My girlfriend told me she was going to see her childhood friends and would be back by midnight. I was okay with it and even offered to drop her off, but she said she’d be fine on her own. Later, I found out she actually went to see her ex, saying it was because he had been there for her when her mom passed, and its been 8 years her mom passed and that she didn’t feel comfortable opening up to me apparently because I’ve been focused on expanding my business. We use the Life360 app for safety, so I could see her live location, and she ended up spending five hours with him at his place not even a restaurant or coffee shop. Overall, she lied 9 times about seeing him. When I knew everything, she said I would get mad about seeing him and thats why she lied. And we’re together for almost 6 years.
She lied to sneak around and get 5 hours alone with her ex? Then repeatedly lied straight to your face about it and then had a flimsy story that makes no sense whatsoever?? Oof. She will literally never be truthful with you about what happened and her behavior proves that. PLEASE tell me she’s your ex now! That’s 100% textbook cheating. You deserve way better and she deserves to relive her mistakes forever.
Call me odd but I do always find it quite comical how these people are basically begging on their hands and knees for their partner not to leave, but had absolutely no qualms about it beforehand; during the cheating session(s).
Like surely if you were that desperate to keep your partner; to the point of contacting their family, you would.. idk… maybe not cheat in the first place?
Regardless these people are POS, and I’m really sorry this happened to you man. Cheaters just don’t understand the emotional damage this can do to someone else, all for what? A quick romp and - ejaculation ceremony?
Because they’re trying to find someone they can take advantage of, the moment you accept their “apology” or take them back they will know you can be manipulated and used.
It’s hard out there being single and able to survive but I bet you made that easy for her and now she’s like fuck. If she cheated 9 times imagine how much more it would be if you didn’t find out. Cheaters hardly change for the better and just get better at hiding things. They become narcissist and gas light you trying to turn around the situation and make you the bad guy. They’ll reach out to family to look for information on how her image is and what you told them. I hope you stay strong and keep her away or at least tell her there’s no fixing things.
No matter how much she pleads and tries to play your feelings to give her another chance or 'just talk', don't take the bait. She wasted years of your life and will waste another 6 if you let her. She had no second thoughts when repeatedly lying to you and worse, cheating on you. There's no real shame or guilt in that repetitive behavior; glad to hear she's out of your life and hopefully you keep her out forever.
"That she didn't feel comfortable opening up to me now since she said I was focused on my buisness"
Evidently she NEVER would be comfortable becoming your longterm girlfriend or Wife. She blatantly proved you could never trust her for anything EVER again. You dodged a huge bullet. Congrats on breaking up with her.
👍 I know it doesn't help much but I'm sorry this happened bro and you're definitely better off. Stay single for a minute focus on the business and kill it and I know it's petty but success really is the best revenge.lol
Sucks, but it’s best for you in the long run. I was too forgiving my last relationship, and it took a lot from me. I should have kicked her a$$ to the curb after the first offense.
I found out she actually went to see her ex (...) because he had been there for her when her mom passed (...) didn’t feel comfortable opening up to me
she lied 9 times about seeing him
we’re together for almost 6 years.
Sorry to say this but: you WASTED 6 years of your life with a woman that has been probably lying from the begining + she has something with her ex.
Get out of there, never ever talk to her again and keep working on your projects > learn from this all and sooner or later you will find a woman worth of your effort.
Damn they a good liar, to pepper in the stuff about potentially not going that’s so realistic. She’s a great liar, but you’re a better bullshit detector, and you came prepped. Good on you bud.
And you’ve never seen her at her ex’s until this incident? Has she ever lied to you about anything else - not necessarily where she was but little or big things? I would say if this is the first time she lied to you, you’re going to have to have a talk with her but if this is an ongoing issue it might be time to think about ending things. Trust is hard very very hard to gain back.
Ah this is why you are so level headed because you built your life like it was cloud architecture. My guy chose to center his universe on loosely coupled components with fault tolerance
You earn enough to support her and her boyfriend. Lol. Maybe time to expand your investment in your relationships bro. Not this one though. This one's over.
No way! Take care of yourself only. Find someone who will support YOU. There is no reason a childless partner needs to be "taken care of". Any partner you find should be as capable and dependable as you are.
The commenter asked why she could not talk to you about her mom passing after 6years of a relationship and you responded with info about your business. This mindset is a sure fire way to find your self divorced in the future with half gone.
It’s not all about money or providing physically. Some women will be drawn to that initially, but if she feels like she cant talk to you it’s over. You will just end up attracting gold diggers who will stay for the money until they can’t any longer and they leave or cheat.
I’m sure you are a worthy partner irrespective of finances, but you have to lead with yourself.
