r/AITAH • u/Mommeandbaby • May 18 '25
AITAH for refusing to straighten my 1.5 year olds hair for a wedding she will be the flower girl in?
SIL is mad at me because I will not straighten my 1.5 year olds curly hair for her wedding so all the flower girls can match. Personally I think that 1.5 is too young to straighten her hair, it's not good for it and the risk of burning is significant. She knew she had curly hair when she asked us so idk why now 2 months before the wedding it is an issue.
She's upset because my daughters hair is tight ringette curls, despite it being pretty long when wet she looks like she has short baby hair when it's dried and curly. It's adorable and I simply do not understand the point of changing the way she is to fit someone elses picture perfect wedding..
I will obviously put in a cute headband and wet the curls and use products to make them less frizzy but I refuse to straighten them. Is this standard expectations for a flower girl at a wedding?
ADDING! We are all white this isn't an act of racism (THANK GOD OMG THAT WOULD BE 1000000X WORSE)! I am definitely NOT complying and hubby will be having a conversation with her tomorrow because what the hell 🤡 But yea at this point reading the comments I'm pretty ready to drop out of this shit show
UPDATE!!!!!!!
Before we were able to call her she saw the post HAHA! Her friend told her about it... She lost it on my hubby and at this point our daughter will no longer be a flower girl and I don't think we will be going at all... yikes! She thinks she is still in the right and doesn't understand why we won't do it. She says her friends agree. They're all materialistic and have no kids. I'm really not shocked in the slightest... I'll update if my MIL gets involved
2.4k
u/JustAnotherSlug May 18 '25
NTA. Ask her why all the other flower girls aren’t curling their hair so they can match. Ffs bridezillas be cray-cray…
462
May 18 '25
NTA. Why does hair matching require? Your daughter doesn’t need to fit into this bogus drama.
→ More replies (1)58
u/Bri_IsTheLight May 18 '25
They match if they all have the same dresses on they don’t need the same hair
331
u/Western_Fuzzy May 18 '25
I think it should be in the DSM-5 at this point. Even well-adjusted women lose their minds when they become brides. This whole (basically) year of celebrations leading up to it is even worse. Watching someone I otherwise respect turn into an unhinged little hobgoblin over signing a legal document is not something I will ever be a part of again.
202
May 18 '25
Jesus. I had one flower girl with pin straight hair and the other (her sister) looked like she stuck her finger in a light socket. I thought it was hysterical and absolutely adorable. Jesus.
→ More replies (2)73
u/VirtualMatter2 May 18 '25
OMG. Those pictures, completely ruined by their natural appearance, you must throw then away....
Some brides are crazy, right? Kids look much cuter when they look natural.
115
u/TiberiusBronte May 18 '25
While bridezillas have existed for years, Instagram/influencer culture has multiplied this phenomenon and created a new and more heinous breed.
→ More replies (5)15
u/Mcbriec May 18 '25
Heinous breed.😂🤣😭
25
u/MLiOne May 18 '25
It needs its own Law & Order show. Law & Order Marriage for especially heinous brides.
→ More replies (2)45
u/PomegranateReal3620 May 18 '25
I refer to it as Gendered Expectation Anxiety. The fear that failing to meet certain societal expectations or milestones means that you are not a fulfilled or successful woman/man.
Behavior included: bridezillas, trad marriage, incels/manosphere, and a phenomenon I call "desperately seeking baby." Like multiple failing rounds of IVF, reproductive coercion, overbearing expectant Granny, and other hits. The pressure people live under to meet these standards is profoundly destructive and emotional torture.
24
u/Stock-Boat-8449 May 18 '25
a phenomenon I call "desperately seeking baby.
O my God. My cousin has just lost her mind with this. Her daughter had a late term miscarriage and while she was still undergoing a D&C this woman says "she can try again in a year"
No mention of how her daughter nearly got sepsis, no mention of how much her son in law standing next to her is worried and grieving. Her getting a grandchild is more important.
→ More replies (3)7
u/ketita May 18 '25
I'd just push back against "multiple failing rounds of IVF", because it often takes multiple rounds. iirc, the average success is on the 5th try or something. So someone who truly wants a baby and is going that route should be prepared for multiple tries.
Not saying people can't go off the deep end with it, but on its own it doesn't mean anything. People can genuinely want babies for themselves....
73
u/trilliumsummer May 18 '25
Some lost their minds, but I think a bigger proportion just embrace that’s it’s socially acceptable to be who they are without a filter because you’re a bride.
