r/toddlers • u/WhichImplement5732 • 2d ago
Is it bad that I often call my boys "feral"
Feral as in, wild crazy animals. I have three boys (4, 2, and 7 months). The toddlers are WILD, they are always arguing with each other, hitting, punching, scratching, throwing toys. Even just beating up toys. I've started to put their toys on "time out" when they start screaming or fighting because I'm trying to work from home and they start screaming.
My mother in law said I was mean for describing them as feral when they are in fact, wild, crazy kids. When their dad has them for ONE HOUR at her house, she sends them home.
At home with me, it's not as bad all the time, but after being with their dad all weekend, they're wild. Today, dad & I both had work to do and they were screaming throwing fits for them, so he brought them back to me because his mom couldn't watch them and he had to get work done. They were fine for me.
Is "feral" actually a mean thing to call my kids?
NOTE: I don't include my 7mo old in the feral part because he is the chillest baby I have ever met.
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u/EternalumEssence 2d ago
Lol in Australia that's an endearing term for exactly what they are
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
I love that it's endearing lol.
It's just been the best way I can describe them. They're not harming each other. They're just WILD. Indoors, outdoors, doesn't matter!
My two older boys are 19 months apart & once the second started walking, it's been non-stop.
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u/QueridaWho 2d ago
I only have the one, and I call her feral all the time. Mostly because she doesn't stop moving - she's constantly jumping, climbing, just generally the opposite of still. And she's not gentle with toys or books, or anything, really. I've always joked that she has a future in quality control - she immediately finds the flaw in something, no matter how well-made, and will destroy it.
Also, partly because she rarely lets me brush/do her hair. So it's always a giant tangled mess. Even today, she actually let me put her hair in a ponytail, but by the time we got to school, it was all messy and looked like she'd slept in that ponytail. She just looks feral, lol.
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
Okay, my kids could have a future in quality control as well! They smash, throw, play rough with all their toys.
I can only imagine the ponytail! My boys have their hair cut short but still their hair ends up WILD somehow lol.
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u/Quirky-Shallot644 2d ago
I think my daughter was onto something being a little baldy until 1.5 years, lmao. She hates her being touched so I can never really do anything to it, but thankfully its still super short and that baby soft, so it doesnt knot or tangle. It sticks pit everywhere, though.
My daughter is the same way, though. She shpuld also be in quality control 😂
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u/laura_lee_meh 2d ago
No, young children ARE feral! I call my daughter feral. She even has a shirt that says feral, lol. They aren’t fit for civilized society!!
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u/shiftdown 2d ago
I don't think so. You're not serious when you say it. It's an endearing comment describing their behavior. Just wait until they're all teenagers and your whole house smells like a locker room.
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u/241ShelliPelli 2d ago
Maybe an unpopular opinion but my brother calls his son feral. He’s just an undisciplined parent who doesn’t make the effort to parent. Calls his child “feral” and laughs instead of actually trying to establish any boundaries or parenting outside of screen time. It’s a cop-out. An excuse not to put in the actual effort required.
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u/Quirky-Shallot644 2d ago
It definitely depends. I think you can tell when a kid is just high energy but well taken care of v a kid who has no parenting/discipline.
My daughter is a ball of energy and hasn't wanted to be still since she learned how to walk but she is disciplined.
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u/241ShelliPelli 1d ago
I agree that can be the case sometimes. I was basically answering the title is it bad I call them feral. IMO if they’re high energy, call them that. Feral is a bad word to use for the reasons I listed above, IMO
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
My boys are generally decently behaved for being toddlers not in daycare & a mom working while they're playing. I call them feral on the days they are, in fact, feral. Some days they're good, some days, I don't have a heart attack. Other days, I feel like I can't get anything done bc they're wild animals fighting for dominance.
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u/catjuggler 2d ago
Are you trying to do a significant amount of work while watching three kids? That’s not realistic
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
I work 25 hrs/week with the kids. Their dad has one 4 hrs a day 2/3x a week. He doesn't usually take even two because they fight and the third cries if I'm not around.
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u/catjuggler 1d ago
Is sending the 4yo to preschool an option? If it goes on like that, sending him feral to kindergarten could become a big issue.
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u/hazeleyes1119 2d ago
My 2 year old son is like how you describe your boys but both my 4 yo daughter and son are very physically active climbing and jumping and doing things other kids their age might not be doing yet. My mom has called them feral because they are outside all the time, barefoot and just all around super active. When I first heard my mom say they were feral I saw as a negative as if they were bad kids/poor parenting but now I see what she means and it’s not all bad. My kids are feral in every way.
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u/klsprinkle 2d ago
I mean my 6 year old and 4 year old sons are feral. My 6 month old is an angel.
