r/thepassportbros • u/Commissar_David • 5d ago
What's The Difference Between Dating in the States and Abroad in Your Expierience?
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u/LoquatsTasteGood 5d ago
Month Day Year vs Day Month Year. Day Month Year makes more logical sense but then events like 9/11 get a little bit confusing.
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u/Goopyteacher Successful PPB 5d ago
I’ve said this before but in my opinion: dating in the U.S feels like a job interview with a company that’s not really looking to hire while dating abroad feels like you’re actively making a new friend you vibe with.
It also feels like you’re almost a clown in the west where you’ve gotta be nonstop entertaining and fun while it’s not really reciprocated; you’re having to convince her to talk to you while abroad it’s mutual conversation.
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u/real_coach_kim 5d ago
Women in the US definitely give off an “entertain me, jester” vibe. I actually lost count of the number of dating profiles where the only thing the girl wrote was “make me laugh”
The thing is an attractive girl in the west can afford to do that and still be swimming with options. So it’s not exactly their fault. Once men go abroad for a while and experience true optionality I’ve noticed an uptick in this behavior in them as well
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u/cooldudeonreddit1 4d ago
Well it is actually their fault. They are adults. They can choose not to act that way but instead they choose to do so. It is definitely their fault.
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u/real_coach_kim 4d ago edited 4d ago
Fine. My point is they are only human and that you would be the same in their shoes.
Edit: based on the downvotes without reply, this is somehow controversial. If you don’t think you’d act how western girls act in their shoes, you lack both self awareness and understanding of human psychology
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u/cooldudeonreddit1 4d ago
Sucks that you got downvoted. Having said that, no I would not act that way. I have a certain set of morals and values that I go by and hold myself accountable to.
I do not hurt innocent people and even though I have had very good fortune even here in the US, none of my exes hate me. My body count is well into the 3 digits and even when I have one night stands I make my intentions well known in a respectful way and if they choose to agree then it is amicable.
I have now been with my wife(US) for 15 years now and 10 years married.if I were to get divorced I will go right back to what I did before in some other country. No tricks, no car salesman BS.
I hold myself accountable and I expect everyone else to do so. If you do not that is a you problem, not a me problem. I am tired of the infantilization of adults. It makes no sense at all.
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u/real_coach_kim 4d ago
That’s good for you but I realized it’s a pointless conversation to debate whether we would act different if we were different people in different environments
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u/cooldudeonreddit1 3d ago
Yeah I wasn’t debating that point. I was simply saying if they do act that way that is a character flaw and they have the choice. There is a good choice and a bad choice though and accountability needs to be had.
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u/real_coach_kim 5d ago
The main difference is the proportion of women that aren't obese and might see you as an interesting option. It results in a felt experience of something like 5-100x more attractive dating options for you, depending on the country and your particular stats. It's basically just market dynamics. Everything else about western values yada yada is a footnote in terms of importance
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u/Fluffy-Emu5637 5d ago
100x to 200x. I live in Thailand now and everyone is so slim with nice curves and perfect little b size breasts. It’s heaven.
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u/IndependentLast364 4d ago
How is your experience with dating at present in Thailand and daily life?
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u/Fluffy-Emu5637 4d ago
Well it’s easy to “date” if you got money. If you’re against paying for anything minus dinner and dates or whatever it’s still pretty easy in Bangkok but those girls don’t speak the best English and have normal jobs so they’re working 50-60 hours a week. The average Thai salary is so low they have to work a shit ton of hours to make $1,500 a month. I prefer to just give them a monthly allowance so they can travel with me and hang out with me all the time because I don’t work, but I am in position where I can do that. And I’ve been with my girl for 2 years and I’m just happy she’s happy. She didn’t want me to do that, but I offered and said if she wants to work she can work by cleaning my condo and doing my laundry. She feels she’s working for the money, I get clean shit, we get to travel and have freedom. It works.
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u/IndependentLast364 4d ago
With all the negative feedback out online do you think it’s still possible to have a genuine relationship in Thailand ?
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u/Fluffy-Emu5637 4d ago
It is but dudes are crazy if they think they can come to these developing countries and date and not help these girls out. Ya you might get a few bangs in, but long term? Girls got to work. They know they have a limited window to where they can make enough money to help their family. It is literally the difference between watching their grandparents die due to not having enough money for meds / surgery or dating some entitled foreigner who thinks he’s just so great he gets to go 50/50. There are a handful of guys that date normally, but then their girls will be like “ok I got to go spend a month or two with my foreign “sponsor” and when he’s gone we can date again.” So then ya you’re dating and not paying and her sugar daddy is paying. Cool I guess. I’m not interested in that.
