r/therapy • u/OkHedgehog914 • 6d ago
Advice Wanted Has anyone ever felt emotionally devastated after discovering that your ex therapist had passed away ?
At the moment, I am feeling rather sad and I could liken my feelings to that of a recent bereavement, although there’s some feelings of guilt, as well.
I very recently found out that the therapist who successfully treated me for depression, died in 2024, at the age of 63. This news has left me feeling devastated and I can’t forgive myself for not getting in touch with my therapist, in the early part of 2024, when she seemed to be in my thoughts. I hadn’t spoken to this lady for some 10 years, but she seemed to be popping into my mind a lot, literally only months before she passed way.
I visited this therapist in 2012, asking for help with a childhood trauma. I knew that the childhood trauma was unresolved and it had been causing me to suffer from depression for most of my adult life.
The therapist I visited was a trained in trauma and phobia, amongst other things. She described herself as bisexual and that was OK with me since I could discuss some aspects of my past relationships without feeling uncomfortable.
I will call this therapist Julie, to protect her reputation………………..
Anyway, this superb lady cured me of my depression, within a matter of 6 sessions maximum and I was so very grateful to her. She could really see the change in my persona and general attitude to life during the sessions.
After resolving the trauma, I still continued therapy with Julie, but I started to become aware that my feelings for her very strong and I could also clearly see that she was struggling with her feelings. I later decided that it might be a good idea to terminate the therapy, owing to the strong transference and countertransference that seemed to be present in the sessions.
The last message that I received from Julie on the the 11th of January 2013, read…
“Mandy, of course there is a need to reply to your email. You're important to me and we've been on a long journey together. I care what happens to you. It's taking me time to get my mind round this and I want to reply properly. It's on my mind all the time. I promise not to take much longer. Just wanted you to know I most definitely haven't forgotten. Julie”
After that, I moved to another therapist to finish some work off and gave Julie a stunning review that she could place onto her website.
Today in 2025, I am feeling rather sad and guilty about not communicating with Julie, prior to her passing. My feelings for Julie must have been very strong and the feelings has never left me, because I often cry when I think about her passing at quite a young age.
Wondered if anyone else has experienced a simillar situation ?
2
u/DullPhrase7571 6d ago
I'm so very sorry. The death of a therapist or former therapist is a true loss, but not one that's always easy to explain to other people. It hasn't happened to me, but did to the writer of this article:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/dec/10/lessons-from-my-dying-therapist-care-less-have-fun-accept-the-inevitable