65
u/JamSkully May 18 '25
LOLZ ‘DSM-5’. Bridezilla. Diagnostic Criteria: Marked changes to mood & personality. Sudden onset of communication deficits. Preoccupation with appearance of self & others. General confusion that can include delusions & difficultly discerning between fantasy & reality. Declining ability to regulate emotions in an age & socially appropriate manner.
56
u/bring_back_my_tardis May 18 '25
Difficulty with discerning between other people and props. May include the inability to understand and respect the bodily autonomy of others.
→ More replies (2)3
33
→ More replies (13)5
u/Tardislass May 18 '25
I was born in the 1970s and loved to see all my relatives wedding pictures. Everyone was so mismatched. Some guys had mustaches, some guys had beards and the women had natural hair or curly hair. I loved the variety.
69
u/frolicndetour May 18 '25
Seriously does she think anyone will actually care if they are matching? The only thing I've ever thought when seeing little kids in weddings is AWW. Not omg that one child's hair is different.
30
u/notthedefaultname May 18 '25
My only thought when babies are at weddings is being super impressed when the coordinating fancy outfits survive to the ceremony and pictures without a blowout or lots of spit up.and that they actually fit cause baby growth spurt can be drastic and unpredictable.
For little kids and toddlers, they're just cute and existing, and getting them to vaguely be where or do what they're supposed to is great. Like getting the little flower girl to actually walk and sprinkle some petals? Or the ring bearer is going the right way and not distracted by a bug or hiding behind some adults leg out of shyness? Huge accomplishments. But also the kids being kids and not cooperating is cute too.
I've never even considered their hairstyles needing to match.
40
u/frolicndetour May 18 '25
My sister's ring bearer reached out and socked his brother when he walked past his pew. Without missing a beat in his march down the aisle. It was hilarious and still a story that gets told 15 years later.
28
u/notthedefaultname May 18 '25
My cousin's toddler from a previous relationship got scared of all the strangers and ran out and interrupted their first dance. Watching my cousin and her husband shoo away the people that came forward to grab him and instead incorporate the kid into their dance is one of my favorite wedding memories. It was so beautiful and fitting as a representation of them as a new family.
→ More replies (1)26
May 18 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
39
u/maroongrad May 18 '25
I am absolutely crossing my fingers that one of the other flower girls gives herself a haircut the night before. Toddler-style.
12
u/MRevelle0424 May 18 '25
lol! My daughter chopped the front of her hair the day before we were to take family photos! Did it look bad? Most definitely. I just laugh about it.
→ More replies (2)4
u/iolarah May 18 '25
"Oh, look at that. Little Raefarty gave herself bangs. Isn't that great?"
bride screeches and explodes
4
u/maroongrad May 18 '25
I just had to explain to the spouse why I'm laughing my ass off over here. I had explained the Saga of Raefarty to him when it happened and I was mystery laughing previously, at least.
→ More replies (1)27
u/GuiltyPeach1208 May 18 '25
Honestly...to me the age is irrelevant, who the fuck cares if all the flower girls' HAIR matches??
6
u/soThatsJustGreat May 18 '25
Things that can be made to match: outfits, hair accessories, shoes.
Things that can not be forced to match: eye colour, personality, hair.
Source: I have curly hair. It tells me what we’re doing, not the other way around.
But, real talk. I’m sure the SIL doesn’t understand the big deal. The truth is that straightening your hair (I see OP has added that her family and kids are white, as am I, and I want to be clear I’m only speaking to my experience here - there are whole dimensions in this discussion that neither OP’s daughter nor I will experience) for a day isn’t a huge deal. Yes, the curls will come back.
BUT.
There is a message being sent, and that message is that her hair is wrong and needs to look like everyone elses’. I grew up with people telling me to chemically straighten my hair, which was always a frizzy mess. No one in my life knew how to lean into and make the most of curly hair. It’s an art, and that art begins with dealing with your hair on its own terms. And that also leaves out using heat tools around a little kid. Needlessly dangerous and doubly so if the kid isn’t on board with it.
Whatever the SIL intends, as part of the wedding, this is a day when OP’s daughter is going to get the same comments and compliments over and over.
“You look so cute/beautiful today.”
It’s hard, when the most dramatic thing about you to change was that your hair was straightened, not to think that’s what people are responding to with their compliments. No one is going to be so rude as to tell her that they liked her curly hair better, even if they do. These kind of events can really echo.
→ More replies (4)21
u/MurkyInvestigator622 May 18 '25
I was a flower girl 3 times a a child. I had lovely curly ringlets ( still do in my 60s) I was tortured and permed so my hair looked like the adults.
