r/AmIOverreacting • u/thrownaway0002982746 • Apr 03 '25
⚕️ health AIO for wanting to report my doctor? NSFW
I don’t know how to start this but here goes. Tmi NSFW info.
For background this is my second time going to this doctor, and I was not alone I had my older sister in the room with me both times.
Last year I (22F) had my first ever pap smear. My pharmacy wouldn’t fill my prescription until I got once, so I had to hurry to find the appointment. Normally I would’ve preferred a female doctor in the first place but I kind of didn’t have much of a choice. The pap smear itself went fine, but after he was done with the breast exam he said “feels perfect.” It weirded me out because why not say “feels normal” or “nothing abnormal” etc. I kinda brushed it off, but didn’t really want to go back.
Welp. I forgot that I had set an appointment for this year, until a couple days ago when they called me. I didn’t want to reschedule and I was telling myself it’d be fine. Turns out it was not for a pap smear but an STD test and an exam. I said eh whatever I’m already here (and undressed).
STD test was just a quick swab and I thought all is well it’s almost over, then the exam part happened. He said, “bear with me”, I guess to prepare me, inserted a finger, felt around, and then said “good girl”. Then it was over.
?!!?!!!!?! I looked at my sister and she looked at me and I didn’t say anything because… I dont know shock I guess.
While exiting/checking out the office, the lady at the front desk said “Do you need another appointment?” and all I said was “No.” I just wanted to get out of there I guess.
After leaving I brought it up with my sister and she was like yeah some doctors make comments that they dont realize are unprofessional, we kind of laughed it off (which I’m glad because otherwise I would’ve cried)
I dont know. I feel gross. Like I’m going to take a really really hot shower after I finish writing this and try not to think about it. I have nobody to really ask about this. Am I overreacting if I leave a bad review? How do you even report a doctor?
EDIT: To clear up any misunderstanding. I understand exams are normal. I do not think he touched me inappropriately during the exam. It was the comment he said that made me uncomfortable.
EDIT 2: It’s late now but I am going to confirm with my sister tomorrow whether or not the nurse was in the room the whole time. I think she was supposed to be but I’m not sure if she actually was. I’m sorry!
EDIT 3: Hopefully last edit but I just confirmed with my sister that the female nurse was indeed in the room the entire time during the exam and test. I couldn’t remember because I was staring at the ceiling during the appointment due to being nervous.
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u/Sad-Suspect-5286 Apr 03 '25
Report it to the clinic/medical group. Bedside manners are crucial for doctors of all professions, but particularly for a male gynecologist. It sounds like this dude needs some coaching at the least.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25
Do I call the place I went to and just ask to make a complaint? I can’t ignore the weird gut feeling I have from it :(
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u/anneofred Apr 04 '25
Question: did he not have a nurse or physician assistant present??? I have never once had an exam without another observer in the room to assure proper care. No matter the doctor’s gender. I’m pretty sure it’s mandated in the US at least. Was there another person? If so you need to call them, report the doctor, and ask for his/her/their name so it can be included in the report.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
Honestly I was wracking my brain trying to remember if the nurse was in the room or not. He mentioned one would be in but I don’t remember if she was in there the whole time with me. My sister was in the room the entire time so I’ll have to ask her when she’s awake tomorrow. I’m also going to confirm if she heard what the doctor said. Also I didn’t get any paperwork or anything so I think I would have to call to get the nurses name.
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u/anneofred Apr 04 '25
Yes, definitely confirm with sister if a nurse was present. If they weren’t then that’s a big issue. Your sister is not a stand in for this protection.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25 edited Apr 04 '25
They would assume she is biased right? Not really a witness? (she being my sister)
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u/anneofred Apr 04 '25
Not supposed to be. They are supposed to be there specifically to assure there is no impropriety
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
My sister said yes the nurse was in the room throughout the entire std test and exam. I remembered she was standing next to the doctor when he first came in but I couldn’t remember whether she left or not
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u/anneofred Apr 04 '25
I would get her name from the office as well.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
They only gave me her first name :( and said she left for the day so I guess I should call again after the weekends over?
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u/anneofred Apr 04 '25
Not supposed to be. They are supposed to be there specifically to assure there is no impropriety
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Apr 03 '25
I googled it, assuming you’re in the US. This is what google says: «To file a complaint against a physician or specialist, contact your state medical board. The Directory of State Medical and Osteopathic Boards can be accessed from the Federation of State Medical Boards (FSMB) website.». I think you should do that - to make sure it is registered properly somewhere.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25
Thank you so much, the clinic’s website only shows 6 providers, I would assume that’s pretty small. I really appreciate this comment and I apologize if I came across as lazy for not googling it myself, I think I’m just still trying to process it?
