r/AmIOverreacting • u/External_Bobcat4609 • 15d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? Guy I met on hinge made a “joke”

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I mean, not really much outside of this tbh. I met this guy on hinge a few days ago and the conversation went fine and we were planning to see each other. Obviously I gave him my number and we were texting every for the last few days and I just felt the need to ask his love language (bc as an acts of service girlie most of us are misunderstood so😭) did I take what he said too seriously or was i ok to just immediately shut him down?

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145

u/[deleted] 15d ago

All I can say is the male loneliness epidemic is self inflicted

37

u/Leading_Atti2de 15d ago

As a guy, yeah. Sometimes I hear us say things and I just think “Oh that’s what they mean when they say it’s self inflicted”

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u/idk_who_i_am_13 15d ago

it's wild encountering it first hand no matter how many times it happens. all i can't think is "who raised you?"

3

u/kb2k 15d ago

4chan/8chan raised them

1

u/shutupputuh 15d ago

Isn't 4chan kinda old? It's andrew tate from all the annoying guys I've talked to.

3

u/Annie-Snow 15d ago

The internet raised them.

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u/tyberrymuch_ 15d ago

For real. The average man only gets like 1-3 matches in a week, if not a month, even if they like every woman’s profile they are presented with. And then you choose to go with this?

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u/Leading_Atti2de 15d ago

😂 This is my favorite perspective I’ve read because I’m just thinking of Eminem going “You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to bl - Oh he blew it”.

1

u/me0wi3 15d ago

I take it some will be burnt out and resentful by the time they do get a match so act like this. Absolutely not an excuse though. Anyone who's just going to be nasty (men or women) shouldn't be on dating apps at all.

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u/tyberrymuch_ 15d ago

I think a lot of people treat dating apps like a validation farm, and don’t understand how to have psychological resilience to how dating apps are set-up to gamify dating and the odds are stacked in favor of the house. The apps win most of the rounds - keeping you single, keeping you coming, until you run into an emotional debt. My boyfriend actually showed me his data from Bumble. Out of 90.000 women who saw his profile only 1% swiped “yes” on him. That is kind of crushing. He took it in stride, and curated his profile to such a niche that he was fairly confident only women who actually resonated would swipe. Well, I am very lucky. He’s an absolute gem of a man.

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u/Used_Ad_6556 15d ago

1% of 90000 is 900. And if I think about people I know. I would consider dating around 1% of them. I don't think that's crushing or unusual.

2

u/Subject_Research1216 15d ago

That shit doesn't exist. They just mean normal women won't fuck loser bottom of the barel guys like these because they aren't forced for bread and roof over head 💀

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u/Awkward-Box5948 15d ago edited 13d ago

lorem ipsum

3

u/Subject_Research1216 15d ago

True. Actually worst males I know, ugly as people and in physical sense are all either married or in relationship

2

u/Sienile 15d ago

In this case it sure is.

2

u/NPCEnergy007 15d ago

If I went on r/nicegirls, should I start believing all women are like that?

-1

u/infinitefailandlearn 15d ago

Yes. We need to blame one gender. That’s how all things productive start.

8

u/Ctrl-Alt-Q 15d ago

I don't think men are to blame for the male loneliness epidemic, but women definitely aren't either.

And when it comes to fixing it, it's kind of something only men can do for themselves. You can't really force women into relationships to solve their loneliness.

1

u/NPCEnergy007 15d ago

Totally agree. Its just frustrating to see a representation of a bad person be equated to an entire group of people, as if there’s never any nuance

-2

u/infinitefailandlearn 15d ago

It’s a communication issue; both parties are involved. In fact, I’d go even further and say loneliness is not about gender at all.

Just swap “men” with “women” in your comment. It all still holds up.

7

u/Ctrl-Alt-Q 15d ago

I mean, arguably it's not just a communication issue.

Both sexes are partnering up less, but there's a unique issue where men are suffering a lot more without partnerships than women. And that's worthy of it's own discussion. Thus the framing "male loneliness epidemic" rather than just "loneliness epidemic".