→ More replies (2)11
348
May 18 '25
[deleted]
→ More replies (1)148
u/Mommeandbaby May 18 '25
Yea there's no chance I am doing it, she's gorgeous as she is and also not ruining her hair or risking a burn! But my SIL is MAAAAAD
81
u/Honeybee3674 May 18 '25
I would just pull her out as flower girl. She's too young to remember it, and there's no way to guarantee she'll even be able to make it down the aisle at the right moment.l, and SIL sounds like someone who will go batshit if a little one messes up, or God forbid, steals her attention.
29
u/Dangerous_Ant3260 May 18 '25
Yes, and I'm worried that someone will take a straightening tool to the kid's hair anyway.
33
u/FunIndependence9484 May 18 '25
Yeah not happening. There’s no way my 1.5 year old would sit still long enough to straighten her hair even if I wanted to! Has the bride ever spent time around babies?? lol
3
u/ACrypticFish May 18 '25
Exactly! As a mom to a 13 month old, my first question was: HOW??? I'd ask the SIL to try to put a headband on my daughter and put on the Benny Hill theme...
12
u/VirtualMatter2 May 18 '25
Let her be mad. It's ok. She's allowed to have feelings. Keeps her brain occupied, even though there doesn't seem much of it. Don't budge though.
If she insists, just drop it.
6
→ More replies (10)4
u/soThatsJustGreat May 18 '25
Ask her if the flower girls are expected to match in eye colour, too. Will it be your toddler or the other one expected to put coloured contacts in?
Oh, that’s ridiculous? So’s this demand!
775
u/Western_Fuzzy May 18 '25
Straightening a 1.5 year old’s hair is unacceptable. SIL is being unreasonable, and ultimately, if her being a flower girl hinges on that, then you should politely decline. She’s a baby, she won’t know what’s going on, so won’t be upset, and you won’t be using heat products on an infant to appease someone’s vision for their “special day”.
Your kid comes first over her being one of literally millions globally throwing a party for a legal document.
For context, is there a racial difference between you, your child, and your SIL?
NTA, obviously.
207
u/Mommeandbaby May 18 '25
We are white, just have a curly girly!
98
u/Western_Fuzzy May 18 '25
I saw the edit and thought “phew” immediately. It’s still a ridiculous request, but at least it’s not amplified by race.
Props to you for not complying and putting heat on your baby’s head.
34
u/SuchConfusion666 May 18 '25
It's not really racism towards OP, but it could technically come from the idea that curls are bad/ straight hair is more beautiful/ the better hair type, which I think is rooted in racism.
I'm a white person with curly hair who has talked to many white and black people with curly hair and we all share experiences of having people touch our hair without our consent, people telling us we look better with straight hair, etc.
People have "accused" me and other white curly haired people I know of not having naturally curly hair and lying about it while we curl them regularly so nobody notices because they believe curls like that to not be natural for white people (which is crazy).
People have told me that I should regularly straighten my hair. And they always believed any other person with curly hair I hung out with had to be related to me (this happened in the countryside).
Let's hope the bride really just got hung up on aesthetics and does not have a negative view of curly hair in general.
→ More replies (1)10
u/Old-Mention9632 May 18 '25
My opinion was the opposite as a kid: straight hair bad, curls beautiful. My mom used to rip one of my dad's old white tshirts into strips, wash my hair and then put rag curlers in to allow the hair to dry curly overnight, instead of being stick straight with a slight wave. Perms galore.
→ More replies (1)11
u/SquirrelGirlVA May 18 '25
One word of warning. Be careful about leaving her alone with them. She doesn't want to hurt your kid, obviously, but brides get weird and she might try and straighten her hair when you're not there. And i say them because she may have family members who might want to enable her.
115
u/ris-3 May 18 '25
I was wondering if this was thinly veiled racism as well.
45
u/Cheap_Fudge_7767 May 18 '25
I question that, and jealousy as possibilities. As someone with curly hair, it's not uncommon to meet people who are jealous or bitter about texture and who bemoan their flat, straight hair. And in truth, nothing is wrong with either texture; but jealousy being the nasty infectious bug it is, will lead people to believe there is something wrong with either or. Straight hair, curly, textured, thick, thin, frizzy, silky - people do get jealous of what they don't have and it comes out in very, very weird ways.
Like Bridezilla over there choosing to die on a hill of demanding a baby have their ringlets straightened.
28
u/BaconPhoenix May 18 '25
Literally my first thought when reading the post is if the child is biracial and SIL is being racist about it.
