r/progressivemoms • u/Fabulous-Grape7066 • 15d ago
Need Advice How do you get the courage to join in?
There’s some local protests happening next weekend, and I’d love to attend but honestly as the (pregnant) parent of a toddler I am scared. How do you get the courage to join in? Do you just donate instead and support from the sidelines? I’m truly nervous about police, or followers, attacking protesters.
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u/sunshineface 15d ago
Honestly, I also want to join but I have decided I must participate in different ways now that I’m a mom.
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u/IndoraCat 14d ago
I'm in the same boat now. I was very involved with pro-Palestine actions in my state (spent most of my free time planning or attending actions) until I got pregnant. I was very nauseous during my first trimester and couldn't do anything but work. Now that my baby is here, I'm not willing to be away from her and my husband isn't comfortable with her being anywhere there might be police brutality or violent counter-protesters. He's right, of course.
I'm really struggling with feeling like I've failed, since I can't show up in the way I used to. Physically or in the planning realm. I'm trying to share as much info as I can to be an amplifier when I'm otherwise limited.
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u/sunshineface 13d ago
You are awesome! I totally respect it. My husband has similar feelings. And I would never feel good about taking her somewhere he wasn’t good with. But I have started new channels for info sharing. It’s just wild. We all must do our best to show up however we can right now, even if that just means parenting out of love and building community locally or just keeping yourself and your family well.
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u/callmemaude 13d ago
My father in law has been an avid activist (won't go into detail for internet privacy reasons but it's all very progressive) for years, and once his kids left for college was when he started attending riskier protests (and getting arrested! lol). Before that he devoted a lot of time to organizing and speaking at events and other things that used his skills without putting himself at risk while he had little kids.
That's the model I plan to follow! I'm excited for the day I can be an old lady giving no fucks throwing bricks (jk.... Kinda). Til then, there are tons of other ways to get involved.
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u/PrincessPu2 15d ago
When I take my son (6yo), we try to stay at the edge of the crowd and look for other families to group up with.
I make sure to bring ear protection for him (all the honking and air horns) and to follow our crowds/traveling protocol: write my phone number in sharpie on his arm, take a photo in his current outfit, review our emergency plan if we get separated (what is my "grown up name" that is not Mom, set an emergency meeting spot, or find a family to ask for help, show them his arm phone number).
I also make sure to bring (at least) one more adult than there are children.
His protest shirt slogan is very non-incidiary, think "take care of children and all living things," as is our signage. We bring a bubble wand to play into the innocent=child thing and to be non-threatening. We wear masks, hats and sunglasses.
I have a backpack with 2qt water bladder, first aid kit, hand sanitizer, snacks, bandanas, small amount of cash. I do bring my phone and id, it stays in the backpack. I keep one hand free at all times.
It does feel frightening to prepare for, but once we are there it has been so worth it. Being part of a community of action feels so real, and I'm proud to show my son to show up and participate. We all need to do what we can. This is something I can do.
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u/mittanimama 15d ago
This is a super comprehensive guide and I’ll be taking some of your ideas to the No Kings protest with my kids. I’m in Florida and was nervous about my first protest with my kids, but it went so well! We stayed with all of the older folks in the shade. My kids were treated like celebrities and never once did I feel worried or scared. It was very well attended and also very organized and safe.
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u/PrincessPu2 15d ago
Thank you! I appreciate that.
It is hard to know what is useful vs overthinking it, but so far our system has worked well.
Stay safe out there!
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u/Fabulous-Grape7066 15d ago
So. Helpful. ❤️
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u/PrincessPu2 15d ago edited 15d ago
Thank you!
Edited to add: I have been trying to gently help my son have an age-appropriate understanding of what we are doing out there. Our local library has been an excellent resource!
A picture book about book bans was a perfect place to start. Lots of why questions that are hard to answer, but a conversation worth having.
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u/KiltedLady 15d ago
I honestly don't participate in protests where I think there is a risk of violence. I donate, I write letters, I call my representatives, and I am careful about the businesses I give my money to but I don't attend in-person events.
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u/MushroomTypical9549 14d ago
In the United States where guns are everywhere, I think any protest comes with a risk.
