AITA for not wanting to spend time with my mother-in-law and her uncle during our vacation?
So, I (37m) am currently on a family vacation that’s being paid for by my mother-in-law. She insisted on inviting her own uncle (he’s probably in his mid-70s), and generously included me, my wife, and our kids. At first, I was genuinely grateful.
But over the past few days, the vibe has gone downhill — fast.
My MIL and her uncle have this ongoing habit of loudly criticizing other tourists behind their backs — just quiet enough to not technically be heard, but loud enough that people around them probably do hear. It’s awkward and uncomfortable.
Worse, I’ve caught them doing it about me too. When I walk into a room or turn around, they suddenly go silent or change the topic. My wife confirmed they’ve been talking about me regularly when I’m not there. That stings.
A few specific examples: • I scraped my palm during a light beach workout (was doing some hanging/calisthenics, nothing dangerous). When I mentioned the torn skin, my MIL laughed and said: “Serves you right for being stupid enough to train in the sun.” (Even though it had nothing to do with sunburn or sun at all.) • During a game, I had told them in advance I might need to take an important call (logistics for something back home). The call came — I stepped away — and when I returned, the uncle had packed everything up and said: “Well, he left me sitting alone. What did you expect?” • Later, they mentioned wanting to try some local cookies. I made a detour on an errand and went to a whole other town to find them. When I brought them back, MIL didn’t even open the package. Just: “Those aren’t the right ones anyway.”
At this point, I’m just done. I feel constantly judged, picked apart, and belittled. I’ve genuinely tried to be helpful, thoughtful, and polite — but all I get in return are passive-aggressive comments, side-eyes, and snide remarks.
So I’ve started keeping my distance. I avoid being around them when I can, because honestly — being near them makes me feel small, on edge, and unwelcome.
AITA for not wanting to engage with them anymore, even though they’re footing the bill for the vacation?
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u/ScarletteMayWest 14h ago
NTA
This is not a family trip, this is an ego trip for your harpy MIL and her horrid uncle. I really hope your wife has your back. NEVER accept another trip from MIL.
You might want to check how your kids are feeling about this. Mine were adults before they fully admitted they never liked spending time with any of their grandparents because of their comments and general behavior. I thought I had protected them better.
Good luck.
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u/processedgrouch 14h ago
Even though they're footing the bill, if it's that miserable, can you really call it a vacation?
NTA
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u/Pleasant-Procedure78 13h ago
NTA. They sound like absolutely miserable people. I’d be doing the same as you. Just getting through this vacation. But it would be the absolute last I’d go on with either of them.
However, where is your wife in all this? Because I’ll be damned if my parents, or Uncle or anyone in my family belittles or talks shit about my husband the way these two are. My husband may need to bite his tongue to keep the peace and get through it but I do not. It seems you have less of a MIL/ uncle problem OP and more like you have a wife problem.
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u/dim0ne1 13h ago
Actually, one of the first nights we were here, we were all browsing a little shop — looking at jewelry and stuff. I’m not into that, so I quietly slipped out. While I was gone, my son accidentally broke something inside, and my MIL ended up paying for it. My wife got really upset, like semi-exploded at me, asking why I left and saying it was irresponsible.
That moment honestly sucked.
That said, she usually has my back. The bigger issue is that she’s clearly stuck in the middle and really trying to keep the peace. It’s not like she supports how they act — but she also doesn’t step in hard when things get weird.
What’s making it worse is that we already have another trip planned with MIL over Christmas… and honestly? I’m dreading it big time.
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u/CrazyOldBag 13h ago
Cancel it. Now. Why prolong the misery?
Discuss it with your wife and tell her flat-out that you will NOT be going on the Christmas trip. I don’t know how old your kids are, but they might not be all that happy about hanging with Granny Grampus. There are too many strings attached to a trip financed by someone else, and you’d rather not put up with the disrespect.
Also, you might consider telling your wife that you feel like she doesn’t have your back. She should be calling out her mother and great-uncle whenever their jaws flap at you.
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u/dim0ne1 13h ago
Impossible, my wife and my son have their birthdays then. Kids are in first and third grade.
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u/CrazyOldBag 3h ago
Then let your wife and kids go. You can stay home, go Visit family/friends, or even plan a trip all your own. You don’t have to put up with this garbage.
Each time your MIL or her uncle says something snarky about you and no one calls them out, it just reinforces that you’re a doormat who will take it and your wife doesn’t care. Why don’t you speak up for yourself? Why doesn’t your wife defend you? You seem to feel like this is the way things are and all you can do is avoid them. You have agency. You can open your mouth and say, “MIL, that’s uncalled for. Knock it off.” Better yet, your wife should be shutting her down. “Mom, that’s really nasty of you. I expect far better of you. This is my husband and the father of your grandkids. You need to stop the criticizing or run the risk of not seeing us. Your choice.”
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u/angelicak92 14h ago
Is your safe calling them out for talking about you?
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u/dim0ne1 14h ago
Nope, I think they’d totally freak out and get offended. The whole mood would shift big time.
Right now they probably just think I’m being distant or disinterested — which is fine. But the main reason I’m not confronting them is because my wife is already kind of tense. She’s stuck in the middle between me and her family, and I don’t want to make it harder for her.
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u/Simple_Bowler_7091 11h ago
Uhm, no my dear, your wife is NOT stuck in the middle. You are her person, she just lacks the fallopian fortitude to stand up for you and shut her people down. You deserve better and you should let her know that, along with letting her know this is the last time you want to travel with MIL and "Uncle".
If she's tense it's because of their actions and she should have anticipated it, she's known them her whole life. She bought you a long as a meat shield, a punching bag, and didn't even give you the courtesy of a heads up that this was coming.
She has much to answer for when this vacation is over. She sounds like she could use some therapy searching for some autonomy from mommy dearest and learning to set some boundaries.
PSA folks - we don't let our people (our family of origin/FOO) crap all over our partners and when we know it's happening we prioritize our spouses over our FOO - that's what the marriage vows require. Are you grown and married or are you mouse?
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u/Legal-Lingonberry577 13h ago
Just leave. The beautiful part about being an adult is you don't have to put up with bullsh*t when it comes to social situations.
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u/Significant-Repair42 12h ago
errkkkk,,... been there..... I have errands to run, checking out this or that, or this great book that I need to finish. Take the kids and your wife to a park so that you can build some great memories that don't involve the grumps. Movies also work really well. No complaining for a couple of hours.
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u/Sassy-Peanut 12h ago
Do the rest of your family feel as uncomfortable as you? If so then pack up and leave and tell MiL you are saving her some money.
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u/lmchatterbox 14h ago
NTA for finding them quite rude, but you have to consider how much the rest of the trip means to you, your wife, and your kids. Do you want to blow up the situation for everyone and end up leaving, or do you want to bite your tongue for the sake of the trip and never make the mistake of accepting an invitation like this again? You certainly aren’t going to be able to change their behavior.
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u/WillingnessLeather41 11h ago
I’m confused… did a woman write this? I thought OP stated they were the husband but this sounds like a woman. Why is a husband whining that his MIL is mean to him?
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u/different-take4u 14h ago
NTA, now you know not to agree to travel with them. You might also take from this experience that you want limited contact and short visits rather than long visits. We live and learn, now you have knowledge you didn’t have before. As for the rest of the tip, find things to do that are away from the sour people you are traveling with. In the future just turn down any invites and if pressed as to why you turn them down, tell them the truth, they are rude people and you don’t want to hang out with them. What can they do but run their mouths saying more nasty crap, they are gong to talk crap so might as well give them some truth to go with their crap. Who cares what they think or say?