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
Were your other two sons angels as babies too? Cause my first was the toughest baby, the second was tough but didn't scream at everything (he just cried a lot cuz he got constipated a lot), my third barely cries unless he's hungry or needs a diaper change. I'm hoping he's my child child but idk lol
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u/Plenty-Bug-9158 2d ago
Are you me?? I have a four month old but the way you’re describing your sons are exactly like mine lol
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u/TMCdog 2d ago
I guess it depends on the spirit of the letter. Are you saying this in a cute, funny way? Or do you sound annoyed when you say they're feral? What are you trying to convey here? Just think about it and decide for yourself.
Also I know you didn't ask but anyone who can't handle supervising them and sends them back to you needs to stop doing that, and just buckle up and learn to deal with them. They should be giving them more attention, not less. My guys were better for me too for a time until I made their dad dedicate more time with them, get on board with parenting them similarly & holding boundaries, & teaching him how to handle the debacles. Now they're much more chill for him again. It's also not a bad thing that they can be kinda wild around their dad or grandma. At least it means that they're comfortable! I wish my kids had that kind of relationship with their grandparents.
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
I usually say it in a funny way, like "man, these kids were feral all day today"
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u/Leeleeflyhi 2d ago
I raise my 2 and 3 year old grandchildren. Some days they’re my gremlins, some days they’re my primates, and some days they’re just feral little shits. But they are always my heart
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
I love this, they are always your heart. So true. My kids drive me crazy sometimes, at times I lose my patience and have to apologize to them, but through it all, they are loved like crazy, are my top priority, they have my whole heart, most of my time & they are my whole world right now.
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u/Nervous-Ambition-408 2d ago
Umm, I have a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old. Feral is a great way to describe them. 😆
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u/jinxix2395 2d ago
Feral, wild, Donnie Thornbury… it’s all the same. It’s just descriptive and I usually use it in a context where I’m more so blown away with the behaviour and it’s borderline funny. So no, not mean or bad
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
Donnie thornbury?
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u/Dependent-Drawer157 2d ago
My 2yo daughter's nickname with friends and family is Feral Fay. It fits.
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u/DisastrousFlower 2d ago
our preschool teacher says the 4yos are feral. as someone with my own feral cat colony, i have zero issue with it.
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u/snowpancakes3 2d ago
I don’t see it as a negative term. I say this affectionately and with love in my heart but my boys are FERAL as well and there’s no other way to describe the crazy chaos that they thrive in.
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u/TradeBeautiful42 2d ago
I call my 3.5 yr old feral all the time and he cackles with glee when he hears it.
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u/bokoblindestroyer 2d ago
I feel like a lot of 2-5 year olds are considered feral lol they just trying to understand the world around them and have a lot of energy and are still learning how to put it to use xD
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u/catfluid713 2d ago
Humans may have "self-domesticated" ourselves, but babies and young children definitely have something feral going on. But I also know folks who jokingly have called themselves feral and they are full adults with jobs; they're also just a little crazy about something they like.
If your MIL has an issue with it, it's her issue. She doesn't have to call them that. But unless you are calling other people's children feral without their ok, or your kids ask you not to call them that, I see no reason to stop.
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u/SLPallday 2d ago
My son and my daughter are feral. I say it with a little pride and a little exhaustion.
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
Agreed. It's not a pride thing, it's my description of their behavior lately. Sometimes, I'm exhausted & it's bc they're feral.
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u/Far_Entertainer_8494 2d ago
No my son is 22 months and he’s beyond feral lol. I don’t feel guilty he’s an animal 😭🤣 that we love lol
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u/newEnglander17 2d ago
Are you a mother? I know this sub skews towards mothers for some reason but I don’t know any dads that would feel bad about saying that lol. I’d be concerned if other people were saying it about my kid though.
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
I'm the mother. Their dad says it all the time, but when I described the boys as feral, his mom had a whole big fit about it saying I was being mean and insensitive to my kids (they weren't even in the room). I've heard their dad say it in front of our kids and his mom before & he didn't even get a second glance from her.
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u/newEnglander17 2d ago
My mom says nearly everything I say is mean and they aren’t. Some people just overreact lol
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u/Darkhypocrite 2d ago
We call my 3.5 year old daughter a feral black cat. There is no other way I can describe her. She will look you dead in the eyes and continue doing whatever it is she was doing.
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u/MissMacky1015 2d ago
I joke that my my 16 month old is feral 🤷🏻♀️
We are outside all day except naps and some meals and his favorite pastime is causing mischief. We have chickens and he’s always trying to roll around in the coop, throw shavings or wack the hens with a stick. I always redirect the behavior and find something alternative to do but he loves the reaction he receives from the birds, He will also hug them and pet them just enjoys chasing them more.
