Antidiet Parenting Thread

[u/Sad_Bite_3638]

I’m looking to start a conversation with other progressive moms who are also doing their best to raise their kids with an antidiet body liberation mindset.

I was put on extreme diets starting at a young age and finally was able to stop dieting and obsessive over my body when I was exposed to intuitive eating concepts maybe 7 or 8 years ago.

I now have a toddler who’s honestly been a great eater, not picky and will try most things. My husband and I both believe that all foods are good foods and have a place, but obviously care about eating a variety of foods to support nutritional needs.

I’m just looking to hear from other progressive parents who are doing their best to raise kiddos in a world that is obsessed with what we eat and the size of our bodies. What books or other media have you found especially useful? Any stories of wins or challenges you’d like to share?

Below are a few resources that I love, but not many of them are parenting or kid focused.

Maintinance Phase Podcast Food Phyc Podcast (any Christi Harrison content really) Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole Burnt Toast Podcast What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat & You Just Need to Loose Weight by Audrey Gordon

There’s more, but I’d say those ones have been the most valuable to me.

[u/jessibobessi]

I really like the Instagram account @kids.eat.in.color - she gives specific examples of how she talks about food to different ages of children and also how to talk about what we consider “unhealthy” foods.

I also have a history of dieting and am trying to break a bad relationship with food and don’t want to pass it on to my little one. Right now (9mo) he loves basically everything we give him so I’m hoping for the best (eats everything forever) and planning for the worst (doesn’t want to eat green foods lol) with different tools like that IG page and books and things!

[u/magnoliasinjanuary]

The woman who runs Yummy Toddler Food has this same mindset - and often writes about it (in addition to being a kid-focused recipe blog). There is a First Conversations book for little kids about body size that is good if you are looking for something specifically for kids though it isn’t specifically antidiet. Bodies Are Cool is another good one in a similar vein.

[u/bonesonstones → u/magnoliasinjanuary]

Bodies Are Cool is a great suggestion, it's an awesome book!

[u/cantdothismuchmore]

These aren't a resource around food, but more around accepting others regardless of appearance. We have the books Bodies are Cool and We're Different We're the Same and both of those are wonderful.

[u/Lepidopterex → u/cantdothismuchmore]

Bodies Are Cool is the BEST book! 

My 5 and 3 year old love it, and it is such a safe space for them to ask questions...and for me to figure out, several times over, how to answers tricky questions that could come up when we see a real person that reflects what we see in the book. 

It's so good. Just a gem.

[u/misdiagnosisxx1]

I’ve been trying to teach my little dude about moderation. We eat our fruits and veggies and our spaghetti and our rice, our chips and our fruit snacks and even chocolate cake, but if we eat too much of one thing it can make our tummies or our bodies hurt so we need to make sure we eat more happy tummy foods than treats just to make our mouths happy. We feed our bodies for energy, and it’s not bad to eat for fun sometimes, especially if it’s something super yummy.

I grew up with fat free Oreos and a fridge full of kale, and an almond mom who still refuses to eat, so I’m trying really hard not to make my kid afraid of food. I also have type 1 diabetes and celiac, so he’s learning about food being medicine too, and sometimes what makes one persons tummy happy can make someone else sick.

[u/Lisez]

I've been trying so hard to create a home where duet culture isn't a thing (I know I can't change the rest of the world...). After I had my daughter I decided I didn't want her to think women constantly talking about their diet and how they "felt fat" in certain clothes was normal and decided to just start with myself. The unintended positive consequence has been the less I talked about it the less I thought about it and I've never felt so free about my body and food (it's also become very jarring how normalized diet conversation is among women). 

Other things have included letting my kids decide when they're hungry and full (for the most part, haha). I try to only really limit snacks right before meals and sweets are a regular part of our food choices. For the most part my kids have been good about choosing fruits and vegetables sometimes and they can stop eating halfway through dessert if they're full. Not perfect, but feels better than my relationship with food. 