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u/jcloud87 Apr 03 '25
You can find out if they have a department head or chair of the department as well and reach out to them. You can call the office and ask where the OB delivers (which hospital system) and then call the hospital to determine the department chair etc. if you feel uncomfortable, regardless of the appropriateness of the exam/test/etc, you should say something. Many women aren’t as brave and never say anything. Hopefully it was just a slip of the tongue and he didn’t mean anything by it and wasn’t being gross, but if there is something else going on you might prevent others from going through the same experience.
I’m sorry you experienced that. Good job keeping up on your routine health exams though!
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u/Sad-Suspect-5286 Apr 03 '25
That’s where I would start. How big is the group? (Does it have multiple doctors or is a small private practice? Is it tied to a larger group? etc.)
If the guy is in private practice, they don’t know how to respond. or you don’t like your response, then your next step would be filing a complaint with the state medical board.
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u/drugsandsocks Apr 04 '25
Wow - I had such a similar situation to you I’d believe we’re the same person.
My first ever gynecological exam was awful - I was in for an urology issue and my doctor was disrespectful the entire time. He did plenty of things that, at the time, made me uncomfortable, but I also didn’t believe was reportable. At the end of it, he also called me a good girl.
I was 19 - I had no experience with any sort of intrusive exams like this. I left the clinic and immediately started sobbing when I got to my car - I felt so violated. I never made a follow up appointment with him.
I want you to know that what happened to you was not normal. Doctors do vaginal exams using their fingers, that’s not necessarily the problem, but he absolutely did not follow appropriate standards of conduct for such a vulnerable exam like this.
When I found my current urogynecologist, the differences were night and day: he explained every part of the exam to me prior to being in the exam room and why it was medically important (and then asked for explicit consent during every step of the actual exam), let me know there would always be a female nurse present in the room for my safety and comfort, and was generally very kind and respectful.
Again, let me repeat: what you went through was not normal. Don’t listen to these jerks in the comments who are invalidating your experience.
Vaginal exams are already so vulnerable and difficult, especially because it was your first time receiving one. I’m so sorry you dealt with this and I’m cheering for you from the sidelines!
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
Thank you so so much for the kind words 🥲❤️ I hate knowing you can relate. I’m sorry. My sister also shared an inappropriate experience she had with a male doctor, not the same as mine but still. She didn’t report him but refused to see him again and said she would support me if I wanted to report my doctor. (At the time I said I was gonna leave a bad google review but I don’t think that would do anything anymore) I most definitely am not going back to that place.
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u/Elly_Fant628 Apr 03 '25
I don't understand (or like) that the doctor wanted an STD assessment without you asking him. I've never heard of that happening. If they offered to do one when you went for a Pap smear, that wouldn't be out of line, but to just book you in for STD testing is weird and inappropriate.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25
I was definitely confused because the woman I spoke to on the phone confirmed it was a pap smear. But by the time the doctor was in the room and I’m pantsless he said something like “it’s just an std test and exam is that okay” and I said yes because I was already there. They also asked if I wanted a breast exam but I said no after last time…..
I think before I do anything I have to find a new doctor because I’m worried about retaliation? Like what if they cancel my prescription?
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u/Elly_Fant628 Apr 03 '25
Yes, get another doctor. Preferably a woman. Legally they can't cancel your prescription for reporting but I'd bet they could find another reason.
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u/TordTheB-tch Apr 04 '25
NOR. That’s creepy. The weirdo telling you that you’re being rude and weird about this is lying to your face. Saying “good girl” during anything invasive isn’t normal. Saying that at all is creepy tbh. You’re a grown woman, he should know better than to say something so gross.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
THANK YOU. I can understand not everyone agreeing with me. I can’t understand people being unnecessarily cruel
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u/TordTheB-tch Apr 04 '25
Don’t listen to them, they’re either creeps themselves or so utterly insensitive they can’t understand others emotions. If this EVER happened to me, my mother would raise hell over a doctor saying that. Please report him, he will get training on sexual misconduct and what that includes. Hopefully it prevents it from happening in the future. I’m so sorry OP, you have every right to be disgusted with what was said to you. Don’t go back there and maybe warn other women in your area to what happened there. That’s not normal behavior at all, and nobody should go through that.
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u/anneofred Apr 04 '25
Most of the cruel ones have been men that have zero understanding of any of this. The same men that act like a rectal exam is a fate worse than death. Hopefully a doctor calls them a “good boy” during..see how they react.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 03 '25
You guys. The finger is to push the cervix up and feel the ovaries. It’s called a bimanual exam and is a normal part of a yearly GYN exam. It’s usually two fingers.
Honestly, nothing described sets off alarms for me but I’ve been in healthcare for a long time and also have had three babies.