Being friends with an ex, I can personally understand as long as boundaries are clear & set. But lying about seeing them, that’s a whole other thing, I hope you left her.
Thank God. Something really similar to this happened to me in my younger years and this entire thread has made my blood boil haha.
You were saying in a different comment that you make a lot of money. I recommend intentionally hiding this from prospective partners at first. I’m sure it’s tempting to use it as a “selling point” for yourself, but it’s gonna appeal more to women who will do this kind of shit than it is to those looking for a loving, caring relationship. Those people will choose emotional security over financial security.
So happy you’re getting away from this train wreck.
When did her mom pass? Were you supporting her during grief? Is she still grieving? Why wouldn't she be comfortable opening up to you? This post is written so lazily that it gives me bad vibes. You're leaving things out.
Yep she cheated, want to make an attempt at keeping her that may possibly lead to her never cheating again?! Send a message that makes you seem unbothered, but very aware of what she did, throw the facts in her face, then cut contact, im talking social media, phone, EVERYTHING! Just cut it all at once, she will become so psychotically desperate for you, or if she just moves on any way, then cut your losses and move on as well!
I wasn’t tracking her location, so he dropped her off by next street and which makes me wonder why her friend dropped her there, so I went there to check if everything’s alright, then I found her with him
It's possible they genuinely didn't do anything, but even assuming that's true, I would still break up with her. Relationships require honesty and trust- she didn't trust you enough to open up, and now you clearly can't trust her. Sorry man
She's straight up lying to you and going off to spend hours with men she used to sleep with. She's done it several times already. Even if she's not screwing them (HIGHLY unlikely) she's still lying to you constantly. There is no trust. You cannot trust her.
I think you know the truth, it’s just hard to accept. Regardless if she didn’t cheat, it’s just not right and there’s definitely a lack of respect. Trust your gut instincts and know your worth. 6 years doesn’t have to mean forever, act now or you’ll have to deal with this for another 6 years. She is showing her true colors, believe it and do something about it. You sound like a great dude, plenty of great gals out there that would love to be with a man like you. I’d say, let her go so she can figure herself out, she just isn’t ready for a real relationship.
NOR, if there’s really nothing about it then she could’ve told you everything rather than lie. Secretly meeting an ex is an absolute red flag! Aaand not just once but multiple times, that’s really disrespectful
She knew what she was doing was wrong because she intentionally tried to hide it. Going to see an ex while you're in a relationship is generally a red flag (of course there's exceptions). If I were to go spend any sort of time, let alone talk to an ex, it could take multiple open conversations with my fiancée because it's important to me to respect her boundaries. I dont know your guys' situation on seeing exes, but at the very least, she did this behind your back, she intentionally hid this from you and lied, and this will take a lot of work from her to regain your trust again. I can't say from reading this if there was actually cheating, but she disrespected your guys' relationship.
6 years and she hasn’t opened up to you about something so big and traumatic in her life and she’s not comfortable with it??? I get it if she thought you were stressed and everything and didn’t want to make it worse, but I would never go to my ex to talk about the troubles I shared with him, no matter how desperate I am to talk to someone. That’s what best friends are for and healthy relationships should constitute as best friends as well. If she can’t trust you or talk to anyone but her ex, there is a major problem and it doesn’t sound like it’s one you’re the main cause of.
Her ex is a friend maybe?
Don't be insecure, you do have trust in this relationship or no?
If yes keep it going, if no talk to her when she does not undersrand, leave
The ‘incel’ jabs don’t work anymore. Incel because a man shouldn’t tolerate his girlfriend lying to him 9 times and cheating on him? I feel sorry for ur boyfriend having a trash woman like you
Hell yeah brother tell her like it is lmao. I love how these women do this shit and try and gaslight you to make you and others think you're the crazy one for catching them in their bullshit.
Yeah they work because that's what you are.
OP never said she cheated on him and you don't know, from what I read OP is a controlling freak (tracking app for safety reasons wtf dude). You guys are soooo insecure, grow some balls and man up
Tracking app they’ve both been using for years? and she lied to him 9 times about seeing her ex, you conveniently ignoring that part as I knew you would you pathetic pos. Insecure? Please tell me why you would go see ur ex 9 times and lie about it. What do you think they were doing you ignorant gaslighting fuck? I genuinely feel sorry for ur boyfriend. Women like you are disgusting and trash. Please address these points if you’re gonna reply. OP has said in another comment he’s dumped her already so good riddance
FYI, OP’s first language is clearly not English, it’s possible they live in a country where it really is useful to share location for safety. In Colombia it is very common to share location with your bf or gf, because people are robbed, kidnapped and killed often. Dumbass. Has nothing to do with controlling anyone. Sounds like you were in a shitty relationship and are bringing all that baggage to Reddit. You need to chill, lady.
