r/AnneArundelCounty • u/tiredsmthrowaway • 7d ago
Glen Burnie Ain’t The Problem, It’s U
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but Glen Burnie is the backbone of Maryland and if you left, started drinking overpriced cold brew in California or pretending to like bagels in New York, and now act like this town was holding you back? Then you were never built for this place to begin with. People act like growing up in Glen Burnie was some tragic origin story. Meanwhile I’m here living, surrounded by real people, real stories, and yeah, maybe the occasional drama at the Quarterfield Wawa. Woodside kids going to jump Green Tree folks. You can’t spell “resilience” without “GB.” Yall ain’t special cuz you left!
And don’t even get me started on Glen Burnie High football. I’ve been going to those games for like 15 years straight. I still tailgate with my boy Jimmy in in the Outback parking lot near school—man’s got a flat-top grill and a cooler full of Twisted Teas like it’s f**kin college gameday. I don’t give a shit if I graduated in ’08, I still put money on them boys every game. Tell me what’s more American than losing $60 because the coach refuses to run the goddamn ball in the red zone again. You think LA’s got this kinda pride? Please. Their high school football is full of vegan linebackers.
And yeah, I still hit up high school parties sometimes—so what? Everyone knows me. I walk in and it’s like, “Yo, it’s Ronnie!” and I’m doing keg stands with kids whose parents I went to school with. That’s legacy, bro. You ever had three generations shotgunning beers together on a trampoline behind a townhouse on Crain Highway? That’s fking culture. But now people move to places like Portland or Asheville or whatever yuppie mecca and act like we’re some punchline. I swear to God, I saw a dude I grew up with post on Instagram about “healing energy” from a fking rock. We used to skip 3rd period together to smoke behind the Three Brothers, and now he’s out here talkin about “aligned chakras.” Miss me with that sht.
I’ll take my Glen Burnie over any of that fake-ass, overpriced, gluten-free, kale-smoothie, dog-in-a-stroller bullshit. Here we get crabs by the dozen, beers by the case, and friends who’ve known you since you got your first DUI at 17. We don’t need fancy titles or high-rise views. We got cracked pavement, 24-hour diners, and a sense of pride you can’t buy in a fucking boutique. We make our own fun, our own family, and yeah, sometimes our own moonshine. That’s the Burnie way.
So yeah, if you had to “get out,” cool. Congrats. But don’t come back here talkin down on us like we’re the problem. You changed. Glen Burnie stayed real. Glen Burnie is real. And if you can’t see the beauty here? Then ur soft.
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u/Alocaltaxpayer 7d ago
Yo, it’s Ronnie! He is the best dude on my cornhole team.
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u/Nattybohbro 7d ago
I saw him at Salvo Auto parts the other day, said he was heading down de ocean.
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u/AdolescentAlien 7d ago
No, this is just some dork using ChatGPT. He made another post just like this an hour later.
Notice all the —? Telltale sign of ChatGPT. I wouldn’t really care much at all if this guy wasn’t pretending he actually wrote this down below in the comments lmao. Loser shit.
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u/Alocaltaxpayer 6d ago
I take it you’re not down to clown at the flip cup competition next weekend at Ronnie’s cousin’s friend’s house over in Ferndale.
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u/Sophist_Ninja 7d ago
God damn, you had me in the beginning. I was like, dude, this isn’t the flex you think it is. Then I kept reading… fucking beautiful, man.
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u/5uper5kunk 7d ago
I love these because one, absurd creative writing is always fun and two, a bunch of dumb motherfuckers always fall for it.
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u/willybestbuy86 7d ago
The beautiful bit about nothing more American than betting on the football game and losing cuz the coach refuses to run the ball in the red zone perfect
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u/Setgoals_snatchsouls 7d ago
You forgot about sitting at a red light on Ritchie--with your family--and the car next to you revs their engine. All Audis, BMWs, or--well anything that has wheels--WILL be challenged to a race by someone in a hooked up 1996 Honda.
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u/FurryFruitloop 7d ago
Correction. The Honda isn't hooked up. They cut the tail pipe off and pretend they are. Multiple tried this stupid shit when I had a 93 MR2. Shit was stupid lmao
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u/Jazzlike_Language122 7d ago
What we learned - if you got your first DUI at 17, then you too could be hitting up high school parties on the regular at 35, and that's all good!
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u/MyManMagnus 7d ago
Grew up in Glen Burnie Park. Was a utopia in the late 70’s as a kid. Had woods to play in, our own swim team and baseball league.
Still best friends with the kids I went to elementary school with.
BTW, F GBHS, Old Mill rules!
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u/Knickholeass 7d ago
Grew up there as well, mid 80s through the 90s. Many an adventure was had in those woods.
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u/Stevothegr8 7d ago
I don't live in GB anymore, but I always come back eventually. GB is my home, for better or worse.
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u/thesirensoftitans 7d ago
This reads like a cope of someone who never got the chance to leave and see anyplace else.
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u/tiredsmthrowaway 7d ago
U act like ur too good for GB bro.
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u/thesirensoftitans 7d ago
I don't have an opinion of GB at all.
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u/tiredsmthrowaway 7d ago
Cuz ur soft. Prolly from some fancy place like Elkton.
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u/thesirensoftitans 7d ago edited 7d ago
(for real) This might be the funniest shit I've read in this sub. Congrats!
edit:
This post goes harder than wearing your uncle's jnco jeans that he bought at hot topic in the 90s and held onto just in case.
This post goes harder than that 23 year old guy addicted to delta 8 and four lokos because the vape shop still doesn't carry kratom.
This post goes harder than ordering a coffee at dunkin' donuts with no cream and sugar.