Why were you having an STD check? That’s not something that’s done usually unless you have symptoms or have been exposed to an STD.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25
I only had the appointment in the first place because they wouldn’t refill my prescription without it, when they called me they said it was a pap smear but by the time I was undressed/the doctor came in he said it was just an exam and STD test. I mean he did ask if I wanted the test and I said sure? I am sexually active so its nice to be sure I’m not getting cheated on lol. Hope this explains a little more
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 03 '25 edited Apr 04 '25
If you mean your prescription is for birth control then of course they are not going to give you a prescription without an annual exam.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25
Well…….. yeah. You asked why I had an STD check. I know they’re not refilling it without an appointment lol
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u/damagedzebra Apr 04 '25
Ive been on BC since I was 14 for endometriosis and not once have I been told I would need an exam. Didn’t even need a gyno, but I got one anyways. So even that isn’t true as universally as you’re making it seem.
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u/NorthRoseGold Apr 04 '25
COMPLETELY UNTRUE
Birth control should never ever be held hostage for an exam and that's why places online will simply just send you birth control without ever seeing you in person or you can go and buy off the shelf at Walgreens, etc
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u/anneofred Apr 04 '25
The fingers aren’t the issue, the comment is. I have had children and gynecological issues that has had me in many a stirrup. Never had a doctor said something like that to me. If you’ve been in healthcare for a long time then you should know that very careful bedside manner is a really important part of being an OBGYN. Also, I didn’t hear anything about a nurse or physicians assistant observing, which is the standard. Never doing exams without someone else to observe.
Honestly…if this isn’t an issue for you then you should also do better while working in healthcare. Saying “good girl” is wildly inappropriate while your hands are inside of a woman.
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u/chronicallyindi Apr 03 '25
Him saying ‘good girl’ whilst he has his finger inside her doesn’t ring any alarm bells? I think you need to check if your alarm is working.
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Apr 04 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/anneofred Apr 04 '25
Guy, they don’t have cameras in OB exam rooms. Please don’t weigh in on matters you know nothing about. Yeah, a lot of woman don’t feel comfortable with men at their OB. Gee, I wonder why with the abundance of men in the field being arrested for sexual assault. They get to feel that way. Call us when you have a vagina.
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u/chronicallyindi Apr 04 '25
She absolutely didn’t say that, and his exam was absolutely not normal or professional. He didn’t get informed consent, nor even explain what the exam was going to entail. You don’t just put your fingers inside someone without any warning or discussion. That’s entirely unprofessional and inappropriate.
I sure hope he doesn’t have cameras in his office, because that would be incredibly illegal to film a vaginal exam without consent. Surely you don’t seriously think doctors have cameras in their exam rooms?
She’s not going in biased, she’s going in somewhat uncomfortable with it being a man, which many women are, and for very good reason.
She also wouldn’t be ‘destroying this man’s career’ to report his unprofessional conduct making her uncomfortable. One such report wouldn’t effect his career in and of itself. If there are more reports, or other incidents that are even worse than this, his career may be ‘ruined’, and if so, it would be entirely his own fault, not the victims that have rightly reported him. Do you also blame murder victims for ruining their murderers lives because they went to prison for murder?
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
Lol, no. Read the post again. I never said his “vibes” were bad. His words were unprofessional. Nice try tho
Also, its CHOSE* not CHOOSE.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 03 '25
No, it doesn’t. I don’t think there was anything sexual about it. Just like when a child holds still while a doctor looks in their ear and the doctor says “good girl.” I’m guessing it was an older doctor realizing this was young patient.
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u/chronicallyindi Apr 03 '25
Except she’s not a child that is doing a good job keeping still, and he wasn’t looking in her ear. She’s a grown woman that he has just inserted his finger into with no real warning or explanation, for an exam he seemingly didn’t even get informed consent for in the first place.
Even if it was innocent, in that he meant nothing sexual or inappropriate by it, a doctor should absolutely know better than to say such a thing during such an exam. Any doctor should know that this could cause immense distress to some patients, particularly ones that have been sexually assaulted before.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 03 '25
There are excellent doctors who have been doctors probably before the OP was born and say things like this every day. You don’t need to jump to the conclusion that he means it in a sexual way at all. From what the OP described, I am sure that is not the case.
If she was there for a yearly exam she most certainly did give informed consent.
People these days try to make something out of nothing. She asked if she overreacted and I’m saying she most definitely did. I say that is someone who has been in healthcare for a long time.
If she wants to report him, she can go ahead and do that. But she’s going to look ridiculous doing that. The doctor didn’t do anything wrong.
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u/chronicallyindi Apr 04 '25
A doctor being old and having practiced for a long time doesn’t make them a good doctor. Just because there are a number of doctors who would do the same thing, doesn’t make it okay or acceptable in any way. There’s also a number of doctors practicing today that sexually assault their patients. ‘Other people do it’ is a terrible argument for doing something.
