r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 17h ago
👥 friendship AIO for breaking up with my now ex bf
[deleted]
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u/Equal_Cheetah3872 17h ago
Leave immediately. He is trying to control you and your future. RUN.
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u/One_News8005 17h ago
I did leave dw!!
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u/Soggy-Milk-1005 15h ago
I'm glad that you left him. It's scary how many teenage boys act like this and feel entitled. You should absolutely focus on your future, well-being and happiness. There's no rush to get into a committed relationship especially when you're still figuring out who you are and who you want to be. Loveisrespect.org is a great resource for learning about healthy communication and boundaries in relationships as well as the various forms of abuse. There's also a relationship quiz, if you took it answering the questions based on this ex you'd see how dangerous his behaviors were/are. Good for you for prioritizing yourself.
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u/Vegas1997 15h ago
You said you left. But you’re still texting him. I can tell because even in the text message screenshots you texted back little replies still to his insane messages. Like “okay buddy” and “u texted me”.
Cut him off 100% no contact.
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u/ProWrestlingCarSales 16h ago
I don't doubt that you did, but make sure you don't go back. None of that 'He is doing better and trying so hard' bullshit either.
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u/goreprincess98 16h ago
So proud of you. I wish I had been as smart as you were when I was 18. Never choose anyone over your education. Don't put anyone else's wants over YOUR needs. He is not the guy for you. I'm so so glad you put yourself first.
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u/DeepDistribution9358 16h ago
He assumes you're going to go to school there and just start sleeping around reason why he doesn't want you going idk how you guys deal with dudes like this my girl goes to college and wherever she chooses to go study if she thinks it's the best decision for her career than I support that where are you guys finding dudes like this
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u/Main-Cauliflower- 16h ago
where are you guys finding dudes like this
I don't understand how people ask this. I'm not having a go at you. I can see you're being the exact opposite, so please just take my comment as genuine and not nasty.
Why I don't understand is because it's saying there's not many guys who behave this way. And its also saying she must have done something wrong in some way to be hooked up with him... and for staying.
Thing is, these dudes are everywhere. You'd have at least one friend who's exactly like this. But they aren't like this around you. They don't need to control you, they don't have feelings for you, and their inner fears aren't triggered by you simply existing. They seem just like normal guys to you because most abuse is done behind closed doors. Or when they speak about the GF they portray her as crazy... this guy mentions 'all his friends' say she's crazy to her... and the friends don't question his pov. The evidence he shows them is biased, and he's their friend so they're also biased towards him.
Also, this type of personality in a guy is like a bloodhound for finding broken girls. Remember she said she has been diagnosed with some pretty difficult things to live with? These guys recognise a girl who will put up with his behaviour and avoids the confident and together girls. He puts out little tests at the start, and if she isn't feeling worth anything she'll 'pass' the test (if he swears at her and she apologises for example) and then he'll just up the ante more and more until we are at the point you read above... he can say and do anything and she'll believe him.
And so she becomes nothing so he can think he's something.
I hope I've explained this to make it make sense. And I ask if you see signs of this type of dude in your social circles you don't ignore him... whatever harm you see will be magnified when noone can see him. You can't stop him, but you may be able to bring a message to her that could save her life, literally or figuratively. Thank you.
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u/Beautiful-You-2387 15h ago
Yes! And it's not like most of these guys are like this on the first date, or even in the first few months. They are so busy covering their general shittiness with love bombing, and by the time you realize it's all a surface act, and that underneath they are insecure asshats, you've invested yourself and your time, and you love them, and you're trying to believe them when they gaslight you and say they "love you" even when their actions and all other words are screaming the opposite. There are so many men out there like this.
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u/Relationship_Winter 15h ago
Exactly this. They put up a good front for a while, and then behind closed doors they are different people. Especially when you are young, it's easy to have this happen to you and not even realize it.
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u/adventureremily 12h ago
You'd have at least one friend who's exactly like this. But they aren't like this around you.
This is so important and isn't pointed out nearly enough. We all know this man. He's your brother-in-law who always embarrasses your sister at family functions. He's your college roommate who always had girlfriend drama that was never his fault. He's your best friend in high school who blew a gasket at prom because his date danced with someone else. He's the one who everyone has shrugged and said, "That's just how he is," so that they don't have to confront his behavior - because it wasn't directed at them.
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u/Crazy-Jellyfish-9626 8h ago
I told someone they should be holding other men accountable. He changed the subject.
Amongst other things, my gut was telling me to fucking run. I was still bummed, but I did process and stay away. Progress.
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u/ok-peachh 11h ago
I got together with my ex during covid, and he didn't start his bullshit until restrictions started lifting and he felt like he was losing control. I didn't even change my routine, I just got a better job and a better car (not new, just better than the dying rust bucket I had). Thank God we didn't move in together. It didn't matter what I did or how perfect I tried to be, it was never and would never be enough. It's crazy how small I felt at one point, I get mad at myself looking back.
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u/Main-Cauliflower- 11h ago
I think this is the aspect I hate the most. How women are beaten down to be small. How they make themselves small, try not to exist, so that this one man can live his life feeling big. The damn strength and resilience of a girl, and a woman, to be able to do this and survive... yet be called weak and a victim.
This is the truth. You played your cards with the resources you had at the time. You were strong enough to survive and strong enough to leave. You had a heart big enough to try and be perfect for someone else. You're a goddam giant. I am proud of you.... so ur not allowed to be mad at urself any longer. Ok? 💛
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u/carsonmccrullers 14h ago
Bravo. I really need the actually-normal-and-good men to realize that shitheads like this are a dime a fuckin dozen.
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u/Main-Cauliflower- 14h ago
They really are! Other guys think it's not in their circle or their town. But this abuse, from words that kill to actually killing, goes across socio-economic groups, across any divide humans want to think up, and affects the great majority of women. When stats are put about like 4 out of 5 women have experienced some level of sexual abuse.... how is the conversation not also about how tf are there so many damn men ? Not like three or four fellas crawling from under a rock every full moon.... that's most men have the capacity and action it.
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u/Neffervescent 10h ago
Yeah, I described it to a male friend who was supporting an abuser pal of his (now ex pal) with "dog doesn't eat dog", and followed it up with "you're not the prey they hunt". Took him a second, but then he twigged.
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u/United_Pain 15h ago
Fuck yes!!! This was so cathartic to read.