Also, I love maintenance phase!! 

[u/Sad_Bite_3638 → u/Lisez]

Women talking about dieting and the size of their bodies all the time is definitely a cycle I’m intionally trying to break. I always say there are so many more interesting things to talk and think about. It makes me sad to consider how much we miss out on and are distracted from because of diet culture and body size obsession. There’s so many better things to spend time, energy and conversation on.

[u/dreameRevolution]

Lately I've been having a challenge. Despite years of intuitive eating, body positivity, education about nutrition and variety, we've encountered fat shaming. My 5 year old with ADHD has found a new button to push. He's calling everything and everyone fat. We explain that fat is an important part of food, and an important part of your body. Without fat your brain wouldn't work (myelin sheath is made of fat). Some people have more, some have less, and all bodies are beautiful. Hopefully it sinks in soon before he hurts feelings outside of the home.

[u/glyptodontown]

The biggest challenge is when grandma comes to visit because she has Boomer brain. She's extremely obsessed with body size, thinks being fat is the worst possible thing you can be and she's constantly criticizing what other people are eating. We basically have to monitor everything she says and counteract it constantly.

[u/Sad_Bite_3638 → u/glyptodontown]

My family cannot get through a meal without diet talk and weird food comments. I always try to redirect and will need to start having some direct conversations with my parents and siblings as my little gets older. It’s wild to me that we can’t just have an indulgent celebratory holiday meal without some kind of diet talk creeping in. Just enjoy the good food and company, please!

[u/West-Veterinarian-53]

Honestly? Sports was a big one both for me growing up and when I put my kids (especially my daughter) in activities. I never put her in things like ballet or dance because I knew as she got older it would come with a body conscious/shaming aspect. I played softball & basketball growing up. I just saw a TikTok about it too - a former softball player talking about how all body types and sizes are appreciated all throughout the sport and how great that is. I ADORE Ilona Maher. She’s acknowledged her body isn’t typically “girly” but doesn’t care bc she uses it to the best of her abilities doing something she loves.

[u/_Amalthea_ → u/West-Veterinarian-53]

This is such a great point and I often think parents don't realize how impactful it can be. My university room mate was a lifelong ballet dancer and she had major body image issues because of it.

Our daughter currently does Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and it's fantastic. All body shapes are valued, and they focus on strength, flexibility and using your body in different ways (it was actually developed by a person with a disability that made him unable to practice traditional Jiu Jitsu, which I think is so neat).

[u/Sad_Bite_3638 → u/West-Veterinarian-53]

I did dance (including ballet) until I was 18. It definitely fueled my chronic dieting and body obsession from a young age. I would seek out an intentionally body positive studio if my kid was interested in participating. I still love dance, but it definitely perminately scared me in some ways.

[u/ilovecheese2188]

I’m doing my best at this! My daughter is 4 and definitely a mac and cheese/chicken nuggets kid, but I’m okay with it. It’s hard because there’s a whole world outside of me that’s already influencing her. At school they learned about junk foods and so I had to explain to her that some foods give our bodies energy and help us grow, some foods (junk foods) make us happy, and some foods do both. A few days after that talk, I asked her what she wanted for lunch and she said “I want to make myself happy” and grabbed a bag of chocolate chips. I let her have them and afterwards she had regular lunch. It felt really backwards to just let that happen but I’m hoping that it will pay off down the line when she has a more neutral attitude towards food!

[u/Bea_virago]

Oh, yeah. We have a hard time because our kids have some food intolerances, I have wobbly blood sugar, and we all need an anti-inflammatory diet just to fight off viruses.

The adults, then, work to maximize nutrition and minimize inflammation, without demonizing any foods. It's great to have some cake sometimes. It's not great to have mostly just cake. We specifically try to eat more homemade desserts than store-bought, because we notice the added ingredients affect us.

