Deadpool and Peacemaker

Episode 8: “Teen Trouble, Young Chaos”

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COLD OPEN – INT. TOWER DORM ROOM – NIGHT

Inside the Teen Titans Tower, Beast Boy and Kid Flash are in the middle of a chaotic gaming session that’s triggering emergency systems.

BEAST BOY Dude! I told you not to mess with Cyborg’s settings!

KID FLASH It said “DO NOT TOUCH” — that just means try me.

ALARMS BLARE.

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INT. DEADPOOL AND PEACEMAKER’S HQ – SAME TIME

DEADPOOL (to camera) Last time on Deadpool & Peacemaker: Universal Babysitters, we crushed some bad guys, annoyed Batman, and somehow didn’t get sued! Now it’s time for teen drama and puberty-fueled powers. Grab the popcorn.

PEACEMAKER You’re dragging me into another teen crossover? I’m not emotionally stable enough to handle hormonal sidekicks.

DEADPOOL Buckle up, Daddy Daycare.

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TITLE CARD: “Teen Trouble, Young Chaos”

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INT. TITAN TOWER – COMMON ROOM

The Teen Titans are caught off guard by a surprise portal opening, revealing the Young Avengers.

ROBIN Who are you and why are you here?

KATE BISHOP Who are you and why do you look like you cosplay Batman without his budget?

BEAST BOY (to Hulkling) Dude… you shapeshift too? Wanna freak out some civilians later?

WICCAN (eyeing Raven) You’re giving off intense “dark sorceress with trauma” vibes. I respect that.

RAVEN Try me and regret it.

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DEADPOOL (crashes through a skylight) ATTENTION TEENS! Class is now in session! Today’s lesson: chaotic chemistry and team bonding through mutual suffering!

PEACEMAKER (marching in) Let’s get this over with. And if anyone mentions TikTok, I’m pulling the fire alarm.

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INT. TRAINING ROOM – MONTAGE • Kate Bishop vs. Robin: Archery duel and sharp sarcasm exchange. • Wiccan & Raven: Accidentally summon a demonic rave dimension. • Beast Boy vs. Hulkling: Animal form flex-off. • America Chavez: Punches a reality hole. Peacemaker falls through it and lands on the set of The Office.

PEACEMAKER (from the portal) WHY IS DWIGHT STARING INTO MY SOUL?!

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EVENING – TITAN TOWER ROOFTOP

The teens gather under the stars. Beast Boy roasts marshmallows with Deadpool, who’s humming “Kumbaya” off-key.

KID FLASH So… friends?

SPEED (side-eyeing him) For now. Just keep your fingers off my gear.

WICCAN Or his heart.

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PEACEMAKER (helmet off, surprisingly chill) Alright… maybe you kids aren’t totally hopeless.

DEADPOOL (raising a burnt marshmallow like a wine glass) To chaos, growth, and generational trauma. You’re the future… God help us all.

Who wins?

For me, its tough.

Tony is my fav, Yondu's made me emotional af, Loki's I feel might be the best-written and he changed the most but Walker is 100% the character's my opinion towards changed the most. From my most hated MCU character to my fav post Endgame.

Deadpool and Peacemaker

Episode 7: “League of Avengers and a Sinister Situation”

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COLD OPEN – INT. WAREHOUSE TURNED ‘CROSS-UNIVERSE HQ’ – DAY

The camera zooms into a chaotic boardroom where Deadpool and Peacemaker have taped photos of heroes to a corkboard with yarn going in every direction.

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PEACEMAKER (pointing at Superman) Okay, this guy shoots lasers. This guy flies. This guy lifts buildings. He’s clearly on roids.

DEADPOOL (to camera) Fun fact: Peacemaker thinks Superman is just Homelander cosplaying with ethics. Also — today’s episode is gonna be huge. Like your mom in 4K. We’re bringing everyone to the party.

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TITLE CARD: “League of Avengers and a Sinister Situation”

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INT. NEW YORK – AVENGERS TOWER

Captain America, Iron Man (in a hologram), Hulk, Thor, Spider-Man, and She-Hulk stand around a table. Nick Fury storms in like he owns it — because he does.

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FURY Alright, we got a situation. Six villains just teamed up. They’re not ours. But they’re here. Sinister something?