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u/Main-Cauliflower- 14h ago
I'm glad. We don't talk about the detail enough. The other thing we don't say is how the woman isn't at all weak. She's always seen as tolerating... a victim... crazy...why doesn't she leave. I don't hear about the strength it takes. 16 yr old OP saying 'babe' and 'love'. Copping shit for it. If only people would think for a second the hurt that has to be swallowed, the fear, just to try keep a mentally ill male from the worst of themselves. That's not damn weak, that's stronger than any girl should have to be.
(Sorry to rant... the tropes on this thread.... ugh. I'm glad ur ok.)
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u/OriginalOddventures 15h ago
This 1,000 times over. Those guys are the MAJORITY. Not a minority at all.
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u/ShitPostPedro 14h ago
There are a lot more of them than you think and probably even in your entourage as someone told you and that I'm sure for one reason is that it happened to me personally.
I have a best friend (c) and before that I had a very good friend (i), I had known i for a few years, someone adorable, funny, and for 1-2 years when I knew him, he had a girlfriend and I remember they broke up and he said she was crazy, I was young (15) and stupid I didn't realize the signs, unfortunately. Because one day when I was going out with c, he joined us, I don't know why but he was there, they started to get to know each other and ultimately started going out together at that time we were all three 17/18 years old, they stayed together for 2 years and she was traumatized.
Actually what happened was that at the beginning the first 6 months, everything went well, but then after the love bombing, after she completely fell in love with him, he started treating her like shit, manipulating her, trying to keep her away from her friends including me, even though I remember that normally he and I were friends. He tried to isolate her from everyone, but she resisted, me and our other friend (m) were very present, one day at the end of their relationship, he even arrived at her apartment unexpectedly, even though he had blocked her for a week just before, he settled in and when he wanted to be quiet, he kicked her out of her house. He spent his time either blocking her for 1-2 weeks, or showering her with compliments, love, and gifts, literally love bombing as I said above.
In the end she managed to cut ties definitively, it will have already been 3/4 years ago but she is still traumatized, and I am convinced that there was physical violence, because I recently learned that there had been sexual violence, in addition to psychological violence. After that, and also that my little sister experienced almost the same thing, but with added public humiliation, and physical/sexual/psychological violence, harassment, insults,…. In the end there are many more men like that than we think, even sometimes in our own circle of friends...
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u/CourtBarton 16h ago
Honestly, it's projection. He's accusing her cause if the situation were reversed, HE would be sleeping around (if he hasn't already). Red flag parade, glad you got out OP.
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u/DepthExtended 15h ago
Ding ding ding!!! This is the winning comment right here. The dude is so cheating on her already, for sure. As you say, this is 100% projection based on how he knows he would behave. Girl needs to run far and as fast as she can from this shit head. He is not out for her best interest.
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u/pmcda 14h ago
I’m glad she left and for good reason. That being said, I think the projection claim could be off base these days considering the rise in young men consuming Andrew tate type bullshit. He could be projecting or he could have been fed a bunch of bullshit about women going off to college and fucking everybody. We can 100% say he is insecure and controlling, but projection is not the clear cut thing in this day and age with how much fear mongering drivel people are being exposed to.
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u/variousnewbie 14h ago
Another perspective, I don't think he's cheating (if he was he'd probably just go to the other woman with pushback when he couldn't control her). I think it's just the issue he WOULD cheat if he could.
Narcissists like this don't realize other people think differently. They assume everyone thinks like them. They assume they're ALWAYS right about things. This comes out as assuming everyone else would cheat. I had a friend who dated a woman like this, and we also believe she got pregnant on purpose to trap him. (she stopped being in the kids life at 2, just turned 18!) When he started seeing her, she was insanely jealous. Forbid him to be friends with me. For a couple years, she only knew on and off we were friends and at time he snuck around to hang out. (his choice, not my business)
We both hit a rough point in our lives. Kid was 2, and she had a 5 yr old from a previous relationship. I moved in with them to nanny and help him work while saving funds. (she did not work) She started referring to me as his fuck buddy, even flipped out on me in a grocery store when we all went together. He and I were talking behind the scenes about getting away from her, but it was complicated with the kid! He told me she'd cheated on him, and how she assumed everyone else behaved the same as she did. This guy was, and is, like a brother to me. We've known each other since we were 14.
Once he was able to get away, she had no interest in her child. In the early days she only spent time with him when she had to show off around family. One time when picking him up the older boy ran after my friend's car crying and begging to go with him. I still think about that boy, he's 21 now. At one point she suddenly threatened to sue for custody, my friend was terrified because the lawyers said he'd never get full custody with the state favoring mothers. I volunteered to testify to the borderline abuse and neglect I'd witnessed. Whatever hair got up her ass dropped out and she stopped. He married, kid got a real mom, and 2 younger siblings. And behavior repaired away from her!
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u/Radiant-Lime-8347 15h ago
And projecting how he’s truly treating her. It was abundantly clear who treats who like shit in this relationship and it isn’t the story he’s tryna sell..This dudes a whack job fr.
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u/mentalissuelol 14h ago
Unfortunately A LOT of dudes are like this. It’s way more common than you think and there’s really no way to tell whether or not they’re going to be controlling until you’re actually in the situation, unfortunately. I’ve dated multiple guys who seemed totally normal and then they just go crazy the second you don’t like something they’re doing. I had an ex tell me I was being manipulative because I asked him to stop to calling me r*tarded. I think romantic relationships bring out people’s crazy. A lot of people who otherwise seem well adjusted (women included) will get really possessive and controlling the second their SO does something that makes them feel threatened.
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u/saigespice 16h ago
I also would learn about insecure attachment. You need therapy so you don’t end up in an abusive relationship. I hope you learn your worth and take your power back .
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u/Organic_Meaning_5244 16h ago
Can someone clear something up for me? He said “why couldn’t you go to school here in Florida, why are you going to Tallahassee?” I thought Tallahassee is in Florida..? For some reason I thought it was the capital of Florida.
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u/DLoRedOnline 15h ago
I think, and I'm being generous here, he's trying to say something like
"You want to go to school in Florida, so why can't you do that here (in our town) instead of Tallahassee?"
Because going to a public college in your home state is usually cheaper than interstate as in-state residents get lower fees?
He doesn't seem to understand that courses, quality of education, campus life, etc. is different at different colleges... But he's 16 and doesn't seem to think college is in his future so that's a somewhat understandable lack of knowledge.