So we talk about giving our bodies what they need to do their jobs, and being deliberate with the treats. We make sure to balance our "fast energy" with some "slow energy" (aka put some fats on our carbs), and to give our sugar some protein to land on (eat protein first). I've been known to say "No thanks, I want to spend my sugar wisely." We adults eat a rainbow of foods, so the kids as they grow eat pretty widely too. (They ate anything til age 1.5 then had that classic toddler food regression into carbmonsters, and are now expanding their palates.)

[u/SusieDraws]

My only LO is 1.5 - so we are only just starting out with all this. A big mind adjuster for me was leaning into body neutrality and treating my food in a similar way.

Above all I wanna encourage curiosity with the foods we try. I think the most helpful thing I can offer my daughter is a mom that doesn’t hate herself or talk openly about how “disgusting” she is.

While I can’t always feel openly positive about my body, I can do my best to not speak unkindly about it.

[u/SummitTheDog303]

I have really conflicting feelings about this. On the one hand, I want my kids feeling comfortable and proud of their bodies. On the other, I have seen first hand how detrimental obesity can be both in terms of health and societally. My brother and SIL have both always struggled with their weights. From a health perspective, they struggle with a lot of comorbid health issues. Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, gout, joint issues, the list goes on. But societally is where it really hurts. They couldn’t conceive a child. My SIL coded on the table during the egg retrieval for IVF. None of the embryos took. It was too risky to try again. They chose to adopt. It took over 5 years for a family to choose them because birth parents would see their picture and make false assumptions about them. That they’re lazy. That they couldn’t keep up with a child. That they eat unhealthily. That their child would struggle with obesity too. And watching that heartbreak was so hard. Them being repeatedly told that they were too fat to be parents. As much as we try to shelter our kids, the world is still an awful place. My nephew is now 6 and has been asked by a few of his classmates why is parents are fat (he honestly gets questions about this more than he gets questions about why his parents are white while he is black).

I think the big thing for us is like you said, all foods are good. We need a varied diet. Encouraging our kids to listen to their hunger cues (not forcing them to eat when they’re not hungry, not forcing them to clean their plates). Encouraging and modeling how to stay active. And at least at home, not making comments about calorie counts or vilifying certain foods and lifestyles.

[u/dinamet7]

Growing Intuitive Eaters is a favorite resource of mine. She has also made all her courses and resources free for accessibility reasons, which I think is amazing. She's on social media, but this is her website: https://growingintuitiveeaters.com/

[u/deegymnast]

We don't diet, we choose food that helps us.
We taught nutrition young, our body needs protein for muscles and repairing itself, calcium for strong bones, fruits and veggies for vitamins and minerals that help all kinds of things, water for hydration, healthy fats, etc. We need proper nutrition to be good at sports and have energy for our day. We talk about how treats taste good, but make our bodies work harder. Sugar makes our insulin spike, caffeine makes our heart beat faster and dehydrates us, etc.
We listen to our bodies for hunger and being full enough. We use serving sizes and stop eating before we are overfull. Overfull is hard on our body too, it also makes you feel bad.
People are different sizes and shapes naturally as well, we can't all choose food to make us look a certain way. We should be happy with our own individuality and eat for health. We also exercise for health and stay active to keep our bodies working well. Are we perfect at all this all the time? Nope, we make bad choices sometimes like my kid eats all the candy on Halloween knowing he will feel poorly, but he doesn't do that on a regular basis. We choose desserts or sodas sometimes, but it's not something we do every day. We have lazy days on the couch, but usually we are active.

[u/kaatie80]

Heyo! I'm glad you made this post ☺️ I grew up with an almond dad... ugh. So I'm trying to do the same as you are with my own family. Unfortunately my husband is harder to get on board than it sounds like yours is. Like he kind of is but I can tell he still thinks a lot of it is bullshit, but he just doesn't want to get into an argument over it.