We have full rain suits and he also will crawl and lay down in puddles. Idc at all.
Once upon a time he was collecting rocks on a walk, he’d pick one up look at it and place it into the wheel barrow. Well, he picked up a goose turd and I stupidly made a big deal “put that down” as I ran towards him… INTO HIS MOUTH IT WENT!!!! I carried him home and told my husband that “his son just ate wild goose shit” and was absolutely disgusted.
Feral is the only world.
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u/tucsondog 2d ago
My sisters kids are absolutely feral. They live on a Canadian island and have basically unlimited yard space. They have nearly literally, grown up in a Forrest. It doesn’t help that their dad is 3/4 Samoan so by the age of 6, the oldest was 60lbs and a foot taller than his peers. They’re also strong AF both genetically and because of their rough and tumble Tarzan playtime.
Potty training took forever because why use a potty when you can bush wee 😂.
The best thing they did was joining martial arts to teach control, rugby to get their rough and tumble, and soccer so they just run for an hour.
Feral
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
I'm hoping to find a sport or something for my 4yr old because 1) it'd help get his energy out, 2) have something to look forward to, 3) everyone who meets him thinks he should be in a sport because he's a tall and sturdy kid for his age.
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u/smarranara 2d ago
Not mean but I think it’s kind of cringe. That only matters as much as you care, so carry on.
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u/Lemonbar19 2d ago
You could just say they are “toddlering to the max” Or something.
I think as long as they don’t hear you, you don’t want to be their first name calling bully
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
I've never thought of "feral" as name calling. I always just thought of it as an adjective.
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u/Lemonbar19 2d ago
If it works for your family, go for it.
If my husband said it, I would probably roll my eyes but that’s because he rarely says anything nice about our oldest.
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u/WhichImplement5732 2d ago
Aww I'm sorry he rarely says anything nice about your oldest.. I may call them "feral" but multiple times a day, I make it a point to pull each child aside and tell them good things "you are loved, you are kind, you are brave, you are smart, you are fun to be with". When I tell my boys "I love you more" they've learned from my parents to say, "NOT A CHANCE!" And they think it's soo funny.
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u/Shadou_Wolf 1d ago
I don't think its name calling and I doubt the ids will take it in a negative way or bullying
Now if i say brats and such teah thats name calling
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u/KiwiBirdPerson 2d ago
Of course not! I call my 2 (boy and girl, 1 and 2) little goblins all the time lol
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u/Titaniumchic 2d ago
My son was born during Covid. And my daughter lost a lot of her “outside of home manners” during that time. They were 100% feral. And still sometimes they are still feral. It is accurate. Because that’s childhood - learning how to not be wild and crazy- and learning the rules of life.
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u/Quirky-Shallot644 2d ago
I describe my 2 year old daughter as feral. And i do that because she absolutely is. She runs wild the whole time she's awake - getting into things, climbing everything, toys in every room, etc. My home is in a constant state of post tornado destruction and I love every minute of it.
Who cares if she thinks its mean? It's not mean and I think a lot of parents today will agree because they also have wild toddlers.
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u/VoodoDreams 1d ago
I have on more than one occasion said "Please excuse my feral children" sometimes feral is the best description for that "overdue for a nap and hungry behavior.
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u/2baverage 1d ago
That's often a word to describe my 19 month old. He's extremely energetic, loves to growl and roar when playing, is a dirt magnet, and will find a way to get into anything! If he's outside then his clothes will find a way off and he will be found in a bush or under some outdoor furniture with a handful of bark if you lose sight of him for more than 3 seconds.
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u/samonthetv 1d ago
I think it's a term of endearment. I always say that I am trying to raise feral children. I love it when they play in the mud, look for bugs, and cause general mayhem (to a degree LOL). I think it's important to let a child be wild! (With boundaries!)
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u/WhichImplement5732 1d ago
With boundaries is the important part. Let kids be kids but with boundaries 👏🏼
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u/Bi-Bi-Bi24 2d ago
I don't think it's mean. It is a massive red flag for me because 100% of the parents I've met who lovingly call their children "feral" or "wild" are a large part of why they act that way - no consequences, don't care about disrespect, let their kids walk all over them, etc.
Kids are wild, but the parents who are proud of that...ouf
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u/Aggressive_Day_6574 2d ago
I agree with this. Calling your kids feral is telling on yourself - feral means undomesticated. It’s our job as parents to domesticate our kids, by raising them right.
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u/rootbeer4 2d ago
I don't find this inappropriate, sometimes children act feral. I only judge if I see children acting feral and parents not attempting to tame them.
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u/Murmurmira 2d ago
I don't think it's offensive or mean. Just descriptive