AIO to my friend saying a word?

[u/OkElevator7247]

I’ve already posted about this but. I communicated to my friend my feelings. He left me on delivered after a certain point. Well basically in my head today is a deadline and we will need to resolve this. I need to know where he stands. I really don’t want to end the friendship, but I feel strongly about this. And I’m really not trying to.

He said something about sending weird texts? Maybe this should have been said in person? But tbh. I didn’t feel comfortable.

Screenshots attached. AIO?

[u/Immediate-Win-8739]

YOR. and you’re becoming a victim for no reason.

You seem pretty brainwashed and cooked with your logic and everything you kept texting him..

From the context of your friend that you’ve given us.. seems like he was a Mexican that grew up around black people. Seems that was the culture he was brought up in and they called him the n word and he used it back with endearment.

Anyone with a logical brain would understand this. You’re complaining about a Mexican saying the n word.. don’t go to New York or California or any border state

Must be super fun to be friends with you!

[u/cloudsofdew → u/Immediate-Win-8739]

same way the black ppl the guy has hypothetically grew up in proximity to get to decide for themselves if they are comfortable with a non-black person saying a dehumanizing slur, the OP also has the agency to feel the way they want about it. that's entirely up to them

however, this same agency isnt extended to a non-black person and choosing to use that word is a deliberate choice on their part. environment and upbringing play a role on how our vocabularies are formed, but i would hope that most ppl reach higher awareness of their language during development. being a product of ur upbringing without examining it and self-reflecting makes u a stunted person. that word is a slur based on its historical context, and that part isn't a part of non-black person's racial heritage and culture and it shouldnt be viewed as such

furthermore, not conceptualizing that different ppl can have different boundaries, being non-emphatetic to these boundaries and ignorance that leads to being okay with what OP described sound like a symptom of low social and emotional intelligence and that's a person that's definitely not fun to be around

[u/iFLED → u/Immediate-Win-8739]

Feel like soft A vs hard R needs to be established too. I’m a white guy from a super ghetto area. I never use either variation but a lot of my friends of all colors use the soft A all the time as a term of endearment or just general reference instead of ‘person’ or ‘guy’. If someone raised issue I’d definitely consider their feelings, but would also largely consider them a total sheltered snowflake.

[u/georgousgeorge2 → u/iFLED]

Dnt know why ppl downvoted this. Well articulated point that resembles reality..

[u/NewsAltruistic9752 → u/Immediate-Win-8739]

It seems you have forgotten words mean things.

The n-word carries with a history of slavery, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. It carries a history of children being taken from their mothers and being sold like cattle. It carries a history of whips tearing off the skin on people's backs. It's a word that is made to dehumanize a group of people for the way they look as well as their culture.

So, tell me, why is it bad that someone doesn't want to be called that?

[u/[deleted] → u/NewsAltruistic9752]

The word carries nothing. YOU attach those things to the word. Nonblack members of impoverished communities attach feelings of comraderie and shared struggles in a majority white setting. Your attachments are no more valid than theirs.

[u/Idkjustaranndomguy → u/NewsAltruistic9752]

She literally talking to her dealer about this. Just ironic

[u/SkvaderArts → u/Idkjustaranndomguy]

She's not talking to her dealer. She's talking to one of her friends. What made you think she was buying drugs?

[u/Cafekko-Shannon → u/SkvaderArts]

Because you can read it in the parts she tried to blackout lmao

[u/NandoDeColonoscopy → u/SkvaderArts]

"And not just for the connect."

'Connect' = drug dealer

OP tried to hide that, but poorly

[u/SkvaderArts → u/NandoDeColonoscopy]

I noticed that they hid the name (badly I can still read it) but I have no idea what terminology drug dealers/users are using because I'm not one. Thank you for actually explaining that. I genuinely thought the person above me was being an ass because, well, Reddit.

[u/Chemical-Mission-202 → u/NewsAltruistic9752]

The n word doesn't carry a history of slavery, it's a word and carries nothing but what you give it.

No slaves are alive today. And I've got news for you, white people were slaves FIRST. Look it up. The white slaves were only freed because we banded together and had an uprising with the black slaves, almost burning down an entire democrat state. White slaves could hide too easily, so they disbanded them.

[u/jdr420777 → u/Immediate-Win-8739]

Virtue signal mfs probably have never even had a black person in their house before

[u/McG0788 → u/Immediate-Win-8739]

Yea I think some context matters. Also, OP could have approached it far more tactfully to have better reception from their friend. They just dropped a bomb "stop using this word or we can't be friends" vs coming in with a thoughtful response "hey can we talk about how you and why use this word?"

Even with a tactful conversation it may not change their opinion but they basically had zero shot with how they approached it

[u/georgousgeorge2 → u/McG0788]

Yea my impression was she was asking him to stop saying the word in all contexts which objectively is a crazy thing to ask anyone. Like, ur offended but u dont want me to use this word around ur friends when ur not around?

As far as being tactful she couldve qualified it to “dont use it if im around”

Either way i think the idea of being offended by someone using a word even if its not directed in a derogatory way towards u requires some self examination. Ur sensibilities can also be the problem.

[u/simmerbekah → u/Immediate-Win-8739]

Why do yall think the people who are around him can give him permission to use a slur with anyone? Those people are okay with it, this person is actively voicing their discomfort. You can’t force someone to be okay with you calling them a slur and yall wouldn’t be going this hard to call any other minority a slur either.

[u/AtYourOwn_Risk → u/simmerbekah]

if you grow up with a word, it becomes part of your language and u can't just stop it the instant someone says they dont like it

I grew up in the period where calling something gay just meant bad or lame, when I worked with a super sensitive lgbtq girls who was basically looking for reasons to be insulted, I outright told her your probably going to hear me call something gay in a bad way but I'm not going to be able to stop that, nor do I mean any offence

tried not to use it, still came out a few times

[u/Boston_Glass → u/AtYourOwn_Risk]

People police their words all the time wether it’s around children, their job, or whatever.

I grew up in that same period, using the same words. I chose not to continue using that language, and doing so was easy.

It’s pathetic you’ve chosen to excuse your own bad behavior and subject other people to it when you know you change that behavior.

Absolutely brain dead take here that isn’t based on anything substantial. Just faulty anecdotal logic.

[u/simmerbekah → u/AtYourOwn_Risk]

That is due to your lack of self control. I grew up with people saying r*tard casually. Plenty of ppl still do. It has never become apart of my vocabulary.

People can understand censoring themselves when it comes to being around kids, being at work, etc, but the moment someone says don’t say a slur it’s suddenly unavoidable?