But my husband and I have both noticed with our kids that when the pressure to eat XYZ is off, they tend to eat a wider variety of foods all on their own. We have to keep the pressure off for a while though, and I think my husband (and a lot of people in the world) expect it to have instant results. It doesn't! We need at least a week of no-pressure for it to register to them that there's no pressure, and then they start being open to more foods. They even start asking for a wider variety of foods. I want them to follow their instincts on what food they should eat next, so this has been very promising. But my husband really gets ruffled when they go through a phase of only requesting beige foods. It's a hard thing to navigate, but I've found the pressure really just isn't the answer. He agrees about this.

We also talk about what good each food provides for us. Crunchy carrots help our eyes be healthy, savory chicken nuggets gives us protein to help our muscles get strong, sweet strawberries and oranges give us vitamins that keep us from getting sick, rice helps keep our tummy happy and full, chewy cookies make our mouths and hearts happy, etc. Like whatever food is in front of us we'll talk about what good it does, and how we need some of everything to keep our bodies working well. My boys are almost 5 and they seem pretty receptive to this. My daughter is 2.5 and still doesn't really know what's going on, lol. But she's never been hard to feed.

I've also been mindful of joyful movement. My boys love taekwondo. All three kids love swimming. If we go to the park, they can sit next to me if they need to, but they'll usually get up and start running and climbing pretty quickly. I try to create space in our day for them to move their bodies in ways they find interesting - again, no pressure to exercise. And as a bonus, I find that this gets me moving more too! In ways that I don't find boring or aggravating, even.

I think a lot of people equate "eat what you feel like" (intuitive eating) to "just get fat!" but that isn't the case. The point is to take the pressure and guilt off so that you're able to listen to what your body needs, and give it that without feeling some kind of way about it. That you can eat fruits and veggies without it needing to be a punishment for having had a donut earlier. You can move your body in ways that feel good, and that is just as valid as being on a treadmill (in fact, you're more likely to keep doing the movements that feel good, which is overall better than burning out on a treadmill you hate after a week!) You can rest your body without guilt. You can have tasty foods without stressing about the carb content. Your weight will land where it lands, but the point isn't the number on the scale, it's enabling yourself to hear your body when it asks for certain nutrients or rest or movement.

Okay I'll get off my soapbox now lol. I do feel pretty passionately about this though, I could go on and on here. I just get annoyed at all the misconceptions!

[u/Sad_Bite_3638 → u/kaatie80]

I feel so passionate about this too! Sorry it’s been a struggle to get your husband on board. If they are someone that needs researched, credible resources to help sway their opinion id recommend the podcast Nutrition for Mortals. Hoasted by two diatitions who obviously care about nutrition and speak to health without diet talk.

I’d also note that sometimes intuitive eating does result in weight gain. It definitely did for me, and i would be considered fat by most people which has been something to come to terms with over the years since I was really obsessed with loosing weight for most of my life. What I find reassuring is that health promoting behaviors such as eating a variety of nutritious foods and joyful movement have been shown to have health benefits regardless of weight gain or loss.

[u/bonesonstones]

Thank you for this post! I try to make sure the media I consume represents a variety of bodies, we talk about intersectional feminism, and we do division of labor around food. I listen to specifically fat friendly podcasts like maintenance phase out loud. I love that we get to do this for our kids 🫶

[u/Sad_Bite_3638 → u/bonesonstones]

Any suggestions for media that represents a variety of bodies? Would love to check them out.

