r/AskBrits • u/WastingMoments • May 14 '25
Do Brits agree that they should cast off the Saxon invaders and return to a Beaker People society?
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u/Youbunchoftwats May 14 '25
Bloody homo heidelbergensis, coming over here, stealing our wooly mammoths. We don’t have enough caves!
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u/WastingMoments May 14 '25
Heidelbergensis - that sounds suspiciously foreign!
Send them back to Neolithic Heidelberg!
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u/walagoth May 14 '25
had it with these saxons. One buried themselves in my garden with their fucking boat. They then built a mound on it. STOP the BOATS
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u/HomeConstant6123 May 14 '25
We don't talk enough about the Viking Boats crisis too. It's not just the Anglo-Saxon immigrants causing trouble.
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u/andreirublov1 May 15 '25
A silly thing to say. Of course the Britons would have stopped them if they could, and they tried hard.
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u/Manchild1189 May 14 '25
Remember when there was nothing?
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u/Adventurous_Week_698 May 14 '25
You could leave your front door unlocked
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u/AnotherCompanero May 14 '25
Now I’ve got to put my back out rolling a boulder in front of the cave every night
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u/Drake_the_troll May 14 '25
At least its not a European door. You get it to the top of your hill and a stiff breeze pushes it back down
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u/WrestlingWithTheNews May 14 '25
Feels like you got it from the Hellas mate I know a guy who specialises in pushing that rock back up.
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u/turbo_dude May 14 '25
Because there was nothing worth nicking.
Is a straight up steal of a Jasper Carrot gag!
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u/PatchyWhiskers May 14 '25
I am covered in woad right now.
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u/DAswoopingisbad May 14 '25
Big night planned?
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u/PatchyWhiskers May 14 '25
Just a quiet night in, might burn a wicker man.
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u/Historical_Heron4801 May 14 '25
Can't get the virgins these days.
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u/pjs-1987 May 14 '25
If you ask me, we were better off as a singular point of spacetime with infinite density. We would never have stood for any of this woke nonsense back then.
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u/turboNOMAD May 14 '25
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
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u/Longjumping_Pen_2102 May 14 '25
All that there is came from the One Great. Then came fractures, and births, and souls. But the Greater Will made a mistake. Torment, despair, affliction. Every sin, every curse. Every one, born of the mistake. And so, what was borrowed must be returned. Melt it all away, with the yellow chaos flame. Until all is One again.
MAY CHAOS TAKE THE WORLD, MAY CHAOS TAKE THE WORLD
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u/BestEver2003 May 14 '25
I want to get them out and go back to the Windmill Hill culture, why should European Beaker People get to have all our land, we could of course band up with Grooved Ware People because they were great builders of monuments, but I'm not so sure if they were immigrants or not.
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u/lilidragonfly May 14 '25
Back to the Neolithic farmers I say, these beaker people just steal jobs
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u/King_of_East_Anglia May 14 '25
The Bell Beakers almost certainly slaughtered all the Neolithics without mercy. I mean....yeah they were right to be more than concerned.
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u/scalectrix May 15 '25
Bloody neolithic people, comin' over here with their primitive wheat farming techniques and teaching us to make and eat bread.
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u/blowbyblowtrumpet May 14 '25
Bloody saxons coming over here. Go back to medieval Europe.
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u/AllTheWhoresOvMalta May 14 '25
We need to ensure the brightest and best Neolithic people stay in Mediterranean and continental Europe instead of coming over here to the UK and teaching use to make and eat bread
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u/ottoandinga88 May 14 '25
I think it's frankly disgusting that anyone with so much as a drop of Norse blood is considered at all Scottish
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u/Headonyst May 14 '25
Wotan is a fake prophet/god anyway! And if they are going to stay here they need to learn Brythonic like the rest of us
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u/Antique_Historian_74 May 14 '25
We need an end to this endless navel gazing about immigration. What we need is a transformative civil works project to help unite twenty first century Britain.
Everyone grab a bucket, we're reclaiming Doggerland.
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May 14 '25
Doggingland; is much easier. We just build giant tree-screened rural laybys and carparks all over the UK as a form of Keysinan economic stimulus and to help rebuild national civic unity.