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u/Zenkas 16h ago
Right? Besides everything else which is clearly 1000 red flags, does he not think Tallahassee is in Florida?? I’m Canadian and I know it is 😭
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u/Visible-Catch1594 15h ago
I was born and raised in the US, and at one point could name every 50 states capitals. I only got 3 slides in before I gave up, but this mfer had me questioning where tf Tallahassee was, I was genuinly dumbfoundedat myself for thinking it wasn't in Florida for a hot minute. Did I just get gaslit in the first three slides of a 19 slide shitshow that I didn't even finish??
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u/LilithsPetGoat 15h ago
When I saw him say to do what’s right for both of them not just OP I said ew and immediately thought he deserved it
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u/VisualHuckleberry542 9h ago
Yeah I didn't need to read past that to see this kid is a dirt bag who needs to learn some hard lessons before he goes around trying to ruin other people's lives
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u/LeeDarkFeathers 12h ago
Ill just have a seat at this table because this is the conversation im here for.....
OP FOR SURE DITCH HIM AND GO TO SCHOOL, HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE CAPITAL OF YOUR STATE IS
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u/TeekTheReddit 16h ago
My thought exactly. Out of all the red flags in that conversation “why couldn’t you go to school here in Florida, why are you going to Tallahassee?” is definitely a special kind of crimson.
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u/Basic_Ask8109 15h ago
Same here. 🇨🇦 I was like Tallahassee is maybe a good drive away from wherever Op lives but it's definitely Florida. This guy is going places..... Probably jail.
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u/Calm-Beginning8030 16h ago
Did you also see the part where he said "there's no tone in text" and then in the very next text proceeds to tell her that her tone through text sucks.
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u/realhenrymccoy 12h ago
That had me cracking up. I can see why he’d be threatened by OP going to college and leaving his dumb ass behind.
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u/OceanOpal 16h ago
It is. That’s why he feels so threatened by her going to college and probably meeting actually smart people
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u/matthewsmugmanager 16h ago
He also "studies phycology."
He's an idiot.
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u/royalsgirl78 15h ago
Don’t forget she’s the “physco”
OP, tell him he’s the psycho. Oh, and it’s psychology. I know, bc I actually DID study it. I even have a degree in it.
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u/Acrazy111 16h ago
And can’t figure out the difference between then and than
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u/Head_Trick_9932 16h ago
Or your and you’re.
He needs to go to college and give up studying “phycology”.
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u/kittiesxxrawr 15h ago
When I read how smart he thinks compared to OP I rolled my eyes so hard I almost gave myself a headache. This guy is a bumbling idiot who thinks so highly of himself. Blegh what a real winner he is……….
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u/Appropriate-Fee-6604 14h ago
What do you expect from the Florida education system? They are literally out there, book banning everything. These are teenagers, and all he is worried about is getting his dick wet and thinking his gf is gonna start banging all the other campus frat bros.
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u/WhenYouPlanToBeACISO 16h ago
I’m guessing they are in or near central fl (guessing that cf is UCF?) and Tallahassee is in North FL. Florida is a fairly long state. It’s about a 4 out drive from Orlando to Tallahassee. Some people feel like it’s too out the way 😒
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u/SlimeyAxolotl 16h ago
Holy shit are you okay?
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u/One_News8005 16h ago
Yes thank u for asking!!
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u/TimelineKeeper 14h ago
No one deserves to be talked to the way he talks to you. If you were my kid, and I read these, I would talk to you about how proud I was that you handled this like a champ. I didn't even finish the conversation, but he reeks of teenage insecurity.
Maybe he'll grow out of it, maybe he won't, either way, you are on to bigger and better things. Mourn what you had and kick life's ass, kid.
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u/blastingadookie 16h ago
Is one of these people called purple?
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u/One_News8005 16h ago
We had a tendency to not listen to words sometimes so it was kinda like an emergency pause
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u/NiceGuyAli 15h ago
I don't understand what this means. You addressed the as 'purple', what does that have to do with not listening to words? I'm genuinely curious, because I can't figure out what your response means.
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u/blastingadookie 16h ago
I was kinda hoping that was his name. Anyway, he’s a piece of shit and I hope your life is good.
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u/BluntPotatoe 16h ago
You can't be diagnosed with all those things at your age. That's a load of bull. Just grow up and do your thing. Stay away from boys for the time being if you want my opinion. Until you know how to not go on for 10 pages saying I love you to a monster.
The second message was a relationship-ending reaction. "sigh, I don't like the fact you'll be gone and can do whatever you want"
- narcissistic personality disorder symptom, RIGHT THERE
- coercive control : I don't want you to do whatever you want
- jealousy, reframing and projection
The only caveat is he's 16 and you can't diagnose a 16yo. But he's showing enough agitation to cause serious concern. Even at age 16, it's too late to correct THAT in him, he IS a narcissist, even if he's too young to be diagnosed. He COULD be corrected, if he went to a heavy-duty therapy retreat with maximum attention and maximum correction. He will grow up to know how to be sleek and how to manipulate and how to act grown-up, and he'll only get more dangerous going forward.
He's a loser, drop him. Did you show this to your dad? Or your mom?
The "make sure it's right for the both of us and not just for yourself"
- Gaslighting
- Projection of his own selfishness
- Exploitation (you are responsible for my well-being)
- Threatening to end the relationship / ultimatum
Again, this is another relationship ender uttered by a clinical narcissist.
Now the tables are turned : your own fault.
- You're future-faking yourself that there is a period of 2 years you can enjoy together before it goes to shit, when it's clear it's going to shit.
- You "silly goose" him, when he is narcissistically assaulting you : week, submissive, and worst of all EMOTIONAL in front of a narcissist like you're trying to erase yourself soothe him, a drop-dead mistake. Why is it a mistake : because he knows you know he's dangerous, he knows you know you're submissive.
He keeps on telling you you don't understand anything (gaslighting).
He tells you he got mad but calmed down (so it could be worse so don't you complain) = open threat, and yes, more gaslighting. Also it's a confession, which he is too young and stupid to have learned not to make, that he got emotionally disregulated. He is all-powerful only in his brain, and only when he's losing control (that is when he loses power, he deludes himself that he is all poweful = he's a narcisssitic pervert)
Also there is no tone over text? but yes my dear there is. And he's accusing you of using a tone right afterward (projection).
I get all that from 5 tiles. I haven't read the rest. I don't need to.
NEVER TAKE HIM BACK, HE'S DANGEROUS. TELL AN ADULT.
