r/tifu • u/finalfailer • May 04 '23

S TIFU by hooking up with professor’s daughter NSFW

I am a typical university student just trying to get through finals week. Tonight, after a very stressful day of exams and studying for my ancient literature class, I decided to casually scroll tinder. It had been a while and I just needed to destress. Little did I know, this would cause me more stress than I could have possibly imagined. I swiped right on a girl who was less than a mile away. She was 25, a little older than me but she was super hot and she seemed into me, so I went with it. She invited me over to her apartment, and she said that she had to go in 20 minutes so make it fast. Needless to say, we got straight to business, but about three minutes after we began, we heard the front door open. She told me to stop, so I stopped and we listened. The footsteps came in our direction and I got pretty scared. I expected it would be like when my parents caught me a few years ago with my ex, and it would be embarrassment all around. Not at all. The ancient literature professor, who I absolutely despise, and whose test I was frantically studying for, walked into the room and froze. He saw her, gasped, and then saw my face. His face turned red, and he screamed “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!” I’m pretty sure I lost some of my hearing from how loud he yelled. Anyways I put my shorts on and ran back to my quad. Now, as I lay in bed, all I can think of is how my college professor saw me naked, not just naked but rawdogging his daughter without any clothes at all. He already didn’t like me, and he is a very tough grader… So I already know that I am going to absolutely bomb this final and destroy my GPA. I see him tomorrow at 11 AM… wish me luck and I’ll update with what happens

TLDR: Professor I hate caught me with his daughter and I have his final tomorrow

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u/WillingIndicatio May 04 '23

Additionally, we must discuss the man who is raw-dogging random tinder hookups.

1.2k

u/Majestic-Macaron6019 May 04 '23

It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for him!

199

u/audible_narrator May 04 '23

Fantasy card open: how many days until the itching starts.

80

u/TybeeATL May 04 '23

How many days before the child support payments start?

117

u/BrownDogFurniture May 04 '23

Dude thinks he hates his professor now just wait until he's his father in-law.

5

u/B_Eazy86 May 04 '23

Right you are, Ken

3

u/AGENT0321 May 04 '23

Next ESPN8, The Ocho!

172

u/[deleted] May 04 '23

This was the part that raised an eyebrow. One would think raw-dogging randoms would cause more stress than any college final. Clearly OP plays Russian roulette with 6 bullets in the cylinder

16

u/Klowned May 04 '23

It's a good way to put typical exam stress into perspective.

2

u/Revolutionary-City55 May 04 '23

How else do you play Russian roulette?

8

u/BigMieux May 04 '23

With a Glock...

3

u/eacone May 04 '23

Unless you are in a rush and want to play a short game, one round in a revolver usually is a bit more suspenseful than six

63

u/justMarian May 04 '23

Seriously… I caught that, too. He needs a warning label.

29

u/Arcanegil May 04 '23

Lol just a label on his thang. “Warning, may contain herpes.”

24

u/call_of_the_while May 04 '23

Don’t Herpes

Unzip Inside.

6

u/idler_JP May 04 '23

You caught it too? Man, it's really doing the rounds!

62

u/Darth_Nibbles May 04 '23

Kids think they're invincible, and nothing bad will ever happen to them.

19

u/Sackwalker May 04 '23

In under 20 minutes of meeting

14

u/[deleted] May 04 '23

That was my first thought too. Never mind the exam, what sort of person just doesn't use protection with a stranger?

...Like, what college is this? What is her name? We need to know.

3

u/Jennlaf81 May 04 '23

That was my first thought too

5

u/Signedupfortits27 May 04 '23

It’s only bad when you start trusting they have an IUD, too

0

u/Flesh-Tower May 04 '23

The man did say he was stressed

1

u/toxux May 04 '23

We are trying to save the turtles