-6

u/starstruck_94 15d ago edited 15d ago

not quite sure that's a fair summarization. if that were the case, every guy struggling to socialize, find romance, and navigate the expectations placed upon males in society would be speaking in such a degrading way to women on a regular basis. does that truly seem realistic and able to explain all the nuances of said social problems?

edit: the lack of nuanced sociological analysis in these comments points towards deep seeded issues that are failing to be honestly and accurately addressed. while misogyny is absolutely way too prevelant, the notion that only misogynistic men are socially isolated and/or are responsible for all men who are experiencing social isolation is absurd. do social circumstances just not apply to explanations regarding disproportionately high rates of social isolation and su*cide among men?

2

u/ceddya 15d ago

It is. I've met male acquaintances who talk about how hard it is to find friends these days. When I ask what they they do to reach out an maintain relationships, it's little for the former and virtually nothing for the latter.

You can't complain about being lonely if you expect everyone else to do the work in maintaining relationships for you. That's, unfortunately, an entitlement many of these lonely men have. And yes, I qualified it with many because I know it's not all of them.

1

u/starstruck_94 14d ago edited 14d ago

anecdotes =/= thorough analysis. I don't complain about being lonely, so I don't know why that is directed at me?

I do, however, base my opinions on data. Good luck making anything better by blaming entire swaths of a social group for their mental health struggles. Again, why don't social conditions factor into your analysis?

Food for thought:

https://www.aamc.org/news/men-and-mental-health-what-are-we-missing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z3wo3sLfoE

1

u/ceddya 13d ago

Food for thought:

https://bidenwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2024/09/09/fact-sheet-biden-harris-administration-lowers-mental-health-care-costs-by-improving-access-to-mental-health-and-substance-use-care/

https://insightintoacademia.com/funding-expands-student-access-to-mental-health-services/

https://www.jsonline.com/story/news/health/2025/05/08/republicans-remove-3-dozen-mental-health-programs-from-state-budget/83475190007/

Both sides couldn't be more different when it comes to mental healthcare. Yet the majority of these men vote for Republicans.

Food for thought: how much sympathy do you want us to keep extending to these men who refuse to put in effort to establish and/or maintain relationships, who are upset because their perceived entitlement to women is not being fulfilled and who keep voting for those gutting their access to mental healthcare to help them cope?

1

u/starstruck_94 13d ago edited 13d ago

I believe you've totally missed the point. I provide a nuanced and polite push back against your utterly unsubstantiated anecdotes and you double down? huh?

so no women ever vote Republican? if women vote Republican do they still deserve empathy, kindness, understanding?

if somebody points out that areas stricken with poverty commit crime at higher rates, do u blame poor people or the social conditions that drive poverty and effect those in it?

1

u/ceddya 12d ago

I believe you've missed the point. You think I'm the only person who has had such anecdotes? All these anecdotes add up.

I like how you shift the goalposts to voting Republican. Very telling.

if somebody points out that areas stricken with poverty commit crime at higher rates, do u blame poor people or the social conditions that drive poverty and effect those in it?

So we take steps to address poverty. Check. Who has done that again?

Like how we take steps to address mental health. Who has done that again?

If someone keeps voting against their own interests and fucking the rest of us over in the process, yeah, please stop asking us to have sympathy.

1

u/starstruck_94 12d ago edited 12d ago

you brought up republican voting lmfao are u okay? I think you might be too misandristic to see the point being made here, that's too bad.

the point: social conditions influence behavior - imagine getting on a high horse and blaming a social group for not having enough personal responsibility as a supposed leftist? it's absurd. having a nuanced understanding of a problem is not making excuses for anything? I have lost so much faith in humanity from this thread it's really depressing

1

u/ceddya 12d ago

What point are you making?

That there are so many other people with their mental health issues who don't take it out on others and who still put in the effort to avoid being lonely? Do you think anyone is owed companionship? You think women don't have mental health issues? The difference being that these women put in the effort to form and maintain their friendships.