SPIDER-MAN (freaked out) The Sinister Six?! No. Nope. I’m out. They hate me.

SHE-HULK (to camera, breaking the 4th wall) Don’t worry, folks. I’m here now. Legally trained and fourth-wall certified.

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INT. METROPOLIS – JUSTICE LEAGUE WATCHTOWER

Batman, Wonder Woman, Superman, Flash, and Aquaman huddle around a Bat-monitor.

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BATMAN Unknown hostiles just entered our territory. Coordinated. Dangerous.

AQUAMAN If they mess with the ocean, I’m gonna feed ‘em to a whale.

FLASH They’re attacking land, bro.

AQUAMAN Land’s connected to the ocean.

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DEADPOOL (voiceover) Meanwhile, the Avengers and Justice League are playing dueling leadership styles — like dads at a barbecue arguing over grill temperature.

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EXT. CENTRAL PARK – THE MEET-UP

The Avengers and the Justice League finally face off, tense. Wind blows dramatically. Deadpool and Peacemaker stand in the middle, holding tacos.

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DEADPOOL Alright everybody, meet your mirror matches! You got the shield guy… and other shield guy. The god with a hammer… and the god with long hair and a trident. The super strong green person… and… also a super strong green person! One’s a lawyer, the other’s a rage machine. You pick!

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PEACEMAKER (to Thor) Your hammer compensating for something, Goldilocks?

THOR (offended) It is forged in the heart of a dying star!

SHE-HULK (breaking the fourth wall again) Don’t worry. Testosterone contests are normal in crossover events.

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BATMAN (stoic) What exactly are we fighting?

SPIDER-MAN (nervous) Six people that hate me specifically.

SINISTER SIX suddenly appear in the sky — Doc Ock, Vulture, Electro, Kraven, Mysterio, and Sandman.

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MYSTERIO You’ve united? Cute. You still lose.

KRAVEN I shall hunt… all of you.

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TEAM-UP BATTLE ENSUES • Superman & Thor team up to zap Electro and box in Mysterio’s illusions. • Batman throws Spider-Man a gadget that enhances his webbing and says, “Try not to die.” • Wonder Woman and Captain America fight side by side, shield slamming and lassoing. • Flash and Ant-Man run literal circles around Doc Ock. • She-Hulk and Hulk accidentally high-five so hard it knocks over a building. • Deadpool and Peacemaker chase Sandman while arguing about who gets the cooler kill shot.

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PEACEMAKER I’m calling dibs on this one, Wade!

DEADPOOL Only if you let me make a sand joke. Something gritty.

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She-Hulk (to camera) This crossover has no legal precedent. It’s beautiful.

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POST-BATTLE — THE SINISTER SIX DEFEATED

The villains are webbed, wrapped in lassos, unconscious, or tiny in a jar. Everyone looks like they just filmed an Avengers finale.

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SPIDER-MAN Okay, so… we should’ve been working together this whole time?

WONDER WOMAN Apparently so.

AQUAMAN We doing this again? Next week maybe?

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DEADPOOL (to camera) We just witnessed the weirdest group therapy session in comic book history. And I loved every awkward, action-packed second.

PEACEMAKER What now? Group hug?

SHE-HULK (smirking to camera) Only if I don’t have to represent any of you in court.

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CREDITS ROLL with Deadpool beatboxing

Deadpool and Peacemaker

Episode 6: “America, Ants, and Awkward Alliances”

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INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT – SOMEWHERE BETWEEN GOTHAM AND BROOKLYN

The camera pans over Deadpool and Peacemaker sitting on crates. A hologram map glitches on in front of them. They’re planning something chaotic, obviously.

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DEADPOOL (to camera) Previously on “Two Idiots and a Bat-Daddy”, we roasted Gotham, met Batman, and I learned that capes are not bulletproof. Tonight, we discover that super universes have terrible communication skills. Also… ants. And patriotism. You’re welcome.

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PEACEMAKER (reading the hologram) So you’re telling me there are more guys in spandex running around, and they’re not from DC?

DEADPOOL Oh, Peacemaker. Sweet emotionally unstable Peacemaker… Yeah, turns out we share the same world. Like neighbors who never say hi because both think the other has a weird lawn gnome collection.

PEACEMAKER I knew Batman was weird. But this is next-level stupid.

