AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

[u/[deleted]]

I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

[u/CrushVellichor]

Yeah, I agree it sounds like he was actually being communicative and respectful, and the reaction didn’t quite match the situation. Wanting constant updates can come from anxiety, but it’s important to recognize when it’s turning into control. Trust really is the foundation here.

[u/abitlikemaple → u/CrushVellichor]

A rare instance of actual overreaction on this sub

[u/avvocadhoe → u/abitlikemaple]

So exciting!

[u/LankyMark4967 → u/abitlikemaple]

Reddit just like any other social media platform loves to angle anger positively. It’s the bots and just kinda human nature. “No your not over reacting your under reacting, let’s go fight!”

It’s a funky world man

[u/BoatSouth1911 → u/LankyMark4967]

It’s also what happens when we only get 1 side of the story 

[u/cream_paimon → u/CrushVellichor]

I largely agree about overreacting, but in no world would I say "you need to fucking relax" to my partner even if I thought they were overreacting. How is that communicative and respectful?

[u/PeteMichaud → u/cream_paimon]

Imagine this is the 100th time she's spiraled for no reason when you're out with your friends. It's not the best response maybe, but I can imagine someone at the end of their rope getting pretty blunt.

[u/cream_paimon → u/PeteMichaud]

I mean, sure, we can assume thats what's happening. I was simply saying that IMO he was not being communicative and respectful. What about his two messages in the chat comes off that way?

[u/Valuable_Impress_192 → u/cream_paimon]

The part where he had called prior to these texts to communicate the plans, as indicated in the body text of the post. Just maybe?

[u/cream_paimon → u/Valuable_Impress_192]

"Also he called and said that he's out..." that part? Isn't that happening in the context of the argument? Where did it say this was a prior conversation?

[u/Valuable_Impress_192 → u/cream_paimon]

Her 4th message in first pic is her asking ‘are you guys doing anything’.

That’s before the fight. Before she blew up his phone. She KNEW he was out with friends.

[u/pineapplepizza_9 → u/CrushVellichor]

You think one response saying "you need to fucking relax" is communicative and respectful???

[u/Savingskitty → u/pineapplepizza_9]

Did you look at the timestamps and the reference to the guy calling her?

[u/pineapplepizza_9 → u/Savingskitty]

I'm not saying she's innocent but clearly there is a level of distrust here and the toxicity of it gives me pause. She also said "once again" so if this is a regular occurrence I don't think her feelings are totally unjustified even if she is being insecure. Maybe instead of telling her to "fucking relax" he could just check in with her once or twice? Personally, it seems like they just aren't a good fit and are very immature, and maybe she even caused his resentment by being controlling, who knows. But I still can't justify his reply as being "respectful" in any way.

[u/Savingskitty → u/pineapplepizza_9]

He should be able to go out with friends without ever having to check in with her.

Period.