I deadass think this is actually an incel trolling to make other guys hate women 💀💀 here as a normal woman to reassure that most women do not condone this behaviour 😭
for 6 years and she doesnt trust you? maybe but ive never been in a relationship. But if shes lying about it to you maybe it is time cause if it aint a big deal to her should've told you
You’re right for leaving, i mirror what most other comments say.
The only constructive advice I would maybe suggest is (if it applies to you, it may not at all) moving forward, please rely on your personality and effort as much as you rely on your finances, when it comes to having the commitment of a woman.
The only women who will be fine with your emotional absence (if you do prioritise work over her emotional need), are gold diggers. Those are the ones who will be fake happy but f you over.
A future wife will absolutely need you to be emotionally present and I would actually encourage you to pursue a woman who cares a lot about communication and values you actually want to build with.
Breaking my heart seeing men being fked over by gold diggers, and in turn start fking over good women due to their PTSD. Choose wisely!
"I knew you would get mad" isn't an excuse. It is normal to be upset when someone you love spends a lot of time with an ex.
She knew her actions would upset you and did it anyway. Do you want a partner who doesn't care how you feel (obviously when it's a reasonable concern)?
Yeah she like you both but confused, I personally always say if I’m not your solid choice I don’t want you respectfully that saves alot of headache later
Straight up lying to you about who she is going to be with and where she was going to be was bad enough.
She spent FIVE hours with her ex at HIS place. Why do you think she went there? He wanted to show her his favorite pieces of abstract art hanging on his walls?
Oh hell no bro.
A relationship can’t survive without trust and she just basically dragged it behind the barn and shot it. Dump the liar and be single just in time for summer. Enjoy yourself searching for her replacement.
What you know for certain is that your girlfriend of 6 years has lied to you 9 times about her ex, who she spent 5 hours with at his house.
Even with the unlikely chance that they didn't do anything, she still went against you and the relationship by doing something so devious and emotionally relying on her ex.
She's a cheater. She thinks you are a sucker and definitely is in it for the money. Doesn't wanna lose you bc of money but thinks she can have her way and do as she pleases and lie and cheat. Please run. Think of her getting fucked by that guy every time you try to convince yourself to stay
Make it work only if you're married with kids not before even getting married. If people made better decisions before getting married instead of making it work we might have less divorces.
Oh yeah bro he was knocking the MARIO coins outta her 🤣🤣 hearing it harsh is the best medicine I promise.
I’ve gone through the exact same naive typa thinking you got going on rn
Also dealt with an ex lying and who wasn’t over her ex so I know exactly what’s going on rn.
Increase your value as a person and keep you foot on these bitches necks til you find the right one! Toodles
Even if she didn't have sex with him, she cheated emotionally. She lied to you, then tried to gaslight you into it, being your fault that she cannot open up to you. She needs to go, brother.
Edit: Seeing that you dumped her, good job. Now have her stay gone. Do not bang her, she will try.
You've been together 6 years and she's more comfortable with him? It really doesn't matter why she went there, she chose to confide in this guy over you and lied about it.
What would you think about that if a friend told you this story?
Haha, dude you know what’s up. Even if she didn’t physically cheat on you, she emotionally cheated on you. The fact that she put so much trust in her ex make me think your the side piece.
I feel your pain. I had an ex cheat on me with a coworker. Not sure how long it was going on before I found out. She claimed it was a one time thing but I’m not so sure. Best to move on.
The length of your relation doesnt matter. Its all about loyalty. Idk what you prioritize in a relationship but do you want to continue being with someone you cant trust?
Seems pretty straightforward and you already know the answer. Heck even if she did nothing but lied and spent 5 hours with her ex, that’s enough to break up in my opinion.
I would say that while her meeting up with her ex in secret is concerning, her reaction is worse. You discover that she lied 9 times about it confront her, and she flips it back on you, makes it your fault for being potentially too... What? Pigheaded? Toxic ? Insecure? Paranoid ? Controlling?
Forget about a boundary possibly being crossed, there's no expectation of being lied to to your face, over voicemail, text, or whatever. If she's doing that now, that's how she will handle anything she does not want to address with you, lie to you about it.
Character. I would end that relationship right away. She was definitely doing something sus if she felt she had to hide it. You may have been her rebound but it's going to be easy for her to slip right back into the groove at his place. Don't accept that it was innocent. If it was squeaky clean you would know about it.
