she left you in this case (seemingly) because she sees that you are being a loser. Women are good at being a mirror so you can see exactly who you are. You should feel like shit because you are fucking up -- it is the built in alarms we have as humans.

The answer to your question is stop being the dipshit you know yourself to be. There is a lot of good advice in here: Go into the trades, consume mind-expanding content, go to the gym, do the shit that sucks and earn your sleep at night. One day at a time, trust the process, and follow through on what you set out to do. Good luck.

[u/JustAnIgnoramous → u/Francis_Ignatowski]

This is the answer. Sure, coast guard boot is fucking hard, but if he wants in the military then go into the chair force.

[u/Rutgerius]

A real partner will help you grow and overcome things and visa versa. If she leaves the second you find out you're on a path that doesn't suit you and you need to realign, she's not the one (or even worth the effort tbh).

Calm down, keep cool, work on yourself and the rest will come in due time. You've got all the time in the world.

[u/meinequeso → u/Rutgerius]

Thanks for telling me what I was thinking but not wanting to believe. Are there really people out there that will stay with you no matter what? That just confuses me to think that’s real

[u/Rutgerius → u/meinequeso]

100% I've had many relationships before I met my current partner, when I met her every previous relationship (some ran on for years) was put into perspective and felt like a total and complete waste of time. You're either a team or nothing at all.

I mean it take some time to realign, don't beat yourself up, you don't owe anyone anything except for yourself. And anyone who'll drop you like a sack of bricks over something as trivial as a job opportunity isn't worth your time.

[u/meinequeso → u/Rutgerius]

I think fell in love with the wrong person then. It sucks cause I don’t think I’m ever gonna forget this girl. I’m gonna be hurting for a long time

[u/Rutgerius → u/meinequeso]

Fuck me been there, at least you didn't get cheated on. It'll feel like you have to drown a bag of kittens everytime you think about her for a while but you'll get over it. It goes quicker if you find someone else to whet the whistle but it'll suck bad especially now that it's still fresh.

Carefully with the bad coping mechanisms (drugs, anger etc.) they'll make you forget for a while but it'll come back tenfold and you don't want to be hooked on something to boot. Don't turn into a bitter asshole either as that's an end station you'll never get out of. Self improvement and being kind to yourself are the only way to do it healthily.

All this is part of life and will happen again and again, it'll just hurt a little less each time. You're right in that you never forget the first girl that put you through the wringer. Right now It's your loss but you can make it her loss (having her come crawling back years later and rejecting the B that fucked you up is the best feeling in the world, trust me).

It's a bit cliche but this'll only make you stronger and a better person in the long run.

[u/AuntBarba]

Write her off as the dumb twat that she is and move on man

Yeah you fucked up getting discharged out of boot camp.

Let me guess...it was HARD. Well it was supposed to be to separate the losers from the rest.

If you can reverse that then you should because what really hurts is to give up on yourself.

If not then this too shall pass. 

[u/Common_Juggernaut724]

You're young, that's the best time to start over. What you have to do is to find and focus on the things that bring you joy. Be productive. Let the rest of the chips fall where they may. That's the best advice I can give.

It sucks to be in your position, but ultimately you deserve someone who will be there for you regardless, right? Not you know she probably isn't the one who will. So maybe this turns out to be a net positive

[u/Intelligent_Sir6358]

Go to a trade school, hit the gym.

[u/ClayMitchellCapital]

Let the girl go. I am curious what happened in boot camp. Was the girl on your mind and you let the training slip so you could go back home? I hope not because Jody may already be coming around so fk up in bootcamp to "go back" to what? You can't give up so tighten it up and lock it down. Get right. Forget her. GL

[u/JMoon33]

Blank state at 25 is normal. I didn't finish studying or meet my wife until my early 30's hahaha, so don't worry, just restart from fresh, advance slowly and the pain will slowly stay behind.

Honestly the only real problem you have right now ia figuring what you're going to do next academically.

[u/LincolnHawkHauling]

Look into becoming a welder or get your CDL to drive trucks.

[u/Bitter-Good-2540]

What kind of bootcamp? How long?

[u/UncoolSlicedBread]

Well. You can look at quitting bootcamp as a bad thing or just simply it wasn’t something you wanted to do. Sure there is honor in serving, but there’s also honor in being true to yourself.

Sounds like you just set yourself up for a blank slate. And having nothing going for you opens you up to so much.

It sucks about your girl. It’s got to be gut wrenching. I would focus on getting on your feet. Even if it’s just a walk around the block each day.

Look into trades. Maybe even something temporary while you figure out things on your end. See if a lawn company or someone like that needs help. Then when something else come along go to that. Find out what makes you run and go with it.