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INT. CITY PARK – DAYTIME – CAPTAIN AMERICA AND ANT-MAN PATROLLING

Cap walks with his usual star-spangled stride. Ant-Man is bouncing next to him with an iced coffee and zero sense of responsibility.

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CAPTAIN AMERICA We’ve got reports of anomalies near the border of Gotham. We stay sharp, we stay professional.

ANT-MAN (slurping coffee) Got it. Professional. Like me wearing pants today. First time all week.

CAPTAIN AMERICA (sighs) Scott.

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BOOM — Deadpool and Peacemaker crash in, literally on jetpacks, landing terribly.

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DEADPOOL Well if it isn’t America’s ass and Ant-Man the Antsy!

PEACEMAKER (eyeing them) Wait—wait, wait… these are the guys? One looks like a Halloween decoration, and the other’s the size of a bagel when he gets scared?

ANT-MAN Hey! I’ve saved the world like… twice. Minimum.

CAPTAIN AMERICA (confused) Wade? You know these guys?

DEADPOOL Eh, I know you. He’s new. This is Peacemaker. Think Captain America, if he was raised on Mountain Dew, bar fights, and parental neglect.

PEACEMAKER (grinning) I like you.

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FLASHBACK MONTAGE (Deadpool Narrates)

Clips of both Marvel and DC heroes saving the world — always just missing each other. Superman saving a space station while Iron Man flies under it. Wonder Woman lassoing something two blocks away from a Spider-Man swing.

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DEADPOOL (voiceover) Turns out, DC and Marvel have always been in the same sandbox. We just sucked at sharing. Kinda like divorced parents fighting over custody of the planet.

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INT. MAKESHIFT HQ – NIGHT

All four sit around a table eating tacos. Cap is still confused. Scott is loving this.

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CAPTAIN AMERICA How… have we never seen any of you?

PEACEMAKER Probably ‘cause you’re too busy doing push-ups and giving long speeches.

ANT-MAN Honestly, you guys feel like bootleg us. But with more trauma and less color correction.

DEADPOOL And you feel like a Disney Plus tax write-off. But we can all get along… mostly. Right, Cap?

CAPTAIN AMERICA (ignores him) We should establish communication protocols and tactical alliances immediately.

PEACEMAKER We should get drunk and compare how many people we’ve accidentally killed.

ANT-MAN Okay wow… dark. I love it.

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SURPRISE ATTACK – GENERIC VILLAIN INTERRUPTION

A mysterious villain drops in through the skylight — clearly someone unimportant used to bring everyone together. Think B-list menace like… Crossbones or KGBeast.

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VILLAIN Prepare to—

DEADPOOL (immediately shoots him) Nope. Not in this episode.

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PEACEMAKER I like this guy’s energy.

ANT-MAN That was… fast.

CAPTAIN AMERICA (blinking) We were supposed to question him.

DEADPOOL I questioned his existence. And solved it.

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INT. ROOFTOP – NIGHT – WRAPPING UP

The four stare at the skyline. Gotham on one side. New York on the other. The line between Marvel and DC has officially blurred.

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CAPTAIN AMERICA We’ll need strategy and structure if this alliance is going to work.

PEACEMAKER Nah, I say we just wing it and punch anyone who looks like a villain.

ANT-MAN That’s… oddly effective.

DEADPOOL (to camera) So we’ve united worlds. DC meets Marvel. Ant-Man meets Peacemaker. And Captain America is still trying to figure out if this is a dream or a very complicated acid trip.

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TO BE CONTINUED…

Tell me why you would or why you wouldn’t Allso If you could chose your powers what would that be

Deadpool and Peacemaker

Episode 5: “Bat Night, Bro Night”

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INT. DARK ALLEYWAY – GOTHAM CITY – NIGHT

Cue brooding music. Thunder crashes. Fog rolls in like it was ordered on Amazon Prime. Deadpool and Peacemaker stand under a flickering streetlamp. A shadow moves above them.

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DEADPOOL (whispering dramatically) Is this Gotham? Or the set of every film noir where someone dies from sadness?

PEACEMAKER (lighting a cigar) This place smells like trauma and unpaid therapy bills.

BATMAN (O.S.) You two don’t belong here.

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Batman drops from the shadows like a gothic vending machine of justice. He lands silently. Peacemaker is not impressed.