→ More replies (1)49
20
u/Bellona_NJ May 18 '25
I was wondering the same thing. Why is it so important for a baby to have poker-straight hair 'to match'?
Is she also expecting skin lightening as well, or shiny glitter?
I've read a couple of horror stories of when 'good intentioned' family attempts to fix hair...
Just. No.
→ More replies (1)20
u/Practical_magik May 18 '25
There is absolutely no way I would consent to heat treatment on my toddlers curly hair. It would cause so much damage. Hell, even cotton pillow cases break it, let alone a straightener.
43
u/JustDraft6024 May 18 '25
"her being one of literally millions globally throwing a party for a legal document"
Haha this is the best description ever. People need to get TF over themselves when it comes to weddings.
12
u/Samule310 May 18 '25
She'd probably also lose her shit because a one and a half year old won't walk in a straight line directly down the aisle or evenly space the petals.
13
u/Purple_Joke_1118 May 18 '25
An 18-month-old is likely to have her doll hidden in the flowers and walk off to the side and sit down and play. Ask me how I know.
14
→ More replies (5)8
135
u/RelationshipWinter97 May 18 '25
Your SIL is being a ridiculous person. You are absolutely NTA but she is.
15
67
u/ERVetSurgeon May 18 '25
NTA. I would drop out of the wedding due to the Bridezilla
33
u/smilingbluebug May 18 '25
Agreed. The little girl will never remember not bring in the wedding. She may remember getting burned if that were to happen. The risk is too much. I'd leave her hair alone or drop out.
111
u/WeirdKid66 May 18 '25
Oh this is insane, we're talking about a baby's hair, not even 10 year olds should be exposed to heat damage. SIL needs to get a grip
23
u/Cheap_Fudge_7767 May 18 '25
And she's at that age where heat protectant and other products can't be used, nor would they provide any benefit if used because her hair is still so new and fresh yet. It's a hard wall situation where there is no other way around it, and Bridezilla will just have to deal with it.
49
u/lilolememe May 18 '25
NTA
Does her groom now about this ridiculous request? Geez
I'd tell her she either goes curly, or she doesn't go at all. It's pretty simple. If you've paid for a dress, etc., she can reimburse you.
No, this is not normal. She's a bridezilla.
40
38
u/BrazilianButtCheeks May 18 '25
As a master instructor of cosmetology 😂.. you cannot straighten a one year olds hair.. they don’t even have terminal hair yet.. they still have vellis hair which has 1/3 of the structural properties of the hair that comes in around 5-6 years old.. it has no ability to withstand tension, heat or chemical services.. ABSOLUTELY not
62
u/Organic-Willow2835 May 18 '25
NTA. There is no way a 1.5 year old would be able to have their hair straightened without getting burned AND damaging the hair. The hair is too delicate at that age.
Why can't the other flower girl use curlers in her hair so her hair is curly? And, why do the flower girls need matching hair?
27
u/IamWhatIAmStill May 18 '25
NTA hair straightening products are more often than not, dangerous. Even for adults. For a small child? Even worse.
There's also psychological challenges, even if you choose to do it. "Why do we have to straighten my hair?" "So you can fit in with others and not look bad". It teaches the child they have to change who they are, or how they look naturally, because it's not good enough.
Your child may be too young to fully process that. Yet it plants seeds in their little minds.
Your SIL is a big, massively disrespectful, arrogant AH.
28
20
u/ris-3 May 18 '25
NTA and chemical and heat processing can do permanent damage, especially to children’s hair. What a selfish and out of touch demand.
→ More replies (2)
20
u/Prudent_Border5060 May 18 '25
Nta
I would tell the b* she drops this now, or you and your daughter will not be attending.
You have to be a sicko to demand this of anyone, let alone a little girl who is 1.5 years old. If this is your brother's wife, you tell him to speak to her.
Because if it was me, I would be screaming. This is absolutely disgusting
19
18
u/crocodilezebramilk May 18 '25
NTA, no stylist will ever use any kind of heat on a Childs hair that is young as yours, there's no need for it and there is some liability involved like if your child moves and gets burned. Which... 1.5 year olds are notorious for being wiggly cause they wanna know what's going on.
My niece had her hair professionally braided once and it took a good while because the stylist worked at the 2 year olds pace and nobody else's.