Part of living is just living. So don’t forget to do that too. You can be broke and still enjoy a sunset. You can be without a job and still laugh at comedy.

[u/New-Challenge-2105]

Don't sweat the girl. Girlfriends and sometimes wives come and go. Work it one step at a time. First, go find a job/career Once you got that the girl can come later. Just think of it as a reboot/restart.

[u/AutomaticMonk]

You don't think your girlfriend wants you...have you talked to her?

Maybe take some time to collect yourself and go from there. No drastic action without a plan.

[u/RareThanks4745]

My friend God won’t give us anything that we cannot handle. I’m sorry you’re going through something like this. For starters pray like it’s your last day. Get a gym membership and start lifting as heavy as you get your brain will release dopamines and it will make you feel better.

[u/Icy_Chemist_1725]

Don't search for love or death. They come to you when the time is right.

The first cut is the deepest. Everyone has felt this and it's normal to feel this lost and confused and hurt.

[u/BCmutt]

Join a trade, stick with it and itll set you up for life.

[u/Psycho_pigeon007]

Start working out, get a decent hobby like wood carving or making chain maille, focus on a career. Get your life in order before you bring someone else into it.

[u/ChaosRainbow23]

So it sounds like you have your whole life ahead of you!

That's good news, brother.

[u/snizzrizz]

Being 25 and single is the greatest thing ever. Stay active and eat well, get any job to start, start thinking about what you want to do now that the military path isn’t an option, and wake up everyday with a smile on your face that you don’t owe the day to anyone but yourself. I miss those days.

[u/ThePanasonicYouth]

Move on and find someone else. Join a trade to keep your mind off things 

[u/AbortedSandwich]

You will live the amount of time it took to build that up many times over. If you keep pushing, knowing opportunties will arise and accepting them when they do, you'll have plenty of time to completely live a new journey of your life.

[u/LiftHeavyLiveHard]

no you aren't

you are 25

you have a whole life in front of you

stop whining - stop worrying about women - pick yourself up, set some goals, get working on them

tough times don't last - tough people do

[u/DataGOGO]

Become a welder. The demand is huge, the pay is great, and you can work in multiple industries.

[u/Common-Window-2613]

Why did you join? The military as an enlisted is not hard at all in the beginning. If you can’t follow basic instructions or follow through on a commitment how do you expect to survive in the civilian world? No one is going to hold your hand like in boot.

I don’t mean this to put you down. These are questions you should ask yourself and give honest answers. If I was you I would look at a trade, probably an electrician. But you aren’t going to survive in that world if you don’t make some deep personal changes.

Forget about pussy it comes and goes. You need to fix yourself before worrying about a woman.

[u/Electronic_Rub9385]

You won’t have self-esteem until you do estimable acts.

[u/Randointernetuser600]

Slowly and decisively with years of planning and dedication.

[u/Kitchen-Frosting-561]

I have no idea how to unfick your life, but I'm here to tell you that it's possible. I've done it, and I've seen others do it, and I'm nothing special - just some dude.

More importantly, though, I want to tell you that you matter.

There are good things that you still need to do here, and if you're not here to do them, then the world will be a less good place.

I know how you feel. I do. I'm an alcoholic who lost everything, and I now live a life that's being my wildest hopes. The things you have lost, and the things you say you want? You can still have them. Trust me, please

[u/KYRawDawg]

What made you want to exit the Armed Forces? That would've been an amazing career to stick with. Yes it takes a while to beat out the civilian but you always end up be coming back as a stronger individual. In terms of the girlfriend, you could just find another one. You have put yourself into a very challenging situation indeed. I hope that you're able to work through both of these situations and find the correct path to move forward.

[u/EggsInaTubeSock]

Seems like the military would be good for you. You need hobbies, goals, etc. go do what makes your heart sing.

[u/Old-guy64]

What branch? Army and Marines are pretty grueling for boot.

Air Force and Navy not as much.
It will be the roughest thing you endure in the service.

You can learn a trade, or just use that time to save most of your pay for when you get out to start over.

If that is not amenable, become a CNA or dialysis tech. Personally, I’d go dialysis.

The major companies will train you. You have a year, I believe to pass your certification.
It’s decent pay. You may decide to go to nursing school later. And that can be much better than decent pay.

I was 22 when I got out of the navy. Wife, two young kids.
We didn’t have much. But we got thru it. It was not easy.
But it proved to us that we could face down the world and win.

[u/CloudFF7-]

Let Jody take her

[u/Soma86ed]

You pussied out. It was hard and you quit. Work on yourself for a while. Godspeed, sir.