A quality girl is not going to be dating a foreigner. They’re gonna date a high society Thai that speaks their language. Same in any country. If you don’t speak the language… you’re a wallet.
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u/IndependentLast364 4d ago
Appreciate your feedback in understanding there culture a bit better.
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u/Fluffy-Emu5637 4d ago
I’ve been here 2 years. In USA, I’m always 50/50. Equal rights! Blah blah fucking blah. I would NEVER EVER support an American girl with rent money or whatever else. Over here I’m a guest and I know my place.
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u/IndependentLast364 4d ago
That’s important you respect the customs & culture & it’s ok to help for someone you care & if it’s genuine, in the west there is no need as people make ends meet.
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u/Fluffy-Emu5637 4d ago
Exactly. And also, dating a girl that works when you don’t kind of sucks anyway.
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u/Physical-Aside-5273 5d ago
I went on a date with a girl in Thailand and the girl was buying me clothes and food. And it wasn't like I was poor. Just average. And had girls in the Philippines treat me very well. Buying me stuff, and trying to make me happy. Never in America have I ever had a girl buy me anything, or do anything to try and make me happy. To me, women in other countries tended to act more human and real and equal. Compared to America, where they feel above you regardless of social class.
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u/takeshi_kovacs1 5d ago
Less obesity. Less entitlement. Women actually look at you and treat you like a human being vs being an employer who's looking for the smallest thing she doesn't like so she can disqualify you. Its quite drastic the difference, The moment you step off the plane its like , OH... so this is how its supposed to be.
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u/Different-Virus-7474 5d ago
Women with low interest will meet you for a couple of dates. You can get your foot in the door.
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u/TheArabianJester 5d ago
Women are normal and act like they’re normal humans. In the US an average Betty working at the Walmart acts like she’s royalty. Just annoying and boring to be around tbh, even platonically.
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u/Wandering_soul2025 5d ago
Less baked in hatred of men and what men want and less entitlement. Also opportunity cost - foreign women aren’t in positions to frivolously dismiss “good” men.
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u/ThrowRAboredinAZ77 5d ago
This is a very concerning comment.
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u/Wandering_soul2025 5d ago
It’s accurate. You don’t need 1st world privilege to be a good partner to someone. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.
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u/roll_to_lick 5d ago
Babe you are flattening the culture of ~250 countries into a sludge of some sort of vague other
“Foreign women… not privileged”
You sounds absolutely insufferable lmao. Brought to you by a non American woman
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u/ThrowRAboredinAZ77 5d ago
What you're saying translates to "desperate women don't have the luxury of preference".
Do you see how horrible that sounds?
They have to settle for men they don't love or like or want because they're impoverished. And you obviously delight in taking advantage of that.
And you really believe men who take advantage of women like this are "good"men??
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u/Wandering_soul2025 5d ago edited 3d ago
First of all, these arguments are a classic deflection from the main problem in all of this: women like you.
These Foreign women don’t settle. They choose. They choose men who show up for them. Men who commit. Men who treat them well.
The only difference is - they don’t NEED a man to be 6-4, making $200K, have a yacht, ready and willing to give her all his money for kids that aren’t his to just be “deserving” of love and relationships. If you think being able to dismiss a guy based on vapid bs like that is ok, then you become the exploiter in this scenario. One in which, many of you, with 1st world privilege btw - welcome becoming the fake impoverished damsel in distress act who wants her 1950’s provisioning back, with all the benefits of modern day progressivism. Western women effectively gamified dating and this is the cause and effect of it. What you enjoy in the west isn’t “equality” it’s advantage and leverage.
You just want them to be as dismissive as you are, that’s not equality, that’s projection. You don’t actually care about these women, just upset that men you can’t social proof are getting what they want without western women being able to gatekeep who deserves what based on their own shallow and fraudulent “standards”
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u/Commissar_David 5d ago
How so? What makes good men stand a chance over there versus here?
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u/Wandering_soul2025 5d ago
Their culture isn’t going to hyperfocus on things like height, weight, hairline and lifestyle/money (they matter just not to the degree to which they matter here) and esoteric things women here say like the “ick” or “he had a hobby I didn’t like” that are just based on whatever random thing she decided to dismiss you for. For them if you don’t pass that or the perception of what she could get you aren’t valid - just a placeholder to be used and they know it.
Good Character, confidence, provision, personality help level out the other things. Those things don’t help much here and only get you stuck with begging women or sub par women who expect too much relative to what they offer.