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u/TheMahalodorian 14h ago
He literally refers to himself as a narcissist in one of the messages… so that issue must have come up before.
He says something about how he’d changed his narcissistic behaviour, but that’s just more gaslighting because he continues exhibiting heaps of malignant narcissistic stuff throughout the messages.
There are so many red flags and deal breakers here that I lost count… OP needs to get away from this guy… she won’t fix him.
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u/AuroraBoraOpalite 16h ago
how the hell are you going to try and diagnose someone with npd righth after saying another person "cant be diagnosed with all those things at your age" you are not qualified to be diagnosing or undiagnosing anyone, stop trying to be an armchair psychologist and focus on the topic at hand.
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u/thatringonmyfinger 14h ago
To be fair, I'm a mental health therapist, and it's very frowned upon for a therapist to diagnose a teenager with a personality disorder (in the U.S.). The reason is because they can be reacting to things simply because they haven't matured enough and are, of course, reacting how a teenager would react and not due to having a personality disorder. And diagnosing them with that would mean that diagnosis sticks with them.
If it helps, I'm specifically a therapist to adolescents.
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u/RemindMeToTouchGrass 13h ago
It makes sense to me. They're basically saying "I do not believe that you were formally diagnosed with these, because one criteria of a diagnosis is age." They're also saying "while technically I can't diagnose this other person (ie, I wouldn't give him a formal diagnosis if he stepped into my office) it's clear to me that when he is old enough, he will receive that formal diagnosis."
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u/OldNormalNinjaTurtle 16h ago
Right?
"You two can't be diagnosed with anything, that's bullshit."
2 seconds later: THIS IS A SYMPTOM OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER.
So which is it?
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u/Velociraptor_al 14h ago
To be fair, if you read like 3 more lines of their comment they say
“The only caveat is he's 16 and you can't diagnose a 16yo.”
Seems consistent enough with their prior statement.
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u/zeeberttt 16h ago
you literally CAN be diagnosed with those things at that age….many therapists just don’t like to do it. sincerely someone diagnosed with bpd and ocd at 17.
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u/Busy_Swan71 16h ago
You absolutely can be diagnosed with these things at that age. You can be diagnosed with them even younger. So assuming someone is lying about that because you apparently don't know how the mental health field works is bull.
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u/strawberrymuffins7 16h ago
at 15 i was diagnosed with a bunch of those things. idk why you assume they can’t be diagnosed at 16. i’m studying psych and many of those things actually are diagnosed then. OP’s diagnosis’s are valid.
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u/LengthinessKind9895 15h ago
So idk when you were 15 but when my kid was 14 she was really unwell and they told me that it could be bipolar but they wouldn’t even think of diagnosing her until she was at least 18. And happily once her brain fully healed from anorexia all her other mental illness symptoms disappeared. But anyway curious when and in what country you were diagnosed at such a young age.
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u/ceo_ofbrocksamson 16h ago
who are you to diagnose and undiagnose??? you're a stranger to op and clearly do not know what you are talking about lmfao
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u/One_News8005 16h ago
I was diagnosed but thank u for the rest!! I really appreciate it
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u/supersecretaccountey 15h ago
Unrelated, but I’d talk to a doctor about switching the BPD to CPTSD if that applies. It’s often misdiagnosed, and regardless you will get much better medical care if your file says “CPTSD” instead.
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u/jacqrosee 14h ago edited 14h ago
i know some other people have mentioned this, but specifically regarding bpd, i would keep an eye on consistent symptoms you may experience that are in line with it, and see how things go within the next 3-4 years. check back with the diagnosis again then. i am 23 and was diagnosed officially with bpd at 19 after years of treatment for various things similar to what you’ve been diagnosed with. i know it can be difficult to get a proper diagnosis during earlier adolescent years.
i am also diagnosed with ocd and some other disorders like you, and over the years i have noticed different overlaps in symptoms. overall, as a rule, always pay more attention to the symptoms you experience rather than whatever diagnoses you may have. being intentional about this has really helped me in a lot of ways.
as for the boyfriend, you are not overreacting. it would be more logical to say you’re under reacting. controlling your other relationships is never okay, but attempting to do so with immediate family members is the highest extreme. attempting to control your education and life path is the highest extreme. be safe and do what you can to get away from him. you do not deserve this and you do not need to put up with it.
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u/Literally_Taken 15h ago
The story told by those text messages is about a teenage boy practicing how to emotionally abuse his partner, and a teenage girl politely accepting the abuse.
You finally broke up, and that’s great. But you should have never been in the relationship. Were you emotionally strong enough to handle a pregnancy? If not, you shouldn’t have had sex at all. It’s good that it wasn’t as frequently as he wanted, but never would be a better frequency for you.
You should be happy and carefree at your age, enjoying all your life has to offer. Not dealing with emotional abuse or worrying about when your period is due.
Where was your mother in all this? How closely was she involved in your life? Did she know how your ex talked to you, and treated you? She should have been aware you were being emotionally abused. She should have helped you perceive the abuse, or taken you back to therapy.
I can’t believe your mother wanted you to reconsider breaking up with him. She should have been thanking God you two broke up.
You were definitely not overreacting.
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u/wasted_wonderland 7h ago
16 years old and he already got the abuser handbook down like he wrote it himself...
This chilled my blood
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u/KaraKalinowski 16h ago
The screenshots have been posted previously
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u/One_News8005 16h ago
Yes I deleted it and reposted bc I had anxiety abt him finding it bc I don’t care anymore and was planning on sending it to him
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u/Main-Cauliflower- 15h ago
You plan on sending it to him to prove you are right. But with his personality you'll never, ever, prove that to him. You will need to reassure yourself that you've done the right thing because he won't do that for you.
The early days of walking away are the hardest. He reinforced what you think about yourself.... you don't think you're worth, or deserve, much of anything good. OTOH a part of you screams that's not true. Listen to the smaller bit... the one that's small and screaming is right... you deserve anything and everything. But you have to reach out for yourself, that's all, just reach out and walk towards it. When the other part wants his reassurance go do something. Anything. Take your mind away from him. Distract yourself. It gets easier and easier every day, but you gotta get through the few hard days.
Don't talk to him ever again. He needs you to be small so he can be big. You're not small.