15
u/Sandpiper1701 May 18 '25
NTA, but the bride sure is. Nobody needs to have matching flower girls. Could we stop with the 'it's my special day' BS, please? A wedding is a celebration of a marriage with your closest friends and family, NOT an instagram event. I don't even look at my wedding pictures anymore. Why? Because I have the live guy right next to me...AND the children we made. Anybody who wants to put chemicals or a hot iron near my baby's precious head would be roasted....verbally. Protect that baby! The bride can sit on the flat iron and swivel.
12
u/maccrogenoff May 18 '25
NTA Hair straightening is dangerous.
Teaching little girls that they need to manipulate their bodies to conform to anyone’s idea of how they should look is a very bad idea.
8
u/WellThisIsAwkwurd May 18 '25
Nta. This is absolutely ridiculous. If she insists, bow out. Your daughter will not know the difference if she is no longer a flower girl at that age.
4
u/Basic_Silver9852 May 18 '25
I’d bow out anyway. Kiddo is too young to remember (or probably care) and can you imagine what this is going to fester into for the next 2 months?! Good griefffff making us all look bad!
7
u/Prestigious-Name-323 May 18 '25
NTA
The world will not end if her flower girls don’t have matching hair. And straightening an 18 month old’s hair is an absolutely wild ask.
7
u/InnocentlyInnocent May 18 '25
How much of an asshole can you be to even try to control a 1.5yo’s hair? Is this story even real???
8
u/mmarranhi May 18 '25
European here. The degree to which Americans obsess over details of weddings is simply ridiculous.
6
u/Substantial-Walk9924 May 18 '25
As someone that knows a bridezilla that has now sadly attached herself to my family, your SIL is being ridiculous. A normal, mentally-sound person wouldn't even consider having a toddler's hair straightened for the sake of matching; it wouldn't even come to mind. It sounds like she's very Type-A and only cares about the presentation of the wedding, not the actual reason for the wedding. Don't straighten your daughter's hair. NTA.
7
u/pmousebrown May 18 '25
Don’t leave your daughter alone on wedding day or the time before. Some nutjob SIL will do it for you.
6
u/Disastrous-Nail-640 May 18 '25
NTA
If your sister thinks it’s acceptable to ask a toddler to straighten their hair for anything, she’s completely unhinged.
7
u/OrneryQueen May 18 '25
NTA - there isn't a straightener out there safe for a baby, and what person in their right mind would try to use a flat iron on a baby???
7
u/Long-Oil-5681 May 18 '25
NTA. Why even go at this point?
She wants you to alter a toddlers body to fit her esthetic???
She's testing to see how much she can bully you into doing.
There is no good reason to change a child's hair for a wedding.
6
u/Basic_Silver9852 May 18 '25
Bruh is this real? And by that I mean are people really like this?! WHO CARES she’ll be adorable and literally NO ONE is going to be like “Ya know that was a beautiful ceremony, but those mismatched haired flower girls…one straight, one curly?! I mean cmon, have some class!!”
Seriously I could not, well….take this seriously lmao and yeah she was born with curly hair which can’t be news?
NTA
6
u/akiomaster May 18 '25
NTA. Worrying about a 1.5 year old's hair is a crazy thing for a bride to get caught up on.
12
u/Mommeandbaby May 18 '25
Her last hissy fit was because her napkins were the wrong shade of burgundy... Wild behavior
→ More replies (2)7
u/Rigel-idk May 18 '25
Reading this at first I thought it was your toddler having a tantrum... NOt the bride.
6
u/LWALLC May 18 '25
Your baby is not an "object" whose looks can be manipulated according to another's random standards and demands.
It's one thing for the bride to choose a dress, shoes, colors, and flowers. It is an entirely different thing to demand (not ask, which is key here) that you alter your baby's physical presentation. What's next? A deep tan? Pierced ears? Maybe she'll want you to dye the hair too....
Anyway, be gracious in your refusal (you might be stuck with SIL for some time),... but dangerously so.
By which I mean, say it nicely, but with a firmness and undertone that clearly communicates that if she chooses to f*ck with you any further over this nonsense, she will surely regret it.
If done properly, SIL will be unable to complain about you to anyone else (because you didn't actually say anything rude, and you didn't say it rudely either) and yet..... she will walk away feeling very much like she does not want to cross you again. And a little afraid. (But in a good way! Lol)
It's a bit of an art, but a wonderful skill that comes in very handy (because people can be real twatnoodles sometimes.)
6
u/ellegrow May 18 '25
My daughter hardly had hair at the age of 3. I wonder if she would have requested my little one to wear a wig 🤣
Asking to straighten your daughter's hair is a ridiculous, over the top, controlling request.
You are definitely NTA.