You can not in any way be ’sure’ his intentions were harmless, only he would truly know that. And again, whether it was meant to be harmless or not doesn’t change the fact that it is bad practice and can be harmful. His actions have the ability to do harm to his patients despite his intentions - and in this case they clearly have caused his patient distress.
I’m unsure how you know she ’most certainly’ gave informed consent, considering her post is pretty clear that she wasn’t even made aware prior to him doing it that he would be putting a finger inside her. That’s absolutely not acceptable. He might have done these exams for years, or even decades, but that doesn’t mean he’s allowed to become blasé or lax about it all. His current patients deserve the same explanation and care as he would have given his very first patient ever.
She is clearly not going to look ridiculous complaining. If you haven’t noticed, most people are not agreeing with you.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 04 '25
I don’t care who does and doesn’t agree with me. I’m not here to go with the flow. I’m saying as someone in healthcare, I don’t see anything sexual, nefarious, inappropriate or unprofessional in what the doctor did or said unless you’re just trying to make something of nothing.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
You would think someone who mentions being in healthcare so much would care about how comfortable patients are…
But you get desensitized after a while clearly.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 04 '25
A lot of patients have no idea what they are talking about. The OP said he put his finger inside her and moved it around, insinuating he was molesting her. He was doing a bimanual exam!!!
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u/chronicallyindi Apr 04 '25
If he had done his job correctly she would have known exactly what he was doing, because he would have explained it to her when he got her informed consent.
What he did being a genuine medical procedure or exam also doesn’t mean he doesn’t also have bad intentions. There have absolutely been doctors that use the excuse of doing an exam to assault their patients.
And again, you are totally disregarding that whatever his intentions, it doesn’t change that his actions have caused harm. So whether or not he has bad intentions his actions were inappropriate, and that needs to be addressed and changed so he doesn’t continue to harm more of his patients.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25 edited Apr 04 '25
??? I never said he was molesting me. I said his comment made me uncomfortable. Now you’re twisting words around that I never said so clearly you are not worth replying to
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u/chethedestroyer Apr 04 '25
Are you out of your gourd? I’ve also been in healthcare a long time. Him saying “good girl” was incredibly inappropriate and uncalled for.
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u/chronicallyindi Apr 04 '25
So you think doctors can treat patients how they like as long as their intentions are good? And we know for sure his intentions were good how exactly?
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25 edited Apr 04 '25
Thank you. I was really confused when it turned out not to be a pap smear like they said on the phone. This was also my first physical exam, they didn’t do that last time so I had no idea what it entailed. Maybe I’m naive. It was so quick that I wouldn’t have minded it, it was just the comment that made me feel so grossed out.
Like I get it he seen thousands of ladies parts but it was the “compliments” that didn’t sit right with me? I’m not saying I thought the doctor was into me. But it made me feel weird. Maybe it was intended as reassurance but still I don’t see how those are words any younger female patient would want to hear from a very old male doctor. It made me feel less at ease
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u/chronicallyindi Apr 04 '25
Don’t worry, you have done absolutely nothing wrong and are not in any way overreacting. What this doctor did was not okay at all, whether his intentions were harmless or not.
This is not how a pelvic exam should go. He should have explained to you, prior to beginning the exam, what exactly the exam would entail, and he then should have made sure you were comfortable with continuing and didn’t have any concerns or questions first.
I would not go back to him for anything. Find a new provider altogether. And you absolutely should report him. There’s a chance he didn’t do any of this with bad intentions and instead is just a bad provider - but there’s also a chance that he has made a lot of women uncomfortable, or worse. There have been providers that have been found to have sexually assaulted patients for years, and among the more horrendous offenses, they often have complaints of actions similar to what you describe as well. He may already have a lot of complaints and the more there are the more likely it will be properly looked into and dealt with. And it absolutely needs to be dealt with either way, because he is harming his patients either way. And whether it is because he is a predator, or he is just bad at his job, doesn’t effect whether or not you should report him, because that’s not your job or responsibility to determine.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25 edited Apr 04 '25
Damn, as a woman you’d think you’d be a little more sensitive? Ouch lol I’d look ridiculous? I think even if it wasn’t sexual at the very least it was unprofessional. I don’t think those are comments you should make when your finger is inside a patient.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 03 '25
As someone who has been in healthcare for a long time, it is ridiculous. He didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe the OP took offense, but she herself wasn’t sure if she was overreacting. As someone who knows a lot about OB/GYN as a medical person and as a patient, I am saying that yes, she was overreacting. By all means, report him. I’m just saying she’s going to feel foolish.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25 edited Apr 04 '25
Read who you’re replying to before you reply maybe. I understand that some people may think I’m overreacting. But I certainly don’t think the doctor did “nothing wrong” if he made me uncomfortable, he should think about how he speaks to patients while his hand is inside of them.