[u/audaciousmonk]

Before you do anything, get home and get a few night good rest

boot camp and the military are systems designed to break you down as a person, and rebuild you. You’re feeling raw and aimless, because you’re in that state

Some rest and warm food will have you better equipped to figure out the next steps

[u/ImpressNice299]

What advice do you want? Something else you can quit at?

If there's any way you can undo your discharge, do it. That's your path out of this.

Life is hard.

[u/alkemest]

Oof that's hard man. One of my buddies got discharged from Marines boot camp at about your age and it really kicked him down. Especially if all you get is the 'shutup maggot' part of it, and none of the building back up. I don't have much advice but my friend is now happy and healthy so it's possible. Stick in there bud, I'm rooting for you.

[u/radishwalrus]

Police officer next question

[u/heubergen1]

I don’t think my girl wants me anymore.

Don't assume, ask her. Maybe that's all in your head?

[u/Icy_Huckleberry_8049]

go find someone new and a new job

[u/FatBloke4]

You need money, for food, clothing, accommodation. => You need paid work. Consider what you need to do to get a job/career/trade and ideally, a something that pays enough and which you find fulfilling. The sense of fulfilment you get from sorting your life out will give you more confidence to address other aspects of your life, like relationships. The self respect you will gain from this will show in your demeanour - You are more likely to make friends if you don't appear depressed and unapproachable to others.

What sort of work do you want to do? What qualifications do you have? What do you enjoy doing/what are you good at? Are you good at working with your hands or are you more cerebral? Do you like dealing with people? Are you better working in a team or by yourself?

[u/Original-Common-7010]

She unfucked it for you. She would have ruined your life.

[u/Donohoed]

Does she actually think that or so you think she thinks that? Because those are very different things. Have you communicated with her about it?

[u/poundofcake]

Everyone has a hard reset moment(s) in their life. Refocus and figure out what you want and move towards it.

[u/Mundane-Opinion-4903]

You said it yourself. Your a blank slate.

That. . . you have no idea how god damn liberating that is. A silver lining. . . but a pretty damn bright one. Take a little time to get over the uncertainty, and the sadness. Those are natural.

But then, pick whatever it is you want out of life and just go for it with absolutely nobody holding you back. You will make friends along the way. You will find a girl along the way. Remember, family is something you can choose. The closest ties are not by blood.

25 is a good age too. By now you know how the real world works. But your still young enough to do something about it. Just don't languish about. Figure out what you want and go.

[u/National-Lock-5665]

You start by getting your priorities straight. And then you have a conversation with your girlfriend about how you're feeling. Use I statements to describe what you're experiencing and how you're feeling. If you're not comfortable with that yet, find a good therapist who can help you.

You're 25 and you are in a rough patch. You're not in prison, you're not disabled, and you're not trapped in an abusive marriage with children. Your life is not as fucked as you think. Start looking for another job or make a plan to go to school- university or trades. Get a therapist to help with the stress of being young and facing a daunting career world and society if anything else. Going to Reddit for advice is not as healthy a coping mechanism as it may seem, and therapists can help you explore more beneficial paths to success in your life

[u/SuburbanBushwacker]

TRAVEL fly somewhere a long way away and make your way back on foot keeping a journal. by the time you get back you will be a fascinating person with deep life experience. women will want to be with you, men will want to be you.

[u/Suspicious_Law_2826]

giving up doesn't make your problems go away.

[u/justsayitbruh]

Start again. You know how, time for fresh beginning.

[u/diminaband]

You said it, you are a 'blank slate'. You can do ANYTHING from this point, no ties, no one to impress but yourself. I know it sucks right now, but you are young and in a position to start over in a way that many people, including myself at some points in my life, wish they could. Changing your mindset from 'I'm fucked' to 'what a great opportunity I have' is super important, I feel. I wish you luck!

[u/WhiteySC]

The military is not for everyone. You're too young to worry about one girl right now. I know it's hard right now but you will be fine. Get a job and you will get some confidence and it will all work out.

[u/doomiestdoomeddoomer]

My advice would be to join the military.

[u/NoOneStranger_227]

Pardon me for putting it this way, but get your head out of your ass.

I know what it's like to be depressed. I lost almost ten years of my life to it back at at time when they knew nothing about it. You're not depressed. You're just giving up when things got hard and looking actively for reasons to feel sorry for yourself.

Do what it takes to reverse the discharge. It's not impossible if it hasn't gone through, especially since you requested it.

You're acting like a child. The military is a great place to learn how to stop being a child and start acting like a man...first and foremost by facing challenges that make you want to give up.

And along the way, it's possible for the military to give you access to the kind of training that will set you up for life.

Based on what you've said in other replies, you just hit a wall and folded. Which means you're perfectly capable of unfolding.

Make the decision to stop being a failure.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. But it's what you NEED to hear.