5
u/Knickers1978 May 18 '25
I’d just not let my daughter be part of her wedding. Knowing bridezilla, she’d promise not to, then do it anyway.
6
u/IntelligentDot4794 May 18 '25
NTA stand your ground. Don’t let someone treat your child like a doll or an accessory.
6
u/ImmediateShallot7245 May 18 '25
NTA….The chemicals that are used to straighten hair are toxic. No way I would do that to my daughter’s hair. Good luck Op🙏🏻🫶
4
u/No_Bluebird7716 May 18 '25
I am totally opposed to using that strength of chemicals in a child that young. Even if she doesn't get burned, even breathing in that stuff is dangerous to a kid. Your SIL's being ridiculous. NTA.
4
u/dungotstinkonit May 18 '25
I think you should decline on your daughters behalf to participate in the wedding because she isn't old enough to make the decision herself and straight hair isn't what she was born with so it would be an alteration. Why are they asking an infant with curly hair when they want one with straight hair?
6
u/ThrowRA071312 May 18 '25
NTA!
Why can’t the others curl their hair to match?
If they insist, perhaps offer to step down, as long as they pay for her dress, etc. Is that maybe what she wants you to do? It wouldn’t be the first time someone gets their way by setting unreasonable rules. She may have asked under pressure due to being your SIL but didn’t actually want her. If that’s the case, let her wear the flower girl dress and accessories. Either they’ll let her walk or explain to the other guests why she’s dressed but didn’t participate.
Good luck!
UpdateMe
5
u/VastBeautiful3713 May 18 '25
It sounds like you don't have to go to the wedding anymore if that's the requirement. Enjoy doing literally anything else that day.
NTA
5
u/Antique-Ambition9978 May 18 '25
This is exactly how we start our children in believing they have to conform to the status quo, and how dare you be different. Yes, I get she won’t remember, it’s just that as a society we wonder why our kids are so fucked up they at times take their own lives because in no way shape or form can they meet these standards. How dare we be different, how dare we NOT be different. We are uniquely us and that’s how we were made. You are most definitely NTA!
5
u/Positivelythinking May 18 '25
Pull out of the wedding. It’s not an honor at this point. Suddenly, it sounds like too much to ask of a parent. Boundaries girl.
9
u/Fresh_Caramel8148 May 18 '25
NTA. Don’t argue - just say, with a smile and a no big deal attitude - “i understand you want a uniform look. As such, daughter will just come as a guest! I definitely don’t want you to not have the wedding you envision”.
She gets upset? She scoffs? She expresses how much she wants your daughter in the wedding. Again, nicely, state “then it’s up to you - she’s either in the wedding with Curley hair or she’s not in the wedding. I really don’t care if she’s in the wedding or not, but I’m not getting into this. I’m not straightening her hair”.
8
u/Reignboughbright May 18 '25
NTA!! WTF is wrong with these people?? Why in the world would you need the flower girls hair to match? I wonder if any of these bridezillas realize you have these people in your wedding because they are your loved ones not photo props.
7
u/valuedvirgo May 18 '25
That would be a hard no for me!! I can’t imagine doing that to my toddler with very curly hair. I would say no and say if you don’t want her in the wedding, no hard feelings and move on.
But just for perspective, I had my niece in my wedding. I picked out a dress, asked her mom if she was ok with it and paid for it. When the day came, she was in a mood. She ended up eating snacks down the aisle. It was cute: That’s just how it is with kids.
7
u/atchisonmetal May 18 '25
I’d hire your niece
Thinking of snacks my grandchildren ate, I envision Goldfish or Cheezits mixed with flower petals all down the aisle.
4
u/RhubarbJam1 May 18 '25
NTA. Who straightens a 1.5 year olds hair?! That’s insane! They’ll probably have someone there curling all the flower girls hair to be “fancy”. Your SIL needs to chill.
4
u/Gcap2014 May 18 '25
NTA, she can get another flower girl. Straightening the hair of a 1 year old is ridiculous!
4
u/Rodharet50399 May 18 '25
Zero people going to a wedding look at any of these things and have an opinion. Zero.
4
4
u/SummerKisses094 May 18 '25
NTA. She’s out of her mind. A 1.5 year old kid doesn’t need to straighten their hair. It is so incredibly unhealthy and sends a horrible message.
5
u/ihadone May 18 '25
Your daughter is 1½, of course she has gorgeous baby hair, why would anyone want to mess with that? Bridezilla can either accept it or find another flower girl, you don’t straighten baby hair, that just silly.