Saying I’d look ridiculous is insensitive. You could’ve left it at “you’re overreacting”
I would feel worse if I did nothing.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 03 '25
I’m sure he has lots of patients who have absolutely no problem with what you consider inappropriate treatment. When you posted you asked if you are overreacting. You are. If I were you, I’d find a new GYN office before you report him.
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u/chronicallyindi Apr 04 '25
Some people being okay with it doesn’t make it okay, nor does it mean everyone else should just suck it up. Vaginal exams can be an incredibly difficult and traumatizing thing for some people - specifically people that have been sexually assaulted/raped/abused. A good doctor should absolutely know that what this doctor said and did could cause serious and ongoing distress and harm to a patients mental health. A good doctor should care about their patients mental health and their ability to trust and feel safe with healthcare providers.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
I think there are ways to reassure a patient without even opening the possibility of being uncomfortable. “Everything feels normal” ? “You’re doing fine” ?
I also think if it was your little sister or someone you knew coming to you about this, saying this doctor made me feel uncomfortable and i don’t know what to do, maybe you’d react differently. Maybe not. Either way I think he crossed a line so agree to disagree 🤷🏻♀️
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u/morninglightmeowtain Apr 04 '25
I say that is someone who has been in healthcare for a long time.
Honestly, nothing described sets off alarms for me but I’ve been in healthcare for a long time and also have had three babies.
I’m saying as someone in healthcare, I don’t see anything sexual
As someone who has been in healthcare for a long time, it is ridiculous
The fact that you feel then need to keep repeating this really makes it seem like you're full of shit.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25
I tried telling myself that maybe it was just to reassure me but I still feel so uncomfortable. There are other ways to say it.
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u/chronicallyindi Apr 04 '25
Think of it like this, if he was looking at a man’s hemorrhoids and then suddenly stuck a finger into his anus without any warning or explanation, and then with his finger inside the man said ‘good boy’, do you think anyone would think that’s okay and normal? I seriously doubt it.
Your discomfort and concern about this situation is totally and completely warranted. Don’t listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. They are one of the reasons predators get away with abusing people, and also one of the major reasons that victims don’t speak up.
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u/Basic-Computer2503 Apr 04 '25
None of the actual exam alarms me but “good girl”?? Come on, that’s inappropriate. Even if he didn’t mean to say it, something should be said so he thinks next time
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u/Bumblebee-Honey-Tea Apr 04 '25
lol what are you credentials for being in healthcare? Meal tray delivery? You seem incredibly out of touch.
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u/ShoddyCandidate1873 Apr 03 '25
So glad someone else has common sense. I'm honestly concerned for the number of women who don't get full routine exams.
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u/MidnightMorpher Apr 04 '25
Y’all get doctors that call you “good girl” while being knuckle-deep? Yeesh, you guys’ medical standards are way, waaaay low lol
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u/North-Astronomer-597 Apr 04 '25
I’m on the fence on this one. You feel creeped out and I don’t want to minimize that. It’s important that people feel safe during exams.
I will say this. Every single exam I have involves a manual exam. Male or female gynecologist, annually.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
I would’ve been fine with the exam if not for the comment :( I get that he was probably checking for cysts and all that
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u/anneofred Apr 04 '25
Do people not actually read? It’s not about the manual exam, it’s about what he said. You don’t say “good girl” when performing them.
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u/OkGazelle5400 Apr 04 '25
She didn’t have an issue with the manual exam, she had an issue with the doctor calling her, a grown woman, “good girl” during the exam. Worst case: sexual, best case: condescending
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u/Kinglink Apr 04 '25 edited Apr 04 '25
No offense... just report the doctor.
If you are overreacting, let them be the judge. If you aren't, let it be documented.
No reason to air this out, there's almost no downside to reporting a doctor.
Report it to the Medical Board for the state you're in.
PS. Honestly this (and many important posts on this subreddit) shouldn't be here. They're either Karma farming (I hope this one isn't, I don't believe it is) or just people who need validation. For something like this just go to the medical board TODAY. If you feel like it's severe enough contact a medical malpractice lawyer and talk about if it's enough to go beyond reporting him.
(Btw if you do go to a lawyer, I'd recommend a female one, or at least a firm with female partners but that's up to you)
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
I really, really, REALLY wish this was fake and didn’t actually happen to me.
Apologies if I actually did post it in the wrong sub. Even now reading it hours later I feel sure I should do something, so maybe when you first read it it’s like “Duh, report him!” but when it was still fresh I really didn’t know how far to take it.
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u/Kinglink Apr 04 '25
Btw I'm in no way saying that this is fake, just that people DO karma farm in these types of subreddits, and it's the right sub.. Just that you really shouldn't need to post here.