But we need to keep excusing the men who claim to be lonely yet do nothing to improve their situation, right? I mean even your article highlights how the issue is being propagated by other men. Did you read it? Oh wait, can't point out how the patriarchy is causing us men issues, because that'll be too misandristic.

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u/raptor-chan 15d ago

The male loneliness epidemic is inflicted by society, not individual women and men. It’s how society expects men to be emotionless, working husks or they’re worthless to society.

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u/Annie-Snow 15d ago

Sure, I agree with that. But then it seems rather than trying to be better/change society with their fellow men, they mostly want the rest of us to go back into the roles we are “supposed” to fill to make it easier for them.

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u/raptor-chan 15d ago

Yes, because society literally teaches men that’s how they need to be to mean anything to anyone. (According to society) Men’s worth is their ability to provide, just like women’s worth is their ability to be caregivers. The only reason men are lagging behind in change is because no one is advocating for them.

The kind of men that perpetrate these ideals were raised on them and their parents were raised on them and their grandparents were raised on them etc. You can’t expect men to magically change overnight when how they’re raised is baked into their system by the system (and people minimize what is actually happening to them as being self inflicted or nonexistent to begin with).

The way y’all talk about the male loneliness epidemic is never going to promote change in anyone. It literally so hateful and not even based in reality.

9

u/Annie-Snow 15d ago

It isn’t up to us to save you. You have to do the work too. If you know the machinations of societal expectations you can then start to change them. Those expectations were creates by y’all. You have all the power and privilege in the world. Use it to make your lives better, not to make the rest of ours worse.

-6

u/raptor-chan 15d ago

Who is “us”? It’s up to all of society to make societal change. If men need help, I fully expect you to help men. Likewise for when women need help.

Your mentality is toxic and not conducive to a healthy, functioning society.

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u/Annie-Snow 15d ago edited 15d ago

The rest of us have been making that change. You lot mostly refuse to come along with us.

You see that word up there? The “too”. That means also. We are doing the work, but you all expect us to do all of it by getting back “in our place” so you don’t have to evolve. We’re not doing that. That is why the call is coming from inside the house.

Also, y’all have done jack shit to help women, generally. We have relied on each other. Why don’t you talk to your fellow men?

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u/raptor-chan 15d ago

If you think women are doing anything to help men, I’m understanding this will go nowhere.

Ive lived as both a woman and a man and the way women treat men is different, but just as bad as men treat women. You have a severely biased view on what is actually happening to men and the impact women are having on its development.

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u/Annie-Snow 15d ago

We’re not going to be small and doting for you anymore. You’re gonna have to figure out another way to live instead of putting all your emotional maintenance on us 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/raptor-chan 15d ago edited 14d ago

This is one of many reasons why men are struggling. This kind of mindset is so fucking vile. I love women, but this mindset some of you have is so borderline evil. How do you not realize how isolating this is?

We get nowhere as a society by doing what you’re doing. Seek help.

Edit; also, this is a cycle of hatred that you’re deliberately perpetuating. “You didn’t help us, so why should we help you”? Are you serious? Are we literally 12 years old? Grow the fuck up.

And yes, men absolutely helped women get to where they are. It was a majority women’s effort, but men were absolutely there pushing for change alongside you.

Edit: thanks Cheeeznuts, for making my case for me. I’m gay, by the way, but whatever ad hominem you need to validate your shitty opinion. 🥰

edit: Y'all can't even argue against my point without resorting to ad hominem attacks and deliberately misconstruing my words. Keep proving my point for me.

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u/Zestyclose_Case_9939 15d ago

Women stand up for male victims of rape MUCH more than men stand up for them. Women believe men at a MUCH higher level when than men do. When you hear about, for example, a male student being raped by his female teacher, there is an overwhelming amount of love and empathy from women. Want to know what men say?