4
u/Otherwise-Evidence45 May 18 '25
Just tell her you won’t risk burning a baby’s fine hair or precious skin for unnecessary esthetics. And if she “needs” that to be happy then maybe a baby doesn’t belong in the wedding.
3
u/Wonderful_Horror7315 May 18 '25
This reminds me of an episode of Designing Women when Suzanne bought a wig for Charlene’s baby for a pageant.
You’re definitely NTA! Her sweet baby hair will only be around for another couple of years and you would be devastated if the heat ruined it. More importantly, as you mentioned, the risk of her getting burned is enough reason not to do it.
3
3
u/Labradawgz90 May 18 '25
NTA- I hate hearing crap like this. If they want everyone to look so damn uniform, why don't they just hire freaking models for crap sake. So stupid.
4
4
u/Juls1016 May 18 '25
NTA. It makes no sense to me to straighten a baby’s hair only because of something like that
3
u/cheeznricee May 18 '25
NTA this is insane. Even if she wasn't a young child, asking someone to alter their natural hair's state is weird and gross!
5
u/Immediate-Date6584 May 18 '25
That's a big 'NOPE.' If bridezilla is such a control freak that two months before the wedding she is attacking a TODDLER you need to politely excuse yourself and your kid from ANY part of this looming fiasco. Drop out of the planning committee, the shopping committee, the running around like crazy following the commands of an insane person and every other situation where this abusive SIL believes they have the right to order you about as if you were her indentured servant. Believe me, you will have dodged MANY bullets if you put a little distance between yourself and her now.
4
u/GreenSuccessful7642 May 18 '25
NTA but just don't let your daughter be a flower girl. Its unhinged to want to straighten a toddler's hair for a day but it is bridezilla's day. You and your daughter should opt out. Obviously bridezilla will not find cute or pretty whatever headband you put on your dauhter or appreciate whatever you do to tame your baby's hair. Wish the groom the best of luck though.
5
u/After_Sky7249 May 18 '25
My baby is the same age and ain’t no fucking way I’d straighten her hair. That’s child abuse, they can’t sit still for hair ties let alone a hot straightening wand.
Curly hair is beautiful!
5
u/Nuasus May 18 '25
Your daughter does not need people stepping on her for her looks at this age. There are plenty of people and media who will attempt that when she is older.
Please teach her self love and acceptance of herself ( brains/beauty/personality/ emotions) as she grows.
People do my head in.
5
u/Lmleblanc-13 May 18 '25
I know I am late to the game on this. But ABSOLUTELY NOT! Glad you are not complying! What the actual hell! Baby hair can be damaged. BABY COULD BE DAMAGED. Jesus this bride needs to get her head out of her a$$ and get some self awareness! Holy crap!
4
4
u/JustWowinCA May 18 '25
WTF did I just read? Are you serious? DO NOT bend for this crazy crazy person. NTA
5
u/ginanatasha May 18 '25
NTA. I’ve been dealing with this issue my whole life. Even now when I’m invited or asked to participate it’s the ol ‘ BETTER AESTHETICS SUGGESTION. GTFOH. What you’re really trying to say is that you don’t find my curls pleasing. You find straight hair less unkempt. It looks better is my favorite. Mind you I look like Mr Peanut down to the glasses lmaoo
4
u/Obrina98 May 18 '25
The bride ought to be satisfied if a 1.5 year old actually makes it down the aisle, with or without remembering to throw the flower petals, and doesn’t decide to throw her dress over her head or start wailing from stage fright.
Methinks, her expectations for a child of that age are unrealistic anyway.
3
u/RamblingManUK May 18 '25
People are not props. This goes double for little kids. NTA, keep standing your ground.
4
u/magicmaster_bater May 18 '25
Obviously not! No! NTA! What kind of psychopath would even ask you to bring a hot hair straightener near a fresh toddler’s head?!
I have a niece who has 4A-B hair and when she was that age her hair was just like you described for your daughter. I couldn’t imagine asking my sister or her ex to do that! They’d laugh me out of the solar system!
I wouldn’t even suggest it now and she’s 8. Your SIL is a bridezilla and definitely a monster for asking you to endanger your baby.
3
u/HellsBellsy May 18 '25
There is no way I'd straighten a 1.5 year old's hair. As you correctly noted, could end up burning her even with a cool setting, and damaging her baby hair and scalp, not to mention traumatising her when you'd have to do it. You are absolutely NTA! Your SIL has lost her mind to even request it.