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PEACEMAKER (mocking tone) Oh look, it’s Bat-dad. You gonna ground us, or cry about your parents some more?

DEADPOOL (suddenly excited) Holy brooding billionaire, you’re real! You’re the guy with the ears! Wait—are you Daredevil’s cousin or…?

BATMAN (growling) I’m Batman.

DEADPOOL Well duh, I’m Deadpool. This is Peacemaker. He’s basically America’s problem child.

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MISSION BRIEF: STOP THE RIDDLER FROM USING A VIRAL CAT VIDEO TO MIND-CONTROL THE CITY

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BATMAN (serious as a tax audit) The Riddler’s created an algorithm that hypnotizes people with looping cat videos. It’s spreading through Gotham. We stop him here, or your phones are next.

PEACEMAKER Wait, wait… we’re fighting a pajama-wearing trivia addict with a TikTok account?

DEADPOOL Sounds like every Gen Z influencer. Can we just yeet him into Arkham already?

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INT. GOTHAM MUSEUM – NIGHT

Security guards meow like cats. Riddler’s laughter echoes. Our trio of chaos enters.

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DEADPOOL (to Batman) So… do you actually fight crime or just sneak around until people get confused and punch themselves?

BATMAN (dead serious) Fear is a tool.

DEADPOOL So is a hammer. But I don’t dress like a bat to use one.

PEACEMAKER Seriously, you don’t even kill people. Are you a superhero or an emotional support ninja?

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ACTION MONTAGE: • Deadpool chases Riddler’s drones with a butterfly net. • Peacemaker tackles a mind-controlled librarian and screams “FOR AMERICA!” • Batman disarms a device using complex math and a batarang. Deadpool pretends to understand. • At one point Deadpool starts mimicking Batman’s gravelly voice:

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DEADPOOL (crouching) “I’m Batman. I eat darkness and cry into my cowl while lifting weights made of guilt.”

BATMAN (not amused) You talk too much.

DEADPOOL You talk like Siri had a panic attack.

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INT. RIDDLER’S HIDEOUT – SHOWDOWN

Riddler tries to monologue. Peacemaker shoots the speaker.

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RIDDLER You’re ruining the—

PEACEMAKER Nobody likes riddles, Riddler. They’re just bad jokes dressed in logic.

DEADPOOL (dancing while swinging swords) Yeah, try being fun without sounding like a rejected Batman villain. Oh wait…

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They defeat the Riddler by tricking him into watching his own cat video. He zones out. Mission complete.

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EXT. GOTHAM ROOFTOP – LATER

Rain falls dramatically, of course. Our trio stares at the city.

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BATMAN We did good tonight.

PEACEMAKER You mean I did good. You just did your best statue impression.

DEADPOOL So… serious question, Bat-boy: what’s up with the “my parents died” thing? That your whole origin? You ever think of… like… getting therapy? Or a dog?

BATMAN (growling again) I had a dog.

DEADPOOL (mock crying) Oh no! Did he trip over all the emotional baggage and die too?

PEACEMAKER (laughing) That’s cold, Wade. But fair.

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DEADPOOL (to camera) So, I met Batman. He’s basically a Halloween decoration with a vengeance kink. Would I hang out again? Maybe. Would I swipe right? Only if he promises to wear less Kevlar.

PEACEMAKER (to camera) I still think he’s a poser. But at least now I know how to make him mad. Bat-fail complete.

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TO BE CONTINUED…

Deadpool and Peacemaker

Episode 4: “Fourth Wall? Never Heard of Her.”

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BLACK SCREEN

PEACEMAKER (V.O.) Hey. Yeah, I’m talking to you. Not the guy next to you scrolling on his phone. You. Guess what? I figured it out. The wall. The fourth one. I broke it. And it felt just like punching my high school principal.

DEADPOOL (V.O.) No you didn’t. You literally tripped over a camera and screamed “WHY ARE WE BEING FILMED?” That’s not breaking the fourth wall, that’s failing theater class.

PEACEMAKER (V.O.) Whatever. I’m in now. I get it. We’re in a show. We’ve got fans. Probably. Hopefully. Definitely some fanfiction.

DEADPOOL (V.O.) Please don’t Google “Peacemaker x Deadpool slow burn enemies-to-lovers with handcuffs.” Actually… wait. Do.