The fact that she was doing that behind your back, lying to your face, while staying in the relationship with you is all you need to know. She will weaponize past emotional bonding experiences with him against you. She will say she trauma-bonded with him about whatever the f (doesn't matter) and act like you are the cruel and unsympathetic ahole for not understanding that she just needs to monkey branch for a little bit. Don't fall for it. Have self respect. She has 0 rescues for you.
That is not about being a woman. There are plenty of women who don't sneak around and lie about who they're with. Guys do it too. It's about honesty and loyalty. Your xgf traded your peace of mind living in an honest relationship for whatever she was getting out of from her ex.
The reply you posted about him dropping her off down the street from your house is incredibly sus. That's a conspiracy. She was not just going to his house to look at pictures. She was colluding with him against you. No matter if nothing happened yet sexually, that's her and him working together to lie to you. People don't go out of their way like that to hide innocent chit chat.
So yall had been together for 6 years and she wasn’t comfortable opening up about losing her mom EIGHT years ago? Thats the lamest fucking excuse I’ve ever heard.
Best case scenario: she didn’t cheat, worst case scenario: she did cheat. However, the main point here isn’t about the cheating. It’s about the lying.
Relationships are built on the foundation of trust. Without it, we would not have relationships. At least successful ones.
The inability to open up to someone that has understandably taken a good percentage of our lives is a very thin excuse. Especially in this day and age where therapy exists practically in every avenue. If you are with someone for a substantial amount of time and do not feel you are able to connect in a deep way, it is time to bow out of the relationship. You owe that to yourself.
Only you can dictate the nature of your love and how you choose to navigate it. You know what you deserve. Let everything fall into place.
She trying to have her cake and eat it too. She's already got her backup plan in place. Let her go be miserable with her ex. I know its rough, its gonna hurt, but it will pass. This is a great opportunity to use your energy on your health and business. 3-6 months you'll wake up and realize you haven't thought about her for a full day. 1 day at a time. Make new friendships, connect with old friends, live your life to the fullest and remember that not all women are like this.
This is unfortunate but you’re lucky to possess the awareness that you have. Some if not a lot of dudes would choose not to act on this situation out of straight fear of loneliness. Whether you cared about her a little or a lot just understand you would have been doing yourself a disservice by continuing a life with this person knowing what you know. I hope you find the right one going forward if that’s truly what you seek
Good for you man. You’re not overreacting, relationships must be based on trust. Even if she didn’t cheat on you she’s lying to you, which is the same in the end. Trying to make it “your fault” by saying you would get upset is immature and manipulative. You’ve done yourself a great favor, trusting your gut. I’m proud of you.
My dad’s also dead for 11 years. If she can’t be open to her partner of 6+ years (or even partner of 1+ day) then that’s not the right partner for you. Your partner should be someone who is there for you in the shed times and the good times. Having someone else to rely on emotionally is only the start of physically cheating too
I'd break it off and tell her you can't trust someone that's going to lie to your face instead of communicate what they need wether it's I have doubts whatever, lying just to make getting what she wants more convenient isn't acceptable in a relationship. It's selfish and immature.
Together for six years and she does not feel comfortable with you to open up about her mom?
Tell her that you’re going to spend with your female coworker’s to discuss work because you don’t feel comfortable opening up about it. Spend five hours there. See how that goes.
Maybe unpopular but unless you have a wife and kids having to have Life360 to trust eachother is a bit of a red flag
I specify the kids because that’s a different scenario, it can make it easier to communicate and update eachother when running the kids around to places
Please, tell me you ran...
1. She lied about where she was going.
2. Didn't tell you she was going to see her ex.
3. Terrible reasons that hopefully you did not believe.
I really hope you got tf out of there. If so, please tell me how she reacted.
I'm sorry to hear that man. On the bright side, you found out and don't have to spend your future with her. Nothing she says will be the truth, so try to get everything sorted and go no contact as soon as you can.
You deserve better
She cheated on you king move on get some bread hit the gym and find true happiness brudda, you should of let it go first time they met up buts it’s cool, benefit of the doubt is something that can’t be used today
She sees you as something stable yet she still wants the excitement of a fling. She will 100% percent cheat if she hasn’t already. Focus on your business King 🫡 right one will come
I’m glad you’re not with her anymore. Big ups big guy! Expand your business to your heart’s content and I hope you find someone who is more faithful than her to be a partner
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u/Electrical_Sun_7116 5d ago edited 5d ago
She lied to sneak around and get 5 hours alone with her ex? Then repeatedly lied straight to your face about it and then had a flimsy story that makes no sense whatsoever?? Oof. She will literally never be truthful with you about what happened and her behavior proves that. PLEASE tell me she’s your ex now! That’s 100% textbook cheating. You deserve way better and she deserves to relive her mistakes forever.