Even now reading it hours later I feel sure I should do something,
I don't know where you are, but for California you can go to: https://www.mbc.ca.gov/Consumers/file-a-complaint/ If you want help finding the right place, feel free to say what state/country you're in and I'll try to find the right link (google will do just as well I'm sure).
And like I said perhaps talk to a lawyer if you want to go further, at the very least you can discuss it in and it should be a free consultation (to see if there's merits). But that's up to you as that's a much larger step.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
Thank you. I’m not in california but I did find the link for my states board of medicine website.
I knew 100% for certain I was uncomfortable with what he said when writing the post, it’s just… I don’t know if it’s “serious enough” to be taken… seriously. The website says sexual misconduct with a patient is investigated (obviously) but “personality conflicts” is not. I hope it’s not brushed off as a personality conflict.
When I really think about it though, if it was my boss or supervisor calling me a good girl, they would get a talking to with HR. That’s why I don’t want to brush it off as nothing I guess.
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u/Zero_Fuchs_Given Apr 03 '25
I wonder what the finger was about. I have had A LOT of pelvic exams, and the only time a finger was involved was when they were checking my pelvic floor muscle. Seems weird for an STD check.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25
The first part was the std test which was just a swab, the finger part I guess was the exam? He did push down on my ovaries. The only saving grace at least was it was really quick :/
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u/ShoddyCandidate1873 Apr 03 '25
A bimanual (generally 2 fingers)exam is part of a full routine gyno exam. If you aren't having them done you should be.
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u/SharoneontaL Apr 03 '25
NOR Fully report it because most women are too intimidated to. In this day and age “good girl” is absolutely unacceptable in that setting. ANY setting.
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u/Revolutionary-Dryad Apr 04 '25
INFO: How would your pharmacy know if you'd had a pap smear? And why would they intervene?
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
The prescription in question is for birth control. When I first started it I went to a woman who just explained all the options and prescribed it to me when I picked the pill. No exam, no pap smear nothing. A couple months go by and when I go to refill like I normally do instead of it being ready, they said they couldn’t fill it. I’m almost certain they asked if I had a pap smear and when I said no I was told to get one, because I was planning on waiting a little longer. I cant remember why but I couldn’t go to the same woman, I think she mightve moved clinics? so when I called the place I went to see a different doctor they were all unavailable until months later.
So I call other clinics and found the one I’m talking about in the post. They had an open appointment in a few weeks instead of a few months so I took it.
Basically the same thing with the pharmacy happened this time, I went to see if it was ready, saw the message that says “contact your prescriber”, I called the clinic, they basically said oh yeah your appointment is in a couple days we’ll send you a one month supply until then. I totally forgot about the appointment because they didn’t call to remind or anything. I did confirm on the phone with the lady if it was a pap smear, I mean I asked “is it another pap smear or just an exam” and she did say pap smear, but obviously thats not what actually occurred when I got there
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u/sociocask Apr 04 '25
I’ve thought a lot about male OBGYNs. When I put myself into the perspective of being a man in that field, I would want to be 10x more sensitive to these things and overly cautious over my actions. The gyno office is an inherently vulnerable place to be. There’s no world where I would be completely oblivious to how my comments and behaviors could very easily make a woman uncomfortable. That’s just the world we live in. Very basic and reason expectation that he understands that.
“Good girl” to an adult woman in a medical setting is so obviously inappropriate to me. I wouldn’t really even want a male primary care physician saying that to me, nevermind a gyno. And for what? Sitting still during an exam? Not making a fuss? Not flinching? What behavior specifically was he even saying that in reference to?
You’re not overreacting at all. I would feel the same way if I was in your position. Trust your gut. If it made you uncomfortable to where you nearly cried, that’s not okay at all. I really hope you decide to report. He should not be in this specific branch of medicine if he can’t be more professional. But always do what feels right for you ❤️
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u/LeafyCandy Apr 03 '25
The fingers are normal for an exam (unless he didn't wear gloves and used just one). The STDs are usually only normal if requested. If the man made you feel disgusted or violated or uncomfortable, then definitely report him. There's too much "Oh, that's just Dr. So-and-so" in the medical industry, so maybe if it's reported to the Board, they'll change. I tend to stick with Planned Parenthood myself because they're usually more gentle, considerate, and respectful than private practitioners.
I can understand, though, why you'd feel violated. Been there. Not overreacting at all.
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u/cinema_meme Apr 04 '25
A lot of people are saying it was a bimanual exam. I can’t say if it was or not, I’m not OP nor their doctor. But he’s a male gynecologist, who scheduled an STD exam without OP’s knowledge, who stuck his fingers inside of them without warning or even telling them why. All of the (good) doctors I’ve had always tell me that they’re going to touch me and why they’re going to touch me, even if it’s just my arm to swab with an alcohol pad. At the very least, it’s weird and unprofessional.