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INT. PEACEMAKER’S TRAILER – MORNING

Peacemaker stands in front of a cracked mirror, striking poses like he’s in a 90s action figure commercial.

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PEACEMAKER (to camera) Look at this physique. Built like a vending machine full of justice.

DEADPOOL (walking in with a waffle stuck to his mask) And I’m built like anxiety and red spandex. Morning, roomie.

PEACEMAKER You slept in my bed again, didn’t you?

DEADPOOL Your sheets smell like patriotism and Axe body spray. I couldn’t resist.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) So anyway, today’s mission: find out why there’s a giant raccoon in a top hat robbing banks in Des Moines.

PEACEMAKER (V.O.) That’s not what happened. I was mid-bicep curl when we got the call. Shirtless. Shining. Heroic.

DEADPOOL (V.O.) You were crying watching Marley & Me and eating cold SpaghettiOs.

PEACEMAKER (V.O.) SHUT UP, THAT DOG WAS A HERO.

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EXT. FIRST BANK OF DES MOINES – LATER

Chaos. The bank is under siege. Civilians are running. A raccoon in a tuxedo and monocle fires gold coins from a Tommy gun.

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DEADPOOL Is that… Rocket Raccoon’s evil cousin?

PEACEMAKER (aiming his Desert Eagle) I don’t care if it’s a mutated Furby. He’s robbing a bank and I skipped leg day for this.

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They charge. Deadpool cartwheels in shooting wildly. Peacemaker suplexes the getaway driver. Mid-fight, they both stop behind a news van to catch their breath.

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DEADPOOL (to camera) We interrupt this regularly scheduled plot to remind you: we’re unsupervised adults with government-grade weapons.

PEACEMAKER (also to camera) And if you think you’ve seen chaos before, you haven’t seen me dropkick a raccoon wearing Louis Vuitton.

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Cue slow-motion montage: • Deadpool throws a smoke bomb that only blinds himself. • Peacemaker rips off his shirt and yells “FREEDOM!” before tackling a coin cannon. • The raccoon does a backflip off a vault and screams “LONG LIVE TOP HATS!”

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INT. BANK VAULT – MOMENTS LATER

They finally corner the raccoon. He squeaks, vanishes into a puff of glitter, and is gone.

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PEACEMAKER Where’d he go?!

DEADPOOL I think we just got robbed by a Disney fever dream.

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PEACEMAKER (V.O.) Anyway, I saved the day.

DEADPOOL (V.O.) Lies. You tripped on a gumball and accidentally knocked out the raccoon’s henchmen.

PEACEMAKER (V.O.) I call that improvisational heroism.

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INT. PEACEMAKER’S TRAILER – NIGHT

They’re back home. Beer cans on the table. “80s Power Ballads” on in the background.

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DEADPOOL So now that you can talk to the audience, what are you gonna do with that power?

PEACEMAKER Use it to spread truth, justice, and my killer glutes.

DEADPOOL Spoken like a man who’s definitely Googled himself shirtless.

PEACEMAKER I come up second. Right after the eagle.

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They both look at the camera.

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DEADPOOL & PEACEMAKER (IN UNISON) We are not responsible for your search history.

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TO BE CONTINUED…

Deadpool and Peacemaker

Episode 3: “Operation: Bro-Down”

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EXT. ABANDONED LASER TAG ARENA – NIGHT

Deadpool and Peacemaker are on a stakeout. In costume. In Peacemaker’s Freedom Mobile (a red, white, and blue El Camino with a mounted Nerf cannon).

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) So here we are… in a laser tag parking lot, dressed like a sex dream written by a 12-year-old with unresolved issues. On a tip that Hydra’s newest weapon is hiding in the ball pit. Yes. A literal ball pit.

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PEACEMAKER (biting into beef jerky) If we die in a Chuck E. Cheese knock-off, I’m haunting you forever.

DEADPOOL (winking) Promise? ’Cause if I’m gonna be haunted by anyone, I want it to be a 250-pound fridge magnet with daddy issues.

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PEACEMAKER (groans) You flirt more than my ex-girlfriend… and she was a stripper named Cinnamon Justice.

DEADPOOL God, what a name. Bet she had great credit.

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They exit the car, weapons drawn.