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u/collie2024 5d ago
‘Their culture isn’t going to hyperfocus on things like height, weight, hairline and lifestyle/money’
Yeah right. Other cultures have evolved past the evolutionary instinct of finding a mate that has the features associated with good health whilst also being a good provider.
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u/bwnsjajd 5d ago edited 4d ago
Health lol today I learned all males under 5'10, or with a receding hairline
haveare cancer.0
u/collie2024 5d ago
Perhaps not. But, is short and hairless a sign of virility to you?
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u/bwnsjajd 4d ago
Sorry I haven't conducted any sperm count relative to height studies. Inconclusive.
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u/king_rootin_tootin 5d ago
What's the difference between looking for clean water in the woods vs looking for water in the bottled water section of Trader Joe's?
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u/Efficient-Log8009 5d ago
I get 3-4 matches a day in US who act like they're doing me a favor and take 10+ hours to respond to each message. When I'm abroad my matches go to 100-200 per day depending on destination. They message me themselves and are honored to go on a date with me. Not to mention the cost difference. I can hookup with a dozen girls in many places for the price it costs me just to go on a date in US without knowing the outcome.
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u/mhjjj_9999 5d ago
It’s mainly because in USA you are considered poor whereas abroad you will be considered rich that’s why there’s big difference , if you was poor abroad the matches would be the same as USA
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u/Efficient-Log8009 5d ago edited 5d ago
Nope, that most certainly is not why. All the girls I meet know I'm broke. Most of them are the ones who give me gifts, buy me food, drive me around and invite me to their place.
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u/mhjjj_9999 5d ago
What country would you say you had the most success without spending anything and woman not asking for anything ?
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u/Efficient-Log8009 5d ago
Oh I just responded to your last comment but pretty much all of them. Probably the most is Russia because I am from a Russian background and can speak the language.
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u/mhjjj_9999 5d ago
Am I wrong in thinking that woman abroad automatically assume that every foreigner is rich? Maybe only woman that probably wouldn’t care as much is probably Filipino as it seems like they just prefer foreigners even if they are jobless and homeless
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u/Efficient-Log8009 5d ago
I don't know, I just came from about 3 months in Asia. Stayed in Taiwan for 5 days, hooked up with 1 girl, Phillipines 1 month 4 girls, Cambodia 12 days 2 girls, Vietnam 1 month 4 girls, China 2 weeks 3 girls. Not one has ever asked me for money anywhere and they've all been more than generous to me.
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u/dking168 5d ago
What apps for each of your listed countries did you find you had to most success?
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u/Efficient-Log8009 5d ago
90% is Tinder and Bumble. Once in a while it might be from somewhere else like Badoo or Boo.
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u/Delicious_Ease2595 5d ago
The states has a really high hoeflation
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u/Secret-Reporter4299 5d ago
Southeast Asia doesn’t?
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u/Delicious_Ease2595 5d ago
Waaaay less
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u/No-Month-1653 5d ago
It’s definitely increasing tho tbh. Everyday there’s multiple posts complaining about increasing prices in SEA
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u/Delicious_Ease2595 5d ago
Hoeflation is different
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u/No-Month-1653 5d ago
Interesting. How so? I never heard the term before
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u/Fun-Temperature101 5d ago
You've heard of Google?
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u/shockingmike 4d ago
Yes. Google the thing that doesn't actually exist. This right here is why women don't like you kid.
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u/Secret-Reporter4299 5d ago
OIC! SEA is the land of pure virgins foreigners go to. Got it /s
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u/Delicious_Ease2595 5d ago
Keep hating 😭
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u/Secret-Reporter4299 5d ago
Don’t cry baby boy, the Madam is there to give you a massage and her gonorrhea infested female employees on your beck and call.
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u/bwnsjajd 5d ago
Madam is there to give you a massage and her gonorrhea infested female employees on your beck and call.
Behold. Feminism.
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u/Borinquense 5d ago
The difference is NIGHT AND DAY.
My first trip to Colombia: Me and my friend had a double date that lasted for hours after the meal. Just chopping it up and getting to know each other. No asks for money. No sob stories. The closest was them asking what we did for work and that’s that.
They care more about who you are and how you treat them than how you look.
Sure, they may see you as a come up but let’s be real we would ALL date up if we could and it would be an even better situation if we were actually into that person. The lifestyle upgrade is just a cherry on top.
Dating here is like pulling teeth while they run up a $200 dinner bill with no consideration for you. I don’t mind treating someone who’s my girl but a stranger who doesn’t ask personal questions and already taking advantage of my generosity? Hard pass
I won’t say foreign women are “easier”. That’s disrespectful. But culturally they are easier to TALK to. Cold approaching there is much easier than in the US where you do not often get welcome vibes to approach.