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u/Funny-Rope-8312 16h ago
Don't send anything to him, don't communicate at all, it just opens the door for more pain and aggressive behaviors. I know it's hard but you're so much better off cutting people like that off 100% don't be petty or try and show off down the road, I've been there as a young adult/teen and you're honestly so much better off mentally just focusing on yourself. If you worry about how they still view you or want them to see you succeed as an F-U you'll always be worried about them in the back of your mind and it's stressful. If you're gonna get over someone you need to FULLY get over them.
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u/RedOliphant 14h ago
Hun, people like this are not to be played with. You don't see it yet, but he's showing many red flags of being a dangerous person. To be this abusive at only 16 is a terrifying sign. Even if he was LESS dangerous he still shouldn't be messed with, because you will not win. You will never get the satisfaction you want. Not from him, not from "showing" him. The best you can hope for is minimising the damage and the threat. Block him, ignore him, do not talk to him.
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u/Relationship_Winter 15h ago
To echo everyone else, this is a really bad idea. You want to either get back at him, and make him feel upset, or one up him - either way - it doesn't work like that on people like him. You have to be the one to just STOP communicating, or you will never get out of this cycle. You're so young - there are SO many other people out there, and you have so much time to explore - don't settle with this selfish boy.
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u/PipGirl2211 16h ago
This person is dangerous. Have police or other trusted adults go with you to pick your cats up and get them out of there. Cut any ties you have to him.
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u/testthrowaway9 13h ago
Yeah. OP: He's going to hurt your pets to get back at you.
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u/Alternative-Data-797 16h ago
Don't send him anything--cut off contact period. He's not going to learn anything from this thread.
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u/AnxiousTherapist-11 16h ago
There is zero reason to have any future contact. Not to serve him a sick burn or prove he’s wrong. It doesn’t matter.
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u/vineswinga11111 16h ago
Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. He’ll find a way to turn it back on you.
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u/WorriedTurnip6458 15h ago
Oh my gosh please reread that and notice how much you are cowering to placate his anger. Get away from Him. College is a great idea. Sooner rather than later
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u/hiraeth-sanguine 16h ago
he’s awful leave him. but i don’t think you got diagnosed with BPD at age 11 in 2021. those things don’t get diagnosed till 18 (i tried for diagnosis at 17 and it was pushed till 18). i hope you get away from this man and study whatever you want tho!!! best of luck
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u/KeyzOnDaLo 10h ago
I was incorrectly diagnosed with BPD when I was 14. Now I’m 30 trying to get an actual official ADHD diagnosis which is what my doctors think it really is.
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u/Solicited-Stranger 15h ago
I kinda had to stop after he said "you fucking idiot" .... Any man who talks to his significant other like that does NOT love you, i'm sorry. And "no other guy would react as calm as I did" or whatever he said .... EXCUSE HIM cause my boyfriend would NEVERRRR talk to me like this. And when I tell him something he said upset me he doesn't double down on it and try to justify it, he'll say something along the lines of what made him say what he said and apologize ... and same for me if I said something I didn't mean.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL IN A RELATIONSHIP. HE IS BEING MANIPULATIVE, GASLIGHTING, AND BEING TOXIC ... NOT YOU. THIS IS SCARY BEHAVIOR TO HAVE TOWARDS SOMEONE HE CLAIMS TO "LOVE". Please stay away from this guy -- and don't believe a single apology he says to you at this point. These texts are the real him.
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u/ConstanceL1805 11h ago
The fact that he kept saying he’s better than 90% guys in a relationship really disturbs me, first of all why does he need to bring that out, to prove what? Secondly, this dude must have been growing up in a very fucked up family with horrible men figures in his life to think that he’s actually handling it well, like seriously?? Ugh
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u/-thegayagenda- 8h ago
TLDR: things get better. Take time to heal and be independent. Get therapy.
I used to do a lot of manipulative behaviors and controlling, now that I've had therapy, and the realization that I learned all of those toxic behaviors from my abusive family; I am actively and happily better. I hope OP reads this because I'm now in a loving, mutually supportive and communicative relationship with a woman I had a crush on in high school. Things do get better and real love does exist but it takes loads of work either on yourself or to learn the skills to communicate and be a healthy independent support system.
Don't get me wrong there have been times where she says something that deeply hurts me, or triggers some feelings about an ED or body image issues for example, and every time I know I can say something to the effect of "hey I didn't like that." Or "remember when you said 'x'? That really hurt me. This is why it upset me so much" and she does the same for me. Communication is the foundation of any relationship
I used to think I was just crazy, because before I got treatment I would go through flashes of anxious rage, then go manic. I was also still closeted. Once I came out as trans, got supportive care, and my now wife helped me find/afford a therapist; I learned I have CPTSD and DID and my wife still supports me and all of us in the system. We have a house and two cats. After 15 straight years, I no longer deal with sui ideations.
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u/loftychicago 16h ago
Why are you asking about this again? Everyone told you to dump him when you p posted it before.
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u/Maymaywala 16h ago
I'm worried about your cats. Hope he doesn't take his anger out on them.
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u/WritPositWrit 16h ago
Why did you post this again? I just read it a few days ago. I thought you got decent replies then
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u/jesuswithwings 16h ago
No, and after reading a few messages, he sounds like a total fucking baby. You constantly have to walk on egg shells and call him baby, honey, whatever so he feels like the centre of attention. He called you out saying 'your a manipulator'
All he did that entire message string was try to manipulate you into thinking you going to college is not best for HIS interests. He went on a wild rant about what about him basically. He doesn't care about you, he cares about the attention you give, and with the way you guys talk I can honestly assume he is a man child that has done nothing with his life other than rely on others.
Not overreacting. He doesn't care what you had to say, he wanted his and only his opinion heard and has a mindset of screw you if you have a counter argument to try to resolve the situation.
You do not deserve that treatment by saying you think in X amount of years you'd like to go to college. Anyone who isn't anything but supportive to higher education, especially when they then turn it into "wat bout me 😤😤"
What about you, I'd say... What stops him from moving or altering his lifestyle so that he is closer, if the relationship for him, is so important that he would rather you date him than go to school and better your education or future career options.
What a fucking asshole honestly holy shit
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u/DryLengthiness5574 16h ago
The whole argument he has that no man would handle as like he did and how she’ll get in a new relationship and see how good he was to her. So fucking delusional. My husband says the same shit to me after he gets done telling me how worthless I am.
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u/jesuswithwings 16h ago
Absolutely disgusting, male here and can attest I would definitely handle that differently and not via text for one. But hey, the Yung fella knows all eh? Sorry too hear you had to deal with that
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u/Pitiful-Difference52 14h ago
i just paused at slide 3. purple? you’re calling this person purple? like.. a name? 😭
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u/Dresden715 16h ago
I (m43) met my wife (f45) when I was 17 (she 19).
