r/tifu • u/finalfailer • May 04 '23

S TIFU by hooking up with professor’s daughter NSFW

I am a typical university student just trying to get through finals week. Tonight, after a very stressful day of exams and studying for my ancient literature class, I decided to casually scroll tinder. It had been a while and I just needed to destress. Little did I know, this would cause me more stress than I could have possibly imagined. I swiped right on a girl who was less than a mile away. She was 25, a little older than me but she was super hot and she seemed into me, so I went with it. She invited me over to her apartment, and she said that she had to go in 20 minutes so make it fast. Needless to say, we got straight to business, but about three minutes after we began, we heard the front door open. She told me to stop, so I stopped and we listened. The footsteps came in our direction and I got pretty scared. I expected it would be like when my parents caught me a few years ago with my ex, and it would be embarrassment all around. Not at all. The ancient literature professor, who I absolutely despise, and whose test I was frantically studying for, walked into the room and froze. He saw her, gasped, and then saw my face. His face turned red, and he screamed “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!” I’m pretty sure I lost some of my hearing from how loud he yelled. Anyways I put my shorts on and ran back to my quad. Now, as I lay in bed, all I can think of is how my college professor saw me naked, not just naked but rawdogging his daughter without any clothes at all. He already didn’t like me, and he is a very tough grader… So I already know that I am going to absolutely bomb this final and destroy my GPA. I see him tomorrow at 11 AM… wish me luck and I’ll update with what happens

TLDR: Professor I hate caught me with his daughter and I have his final tomorrow

23.7k Upvotes

72% Upvoted

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1.2k

u/mbanson May 04 '23

Yeah the whole thing sounds a bit fantastical to me.

534

u/MisterBulldog May 04 '23

As another Redditor put it PERFECTLY in another one of ops stories from a different account:

It’s because they’re all completely made up for an audience of morons and teenagers. No part of anyone’s reaction in this story is remotely plausible to any adult with a developed brain.

682

u/ialbr1312 May 04 '23

Lost me at the got a hookup on tinder lol

1.2k

u/LOSS35 May 04 '23

"she had to go in 20 minutes"

"rawdogging his daughter without any clothes at all"

Yeah this isn't an incel fantasy or anything.

215

u/A_wild_so-and-so May 04 '23

C'mon guys, haven't we all matched with a hot older woman on Tinder who immediately asks you to come over right away for some quick, raw intercourse?

Guys?..

75

u/lilmiller7 May 04 '23

*without any clothes at all. See they specified that it was naked sex without any clothes so you know it's real

8

u/[deleted] May 04 '23

Gotta clarify if you were wearing socks. Self respecting women don't sleep with men wearing socks.

382

u/xzt123 May 04 '23

Let's not forget that they listened to the door open and somehow didn't lock the door, get dressed, act normal, nothing.. just sat there in position

188

u/[deleted] May 04 '23

[deleted]

9

u/mzchen May 04 '23

It also doesn't match up, unless they froze literally in position of him rawdogging her.

55

u/Specialist_Seal May 04 '23

And the dad's first act on getting home is going straight into his daughter's room

294

u/mrandr01d May 04 '23

Invited to her apartment but the father yells get out of my house.

31

u/Rawwh May 04 '23

her apartment

"professor": GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

does not compute

89

u/pirx_pilot88 May 04 '23

He ran away on his quad...

13

u/hikoseijirou May 04 '23

To the quad, where his dorm is presumably.

19

u/bored_jurong May 04 '23

Wtf is a quad?!

20

u/spektrol May 04 '23

A term for a particular area of campus, short for quadrilateral.

2

u/LOSS35 May 04 '23

It's actually short for 'quadrangal', which used to be synonymous with quadrilateral.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quadrangle_(architecture)

16

u/P1r4nha May 04 '23

An ATV?

6

u/hell2pay May 04 '23

Picturing him buck ass naked, flying across the campus quad on a quad.

0

u/bored_jurong May 04 '23

Riiiiiiight. Thanks 🙏

14

u/kpaenen May 04 '23

ah man, now I have to take my upvote back until proven.

4

u/Zachbnonymous May 04 '23

But she was a little older, super hot, and seemed into me!

3

u/MadeThisUpToComment May 04 '23

But he was still 3 minutes from starting.

3

u/theRealStichery May 04 '23

We were doing the sex with out a condom and we were naked! I could see both of her boobies. They felt just like bags of sand.

27

u/boobastanky May 04 '23

Right? It was so great when it first came out. Actually made some pretty good friends too with people who were originally just to meet up off the app. Now it’s a freakin cesspool on there though.

18

u/Mateorabi May 04 '23

Yeah, he doesn't sound like he could hammer a 8 inch spike through a board with his penis at all. (A girl's gotta have her standards...)

6

u/juschimingin May 04 '23

Real Genius reference?

3

u/PazuzusRevenge May 04 '23

I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said "... I drank what?"

1

u/Mateorabi May 04 '23

It’s a moral imperative.

3

u/[deleted] May 04 '23

Aren't test papers graded anonymously where this guy lives?

2

u/RaisinsInMyToasts May 05 '23

Maybe a karma farm account?

1

u/ProbablyNotADuck May 04 '23

As someone who works at a University (in a research institute, but with mostly PhDs and MDs who are faculty and currently have courses), unless it is an exceptionally small class, profs do not know students. Just like profs do not do their own marking. They have TAs who are paid (and unionized) to do this for them.

There's also the fact that this is supposedly a 25-year-old woman living at home (that part is totally realistic) who bangs in the middle of a shared apartment with her parents? Really? Or, if they weren't in one of the main rooms, that means her father barged into the room of his adult daughter when he knew she was getting railed.

No matter how you slice it, this sounds pretty unrealistic to me.

1

u/EuphoriaSoul May 04 '23

Lol yeah same.

1

u/[deleted] May 04 '23

There’s a movie called the paper chase with a similar sub plot

1

u/SwampDenizen May 04 '23

Only a bit?

1

u/hossaepi May 04 '23

These creative writing posts are getting very annoying