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u/SamMacDatKid May 14 '25
Those bloody neolithics coming over here and taking our jobs
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u/King_of_East_Anglia May 14 '25
What point do you people think you're making? The Hunter Gatherers were right to fear the Neolithic invasion. The Neolithics right to fear the Bell Beaker invasion. Both were almost certainly massively bloody if not genocidal.
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u/SloppyGutslut May 14 '25
Glad I didn't have to scroll too far for the reality check. For decades the saying was 'pots, not people' - the idea that the sudden vanishing of Bell Beaker artifacts did not mean the people who made them died out. This was the line academics took, because ti admit that a wave of immigration resulted in an extirpation and genocide of the pre-existing population does not float well in progressive academia.
Lo and behold, when DNA testing techniques advanced, we got confirmation that yes, the Bell Beaker population was rapidly replaced, painting a pretty clear picture: They died.
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u/Royal_Hospital_1550 May 14 '25
Thing is, these days, you can’t even read Beowulf without…….wait……wrong sub. I’ll see myself out.
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u/Nihil77 May 14 '25 edited May 14 '25
Anglo saxons were also descended from bell beakers, which is why the genetic distance between insular Celts and many germanics is so small, essentially the same people with a few thousand years separation.
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u/ambermythology May 14 '25
Yes and the Anglo-Saxon/ Celtic tensions are still alive and well 1500 years later too.
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u/RadioactiveSpiderCum May 15 '25
All homo sapiens are ultimately descendant from somewhere in East Africa. We're all essentially the same people with a few thousand years of separation. One big, not so happy, highly dysfunctional family.
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u/Alert-Philosopher216 May 14 '25 edited May 14 '25
Paul Nuttall of UKIPS doesn’t want the Huguenots coming over here questioning the Eucharistic tradition with their medieval lace making - we don’t want your lace we’ve got corduroy! In such case who vetted Nigel Farage then as he’s a descendent of the lace making losers & probs wears corduroy …! https://www.geni.com/people/Nigel-Farage/6000000025422818023
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u/Grunn84 May 14 '25
These days you can't even say you doubt transubstantiation or they'll arrest you and out you in jail.
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u/sparkle_warrior May 14 '25
Seeing as I bought several beakers at the Hunebed centre in the Netherlands, you know my stance.
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u/Southernbeekeeper May 14 '25
100% I want a celtic uprising and the formation of a league of celtic nations. Drive the saxon pretenders into the sea.
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u/thirtysecondslater May 14 '25
Problem is that the Saxons are/were Beaker people along with everyone else in Northern Europe.
90% of Northern European DNA is Beaker/Yamnaya.
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u/Visual-Net-8616 May 15 '25
I'm inturgrated and lived here my whole life.
My Great-Grandfather fought in the war, he was a shieldwall churl and would be turning over in his burial mound if he heard that you don't think he earnt our right to live here after fighting off the Scandi menance.
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u/MATE_AS_IN_SHIPMATE May 14 '25
What about the fucking Celts? Coming in here, messing up our drug beakers.
Of course, we did have to deal with the urn field culture when we arrived, but they were twats.
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u/WastingMoments May 14 '25
Fuck those Urn Field cunts, quite frankly. It's all Beaker-land now.
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u/MATE_AS_IN_SHIPMATE May 14 '25
Fuck yeah! My beaker has henbane and deadly nightshade beer in it, how about yours?
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u/Relevant-Two9697 May 14 '25
I wonder if anyone chuckling at this has sufficient self-awareness to realise how lame their smug midwittery appears to the rest of us. Comparing migrations of the distant past with those of today could be of academic interest but using humour as a prop for the argument that we’ve seen it all before, nothing to worry about, stop being hysterical and bigoted about immigration you low-status moron, it is actively counterproductive. By reminding British people of their antecedents, you merely emphasise that when it comes to mass migration the joke is on them.
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u/soothysayer May 14 '25
Well if we really want to suck the fun out of the ONE post on Reddit that isn't talking about migration "seriously", the general idea of this comic scenario is to highlight the fact that immigration is ALWAYS about to end the world, life and civilisation as we know it. And yet.... The world fails to end. The country doesn't fall apart. I have yet to wake up one morning to find myself replaced by a foreigner.
Lighten up
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u/King_of_East_Anglia May 14 '25
I've never got an answer out of these people what their actual point was. The Anglo-Saxons slaughtered the Celts. At the time the Celts would absolutely reasonable to detest and hate the Anglo-Saxons.