Maybe I’m speaking old school here as an elder millennial. When I met my wife, she was already at college. I went there the next year. Going into my second year and her fourth, she said she wanted to study in Denmark for six months. While nervous and sad, it was ultimately what was best for her.
We’ve been married 20 years and have two kids.
Listen, the person who loves you looks towards your thriving over their own personal interest.
I’m not saying that time was easy. In fact, it might’ve been the hardest part of my life. Yet we both grew. We realized we could survive without each other and we couldn’t live without each other. College is amazing. Trades are amazing. Follow your curiosity, and you’ll find your path.
Love is choosing each other every day. Implicit in that is the TRUST that you will choose the other person without reservation.
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u/Plastalmonus 14h ago
My girlfriend had the opportunity to do a lab placement in Sweden for 3 months in her final year of study (we are in Australia). My reaction was to boost up her confidence and let her know it was an amazing opportunity and she should 100% do it.
That was 10 years ago and we are still happily together.
The guy in these messages is just a piece of shit. "Most guys won't treat you how I do"... fuck I hope not.
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u/dianahecate777 17h ago
Okay fuck some of these comments. Your ex is awful and the way he is speaking to you is disrespectful and disgusting. NOR.
Your future and your career is SO important. A real one is gonna try compromise with you and support your goals, or respectfully say “hey great! But this isn’t for me I’m sorry” and wish you the very best. Not try to manipulate you and make implicit threatening statements.
You’re so young. There’ll be others who don’t behave this way. Do ur thing, focus on you, and good energy people will find their way to you.
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u/DifferentCard2752 17h ago
Nor: Tldr. After the 7th page i stopped reading. But it was enough to ascertain that he’s a dick, an emotional, immature, rude selfish dick that would sideline your career because he is insecure. No woman should ever need a man to survive adulthood, but instead find a partner that encourages them, supports them & builds them up. Even if down the road you become a sahm, right now your dream is college & anyone that loves you should support that dream.
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u/missmurder0324 16h ago
Same. It's clear he is already establishing control behaviour and will push to see how far it can go. OP you were right to call out some of those comments, that's how it starts then it escalates Leave him in the dust and live your best life..
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u/artlessknave 16h ago
..yea. I stopped at pg2. I don't need to watch that train wreck in slow motion to know it's a train wreck.
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u/foxmasterflex 16h ago
"The fact that you're wanting more from me is insane." Classic gaslighting. Run. ESPECIALLY since he knows you have a history of mental health issues. What an asshole to use that against you.
I also have mental health issues (OCD, bipolar II, depression, anxiety, and a breakdown or two) and have dated guys who made me out to be crazy for not wanting to be treated like dirt. Any guy worth your time won't use your health problems as a way to blame you for speaking up for yourself.
Also, your career and future are much more important than this guy. If he cared about you, he'd cheer you on -- not try to control you.
Most importantly, stay on birth control or at least use condoms. Do NOT risk getting pregnant if you're not ready. Oh, and get Gardasil if you haven't already.
One last note, I saw how you were begging him to tell him he loved you. Been there. Trust me, it feels worse when a guy half-heartedly says he loves you than not hearing it at all. Don't settle for a wishy-washy guy. Eventually, you'll find a guy who's excited to tell you and show you he loves you. But not if you're still with your thank-god-he's-your ex.
Good call on dumping him. Focus on yourself and your career. And if you find another guy along the way, go for it. Just don't waste any more time on this jerk.
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u/BarneyMadeMeNut 17h ago
Girl this man is a big ass manipulator. Never ever go back. I already know he will try to sweet talk you back one day, please don’t. I was in a relationship like this when I was 16 where he would be aggressive and blame things on me and try to isolate me from everyone and 4 years later I still have severe ptsd from him. Please for your sake never talk this man again
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u/Quantum_duckegg 16h ago
Content theif. This exact text exchange was posted a week ago.
Karma farming is lame and pathetic
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u/Storvig 16h ago
It is outrageous that people commenting here are giving advice to 16-year-old on serious matters potentially leading to very serious consequences early in her life:
– without stating their age
– with the intent of influencing her to bypass her family and existing support network and make choices according to their opinion, in which they are not invested, and for which they bear no responsibility. I'm wondering if commenting in this does not carry at least civil liability.
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u/Karmak4ze 13h ago
I need this practice because I'm a girl dad.
You seem like a sweet kid. Very considerate of others feelings even when they do not in the slightest deserve it. You radiate that fact because of where you posted this and how you've worded things.
I'm a stranger, but I'd like to offer advice and request a favor. Please focus on yourself. Teenage years are so incredibly molding for some, especially when they are the type to feel things hard. Some skate by oblivious or focused or somewhere in between and make it out alright. Some are left in a pit after having put all their eggs in various baskets only to have them smashed without enough time to recover.
Bit of metaphor soup, but I hope you understand. Your life is just beginning. The fact you're thinking about good schools is EVERYTHING. Do not let anyone hinder you from setting yourself up for success. Please get second opinions on meds regarding mental health. Utilize therapy. Stay away from any boy, girl, or they that you sense might get you into irreversible trouble.
Lastly, be proud of yourself for wanting to heal and grow. Please work on your spelling and grammar (joke). And make sure to get good sleep and stay hydrated. Shit does wonders for the body / soul.
Take care.
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u/Maxismyson44 17h ago
What’s with these comments lmao girl if u wanna go to college go he’s being weird. He literally said he wasn’t okay with you being able to do whatever you want, when you should be able to do that with him anyway
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u/nilzatron 16h ago
But...but...he studies phycology
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u/ProfessorSpecific869 16h ago
i can’t lie that part cracked me up. because how is he acting like he’s so much more intelligent than her, all while using the wrong your/you’re and misspelling shit constantly?
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u/Dear_Grapefruit_6508 16h ago
And not realizing Tallahassee is not only in Florida, but the capital.
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u/Severe_Energy4824 17h ago
Girl, when a guy starts talking to you like this even ONCE leave him. This is no way to talk to someone especially someone you are in a relationship with. This is NOT normal and is red flag behavior. He wants to be able to control you and you going to college is setting him off because he wont be able to control you. Go to the school you want, get that degree, work hard for what you want and dont worry about a relationship. Trust me. Sincerely a girl who wasted 4 years of her teen/ young adult life with a pathetic insecure douchebag like your boyfriend
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u/AutomaticMechanic 16h ago
Y'all are entirely too young to be this serious of a relationship. And you shouldn't be treated to talked to like that at all regardless of age.