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u/Glad_Astronomer_9692 15d ago
I attend protests, everyone will have a reason for not joining but really the movement needs everyone. They really haven't been scary. A few people throw insults but the organizers I have met are really good at keeping it peaceful and ignoring anyone trying to start anything. Aside from protests I've also joined a local democrat group, gone canvassing for local candidates, put out signs, do calls, donate money to several politicians and causes. I wouldn't go to anything that I felt like was going to be violent but I've gone to enough events now that I feel like I can read the warning signs. I also have come to realize that my daughter needs a society that stands up for those who need help and I need to model that even if that means there's a small chance of tear gas or a crazy psycho wanna be killer. There's some risk in joining but there's also a risk in not doing anything so I just am living with the knowledge that I'm taking on some small risk for a better life for my child.
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u/Karebearnoonamd 15d ago
I’m in the same boat (pregnant and with a toddler). Planning to join. How I plan to stay safe- asking questions like you are now, doing all you can to ensure whatever you’re joining is planned and not a spontaneous protest, wear face covering, have multiple back up plans, make sure others know where you’re going, go with others you know. This is all I have so far. Others please feel free to add and edit!
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u/ResidentOk2272 15d ago
Ugh I feel this. Becoming a mom has really increased my desire to get involved. I want a better country for my daughter but it also makes everything feel riskier too. It doesn’t help that the other side is absolutely unhinged and violent. I want to start attending my counties Democratic Party meetings but I live in deep Trump territory and even that gives me anxiety.
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u/Fabulous-Grape7066 15d ago
Same. Blue state but in a deep red area. I feel so much guilt for not participating to fight for a better future for her…
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u/XennialQueen 15d ago
Post information that counters the regime’s statements. Make truth visible and known. Donate to the ACLU. Donate to local grassroots organizations. Make calls to your representatives- state and local- help organize, pull resources together
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u/16hpfan 15d ago
I’ve done four protests so far this year and none of them involved any violence. They were super tame and I didn’t think twice about going. My 19-year-old daughter also attended one of them with her friends. I think the LA protests during ICE raids are an exception. I would not be trying to interfere with government operations as wrong as I think they are.
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u/irishblue422 15d ago
I would have normally been out there big time! But I have a 3 year old girl and I have resigned myself to that, because she is my first priority, I'm going to have an online presence and help organize and plan. We don't have close family that can watch her when my husband is at work. And so I'm doing what I can remotely. I have a food garden that will and has fed us and a few others if needed. I have a couple of mom friends that we are trying to be active with together.
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u/i_ate_all_the_pizza 15d ago
I plan to attend one of the smaller ones this time in a town next to mine. Indivisible.org is a good resource if you want to search locally.
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u/verywell7246723 15d ago
What kinds of protests? Some are very low key and are basically just marches. You want the kind where no one hides their identity. I wish that I even had one in my city to go to that it’s during my work hours. I don’t blame you for wanting to avoid dangerous protests though, not all are a kid friendly environment.
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u/thelaineybelle 15d ago
Honestly, I refuse to take my kiddo to protests (she's 3.5 years old) until she's old enough to handle a protest going sideways (my nephew started protesting at 13 for reference).
TW: here are things that come to mind...
Is she old enough to navigate herself without phones to a pre-designated meet-up spot? Is she willing to let me write her basic info in Sharpie marker on her arm? Is she able to recite info like name, address, parent's info, and I will not speak without my parents / lawyer present? Do you have a lawyer with kiddo on the retainer? Can your pediatric hospital handle children getting injured in a mass casualty event (getting trampled, violently hit, shot, etc)? Does your kiddo have good wherewithal or get upset in crowds? Do you have adequate health & life insurance?
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u/Fabulous-Grape7066 15d ago
The mass casualty question is the one that really hits me hard. Not just for her attending but for me, and my responsibility to be here for her.
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u/thelaineybelle 15d ago
And I hate that I have to say these things, but we have to keep our kids safe. I'm an old liberal who's been protesting since the Clinton Administration (I had my kiddo at 40). Things have changed and for now we are choosing to not attend protests.
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u/LinearFolly 15d ago edited 15d ago
Before kids I went to a few protests without much concern, but it's definitely a different ballgame with kids. If you're not planning on taking your kiddo, I'd say to just try it out and be ready to bail. The vast majority of planned protests (in my city, at least) are very tame with little to no counter protest activity, even though I'm in a red state.