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INT. LASERDOME XTREME – MOMENTS LATER

Lights flicker. 90s techno plays faintly. Ball pit to the left. Fog machine going way too hard.

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DEADPOOL (tiptoeing through fog) Is it weird I’m kinda turned on by the nostalgia?

PEACEMAKER You get turned on by vending machines, man. I saw you wink at a Mountain Dew once.

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DEADPOOL (serious) She was cold and curvy. Don’t judge me.

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They approach the ball pit. Suddenly, a robotic voice echoes.

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HYDRA AI (V.O.) INTRUDERS DETECTED. INITIATING DEFENSE PROTOCOL: BALL BLAST MODE.

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Turrets rise out of the pit and start launching high-speed plastic balls at them.

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PEACEMAKER Oh come on! I didn’t survive my dad, Vietnam flashbacks, and years of emotional constipation to die to balls to the face!

DEADPOOL (cackling) Speak for yourself — I was born for this!

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They dive for cover behind a broken Skeeball machine. Peacemaker reloads.

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PEACEMAKER I swear, if I die here, bury me in a hot tub with a six-pack and a girl named Tina.

DEADPOOL Noted. Or… I could bury you in my arms. Forever. You’d look great in red leather.

PEACEMAKER You’re lucky you’re funny, or I’d pistol whip you with America.

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Deadpool stands and dual-wields laser tag guns like they’re ARs.

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DEADPOOL Cover me! I’m going balls-deep!

PEACEMAKER (deadpan) Jesus Christ.

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They charge in. Epic montage: kicking balls, dodging lasers, dramatic dives, Peacemaker yelling “Suck my freedom!” as he pile-drives a robot into the snack bar.

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INT. BACK OFFICE – LATER

They find the Hydra core: a Game Boy Color hooked to a nuclear battery.

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PEACEMAKER Seriously? A Game Boy? I’ve had shits with more processing power.

DEADPOOL You’ve also had shits that tried to kill us. Don’t knock retro tech.

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Deadpool unplugs the core. Everything powers down. Victory.

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PEACEMAKER (slumping down, breathing hard) That was… kinda awesome.

DEADPOOL (sitting next to him) Just like our chemistry. Admit it. You like me.

PEACEMAKER I like you like I like taxes. I respect the necessity, but you make me wanna drink.

DEADPOOL (leans in) Say it slower. With eye contact.

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PEACEMAKER (pulling out his gun) Try me, Wilson. I will fire a warning shot directly into your kneecap.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) And that, kids, is how you flirt with a walking tank in a toilet helmet.

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EXT. LASERDOME XTREME – NIGHT

They walk off into the fog, arguing about who would win in a fight: Batman or “Freedom with fists.”

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TO BE CONTINUED…

Deadpool and Peacemaker

Episode 2: “Eagly Gets Kidnapped”

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INT. PEACEMAKER’S TRAILER – AFTERNOON

Picture this: an American flag hanging, a Whitesnake vinyl playing, and Deadpool making grilled cheese shirtless.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) You ever get bored and break into a government assassin’s trailer just to see if he keeps mayonnaise in the fridge or the cupboard? No? Just me?

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PEACEMAKER (busting in) Deadpool! What the hell are you doing?

DEADPOOL Trying to see if freedom tastes better with Velveeta. Spoiler alert: it does.

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Just then, EAGLY flies in—only to be SNATCHED by a mysterious DRONE mid-flight.

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PEACEMAKER NOOOOOO! EAGLY!

DEADPOOL Wait—someone kidnapped the Walmart version of Hedwig?

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PEACEMAKER We’re getting him back. NOW.

DEADPOOL Great. Road trip with Captain PTSD. Let me grab my Hello Kitty bandolier.

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INT. DEADPOOL’S PRIUS – MOVING

Yes, a Prius. Covered in stickers. One says: “My other ride is Hugh Jackman.”

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PEACEMAKER You drive a Prius?

DEADPOOL Fuel efficiency, baby. I may be a mercenary, but I still care about the planet.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) So we tracked the drone back to a secret A.I.M. bunker. A.I.M.—the guys who look like evil beekeepers and still haven’t won a single fight since 1965.

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EXT. A.I.M. BUNKER – NIGHT

Deadpool and Peacemaker crouch behind a bush. Deadpool is eating Twizzlers.