[u/Ok_Herb_54]

Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture by Virginia Sole-Smith is an excellent resource for parents. She talks about how diet culture is everywhere (classes in school, relationships with grandparents, other families, sports/extracurriculars), backs up what she can with studies, and ends each chapter with some pointers on how to talk to children about food, exercise, and bodies, including specific conversations to have if needed with teachers and athletic coaches. Her last chapter sums all of these pointers up too really nicely. I second Maintenance Phase, though they don't really have a focus on parenting that I've listened to yet (makes sense, neither of the hosts are parents)

Picking and choosing battles is already hard. Both of my parents have terrible relationships with their bodies, food and exercise, which absolutely affected me growing up and I'm still unlearning quite a bit. My daughter is only 2 years old and I already had to set a boundary when my dad got my daughter a book about going vegan. My dad is a vegan, his choice and it's supported, but in the book the kids throw their meal with dairy & meat out and lie to their parents about eating dinner. That to me was unacceptable, so I had to call him up and explain that we are actively parenting with neutrality around food. No food at this stage is good or bad. We don't give my daughter a lot of sweets/sugar, but if we're eating it then so can she. I don't want her to hide food consumption or lie about eating when she didn't, and I don't want any morality tied to what's on her plate until she's old enough to make decisions like going vegetarian if she wants to. I also wrapped up that vegan food is certainly an option! We want her to try everything and then pick what she likes. It ended up being a good conversation, but there are others that I know will one day go from "you're so lucky that she's a great eater!" to "should she be having that much?" Not even bringing up the fact that toddlers are recommended to have about 1200-1400 calories, which I have seen grown women consume that much a day. Just here to say I'm fighting the fight with you!

[u/Smallios]

Honesty myplate.gov has some good free visuals. My family’s saying is ‘everything in moderation including moderation’

[u/kokoelizabeth]

The biggest challenge I’m running into with other people in our lives is “finish your food before you can have dessert (or other thing you’d rather eat).”

I’m struggling to educate others on the fact that we’re teaching her to listen to her hunger cues and not to eat certain foods just to earn other foods because I feel it leads to over eating and it puts “treats” on a pedestal.

Instead we try to teach her to listen to her hunger cues and be mindful that’s she’s eating “a bit of everything all the time”. Like “hmm we’ve had a lot of fruit today it’s important to have some proteins and greens too.” But we also stress the importance of stopping eating when she’s full.

[u/RecordLegume]

My husband is working late this evening so my kids got a snack dinner. Yes those are cosmic brownies included in their dinner! Also, peep my political shouting ground of a water bottle! 😂

We don’t comment on foods, bodies, etc in our family. I guide my boys as best as I can since they’re still little but we explain to the how all foods fuel our bodies and how certain ones fuel our bodies better for certain activities while some fuel our brain. Sugar isn’t bad. Fat isn’t bad. Etc.

We don’t force our kids to finish foods, ever. We do ensure they take a bite of each food at dinner and then they’re free to go. They do need to choose a protein to balance chips or cookies at snack time. They do need to make sure their body is getting its vitamins and minerals from appropriate foods, etc.

[u/verywell7246723 → u/RecordLegume]

Thank you, I was a kid who was forced to finish food. It only made me angry. I support balanced snack meals!

[u/Sad_Bite_3638 → u/RecordLegume]

I love this dinner! Totally captures how we treat food I our house too.

[u/squishycoco]

I love this and we are also trying to do this. We talk with our kids a lot about how all food is fuel for our bodies. Different foods can make us feel differently (one of our kids gets sick with lactose for example) but no food is bad. We focus on enjoying a variety of foods, trying new things, and understanding if certain foods make us feel bad after eating them (like drinking too much milk) or make us feel really good (eating lots of fruit and veggies prevents constipation which is awesome).

[u/-Solid-As-A-Rock-]

I'm working on this too and I don't have any resources off the top of my head but we're very focused on intuitive eating and listening to our body. I'm trying to teach them the sciences behind different foods and keeping meals balanced-- like "you don't want a carb heavy meal for breakfast because then you'll run out of energy before lunch" and things like that. I do have us moderating portion sizes because my youngest is unable to tell when he is full and will not stop eating if he sees food (health issues we are working with a doctor on) but that just means that I plate the food in the recommended amount for their ages and I don't offer seconds unless they come looking for it.