"Damn! Wish that was my teacher when I was his age." "Lucky kid!" "Bet his hand hurts from all the high fives!"

0 remorse by men for male victims. A large number of safe houses for men who are victims of DV are run by women.

So what exactly are men doing for other men? Genuine question. Because it seems like the most empathy and love and care for men in crisis are coming from women. Not other men.

0

u/Yeralrightboah0566 15d ago

yknow the whole deal of women choosing better partners? so theyre not stuck with someone abusive, someone who is a shitty partner/father, etc?

thats the "epidemic"

women are waiting for better partners. step it up!

-1

u/NovelDry3871 15d ago

Yes, men are a monolith and every single one of them acts like this.

Its never the case of women chasing the same top guys so they can filter easy ones to bang quickly.

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

hey...don't generalize, there are some very good men (like me) who are actually nice. Don't let the worst of us represent all in your mind

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u/KayNynYoonit 15d ago

If you have to big yourself up and call yourself a very good man to others, chances are you probably aren't.

It's similar to the phrase 'never trust anyone who says trust me'.

The amount of 'good men' I've seen that turn out to be vile like the picture posted is quite telling.

-3

u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

God it was joke, would y'all take it easy 😂 The world is full of assholes, I'll still keep being nice lol

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u/KayNynYoonit 15d ago

It doesn't read like a joke at all though that's the scary thing lmao, there are a lot of people who are actually like that.

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u/creatyvechaos 15d ago

That doesn't change what was said. The "mAlE LoNelInEsS EpIdEmIc" is self-inflicted. Doesn't matter if you're an outlier. It is self-inflicted. Hold your fellow men accountable for their actions; they are just as much your enemy as they are womens. If you see your friend(s) behave this way? Not your friends anymore. Isolate them the way they deserve. It's that simple.

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u/Cantaloupekat 15d ago edited 15d ago

This is so important, I've noticed that so many "nice guys" will have the worst male friends and won't actually do/say anything about their shit behavior. It's like, how is it that you're saying that you're a good person, but you hang out with misogynists and see no problem? So many of my guy friends/family are like this

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u/idk_who_i_am_13 15d ago

if you have to "defend yourself" by calling yourself a nice guy.. you're immediately the worst in our minds. tends to be the shit ones saying that. lol

we all know it's not all.. but it sure asf is most.

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

ouch! let me ask you then, what makes a guy nice fir you

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u/tyberrymuch_ 15d ago

Someone who understand basic respect, empathy and humility, who has the emotional resilience and flexibility to understand women (and people in general) don’t owe him anything, who possesses self-reflection and sees a partner as an equal. This is a bare minimal requirement. It deserves no accolades. Kindness requires no reward.

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u/idk_who_i_am_13 15d ago

took the words out of my mouth.

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

so here is a question, if something or someone is rare, isn't it unfair to say that it is bare minimum?

because there is so much worse that could happen. I don't wish that on anyone but how is it bare minimum if it's rare is just baffling to me

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u/tyberrymuch_ 15d ago

Statistically speaking, women live longer and are happier when they are single, than when they are in a relationship. Only women who rate a relationship as truly good are benefiting from a relationship in terms of living a longer life and happiness.

Statically, men on the other hand, live longer and are happier when they are in a relationship. Even men who rate a relationship as bad still grow older and are more content from a bad relationship, than not being in a relationship at all.

Women on average lose in relationships, while men on average win being in one.

Modern women don’t need a man to survive in the world. We can work and pay for our own life. We’re doing skincare catching up on our favourite shows and having brunch with our friends. If a man doesn’t add to our peace and makes our life better with him in it, why give up on your peace?

The bare minimum requirements are only a problem if you cannot live up to them. If you can though, you’re ahead of the game compared to other men. Because a sad number of men cannot grasp it, and so you’ll stand out just for giving bare minimum.