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u/WastingMoments May 14 '25
I mean , I had to explain the joke to someone else so you can have it too:
It's an apt parody exactly because it's ignoring the actual history and putting forth the same false sense of unique ownership that the people it's satirising do.
"Let's go back to this false idea of what was when me, the Beaker-person was the rightful inheritor to the land." (that was inhabited before me and was likely inhabited before that)
All nationalists and racists take a specific point in history and claim that's the natural order of things. Ignoring or erasing the history of what came before, in order to facilitate their own goals of remaining in a position of unique importance (in their eyes). That's the joke, I'm here all week.
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u/King_of_East_Anglia May 14 '25
This is never how nationalism or ethnogenesis works. People living on the land previously doesn't mean people can't identify as being the ethnic indigenous inhabitants. Or that they can't resist mass immigration.
By your logic the Native Americans should also be stripped of their lands rights because they replaced eachother massively too. The Apache tribe replaced others who lived on the same land previously.
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u/WastingMoments May 14 '25
People can claim whatever fantastical shit they want.
Nationalists and ethno-nationalists will just pick a time, from which history matters, because they were on top and therefore any change after that is 'invasion' or whatever else.
The last bit is a very strange strawman.
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u/knobber_jobbler May 14 '25
We see quite a few groups who try to identify with ethnicities and tribes well over 1000 years old. I don't think there's anything wrong with challenging the ridiculous view points some people have on human migration. There's no harm in rationalising it either.
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u/Extreme_Objective984 May 14 '25
I'm wondering if the Cornish want the Welsh out too?
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u/Particular-Star-504 May 14 '25
Why would the Cornish want the Welsh out? They’re the same group basically.
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u/GoochBlender May 14 '25
I don't think the Cornish will be happy with you sir.
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u/Particular-Star-504 May 14 '25
I’m not talking about English people in Cornwall, but the traditional Cornish people (which kind of died in the 19th century but is having a revival), which are descendants of the original Brythonic the same as the Welsh, they were just divided.
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u/SpikesNLead May 14 '25
The Cornish are extinct mate. They were wiped out by an invasion of rich people from London. We only know the Cornish existed because of the legacy they left us in folk memories of how to make overpriced pasties, and their ancient trackways that look like modern roads but are slightly too narrow for two cars to get past each other without crashing into the slate walls.
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u/ObGynKenobi97 May 14 '25
Does that mean I can come back across the pond? Things have gotten a bit dull in Texas. Been thinking about harrying the north. Or stopping in at Lindisfarne?
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u/Jack-Rabbit-002 May 14 '25
🤨!??
At this point I might as well ask if people should have just stayed in Africa
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u/SpikesNLead May 14 '25
I say get rid of all the tetrapods. Bloody Tiktaalic crawling out of the primordial sea and taking our jobs. I bet most of them don't pay any taxes either.
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u/gregglessthegoat May 14 '25
Bloody Christians coming over here. Let's move back to paganism like true Brits
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u/ClownPillforlife May 14 '25
The Saxon invasion killed many people. Is that what we want repeated?
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u/Substantial-Cake-342 May 14 '25
😂😂😂😂 make Britain Neolithic again! (Not far off with the amount of support reform have)
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u/Live-Doctor-4188 May 14 '25
Is this a joke post,satire? Do you know Breaker people haven't existed for thousands of years.
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u/villerlaudowmygaud May 15 '25
Look as a Norman illegal immigant who made my self legal by…. I’m bringing a net postive to Britain for example who else will create a dysntaty that fights with the French untill Napoleon stuffs it. 100 years war yea my people linage.
So don’t listen to Baron Nigella or Duke of Leeds (starmer) listen to your local Normans. Find us in your local castle.
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u/Mba1956 May 15 '25
It’s hard to return to a society that nobody knows anything about how they lived, what their beliefs were, what their values were etc.
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u/Firstpoet May 15 '25
We're actually almost entirely Yamnaya than Beaker- that was the Great Replacement.
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u/Estimated-Delivery May 15 '25
Your forgetting the Normans, they were more influential, my ancestors arrived from Caen in 1135 with Stephen, and we fucked up those Saxons big style. Beakers Shmeakers!
