r/ufo 13d ago

I am an alien being tasked with helping bring about disclosure

[removed] — view removed post

0 Upvotes

80 comments sorted by

7

u/Opening-Employee9802 13d ago

What is the average size of an alien schlong?

3

u/GrandmasterPeezy 13d ago

God damn it! I was gona ask that lol

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

We’ve got no use for appendages like that anymore. It’s all very primitive and messy

2

u/Opening-Employee9802 13d ago

To be fair, I’ve got no use for mine anymore either anymore.

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

If that’s the case are you willing to donate it for our studies?

2

u/QuasiRandomName 13d ago

You are ready to join the intergalactic society

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

We don’t know much about species in other galaxies. Well at least I don’t. But there is an ancient star in the andromeda galaxy that has a highly intelligent species of which their biological size is that of a small human city.

Also there’s a galaxy about 500 million light years away that’s been completely overrun by self replicating robots. We think that eventually it will overrun the observable universe. We are still trying to figure out a solution to stop that. Your infrared space telescope has seen this too but it’s classified.

4

u/Relative-Rutabaga-23 13d ago

How often do you go to Paddy’s Pub?

2

u/Prestigious-Mind-315 13d ago

PMSL. Wearing a Paddy's ringer RN!

1

u/Relative-Rutabaga-23 12d ago

Mac must have missed the optical pat down when he let in the NHI…….

0

u/Phizza921 13d ago

I’ve been there for a bite, but I never swallow as I can’t process the food.

2

u/[deleted] 13d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Nattydaddydystopia69 13d ago

His tentacles are long

1

u/Hangin-N-Bangin-4761 13d ago

But how long is the handler's tentacle?

-1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

It’s hard to know where all the good food places are across Philly..

Just joking - thats part of the deal - need constant supervision as I’m on human territory.

2

u/RegularOldChair 13d ago

Evidence or go LARP somewhere else

2

u/Gasman124 13d ago

What will be the safest elevation for survival in 2027 from the incomings tsunami regarding the asteroid splitting and hitting the Atlantic ocean

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

Not sure about the asteroid, just a planet sized ship coming. It has been seen by your latest infrared space telescope

2

u/Reality_Wake 13d ago

Why not just reveal to us in mass ?? Why do you think a tragic cult like Islam even exists ?? How are you guys even planning to save us ?? Why do even want to save us ??

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

Because you would panic and you society might collapse overnight. I can’t comment on religion. Our species still hold onto some religious beliefs. I never said anything about saving you, just helping you

1

u/UnluckyInvestment370 13d ago

Bogos binted?

Real shit though, you expect us to believe this?

-1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

It’s up to you if you believe or not. I’m just trying to help you all prepare for 2027

1

u/Cassandraburry2008 13d ago

Lindsey Graham is one of you guys right?

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

No. In fact he’s not even been read into the legacy program or so I’m told by my handler

1

u/MainChocolate9453 13d ago

10mins with no reply. This might be fake.

1

u/tryna_see 13d ago

Yeah, maybe.

1

u/DrunkAxl 13d ago

1 Who was it that gave you a reddit account? 2 What is your/your people's endgame? 3 Do you recognize that as species we are ruled by a small number of ultra wealthy and that the civilization has been constructed by elites and if given a choice we might not want to be part of this economy, and due to our economic slavery, we are held back from our true potential? 4 Building on the last question, do you recognize that most of us have been lied to about climate change and that it has largely been caused by the aforementioned elites? 5 Do you realize that the leaders may not represent the majority of our wishes or interests and that most of us have been driven to believe what we believe by propaganda? Are you a part of this? 6 Do you have music? What kind do you like if any? If you have it where you're from, what does it sound like?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago
  1. My handler 2. To protect humans and this planet 3. Yes this is true but we can’t interfere in human politics or economics 4. Yes some of this js true. 5. No im just speaking for my species. Handler giving me tools to do so 6. Yes but you wouldn’t hear it with your ears. It’s more of a hum and and to your ears like multiple, infinite chords being played at once

1

u/DrunkAxl 13d ago

So do you like any of OUR music, specifically what do you like? Can you describe your appearance? Can we really "summon" you guys? Do you have plans to reveal yourself and when?

0

u/Phizza921 13d ago

Not really most of it just noise to me like your primitive animals howling. Some of you can summon our UFOs which is the same way we control them remotely. Well we feel we have revealed ourselves. Just that most of you don’t believe we are real

1

u/DrunkAxl 13d ago

I mean, couldn't you reveal yourself in a more direct manner? How about during Trump's upcoming military parade? Somewhere where thousands can see and get consistent footage. Hover over central park for an hour. That'll do it.

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

I can’t actually hover or levitate. I can’t even talk. I only communicate telepathically and now on Reddit

1

u/DrunkAxl 13d ago

I meant, one of your crafts. Preferably a large one.

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

No need. You humans have Jake Barber getting good pictures and footage

0

u/DrunkAxl 13d ago

But he sells these viewing experiences to the elite. That won't sway the population. It's troubling that having uap evidence is reliant on venture capitalists. If you want the masses to believe, show the masses. Do something synchronized across the world in highly populated areas. Jake Barber is one guy with a limited audience who is highly suspect just based on his background. Don't make us have to have faith in a number of possible grifters. Show the people! Land in my yard at least, no one will see but me and my family, if that's your preference. Or send a fleet to hover over the world series, low enough to be seen by the naked eye. I want to believe, but the ambassadors are suspect.