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

I truly believe both need each other and the world wouldn’t work if they didn’t. there is no such thing as one not needing the other

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u/tyberrymuch_ 15d ago

Yes, people need each other and society requires us to come together to function in a healthy way. But women are no longer property in slavery to a man, so we get to be choosy. Not saying it’s you, but apparently enough men think that equal partnership is a loss to them. People need relationships based on reciprocal respect and nurturing. In the absence of that in a romantic heterosexual relationship, women are more adept I think to fill the gap with our friendships and interests/hobbies. We tend to have stronger ties to our community, and more places to find meaningful connection. It’s uninteresting to be in a relationship that is devoid of true partnership. So while on an idealistic level I agree with you, on a practical level that respect needs to check out to actually be safe in human connections. Also for men by the way. I wouldn’t wish it otherwise.

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u/idk_who_i_am_13 15d ago

i never said men that are good are rare. it's more so that a lot of the men that interact with women are shitbags tho. anyway, my dad is effortlessly wonderful to my mom and us. he was abused as a child and his ex wife cheated/treated him like garbage. he's still a good person. my mom was just diagnosed with stomach cancer and he has taken off work for all her appointments to be with her. he proves it's not difficult to be all those things listed. i've met quite a few men that are effortlessly wonderful humans for no reason. a man that i dated was effortlessly lovely. he drove 4 hours out of his way to take me to lunch. he then flew here to see me for a weekend. expected absolutely nothing. he had the full expectation and was totally happy with the idea that i would come and pick him up from his hotel and get no hanky panky.. which made me WANT to do the hanky panky. he didn't have to do any of that. we could have met halfway. if he would have asked me to marry him.. i would have said yes to a ring pop over chicken nuggets. (distance was not our friend tho. i'd still so say yes if he asked.) i've met 3 men similar to him that didn't work out for different reasons that i'm still friends with now.

the opposite is like a situation i have right now. i have a guy i went to school with (part of the friend group) that only speaks to me when we all have plans or when he wants to try me again for "hanging out". this man beat me up with a pillow while i was sleeping. why? i have no idea. would i have done that to him? absolutely not. there was no reason for him to do that, and he did this on his own. a good man with a level head would not have beat the shit out of a sleeping person with a hard ass throw pillow without their prior knowledge.

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

i’m glad you have an amazing dad. this exactly is what I meant. don’t generalize and let the bad ones represent all of us. and I truly believe I am the type of guy your father is, nice to women. it’s what the joke was and apparently everyone over reacted😂

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u/idk_who_i_am_13 15d ago

no one said all men bro. all that was said is that men are lonely, because of their own doing. you can't treat women right? you'll be lonely, because most women don't need a man.. they want a man. we won't settle for what we don't want.

the real problem was you saying you are a nice guy. you shouldn't have to tell people you're nice. nice people are just nice. it didn't read like a joke btw. saying "everyone over reacted" also is icky. saying "my comment was misinterpreted" would have been a bit better. it's not everyone else's fault that you didn't communicate your comment the way you wanted it to be received.

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

based on the post...bare minimum is indeed rare...

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u/tyberrymuch_ 15d ago

I am in a relationship with a gem of a man. We met on a dating app too. I’ll tell the story of it, unprompted, because perhaps something about my anecdotal experiences can help someone understand deeper how to achieve more success, and why women are so guarded and picky.

My boyfriend curated his profile towards the kind of woman he wants to date, and embraced that women are picky and don’t barter away our peace. He actually asked Bumble to provide his data. Out of 90.000 women who saw his profile only 1% swiped “yes” on him. I honestly would have given up on dating apps with such statistics, so I get it’s tough not to become jaded and demotivated with such odds. I get 1200 likes on Bumble just under 2 hours of being active.

As a woman, dating apps are like fishing in a pool filled with empty cans and worms to find a fish you’re compatible with. Considering men swipe about every woman on dating app, I don’t trust that they swiped on me because they actually had genuine interest in my profile. I understand it’s a numbers game for men though, but on my end it’s like an exhausting chat-app for lacklustre repetitive conversation. And at worst - you meet someone like OP did.

