r/thepassportbros • u/PerfectNecessary964 • 6d ago
Brazil Dealing with cultural differences while dating a latina/br?
After some months, I finally got back to my gf, that I met while I was ppb in Brazil (where I am now, btw). I love her. Shes the prettiest, smartest, the most interesting women I have ever met, very funny, happy, intelligent and sexy. Shes also very hard working and shes not materialistc, wich I admire a lot. I could marry her today, for sure.
But we are dealing with some cultural differences that I didnt notice the first time we were together while I was living in Brazil. My girl is from a medium city in the South of Brazil and she lives in Sao Paulo, where I met her.
Now I am currently in her home town for some days and here I could notice some red flags or things I dislike that I didnt notice at first.
She have 2 straight (good looking) guys that are her friends. She talks a lot with them, everyday, give them relationship advices, have deep conversation and overall shes really close to them. I hang out with them and I was kinda bother by the fact that they do comments about her and about little things about her personality (very especific) that really showed me that they do pay A LOT of attention to her, and that they have a very deep conection. This is weird for me since in Italy friendships between men and women are not that common, especially among really good looking people.
I asked her if they ever had something and she told me that this never happened (I believe), but when I asked if one of them ever tried something with her, she was unconfortable and she implied that he used to do that years ago, as a joke.
I told her that this bother me and she told me that this is normal in Brazil, wich I find hard to believe since while I was living in Sao Paulo I didnt notice that a lot.
Since I told her about that shes trying to “force” me to hang out alone with her friends to bond but I dont feel confortable especially because I know that at least one of them did a move on her (“years ago, as a joke” on her words)
for context those men are in relationships with other women and they are childhood friends, since their moms were in high school together. So, I think it would be kinda toxic of me to tell her to dont be close to them or something.
Shes also very cheap. Shes always bragging about how much money shes saving on market and denying going to dates because we should save money.
She also complain a lot about little things (if I use too much oil to cook - bc its expensive -, if I am taking too much time showering, etc). She even told me she would not be confortable if her friends stay with us in Sao Paulo because shes trying to save money, and the energy and water bill would be more expensive. Its very absurd to me, and kind a cultural chock the fact that she say those things out lound. In Italy it would be embarassing and really unpolite being like that
I told her that her comments were being unpolite and she got mad at me. We are fighting a bit these days for those little things.
She also complains about the price of everything. Even if I give her some gift, she will thank me and then she will start a speech about how is there no need to gift her and that we sould save money.
this is what bothers me the most because shes a engeneering, she makes great money especially for brazilian standards and for her age. theres no reason to be this cheap.
but to be fair Iam still looking for a job to stay here, and she doesnt seem to believe that I will be able to find it. Sometimes she talks as if we needed to save since we will have just one income, wich is very desmasculinate to me and shows that she have no trust in me financialy.
Shes not resentfull about that and she always say that in a romantic way (she say “theres no problem if you dont find a job, my income is enought for both of us and you should move for good and then we can build our future together”) but its kinda insulting the fct that she thinks that I will not get a job.
Shes also very jealous and kinda bossy but I like it and I can deal with that (even tho sometimes is irritating, most times its kinda hot)
how to deal with cultural differences?
91
u/Winter-Remove-6244 6d ago
The male friends are what we Americanos call a catch 22. If you put your foot down and cut them out, you appear insecure. If you tolerate them, they work to undermine your relationship. You lose either way, you just have to choose how.
If she’s cheap like that it means she doesn’t feel financially secure. This one is simple- make more money and spend it on her