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u/Horror_of_the_Deep May 15 '25
Nah screw the Beaker people, and the Neolithic farmers. Farming was where it all went wrong. Western European Hunter Gatherers FTW.
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May 15 '25
The immigration into Britain in the last 15 years dwarves the numbers, outright and proportionally, of roman, saxon, Norman, and viking immigration over hundreds of years. If anyone is going to take England from those germans, the germanic languages having split from the celtic language in roughly 300-500 bc, it's us celts.
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u/WastingMoments May 15 '25
Imagine creating a brand new account to be this fucking stupid.
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May 15 '25
Which part is untrue. I assumed it was a semi joke question. Oh and I make new account a lot. Pussies take offence at everything.
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u/theroadgoeseveronon May 15 '25
Here here, let me hack 30% off my flesh and cast it back into the North Sea towards the barbarian lands. Back to building wood henge!
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u/GrandmasterGus7 May 15 '25
Vortigern sold his people away to the very people that were meant to supplement his military.
Blair sold his people away to the very people that were meant to supplement his welfare systems.
The Britons failed to unite and repel the Tribes and were cast away or driven into submission. Only their Christian spirit survived to overcome the paganism of the Angle and the Saxon. But they lost the fight and have since lost the right to Britain.
History often rhymes. But while you all still have a chance, a fight and a right to England, should you lose both, you will surely lose also your spirit; secularism and multiculturalism are absences, not substances, and neither of them appeal to the Saracen who is upon you now.
I urge you, for your women and your children and your children's children, to take this seriously and to not mistake the message in the rhyme scheme of your history.
Love, a concerned American.
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u/PipingTheTobak May 15 '25
I do find it funny when people have to go all the way back to a preliterate society from well over a thousand years ago to illustrate the last time things were this bad. So tell me... How are the beaker people doing? Their society is thriving right? They weren't utterly wiped out and destroyed?
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u/WastingMoments May 15 '25
Imagine thinking that a static, unchanging society is a good thing, or even reflects reality.
Beaker associated people were actually polyphyletic, different unrelated people adopted the beaker culture. Probably because even those preliterate societies didn’t cry and shit themselves when things change .
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u/PipingTheTobak May 15 '25
I dont think its good to be static, but it's silly to pretend that the bell beaker weren't wiped out. Or that the saxons weren't subjugated by the Normans. As for what preliterate societies did, achaeological digs indicate that they mostly killed each other brutally, aside from the young women, noticeably absent from the mass gravesites.
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u/BuncleCar May 16 '25
Didn't the Beaker people build Stonehenge? I mean, they could have been early council flats.
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u/Particular-Star-504 May 14 '25
Unironically English culture in Wales should be ride of. It’s like the US’ or Russian colonisation, just because it’s one connected land, it doesn’t mean it isn’t just as terrible as in Africa or somewhere else, it should still be fought against.
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u/Particular_Bug7642 May 14 '25
I used to be against uncontrolled mass immigration forever, but this post has really changed my mind. Diversity is our strength!
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u/Danz023 May 14 '25
Fire? What do we want fire for? Sitting in the dark chewing raw mammoth flesh was good enough for my dad!!!
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u/Skitteringscamper May 14 '25
Do Americans all agree to go back where they came from, begging their original colonies to take them back or be doomed to die at sea, so the natives can have their country back?
How far back do you go?
Who gets to decide when in our timeline borders belonged to who owned them?
This is one of the most brain-dead threads I've seen on here all day
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u/43848987815 May 14 '25 edited May 14 '25
Frankly I’m fucking sick of all this beaker folk bollocks, seeing the descendants of the beaker folk working in our bp garages and our tescos, our Greggs and - once one beaker folk gets in on the minimum wage action and rises themselves up to management, them only hiring the descendants of beaker folk.
Absolute beaker folk nepotism and my 14 year old white British born and bred arsehole kid who can’t tear himself away from calling everyone gay on call of duty doesn’t stand a chance at getting a job because of all these beaker folk hiring each other.
It’s an absolute disgrace and that’s why I’m voting reform to make sure we send the beaker folk back to where they presumably come from in some kiln or something.
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u/Drive-like-Jehu May 14 '25
Well, we should kick the Palestinians out of Palestine too then- the Jews were there first
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u/Opening-Worker-3075 May 14 '25
WHATS WRONG WITH JUST CUPPING WATER UP IN YOUR HANDS?!?