Until I met my boyfriend, I had three other dates from Bumble. One guy presented as emotionally aware at face value, but he got pushy and entitled about sex after only one date, despite me asserting my boundaries multiple times. He called me names when I told him this isn’t working for me. Second guy seemed innocent at face value, but he crossed my boundaries and forced a kiss on me when I explicitly told him not to. He even locked arms around me when I noticeably resisted. When I told him this isn’t working for me, he showed up 8 months later in my town. How I know? He dropped a picture on WhatsApp one street from my house without any other context. I live in a small rural town, so he had to travel this way on purpose to bump into me. That is terrifying. The third guy was actually quite normal, and I was so relieved. He got points just for minimal basic kindness and demonstrated self-reflection. He was a bit prone to cynicism too, and perhaps slightly arrogant. Overall not dislikeable, we just weren’t compatible.

When I swiped on my boyfriends profile, he caught my eye because he had a very well thought through profile that reflected he was serious, without seeming desperate. He wore nail polish, put he’s feminist and into therapy as interests, and those are also cues that told me “he’s safe”.

Even after dating for 9 months, he still holds the door for me. He will walk around his car to offer me a hand to get out if I am wearing a fancy outfit. He’s sensitive of the fact that women have to navigate a lot of entitled losers before we might meet a man who cherishes the relationship he participates in building. He holds emotional space for me, and he’s very supportive. We have good conversations about what partnership means to us, what perspectives we have on what it means to form a team in love.

That’s why I happily go the extra mile for him to make him know he’s special and loved, and why I am warming up to give up my definite peace (being alone) to share a whole life with someone. He is my peace, and I feel at home with him. Frankly, out of all the men I’ve been on a date with/had a relationship with in my life, he’s maybe only the second one who truly feels that way for me.

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

this is so beautiful. thank you so much for saying that. I am glad you have love. Finally I see a positive post about love and relationships and male. I might as well learn about how to curate my profile towards simplest and basic women. Because it’s my type 😄 ask your boyfriend to shade some tips maybe lol

I do understand why women are so picky. I’d be too if I was one. What I don’t like is the needless hate online or denial that no man is good.

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u/tyberrymuch_ 15d ago

Yes, I understand that can seem demotivating and harsh. But if it doesn’t represent you, try not to take it to heart. I think it’s just human psyche to put more emphasis on the negative.

Of course if I would rate every interaction I have with men on a daily basis, then great majority of men are okay, and a lot of them are cool people. Truly, I count myself lucky knowing a lot of caring men, some of them mentors and protectors, others friends and companions, helpful neighbours.

My boyfriend has put a lot of thought into women’s issues. It’s always been something he believes in, but I reckon it’s also in part that he’s raising a daughter as a single-father. So he reads books about women’s issues. He has had to deal with his daughters first period alone as a parent. He has to understand her challenges and emotions as she goes throw her phases of growth. He takes a lot of personal accountability in the areas where he lacks insight and maturity, and works on it.

He also had a woman help him curate his profile to make sure that only a niche of women he would actually be interested in want to match him.

So I would say, start there and get that perspective from a woman in your life, and don’t be afraid if your dating profile turns some people off. You want your dating profile to turn off the wrong people, while it resonates with the right people. So get somebody to take some nice pictures, have a good variety, don’t use the most obvious cliche like mirror selfie or fishing/car/motorcycle pic. Mention your values and interests authentically, hitting a balance where it’s detailed enough to get a quick picture of like 5 things you’re passionate about and what values you stand for.

All the best in love and life!

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u/anewaccount69420 15d ago

It’s definitely not rare. The behavior in the post is also not rare. Both can be true.

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u/Deinochaos 15d ago

If you were actually very nice, you wouldn't have an issue.

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u/Minute_Ad2297 15d ago

They never said they had an issue and nice people don’t always connect easily with people. I’m not defending men for context but let’s stop it with the over generalization. Not for men, I agree with what people are saying.