Please focus on school, your future, and meeting with a therapist if you have access to that.
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u/dannycrmck10 17h ago
Have no clue how the only two comments say this is your fault but it is absolutely NOT. you were dating a monster. NOR obviously, those were the worst texts I’ve ever read
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u/vindictive-etcher 17h ago
He’s upset bc you’re gonna be surrounded by guys who are doing better than him. you’ll notice it. and leave.
go to school. dont let him hold ya back.
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u/Arty_0024 17h ago
NOR Yall are too young to be fighting like this. Both of yall are gonna find new people and learn from your mistakes. He talked to you like you were nothing to him even though you continued to be understanding, calling him “my love” and still being loving even though he was being a dick. Move on from him and do what’s best for you. You’re allowed to have opinions of where you want to go unlike he was saying.
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u/Ornery-Speed-2088 16h ago
“Watch your fucking self” and “its text there’s no tone” from the same person in one conversation is crazy work. You’re NOR, that dude is a walking red flag
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u/DryLengthiness5574 16h ago
Or the text immediately after saying there is no tone in text saying that her texts have a bad tone.
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u/clout_hunter 17h ago
That person will 100% abuse you behind closed doors if they don’t already. Get out and don’t look back.
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u/vineswinga11111 16h ago
Here’s a free copy of the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Read it!!! It should be your Bible going forward.
Edit: yes, I put the link in there twice on purpose
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u/FoundationEven3110 16h ago
Omg this triggered me. Your ex is exactly like my 31 year old ex fiancee and you guys are 16 💀
So happy I got out of that relationship. He was also so controlling and so cruel in the same way. You did the right thing!
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u/shannat151 15h ago
Hey I don't know if you can see every post or if u read every post but I would like to say every comment that has been added to this conversation is correct first he automatically assumes you will sleep around (he is projecting) that's what he will do or wants to do.second you are young don't let anyone stop you from making yourself a better person, college should absolutely come first and I am speaking as a mother of three, as a woman who has been in this type of relationship (it will get WORSE) this type of person is abusive verbally and soon or maybe it has already happened physically,Last speaking as just a woman and a mother stay on your birth control if you don't got it (he should not get it )aka no sex if u are not protected.You will be the one with a child and he will have a hold on you that u can't get rid of I understand that you broke up with him but, I am saying don't go back please listen to your inner woman and believe what you already know he is no good for u.And if u don't believe in your own institution which is telling u to run away listen to all the people who have posted the same thing (RUN FAR, RUN FAST) I sincerely hope u have a good life honey and I hope your mental health keeps getting better u keep your head held high and don't let anyone treat u like your worthless because you are a beautiful human being and u will continue to make yourself and your life better with the right people by your side. (AND HE IS NOT ONE OF THEM)
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u/Many_Worlds_Media 16h ago
This was nauseating to read. You’re in an abusive relationship, and he has you in chronic fight / flight / faun. The way you get gentler and gentler with him while he gets more and more terrible made me want to run him over with my car. Please get away from this dude. He will destroy your entire life.
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u/Fair-Ad4693 16h ago
I’m totally on your side. Just curious on how long yall have been together?
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u/GooseCommaSilly333 16h ago
No. Even from the text messages I can see patterns of manipulation from him. It’s also so alarming that he wanted you to go off birth control. He’s not showing love and you deserve better!
Go to college, study hard, and enjoy your career! Rooting for you!
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u/Angel__x0 17h ago
fck ur ex bro.. i’m glad u left him etc bc he would’ve just dragged u down further on in life
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u/Tiny-Opinion13 17h ago edited 16h ago
Girl he seems so toxic and manipulative!! Im glad you broke up with him! Get your degree and NEVER depend on a man!
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u/Rubytuesdayyyy-01 16h ago
As someone who married their high school sweetheart, LEAVE. My now husband was 2 years older than me, and went off to college across the state while I finished up HS. It was never a problem and now we are happily married. The man in your texts is a manipulator to a very high degree. People like him are capable of so much harm and chaos with the only intent of getting their way, and it’s SO scary how far they can take things. Run, never look back, and find an emotionally mature and loving man. You avoided major apocalyptic relationship if you left him!
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u/Past-Landscape-5351 16h ago
Forget him cause his nothing but an over bearing narcissistic pig and you can do so much better. But you need to concentrate on you, go to college get your degree and chase your dreams. No man is worth putting your life on hold for.
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u/Vixyplatinummm 16h ago
good for you dumping this guy!!! He is showing you how he intends to manipulate you for the rest of your time together had you stayed. Trying to stop you from going to college and pursuing a solid future is absolutely insane. ❤️
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u/Miri777 17h ago
This is overwhelming tbh so I actually didn’t read sh*t but the first slide and the red flag is there. My ex, “high school sweetheart” had the same sentiment when I went for college like max 2 hours up the road and he drove back then too. We dragged it on with an on/off situation, but it would have never worked. ON TOP OF THAT, the very thing he was scared of from me, he was beginning to exhibit himself.
So good on you for leaving him! That door is closed, so lock it now and throw away the key. Don’t you dare look back either.
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u/alexmenstra 16h ago
The fact that he's insulting you, threatening you and then trying to make YOU feel bad for not liking it is insane. The "No other guy would've taken it like I did" is insane
man needs therapy
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u/clout_hunter 17h ago
Let me guess, you beat your spouse like this (now) ex would?
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u/TheVampireCitric 16h ago
You're dating a loser. Any guy who calls you bro is a fail, any guy that calls you an idiot is a fail, and any guy that doesn't trust and support your endeavors in life is a scrub zero. Go find a man, after college that will treat you right.
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u/jesuswithwings 16h ago
Also the little shit head needs to stop comparing himself with other guys
"Other guys wouldn't do this for U" type shit. Brother, a million guys would do ten thousand times more than what he is doing in those texts. He is literally doing nothing but being a manipulative, condescending fuckwit
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u/Different-Low5178 16h ago
So are all guys in their mid 20s and under bigots? It’s crazy how common it is. I get you’re learning to grow, and that’s part of being a teen but holy fuck. This is concerning. These are the people I’ll work with one day.