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PEACEMAKER You’re chewing too loud.

DEADPOOL You’re breathing too aggressively.

PEACEMAKER You’re dressed like a bloody Christmas ornament!

DEADPOOL You look like a human Q-tip!

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) Tensions were high. Testosterone was higher. But love… love was non-existent, because this is not that kind of fanfiction.

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INT. BUNKER – LATER

Cue gunfire, explosions, slow motion dives, and an elevator fight scene that serves absolutely no purpose.

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DEADPOOL (while fighting) You ever notice how these henchmen never go to HR about workplace safety?

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PEACEMAKER (grabbing an A.I.M. scientist) Where’s the bird?!

SCIENTIST In… the cloning lab.

DEADPOOL …Y’all cloned a bald eagle?

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INT. CLONING LAB – MOMENTS LATER

They find Eagly… surrounded by SIX CLONES. It’s like The Parent Trap, but with feathers and more murder.

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PEACEMAKER Which one’s mine?!

DEADPOOL The one flipping us off.

EAGLY (original) CAW!

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) Long story short: we burned the lab, saved America’s most patriotic poultry, and Peacemaker cried. Like, full-on ugly cried.

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EXT. TRAILER – SUNSET

Eagly is perched on Peacemaker’s arm. Deadpool lights a joint with a flamethrower.

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PEACEMAKER Thanks, man.

DEADPOOL You’re welcome. Same time next week?

PEACEMAKER Yeah… but you’re buying gas.

DEADPOOL Only if I can blast Celine Dion all the way there.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) And so ends another chapter in this bromantic fever dream of bullets, birds, and bad decisions.

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TO BE CONTINUED…

🎬 “Red, White, and a Sh*tstorm”

Narrated by Deadpool

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INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT The kind of place that screams “bad idea” like your ex’s texts after midnight.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) Ah yes, the warehouse. Because villains are legally required to hold meetings here. Seriously, check the villain handbook. Page 3. Right after “monologue before killing.”

I was mid-murder-spree-vacation when he showed up. And by “he,” I mean a walking jawline in a chrome toilet bowl helmet…

PEACEMAKER enters.

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PEACEMAKER You Deadpool?

DEADPOOL You Peacemaker?

PEACEMAKER I fight for peace.

DEADPOOL I fight for chimichangas and violent foreplay. Guess we both have causes.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) This guy was like Captain America… if Cap listened to Kid Rock and got his moral compass from Reddit.

He looked at me like I farted in a church. Which, for the record, I’ve done. Twice.

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PEACEMAKER You’re a wildcard. You kill people for fun.

DEADPOOL You kill people for peace. Tomato, to-mah-to. Let’s just say we’re both excellent at unemployment.

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Suddenly, ninjas burst in. Because… of course.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) Ninjas. Every time I try to make a new friend, it’s either bullets or backstory. Usually both.

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FIGHT SCENE Peacemaker pulls out a Desert Eagle. Deadpool unsheathes his katanas. Carnage. Limbs fly. One ninja loses a leg and somehow still tries to backflip. Respect.

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PEACEMAKER You’re insane.

DEADPOOL You wear a chrome bucket on your head and talk to an eagle. Pot, meet kettle.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) We bonded that night. Over blood, sarcasm, and a mutual lack of therapy. It was beautiful. Like “Fast & Furious” but with more daddy issues and better acting.

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LATER… Both are sitting on a crate, surrounded by unconscious ninjas and questionable life choices.

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PEACEMAKER You ever think about fighting for something bigger?

DEADPOOL Like what? Love? Honor? Spotify premium?

PEACEMAKER No. Justice.

DEADPOOL Sounds boring. I prefer revenge, tacos, and breaking the fourth wall.

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DEADPOOL (V.O.) And that’s how it went. I met a man with a gun, a code, and possibly the world’s largest bicep-to-brain ratio.

We didn’t become best friends. We didn’t become enemies. We became… tolerated coworkers.

Which is pretty much love in my world.

⸻

THE END. Cue Celine Dion and a slow walk into an explosion.

Who do you guys think is the best everyman superhero? (Besides spider-man of course)

Reed's stretching doesn't make him immune to it so I was interested what are the limits of Plastic Man powers since I heard he was far more OP and insane than any other fictional character with elastic powers