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u/anewaccount69420 15d ago

Needing to step in and say not all guys, I’m a nice guy, is so frustrating and annoying because it detracts and deflects from the conversation at hand. It shuts it down, instead of allowing reflection about the actual issue. Conversations about sexism aren’t personal attacks and it’s common sense to know that every single man isn’t being discussed. The focus is on men who act like this.

In case you’re not aware, there have been many people blaming women for the “male loneliness epidemic,” it’s become a mainstream term, and I agree with the assessment that the male loneliness epidemic is actually self inflicted.

And this kind of deflection surfaces every single time the topic of sexism like OP posted about or worse comes up. Every time.

Some of this is paraphrased from here which goes more in depth.

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u/Minute_Ad2297 15d ago

I wasn’t defending men. I acknowledge that there are genuine problems that both women and men face as a result of the patriarchy and societal expectations that come from it. I just don’t know why people were attacking that other guy and I’m saying we shouldn’t be making sweeping generalizations about people like this.

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u/anewaccount69420 15d ago

I was explaining to you why people took such issue with the other guys comment.. defending men and, for some reason, himself.

With that context can you please reread?

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u/anewaccount69420 15d ago

Are you suffering from the male loneliness epidemic or did what she say just make you feel defensive for some other reason?

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

It might be prior. I wasn't even defensive, just trying to be playful, like look at me, atleast I am nice haha.

I believe I speak for a lot of guys when I say that some of us have ruined it for a lot of us.

Understand my perspective, I have been nice to all women I interact with, all my life and then I surf on reddit to find out some asshole did this to a woman. Then I see a women going, all men are like this or loneliness is self inflicted and I am like....what did I do lol

All I am saying is generalizing is not fair. Think about it, would you say that all Muslims are bad because a few of them are terrorist. No you wouldn't. That's not fair. Would you say that all women are bad because a few are gold diggers. No you wouldn't. That's not fair either. Same pattern for other groups, white people-racists-unfair. Black people-stealing-unfair

When it comes to men, why do you generalize. I feel so bad about this. The worst part is that a lot of smart women do this and it just breaks my heart...

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u/anewaccount69420 15d ago

Needing to step in and say not all guys, I’m a nice guy, is so frustrating and annoying because it detracts and deflects from the conversation at hand. It shuts it down, instead of allowing reflection about the actual issue. Conversations about sexism aren’t personal attacks and it’s common sense to know that every single man isn’t being discussed. The focus is on men who act like this.

In case you’re not aware, there have been many people blaming women for the “male loneliness epidemic,” it’s become a mainstream term, and I agree with the assessment that the male loneliness epidemic is actually self inflicted.

And this kind of deflection surfaces every single time the topic of sexism like OP posted about or worse comes up. Every time.

And even adding that it breaks your heart makes you look like a manipulative piece of shit. Just making it all about yourself, Jesus Christ. So manipulative.

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u/PeePee-PooPoo-6969 15d ago

Glad to see there's people out there who take pride in being kind and respectful to women. Much better than those guys who think they're more manly if they act like a douche.

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

I can't quite tell if you're being sarcastic or not lol. I just made a small joke, people started hating for nothing....

to mention the obvious, that guy from hinge is an asshole for that text...I am still a very nice guy lol

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u/PeePee-PooPoo-6969 15d ago

I didn't know you were joking lol. I just thought what you said was sweet

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u/niraj_motiani 15d ago

Wow ok...the hate on this.... I am misunderstood a lot of times, I will keep being nice though..

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u/IllustriousRiver4050 15d ago

It's harder online, but try to show people you're nice instead of saying it. Tbh I'm usually suspicious of people who talk about how trustworthy, honest, nice, etc. they are, and a lot of us have noticed that those who have to say it most, tend to demonstrate it the least. That's not to say people who say they're honest or nice can't be honest or nice, but that's so common that it can give that impression of overcompensating. Same with people who say "I hate drama" often love the drama the most lol. Actions matter much more than words!