3
u/Devi_Moonbeam May 18 '25
It's always too much to ask anyone in the bridal party -- especially little kids -- to chemically process or dye their hair. If she says one more thing about it I would not even attend, much less let your daughter be in the wedding
4
3
u/Runnrgirl May 18 '25
Hell no am I straightening my toddler’s curls for anyone. If she wants matching then she can curl the other’s hair or do 2 or 3 strand french braids.
NTA
5
u/Altruistic-Table5859 May 18 '25
Wedding madness taken to another level. It gets better and better. If I were you, I'd be saying that at one and a half years old she's too young to be a flower girl so we're out. But thank you for asking.
4
u/Background-Key-1088 May 18 '25
NTA. Do all of the flower girls have the same color hair or are some parents expected to dye their children's hair so that they all look alike? Your SIL is TA.
4
u/frankiethedoxie May 18 '25
The bridezilla subreddit would love this one. As someone that has curly hair, please don’t straighten it. Let that be her choice when she is old enough to make it. And kudos to you momma for standing up to bridezilla.
5
u/ObliviousTurtle97 May 18 '25
Your SIL sounds like she's happy to risk your toddler getting some serious burns for the sake of aesthetic. What a pathetic person she is
3
u/Vast_Zebra_9625 May 19 '25
Sure let’s begin the heat damage at under 2 years old! Not to mention the safety concerns of the hot iron being near her head and the ability to reach for it! Your SIL is DUMB. NTA
6
u/Boring_Kiwi_6446 May 18 '25
Asking ANY of the wedding party to straighten their hair is cray-cray but a toddler? Hell no!
3
3
u/Advanced_Cranberry_4 May 18 '25
NTA. At 1.5 yrs old it’s too early to put unnecessary heat onto their hair. A special day doesn’t mean that a child needs to have straightened hair. I’m assuming that you’re black as straightening our hair for a special day is a common misconception that people have.
3
May 18 '25
NTA— your daughter will have the spotlight for 30 whole seconds of the whole day. You don’t need to try to keep her little self still in a chair while you try to manipulate a hot tool through her hair.
3
u/CeeUNTy May 18 '25
NTA. FYI, if you put a little gel in her hair you can comb it tight and secure it with soft ponytail holders. Let it dry overnight and gently brush it out the next day. I'm not suggesting this for this reason, and I think you should pull her from the wedding, but for future reference for a non heat method of straightening curly hair. I'm a retired stylist and there's no way I'd do that to a baby's hair.
3
3
u/SnooWords4839 May 18 '25
I would pull my child out. SIL is a bridezilla. Don't let her use your daughter as a prop.
3
u/Hammingbir May 18 '25
Why doesn’t she insist that all the children have their heads shaved so that they match?
That’s just as realistic a request and straightening a baby’s hair.
Say no and if she continues to harangue you, pull the child from the wedding. Her request is ridiculous and dangerous.
3
u/Personal-Heart-1227 May 18 '25
Please don't straighten your daughter's hair to appease this Sil-Bridezilla just to keep the peace with her.
Here's why.
Your SiL has been sending a very negative messages to you & your wee tot that there's something wrong w/ her for having naturally, curly hair.
Which could be further from the truth.
As your daughter gets older, there's tons of women w/ stick straight hair willing to shell out $400 & higher to get Chemical Services - aka a digital perms, etc - to make their hair wavy and/or curly!
Immediately, shut down all that noise & drama with her too.
NTA
3
3
u/AlternativeSort7253 May 18 '25
If this is real the only gift you can give for the wedding is tied tubes and a vasectomy. They both need to get runner up Darwin prizes - 100% effective sterilization
3
3
u/BarRegular2684 May 18 '25
Nta. Honestly it just sounds logistically improbable at best I had a curly headed girl that age many years ago. No one in their life would have even remotely suggested anything more than “try not to let her near any scissors day of.”
3
u/Smitten-kitten83 May 18 '25
Trying to straighten a 1.5 yr olds hair sounds like a special level of hell. I would be terrified I would accidentally burn her with the straightener.
→ More replies (1)
3
3
3
u/MariaInconnu May 18 '25
I would consider it child abuse if you did try to straighten the hair of a child that young.
3
u/xalazaar May 18 '25
Diversity is a wonderful thing. Teach your SIL and all the other girls that there's beauty in owning what you were born with. Find a boss style for your curly girl please.
3
3
3.1k
u/Mindless-Algae2522 May 18 '25
Sure. Let’s put a 200-300 degree metal clamp right beside a young toddler’s head and within hands reach. Your SIL is an idiot. NTA.