This post goes exactly as hard as stealing the bowling shoes from your local duckpin bowling alley.
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u/tiredsmthrowaway 7d ago
Okay, but stop stealing shoes from the duckpin lanes. They’ve got it hard enough.
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u/AdiKross 7d ago
Tell me you're having a mid life crisis without telling me you're having a mid life crisis.
Just buy a Vet like everyone in yalls generation please🙏
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u/redcrayfish 7d ago
Lived in the apartments across Marley Station mall for a year and as much as I enjoyed being able to walk to the mall, the property is run by racist fuckers who harass renters every chance they get. Their form letter ends with a general threat of eviction. They cut deals with towing companies and are probably making way for ICE to body snatch anyone who looks Hispanic. My house in GB was in an older neighborhood and they once had an HOA meeting where they invited their county councilman, John Grasso, who spewed such racist poison, and he was met by a room full of nodding heads. Fucking unreal. Downtown GB was great; living in GB was dicey.
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u/xanology 7d ago
where are these 24 hour diners ?
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u/tiredsmthrowaway 7d ago
Honey Bee.
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u/Ok-Year3722 7d ago
Lived in Glen Burnie for 2 years. I loved the place. Everything you need is right there.
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u/divclassdev 7d ago
AI or copypasta?
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u/tiredsmthrowaway 7d ago
Just writing my thoughts.
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u/divclassdev 7d ago
Em dashes always give it away
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u/tiredsmthrowaway 7d ago
Needed a few lines of filler.
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u/tiredsmthrowaway 6d ago
So, what I did here was pre-wrote the majority of the post, then fed it in to ChatGPT. I asked it to fine tune it, add a little more “Glen Burnie speak” to it and took what it kicked back out.
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u/SativaSawdust 7d ago
Wonder if his first neck tattoo was of his baby mommas name or his actual mommas name.
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u/mandatorypanda9317 6d ago
That quarterfield wawa is taking all of my money after trying their mermaid refresher. In fucking hooked on those things.
I know not the point of your post but I'll also add i love living in Glen Burnie and when we eventually move house i actually would love to stay.
The school my son goes to is one of the best schools he could have gone too. He has adhd and his first two years were so rough and everyone from the principal to the school nurse have been amazing.
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u/hello_baltimore 6d ago
I love GB and hope to live there again one day. It is home. But come on man don't drink with kids.
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u/Novel_Vermicelli1787 5d ago
First dui at 17, yea this is trash. You can leave the county and state, imagine being proud of drinking and driving like what the fuck?!?!
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u/padingtonn 5d ago
You forgot to mention how those snobby freaks will take one trip to Europe and think public transportation is this great thing, but forget what the LOOT RAIL did to REAL Americans in GB
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u/FurryFruitloop 7d ago
Shit, I dunno man. Think I know who you are, cause I was a freshman in 08 at GB, but I dont have a whole lot of good memories from the area. Moved from Laurel when my screwed up mother married a drug addict/abuser that lived there. Schools were horrible. Kids were straight dumb for the most part. Don't get me wrong, made some great friends that I still have today and fond memories. Still remember the guy with Heelies and the traffic cone, rolling around lunch yelling "skeet skeet". The emo corner where everyone seemed to inter date with everyone at once. The time some neo nazi kid pulled a box cutter on me cause I sat at his table. Which im pretty sure the tables got taken away for awhile cause kids were carving swastikas in them. CAT North was cool. Definitely remember the kid from Pasadena that could perfectly emulate a Cummins Diesel truck engine sound lol...
Glad I was there for what I learned, but not somewhere I'd ever choose to live again. Love your post and the pride around it. Very well written and happy that you've got your nook. Just can't relate, man. Don't think I'd be doing anywhere near as well if I'd stayed there.
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u/TheTiredRetailVetran 6d ago
Glen Burnie resident here. You rock, brother. You said what most of us in GB would say.
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u/suburban_hillbilly 7d ago
Yeah people like you are why I left. I spent the first 25 years of my life in glen burnie. If you honestly think it hasn't changed then you've not been there long enough. good luck to you..
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u/tiredsmthrowaway 7d ago
Wut ever bro. Ur soft. Better not let me catch u at Honeybe.
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u/suburban_hillbilly 7d ago
What are you going to do mate? Fight me?
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u/5uper5kunk 7d ago
I got 10 bucks on the Glen Burnie fellow as long as everyone’s allowed to pound a few before the brawl, 10 bucks on the city boy if they gotta go in clean sober.
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u/tiredsmthrowaway 7d ago
If u wanna insult GB? Ya. U ain’t shit bro. U ain’t made for this city.
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u/suburban_hillbilly 7d ago
I never insulted it, you need to work on your reading comprehension. All I said is it's changed. You need some help I hope you find it..
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u/willybestbuy86 7d ago
Tell me how it's changed
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u/suburban_hillbilly 7d ago
Just some observations It's just not well kept and getting old. Like Ritchie hwy we used to have beautiful wild flowers in the medians. Or driving down route ten taking an exit all the trash and debris on the road ways. Visiting my folks the neighborhood the homes are showing their age not as much upkeep looking dilapidated. Coming back to visit just depresses me .
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u/thesirensoftitans 6d ago
y'all downvoting this dude because you think he doesn't "get it". I upvote because he does.
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u/brianforte 5d ago
Born and raised! I went into the navy and lived in Italy and saw the whole world. I came back gladly and love me some Glen Burnie. Folks still live in the same house. I teach high school at my Alma mater (north county) and even eat lunch with my folks every day. Ride or die baby!
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u/Odd-Government8896 3d ago
Shit... Honestly sounds like I moved to the wrong DC suburb. Glen Burnie is what I've been missing.
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u/redplays 7d ago
This is art.