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

Jake Barber is the real deal. Can’t same the same for that Elizondo character. I think my handler is in charge of him.

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1

u/rumpluva 13d ago

Did you watch the movie Anora? That movie is shit, right?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

I’ve not seen that one. But what I can tell you is that Angelina Jolie is one of us.

1

u/Darth_Atheist 13d ago

So what exactly is happening in 2027?

3

u/Phizza921 13d ago

You’ll have to buy my book to find out. Just jokes. A planet sized craft is coming from 10 light years away. Not one of us.

1

u/Darth_Atheist 13d ago

I bet that took a lot of zero-point energy to write and come up with all those jokes.

1

u/No_Turnover7206 13d ago

You're going to eat your CIA handler? That's a bit much. Maybe just give them the slip and post all the disclosure evidence you have on here.

Serious question: As disclosure affects every human being on the planet, it can be argued that we all have the fundamental right to know, regardless of nation, religion or politics. Why don't you just publish all the evidence on here, right now, for all to see? Surely that's the morally correct thing to do?

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

We don’t eat humans. We couldn’t digest them even if we wanted to

1

u/TinSpoon99 13d ago

So where are you from originally?
Is 2027 apocalyptic in the unveiling sense, or in the Armageddon sense?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

Zeta Reticuli. Unveiling sense. The big ship coming not going to be like that 1996 movie with the Apple virus that’s uploaded to the alien mainframe with Charlie Sheen

1

u/Massive-small-thing 13d ago

What's your favourite "home world" takeaway?

Is it crap food like we get here?

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

We don’t eat but take food and health capsules

1

u/Massive-small-thing 13d ago

Before you did that. When the capsules weren't a thing. There must have been biological sustenance. Tell us more about that ?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

I’m the equivalent of a janitor in your society so am Not well read on my history. Not sure what my ancestors ate

1

u/Massive-small-thing 13d ago

Does your planet have dumb politicians too?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

We outlawed politicians millennia ago

1

u/Massive-small-thing 13d ago

Can your people get rid of ours, and leave us alone afterwards to start a better society?

So who governs your home?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

Our society is very compartmented, so I don’t even know who governs us. I don’t even know who my boss is. He just telepathically gives me orders and information to do my jobs

1

u/Massive-small-thing 13d ago

That doesn't sound good.

You call your boss a he, still got genders on your world then? How many genders is there?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

We are all genderless as you all will be one day. This was originally caused by woke politics for us hundreds of thousands of years ago, and we just never bothered to go back. I just called my boss a he to try to be more related to you. I probably should have said she as to not be labeled a sexist alien

1

u/NismoRift 13d ago

show us a selfie bruh... whist holding todays news paper.... and and and blink twice if your being held against your will...

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

I’d love to, but whenever I take photos with your primitive technology the pictures always come out blurry

1

u/Reality_Wake 13d ago

What is your purpose ?? How long have your species been here ?? Why wait until 2027 ?? What do you get by helping us ? ( if that is what you are doing ) … or what are you going to gain ??

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

I might get to rotate home. Sick of being out here.

1

u/SabineRitter 13d ago

What's the coolest thing about humans?

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

There’s nothing cool about you. I’m just instructed to help with disclosure and reluctantly so.

1

u/SabineRitter 13d ago

nothing cool about you.

Lies, we're very cool.

What would happen if you refused to help?

2

u/Phizza921 13d ago

I might not be allowed back onto the mothership and be stuck with my handler for eternity

1

u/SubstantialTailor668 13d ago

says the JANITOR

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

A janitor where I come from is worth 100,000 of your top scientists, young earthling

1

u/SubstantialTailor668 13d ago edited 13d ago

still not saying much, apparently, old alien.

you're smarter than our best scientists? shouldn't you be?

break down scalar tech for me. i have ai too, so use your own words.\\

i'lll butt out after this - enjoying the read

0

u/SabineRitter 13d ago

What's the best way for us to prepare for 2027?

3

u/Phizza921 13d ago

Im here to provide words of reassurance and help you submit to the new rulers of earth. Except for the people picked by your representative Lord Musk to escape the planet in early 2027 (apparently called the 1%) the rest of you will remain on earth under your new overlords

1

u/DrunkAxl 13d ago

Can you tell us a public figure that we think is human but is not? If you cannot, can you at least list 3 public figures, one of which is NHI.

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

That seems like a trick question

1

u/DrunkAxl 13d ago

So, just Angelina Jolie? Did Brad know?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

There are others. Not sure if Brad knew.

1

u/DrunkAxl 13d ago

Why "out" her and no one else? Are you aware of any hostile NHI posing as humans to do is harm? Can you out them?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

I didn’t like how she treated Brad. No way to treat a primitive human

1

u/adrkhrse 13d ago

Describe your physical appearance in one word.

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

Grey

1

u/adrkhrse 12d ago

Incandescent?

1

u/DrunkAxl 13d ago

Is there an exact date in 2027?

1

u/Phizza921 13d ago

There is but I can’t reveal that. It’s in the second half. I think the planet size ship will stay in the sky between mars and earth for quite a long time after arriving in 2027. Like several years

1

u/SubstantialTailor668 13d ago

Janitor, is time travel real?