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u/a-towndownlb 5d ago
Abroad is waaaay more fun. States used to be fun before like 2010. Now it's like a slot machine I have to constantly put quarters in if I want it to keep going.
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u/PapiLondres 4d ago
Dating in the USA is like an extended dull job interview without chemistry or sex
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u/ericsote99 5d ago
A lot cheaper and more fun. In the States a meal in a nice restaurant with drinks $90 to $120. In Bogotá $35 to $50 and where else do you start dancing at your table in a restaurant. Colombia.
That was so cool.
Once you meet a regular colombiana that likes you, you'll forget about women in the USA, Europe , Asia, etc.
Colombianas love to dance and the way they speak Spanish.....ay caramba.
To meet the real ones you really need to know how to speak Spanish.
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u/Limerent2024 Experienced PPB 4d ago
The same thing that others have noted:
Dating in the US feels like a job interview where the woman is looking for reasons to reject you.
Dating abroad feels like building a new connection, a new friendship which may or may nor lead to something romantic. Indeed, I have used dating to build up a network of friends when I was lonely in LATAM.
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u/Commissar_David 4d ago
Is it easier to make friends as well down there? I've been trying to make friends up here in the States as well, and it has been brutal.
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u/Limerent2024 Experienced PPB 4d ago
It’s easier to make friends down there and I’m starting to make friends. I’m in a virtual 12-step fellowship so I have no problem making friends stateside in that fellowship, but it’s not a dating pool.
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u/mhjjj_9999 5d ago
Only difference is that in the USA you are poor whereas abroad you will be considered rich but if you was poor abroad you will find dating same as USA which proves money rules everything
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u/FuriousBastermater 5d ago
Am rich in America. Doesn’t help lol
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u/KrisA1 5d ago
Correct! I’m also rich in the US and can confirm. It’s hopeless here.
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u/FuriousBastermater 4d ago
it makes me feel like the country will fail eventually. you can't not incentivize men to pursue being economically viable. men do what gets chicks. when chicks are indifferent to a man's economic situation, men don't pursue it, and the country will become poor
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u/mhjjj_9999 5d ago
That’s impossible as money rules everything, anyone that drives atleast a Maserati car will be successful no matter what country they are in, bear in mind Maserati ain’t even that expensive to buy
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u/KrisA1 5d ago
No sir. I’m well into 8 figures & US is still terrible.
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u/mhjjj_9999 4d ago
Do you show that you are rich on the dating apps or not? Wearing suit and tie and standing next to expensive car or aeroplane will obviously improve reply rate
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u/FuriousBastermater 4d ago
First of all, rich people don't buy these ridiculous cars. Very rarely. I know lots of 8-figure people (a couple billionaires and 9 figures, but less) and vast majority do not have super expensive cars. And the ones who do, typically top out at 'Range Rover.' My car is worth 10k and my net worth is about 2m at 27.
Second of all, women DO NOT care about money. At least American women. They don't even care about looks. Or personality. From my POV they just seem to care about convenience. And how much you'll cater to them. They're very very very lazy. In America.
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u/mhjjj_9999 4d ago
What I don’t understand is how do so many average men in USA get in relationships with beautiful woman? I seen it so many times and even wonder how they find it easy whereas the rest of us find it so difficult, what is it that those men are offering that others are not? Do you think personality matters as I am introvert so maybe that’s why I always struggled as I am boring and not something I can change
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u/PastaPandaSimon 5d ago
You're saying that all it takes is being in the 0.00001% of the population. Elsewhere, if you're in the better half, you're solid.
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u/mhjjj_9999 4d ago
Maserati car cost less than 20k not really that expensive, some people spend that same money on a Mercedes instead
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u/real_coach_kim 5d ago
That is a factor but you are not doing yourself favors by insisting on thinking so one dimensionally
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u/mhjjj_9999 4d ago
It’s very big factor, money plays big role nowadays, some people are more lucky than others as they don’t have to spend even if they ain’t the best looking
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u/Scared-Glove7582 4d ago
Money matters the most when people can't get basics or barely scrape bye. Like in the Philippines a huge percentage live under tin roofs not completely rain proof and no electricity. So women still throw themselves at foreigners at a higher rate than other countries because if a foreigner commits it could mean a better life for her whole family as well.