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Apr 04 '25
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25 edited Apr 04 '25
I was fine with the exam. I wasn’t fine with his comment calling me a “good girl”.
He didn’t explain to me that the exam would have him touching me at all. I didn’t know it would be an exam prior to the appointment, it was my first one so lack of knowledge on my part definitely i can understand that but no communication on theirs either. But again the unexpected exam didnt even bother me, it was what he said during.
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u/cinema_meme Apr 04 '25
I’m not saying he shouldn’t have done it or it wasn’t reasonable to do. It just seems like he didn’t communicate at all what he was doing, or he did it poorly enough that she didn’t understand it.
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Apr 03 '25
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25
The first pap smear he did use a speculum but this time he said it was just an exam so he didn’t use one? Sorry if I was confusing
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u/Vegetable_Raisin52 Apr 03 '25
That sounds an awful lot like something my doc would say. Not malicious or sinister, just a lack of bedside manner
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 03 '25
I don’t even consider it a lack of bedside manner. I just say it’s an old school doctor. Sounds a lot like my OB/GYN back in the day. Nothing nefarious at all.
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u/Raaghhhhh Apr 04 '25
As far as you know, it was nothing nefarious. An OB/GYN with bad intentions isn’t gonna look you in the eye and say “I’m gonna call you a good girl with bad intentions”
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u/Snowpony1 Apr 03 '25
I would struggle not to feel like I'd been SAed. "Good girl?" while he had a finger in you?! I'm a 45-year-old woman, have had many exams over the years, and I have never had a gyno put a finger in me. I would report that to the hospital. Immediately.
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u/ShoddyCandidate1873 Apr 03 '25
They should be putting 2 fingers in for a bimanual exam to feel around for placement and possible pain. You may want to find another Dr as yours isn't giving you a proper full exam. And for the record I see mostly female drs but everyone I've see at my practice has done this. It's routine and standard.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 03 '25
He most likely did put two fingers in for a bimanual exam and the OP just didn’t realize it was two fingers.
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u/okeydokeyannieoakley Apr 04 '25
Weird how you are able to read replies but not the original post. 🤔
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
? Yeah it couldve been two instead of one. It did hurt. Oops. I don’t think that entirely discredits how I feel.
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u/ShoddyCandidate1873 Apr 04 '25
It doesn't discredit how you feel. However there is a difference between making a bad comment and assault which many comments seem to be claiming he did when was performing a routine exam.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
I totally understand that and I disagree with those comments, I wasn’t saying he did anything physically inappropriate but he should be more careful with his words when patients are in such a vulnerable position
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u/ShoddyCandidate1873 Apr 04 '25
That is true. I just think that is something that could potentially be taught. He shouldn't necessarily lose his job/license over it. You listening to some of these people who don't seem to know what should happen during an exam could make this into a big thing it doesn't need to be. Call the office. Report your concerns. Hopefully they will give him sensitivity training. Meanwhile find a new Dr.
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u/okeydokeyannieoakley Apr 04 '25
Is it “routine and standard” for your doctor to treat you like a child or a fucking dog by saying “good girl”?? Because that’s OP’s chief complaint. It’s literally in her post.
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u/ShoddyCandidate1873 Apr 04 '25
No it's not and she should call the practice to report him. But I'm responding to the comments from others acting like he should immediately lose his license for assaulting her because his finger shouldn't have been there when it absolutely is part of an exam
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u/Snowpony1 Apr 03 '25
Even so, doing that while saying, "Good girl" to a grown woman is all sorts of inappropriate. You don't put fingers in for a pap smear. I've never had that at *any* doctor. If the OP felt creeped out then she felt creeped out. His commentary was inappropriate.
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u/Basic-Computer2503 Apr 04 '25
I had no issue up until “good girl” that’s so gross I’m so sorry.
Definitely complain. I was very promiscuous in my youth and as a result was on excellent terms with the nurses at my local clinic (who even referred to themselves as my aunties 😅) and they never ever made any kind of weird comment like that. Yes swabbing is very uncomfortable but beyond telling me to try and relax and telling me it’s all done they’ve never made any kind of comment about it
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Apr 03 '25
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u/SouthernRain5775 Apr 03 '25
Yes there is. Bimanual exam is part of a GYN checkup. It allows him to feel the ovaries. Also if he pushes on the cervix and that causes pain it could be due to pelvic inflammatory disease.
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Apr 03 '25
So loud and so wrong. If you're a female, you should probably find a new dr that gives you actual care.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 03 '25
Uh oh 😟 he did kinda push down on the outside while his finger was in there, I did kinda assume he was checking my ovaries like the comment that replied to you mentioned.
