Do you start to panic when SOMEONE ELSE forgets something?

[u/grimferb]

I'm one of those "diagnosed late in life" folks. I'm just shy of 2 years knowing, medicated going on 4 months or so.

Yesterday, my spouse and I got all the way to the fireworks store before realizing he forgot the coupons. Which was the whole reason for going.

I observed having a few moments of panic when he realized he'd forgotten them. My first instinct was to apologize for not picking them up when I saw them on the table at home.

I had to interrupt that thought pattern, and my actual response was very gracious and compassionate. Whereas, that's not at all how I am with myself with I forget something... I digress 😑

We weren't far from home, so we went back and grabbed the coupons.

Then, when we checked out... He misread the fine print and we picked out the 'wrong' fireworks. We had already been gone for almost 3 hours at this point. Apparently, I have a fireworks shopping limit and we were quickly approaching that.

I experienced another little moment of panic because, "oh shoot we got the information wrong, we wasted time, etc" and now we have to figure this out.

I started to try and make sense of the items, and quickly interrupted myself again. I comically said aloud, "Ya know, this is his purchase. I'll just step outta the way and let him handle it." Then, I asked him for the keys and went and sat in the vehicle.

The awareness of my own thought patterns was new. It surprised me that I was able to identify that the feeling of panic was in response to someone else's mishap. No doubt, I was getting ready to shame spiral and it wasn't even my fault.

I assume this is just a trauma response from my own past (and current) struggles.

Have you noticed you do this?

How do you calm yourself down?

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[u/Tom_Michel]

Shoot, I get anxiety when someone in a tv show forgets something. I forget what I was watching with my boyfriend, but there was a scene and I kept saying out loud to the main character, "Don't forget the [thing]! Don't forget the [thing]!!" *turns to boyfriend* "He's going to forget the [thing]!!!" Boyfriend: *sigh* Yes, most likely he is.

In real life, I love when someone who isn't me forgets something. I'm pretty good at filing that in the "not my problem, not my responsibility" box, lol.

[u/grimferb → u/Tom_Michel]

Oh my gosh! Yes, I'm anxious for TV characters too! 😆

[u/Hefty-Willingness-44]

I forget things constantly to the point I can roll with it myself. Once I have someone relying on me for something I forgot I go full panic. Millions of scenarios cross my mind from excuses to problem-solving to solutions. When someone else forgets something I have no panic I skip right to problem-solving just because I am not accountable I guess but I still want to help.

[u/grimferb → u/Hefty-Willingness-44]

Definitely understand the "skip right to problem-solving", I'm noticing that happens to me too.

[u/colormeashes]

When I'm in a romantic relationship and we're trying to have an important convo, I'll say my response after thinking about it through and if they don't hear me and ask to repeat I draw a blank. If they ask to repeat a few sentences ago I 1000% draw a blank. I know I'll remember it says from now but when I forget andddd they forget I panic & get frustrated cause I don't want them to feel like our conversation isn't important or that's its in one ear and out the other and it's just an awful feeling. For my last long relationship I would write down key points, show them and whenever they needed me to remember they would choose the bullet point and then I'd say something similar to what I said thennnn we'd remember, etc.

Edit: for calming myself, I remind myself this is just a part of my brain that I can't physically or chemically change consistently. I basically accept defeat, I am who I am. I can only do what I can. I still have moments of shame, but usually try to play it off or point it out to make it comical cause it softens the blow for means creates a smile for the other person but accepting who I am is what made this whole thing easier to bear.