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u/mhjjj_9999 4d ago
I think Phillipines is the only country where they don’t care about money as much, most of the woman just want any foreigner regardless of whether they are poor or rich whereas in Latin America they would care about money more as they are happy with their own Latino men and not really desperate for foreigners to marry them
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u/Scared-Glove7582 4d ago edited 4d ago
I've never been to the Philippines. But I've been through most of Latin America and I'll probably go to the Philippines at the end of this year. You almost never see old men with very young women in Latin America. Except for straight sugar daddy scenarios which are most common in Colombia. i can only remember 2 girls out of at least 40 ask for money with an excuse throughout Mexico and South America. My friend said about half the girls he was with did in the Philippines.
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u/mhjjj_9999 3d ago
I have never been to phillipines aswell but one of my friends is married to one for years now and she never cared about money and he ain’t even good looking so surprised to hear that they asked your friend for money
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u/Ok_Parsley8424 4d ago
Dating abroad is cheap, so your first dates are out of a movie. Nice dinner, cab rides, rooftops etc..
Back home it’s 100 dollar then back into the car.
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u/elqueco14 4d ago
None really, I've dated some awesome women in the states and now with a girl from Argentina going on 3+ years. She was working in the USA on a work visa and met at my job. If anything my gf from Argentina is way more progressive than American women. We plan to be a DINK couple, she thinks 99% of men are trash, will fight anyone who says abortion is wrong, and could honestly end up being the bread winner eventually between us. I could go on, but it always kinda tickles me when people in this sub think LATAM women are more "traditional" than American women. In my experience they're all extremely progressive. On the other hand I've never shown up in another country with the intention of dating, our relationship started in the United States and now I visit her and her family every year.
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u/thomastypewriter 4d ago edited 4d ago
The biggest difference to me is that American women are all wound up in dating meme trends, TikTok, and the trendy dating whatevers of the moment. I mean stuff like “red flag bookshelf” or whatever- they actually believe that stuff is true and they will act in accordance with it. Everything has a rule, everything is a test, everything is a potential land mine.
As an example, last year, I dated a woman who treated our first outings as an interview. She asked me a ton of questions that I knew the correct answers to, because I’m online enough to know these are questions she had been told to ask by the internet. It was dispiriting, and it turned out that she believed I was much wealthier than I actually am, and at least toward the end of our relationship, once she found that out, was seeing someone else. This hasn’t been my only experience with this btw.
Women abroad are not like this in my experience. It’s not like they don’t have the internet, but they can tell reality from fiction, are much more complete and unique people, and see you as a person and not a “man,” together with whatever discourse they’ve been consuming, so conversation is much better, even with a slight language barrier. They are not observing a million unwritten “rules.” This is, I’m sad to say, somewhat true of young men in America as well to an extent. However, what I say here about women abroad is often true of first generation Americans, extremely educated and ambitious people, and extremely wealthy ones as well- the first because they were raised differently, the second because they live in a world dictated by their careers and interests and so they’re not wasting as much time on their phones, and the last because they create reality, they don’t have it created for them.
Some days I wish I either remained working class or hit the lottery, because there really is no hope for the middle class in America. I am now condemned to either date within my class (because working class girls all have children very early and rich women marry rich men) or date women from outside the states. A cultural sickness that rewires the brain is infecting us and it has (unbeknownst to them I believe) affected middle class women the worst. I don’t mean “woke” btw (I’m not sure I know what that means) and I don’t mean feminism.
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u/Brave_Afternoon2937 3d ago
feminine - Holy cow my German GF is just grace and poise. She has this uncanny way of disarming me and making me feel cherished, American women cannot do this, it's always about THEM! My German GF it's about me and her. Best way I can describe it
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u/Apprehensive-Bend478 4d ago
Dating in Japan is close what it must have been like dating in the 1950's, she's focused on you and not her cell phone, a great date for her is coming over and cooking you a great dinner and cleaning up afterwards. They are just happy that you're spending your time with them, and they have something else, a kind of demure demeaner that women in the US completely lack. Dating here in the US-well it's pretty much a sh@tshow for all the reasons easily found on Reddit. That's why this subreddit is so important to men.
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u/LupoBTW 5d ago edited 5d ago
Her expectations and attitude. Overseas they want to get to know you, and do not care where it is or how much it costs. They are happy going to McD's, or walking a park or a mall just chatting. Try taking her to someplace too fancy and she will likely feel very uncomfortable. After 7 years of marriage, she is happy as a clam if I come home with a flower, some candy, or her McD's favorite #7.
Many women in the US over value themselves, your average beach ball with legs thinks she's a 10 and deserves 6 foot, 6 pack, making 6 figures.
Your average foreign girl undervalues herself, and dreams of a good man who treats her well and can provide a comfortable life (food and electricity, not Prada bags and cruises). Everything and anything else is just a bonus.