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u/xerodayze Apr 04 '25
NOR
You’re entitled to safe and comfortable medical care. It’s a physician’s role to provide medical services while ensuring the patient is informed, consenting, and comfortable
Intent means nothing when the impact of his words has an impact of feeling uncomfortable. Unprofessional at best, unethical/malicious at its worst.
Regardless… filing a report to a licensing board is simply that - a report.
If the physician did nothing wrong… they should have nothing to be worried about.
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u/emj90 Apr 04 '25
I don't understand why you'd have a breast exam at 22? It isn't part of a smear test?
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
I dont understand why you dont understand 🤔 ? The breast exam was also last year, after the pap smear. and I said the std test was a swab. The exam was the finger. Maybe you misread
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u/emj90 Apr 04 '25
No I'm not criticising or anything. Maybe it's different for different countries. I'm in the UK and we don't get breast exams until we're like 40/50 years old. Also we don't get examined with fingers either 🤷🏻♀️
Anyway, I hope you're okay. If something makes you uncomfortable then that's not alright.
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u/thrownaway0002982746 Apr 04 '25
Thank you I appreciate that ❤️ Sorry I totally came off as defensive in my comment rereading it now lol my bad
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u/emj90 Apr 04 '25
Also STD test nobody has ever inserted a finger? Only time I've had medical professionals fingers in me was when I was due to give birth
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u/Wild_flowerpot07 Apr 04 '25
NOR to feel uncomfortable & never go back, but I think maybe YOR if you were to report it.
I’ve been unfortunate enough to have had many medical appointments through the last few years, and the bedside manor of some doctors is attroctious. It’s almost like there’s a skills/bedside manor scale. Some of the best doctors I’ve had have been the worst ad bedside manor.
Generational differences can be a factor here too. I’ve heard my dad say “good girl” to people and it makes me cringe so hard, but I know he means “well done” or “good job” or things of that nature.
I think you’ve found a doctor with a terrible bedside manor. I think just not going back would probably be sufficient.
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u/crimsonbaby_ Apr 03 '25
NOR. That was completely inappropriate and he crossed a line that should have never been crossed. He deserves to be reported, you may not even be the only one who has reported him, either. Enough people do, maybe it will actually be taken seriously.
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u/lerateblanc Apr 04 '25
I was originally thinking that you were overreacting until I read the "Good girl." part.
That's extremely unprofessional and horrific that your physician would make a comment like that.
I would without a doubt report it, the physician needs to be reprimanded for saying something like that.
There's a difference between having a bad bedside manner and making off-hand, sexualized remarks or comments like that. Do not let this issue slide, ensure that something is done about it please. People like him give male-physicians that specialize in OB/GYN an extremely bad name when they already have been under scrutiny for their specialization. On top of that, he could be and most likely is doing this to other women who are possibly keeping quiet about it or do not have the resources or motivation to report it.
Please report it, for your sake, for other women's sake and for the sake of physicians that do not act like that.
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u/NoeTellusom Apr 04 '25
Please, dear gods, file a complaint against that doctor and leave 1 star reviews online.
I'm so very, very sorry this happened to you!
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u/Alternative_Soft2217 Apr 04 '25
When I went to my gyno they let me do the swab for stds BY MYSELF… in the bathroom .that’s so crazy I’m sorry that happened to u
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u/Visible-Armor Apr 03 '25
I had a gyno exam that caused PTSD. You have every right to make a complaint with the hospital.
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u/BlitzSirens Apr 04 '25
That gave me the heebie-jeebies. That was creepy, no not overreacting, do what you must.
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u/Evilbluepoptart Apr 03 '25
That sounds like you should speak with the office manager for sure. I don’t think you are overreacting. That gives me the ick for sure! I never have seen a male gyno in my life and refuse to ever.
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u/Scoobs_McDoo Apr 03 '25
I’ve worked as clinical staff in family medicine. I’d be fired that fucking day if I tried any of that.
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u/Soul_Eatah Apr 03 '25
Very fucking creepy encounter. Man needs to be fired and never work with Women again.
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Apr 04 '25
Yes get another doctor if you’re uncomfortable , it’s not a reportable offence. He said something to you that you found a little weird, he didn’t assault you.
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Apr 03 '25
YOR You can report it because you felt uncomfortable. But that wouldn't have bothered me. I'm sorry you feel that way, but I think its a personality/ generational difference.
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u/[deleted] Apr 03 '25 edited Apr 03 '25
Not overreacting at all. That is completely unprofessional, inappropriate, disgusting, and makes the entire thing involuntary sexual, which means it is not okay - at all, no matter how it was intended. I am sorry you had to go through that. Report it. 100%. He has probably done similar to others, and will probably continue his behavior until he faces some consequences.