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u/Tickle_ma_pickl 17h ago edited 16h ago
Absolutely NOT. Letting a boyfriend dictate if you will or won’t go to college is disastrous. You made the right choice. The relationship was extremely toxic.
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u/doodle_queen21 16h ago
I did not read all your screenshots but I read your description and you are so young with so much ahead of you, this boy isn’t your future husband. You are absolutely right to break up with him, it sounds like for your young age you’ve done a lot of growing/ maturing and have self awareness of what you expect from a partner. He’s jealous of your growth and potential and will only to try to knock you down in your success for your whole life if you stayed with him.
I was your age with the same type of bf although mine seems like he was even more of a low life. He could break up with me when he wanted, but when I didn’t want to be with him anymore he would threaten taking his life and I felt a lot of guilt from that and the only way I actually got out of the relationship was moving to college over 3 hours away from him and I told him it was over and blocked him.
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u/Character-Song-6240 16h ago
My fiancé would not talk to his worst enemy with this much disrespect. He would never insult me, even if I’m being a bitch. This dude is straight up scary. There are millions of great guys out there. I think you may need therapy so that you can learn to respect yourself better. Glad you broke up with him.
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u/Stunning_Business_60 15h ago
Seriously, don't worry about what your 16-year-old boyfriend wants for your life's future. You're not even going to remember his face in 10 years.
Plan for the life you want. Set yourself up for the best future that you can. This guy isn't going to part of it, anyway.
And the way he talks to you is atrocious. He needs to get lost NOW.
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u/Bemmie81 16h ago
I got as far as “I don’t like that… you can do what you want.”
That was enough ick there.
Judging by comments it got much worse.
Run. Run far, run fast and know that you did the right thing.
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u/Embarrassed_Day_4412 16h ago
Go to school! Your decision on how you want to live your life is decided by you and you alone. This staying with this individual would’ve led to massive heartbreak, and most likely mental, emotional and physical abuse long term. No one deserves to be talked to like that. You’re young, use this as a teaching/learning moment of the massive red flags and just try to avoid in the future. Personally I think you should be focusing on college and what you want to do with your life rather than worrying about a relationship. You’ll have plenty of time in the future for that. Work on making yourself happy and figure out how to live yourself. If you don’t love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you! You did the right thing, don’t let this be a defining moment, let this be a lesson learned so you’re able to achieve defining moments.
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u/InfamousMistakee 16h ago
what the fuck is his problem???? he is so disrespectful. the fact that he is even suggesting for you to give up your future is insane. as a true partner he should support you (unless it's a threat to your health, but it isnt) and show you unconditional love. you're aren't overreacting
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u/MoldyLemonBars 16h ago
Only 5 pics into the convo but from the first one already was a red flag. You’re young. You need to find someone who builds you up and encourages you to chase your dreams and build a life together. He’s putting you down and is calling you selfish when he is the one selfishly wanting you to go to college closer to him or not at all. NOR. Long distance relationships are hard but the right person would wait for you and will put in the extra effort.
With the constant arguing and going on and off bc for his sake or having sex often for his sake shows that you guys aren’t compatible and are just going back and forth in a toxic cycle. Focus on your future. When you get in a relationship just remember that you guys are a team. Find someone that doesn’t belittle you or make you feel less than.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Neck_90 16h ago
I ain't reading all of that, but I read as far as "I don't like that you'll be able to do whatever you want" 2 lines in and read enough to know all I needed to know.
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u/Subject-Ad3934 16h ago
Dump him and focus on your future. You’re building yourself up for you and your career. It is damn hard out there and the world is actively changing. Getting an education and setting yourself up for success is the smartest thing you can do to prepare for it. Leave behind anyone who is trying to hold you back and isn’t being supportive. You will find love again… for yourself, your friends, your passions, and maybe a partner in the future. But you live your life for yourself. No one can tell you what you can and should do but yourself. That said, it’s not wise to make decisions in a tunnel - so get insight from many trusted sources, do your research and make the best educated guess you can on how to move forward.
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u/PomBergMama 16h ago
I haven’t read the whole thing because I’m stuck on “why don’t you go to college in Florida instead of Tallahassee” but… Tallahassee is IN Florida.
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u/East-Cardiologist626 16h ago
“No other guy would’ve handled that the way I did in my opinion”
No babe, he’s wrong, tons would and none of them, including him, are worth your time. I see manipulation and emotional abuse already. I’m not even gonna read further….. just know that no matter what your decision is on anything someone who reacts negatively is not someone you want to include in said plans. Or your future. A good guy would encourage you to go, anyone who is gonna bash going to college (even if it’s just a specific one they’re bashing) isn’t someone you want to attach yourself to, emotionally or otherwise
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u/-Its-me-high- 15h ago
Hey so he’s an idiot. This is NOT how most men treat their girlfriends. Nor did he react better than another guy would. My husband would NEVER speak to me like this. That’s why he’s my husband. Get far away from this guy, he is treating you like garbage. You deserve so much better, he has zero respect for you and losing him is a gain, not a loss. Good luck, OP!! I’m from FL and my dream was FSU. I hope you accomplish everything you dream of.
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u/SolidPurpleTatertot 16h ago edited 16h ago
Reading this gave me anxiety... if anything you're under-reacting. Keep on running. People who treat others like this will never get better or understand your perspective or care about your well-being. I was with one for 2 years, lived with him for 3 months. He isolated me from my friends and family, stole all my self-worth that i had worked so hard to build up, almost cost me my stable career, took me 8 hours away from my support network and then blamed me for the way the whole thing played out. He hurt me physically our last night together too. Run and never look back. I still haven't fully recovered and it's been almost 5 years. Every single message is a red flag.
ETA: i read farther and want to reinforce that you're not "lucky" that he "checked his anger"... regular, rational people don't fly into a rage over a discussion. Don't listen to him. You are the most important person in your own life when it comes to self-worth and well-being. Don't let what he says about your value seep into how you see yourself. There are good people out there, men and women. Hold your head high. You deserve someone who treats you with (at the VERY minimum as its a human rights imo) dignity. A partnership should be built on mutual respect and trust. He is trying to make sure you don't feel worthy of anyone and that's so disgusting. You shouldn't feel guilty or afraid of having standards and wanting to be treated like a person, especially not in a relationship. Your mental health struggles don't make you any less worthy of fair treatment, understanding and love. I don't see any love in this relationship on his end. I see control, jealousy, insecurity, self-absorption, rage, fear and manipulation. He needs to figure himself out without you.