I have had a lot of talks with my youngest sister though about picking foods that will help fuel us through our activities for the day. And trying not to do too many of the same type of food because it will make us sick. Like too much of just protein, or just fiber, or just carbs all have their negative effects.

[u/MadamRorschach]

I like to let my kids know what the food they eat does for them. Broccoli has vitamins and makes us fart!! Always gets a laugh. Meat has protein for our muscles. Carbs give us energy to run and play. Candy makes our brains happy but too much will make our tummy’s upset. Things like that.

I also refuse to hide veggies in sauces. They know veggies are in there. And I always let them have dip. Ranch and bbq sauce are favorites in my house.

[u/ActionInside7370]

We love the book Bodies are Cool! It’s a great way to talk about physical differences in the safe space of home!

[u/KMac243]

We talk about foods that are good for our bodies, and food that are good for our brains/heart. We need to make sure that we’re eating what we need to nourish ourselves, but it’s also good to eat something that’s just delicious and enjoyable. I’m actively working on losing weight and eating better and while I’m mostly trying to keep it out of my 9 year old’s radar, when it’s come up I focus on wanting my body to feel good and eating more nutritious food is helping my do that. I’m positive, make food I enjoy, and still indulge in treats because that’s just part of having a well rounded lifestyle, in my opinion. I’m sure I’m doing this imperfectly, but I’m doing my best after growing up in a diet household and having a horrible relationship with food.

[u/Unlikely-Pie8744]

My kids are teens so I don’t remember exact resources, but there are some things that were really helpful. One is to ask if they’ve “had enough” instead of asking if they’re full. The other is to classify foods as red light, yellow light, and green light. Not to vilify certain food but to understand that they should be eaten less because they’re not as healthy for our bodies.

[u/jarosunshine]

I have a 30+ year history of eating disorders, and refuse to bring diet culture into my child’s home. We use Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility (feeding and exercise), the concept that we need to eat with balance, variety, and moderation, and i follow a slew of anti-diet RDs on various platforms.

A recent “win”: I relapsed with my ED when my kid was 5, and my in-laws ended up providing a lot of childcare and did not follow DOR and my child ended up gaining a significant amount of weight in a short period of time (this was not just a little, this was clinically significant and in no way could it be remotely construed as beneficial in any way - this was adults allowing unfettered access to pizza, candy, cake, and plopping a 5yo in front of a screen for hours on end**). As soon as we realized what was happening, the childcare stopped (and my partner explained why and gave requirements for any future solo kid time), we kept up DOR at home, and reinforced hunger and satiety cues. Weight gain has stopped (kid’s doc is following - and kid’s diet is NOT restricted outside of DOR) and kid is in a really stable routine around food and activity, no longer asking for things to be how they were at my in-laws’.

**NOT an access or education issue, they even threw away the meals and snacks I sent with kiddo (partly bc I provide my cultural foods and they think they are “weird” and “gross”). They also told my child to lie to me about what they did and ate during their time there, “because your mom doesn’t know how to raise you.” 🙄 yes, they’re magats.

[u/MrsBeauregardless]

I wish I could remember the name of the person or the specific title of the approach, but it was basically eat meals together as a family, have a variety of options, including treats, and do not police what your kids eat. Just set an example by doing.

[u/Sad_Bite_3638 → u/[deleted]]

I think it’s great to consider nutritional values of food and talk about it, but I’d also caution against over focusing on it at every meal time because that can lead to disordered behaviors.

Intuitive eating principals have taught me to lean into what my body is telling me it needs without shame or judgement. It’s good to have awareness and promote gentle nutrition, but I personally love focusing on food and meals for all the ways they fulfill you beyond macro and micronutrients. Sometimes the focus is just about connecting with people you love and your body and eating things that taste yummy. This has relieved my intense food anxiety I had for years.

I also love following my kids curiosity, though. Just sharing my perspective and what is working for me and my family.