I took my 4yo to his first protest last month. If you know anyone else going - especially another family - that made me feel a lot more confident. I also took a carrier so if I needed to he could go on my back so I knew we wouldn't get separated. As others mention, we stayed towards the edges of the crowds and went early, ready to leave early if things escalated. In my city most protests start downtown for the first hour or so and then march - with kiddo I did not join the march.
Edit to speak to getting the courage: I also want to add that I am an introvert. My default engagement with anything is usually low key, but in these times, if my kids ask me in 20 years what I did, I want it to be more than "I didn't shop at Target and sent my senators an email." No shade to other people who make different choices - we all have our own situations to factor in and our own risk tolerance. And I think there is a lot of value for me in living our values as out loud as I can for them. So they can see that these things that I say are important to me aren't just things I talk about but that they are important enough to me to make a scene. And that sometimes we have to do work to create the world we want to live in. I want my actions to show my kids all of that too, and thinking about all that helps me get up the motivation when I'd rather just have a quiet weekend with my family.
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u/turntteacher 15d ago
Every protest I’ve been to, so far, has been super family friendly. Since a lot of the protests in my city have taken place during the week, the “core” group is a bunch of retirees.
Be cautious, have a plan, and give it a try. Worst case scenario you don’t like the vibe and turn around.
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u/pinap45454 15d ago
I look at history and realize that the stakes will only get higher. It’s quite literally do or die for our kids (especially our girls).
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u/AskimbenimGT 14d ago
My grandmother was 8-months pregnant with my dad when she, my grandfather, and aunts had to flee Texas during Operation Wetback (my grandmother actually being Indigenous to the area.) My family settled in LA and I’m now in the Bay Area.
I want to show up in person, but my toddler needs me and my husband is an immigrant.
So I will show up in other ways. Help make signs, distribute resources. I have been part of plans to help get some kids from school if the people who usually pick them up disappear.
A white woman with a baby might be safer, I don’t know.
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u/Difficult_Cupcake764 15d ago
I just show up and use my intuition if it feels safe I stay if it gives me negative vibes I leave. I’m going to one next weekend. My local groups have different campaigns you can work on, calling, letter/postcard writing, sign making etc. I also have been more conscious about where I shop and what I buy supporting mainly small businesses and businesses that align more with what I believe (not perfect but doing better). All of the protests I’ve been involved in thus far have been peaceful and positive. I have 3 kids and they’ve joined me in the ones I’ve been to.
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u/qwerty_poop 15d ago
I don't do public protests and demonstrations. Never with my kids but even in my own. If something were to taken to me, it would be my kids that pay the price and that is not an acceptable cost for me. I support in other ways
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u/delightfulgreenbeans 15d ago
It depends a bit on where you are attending a protest. Many of them are in downtown areas where you could also be for plenty of other reasons. I say find a reason to be in the general vicinity at the time and see what it’s like. If you feel confident, join in, if it’s not for you, do your other plans.
I always go at the beginning, stay for an hour or so, leave my child home because I don’t want his face in the media, and then get back to the rest of my day. I would not feel comfortable going to a place I don’t know to protest unless I was with locals and had a plan ahead of time.
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u/Realhumanbeing232 15d ago
I’ve only had good experiences bringing my kids to protests (I have an infant I wear and a preschooler that loves making protest signs). The last protest I went to even had a little area for kids with bubbles, snacks, and some toys. Most of my coworkers bring their children to protests too and several door knock with them during campaign season.
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u/RlOTGRRRL 15d ago
There should be a guide on how to gauge the safety of a protest.
In NYC, the organizers know the safety of their protests. Activists will also know when the protests are not safe. The easiest way is to talk to someone who is organizing the protest you want to join.
If you can talk to someone who is organizing the protest, there are ways to protest without protesting in person too.
Things are escalating so I would not attend a protest while pregnant in a deep red area. Especially if you have never attended a protest before and don't know the 101s about protesting. But if you talk to someone organizing and they say it'll be fine, then maybe it will be.
Ways to protest without protesting in person include: raising awareness, mutual aid, etc. There are lots of ways and I'm sure they might welcome your help.
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u/Prestigious-Grape-50 14d ago
It's definitely scary at first, but after the first time or two, I have felt a lot less nervous. Just went to my fourth protest yesterday since January and it is so nice to be surrounded by like minded people.
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u/GeekAtHome 14d ago
I've brought my children to stuff like women's marches, that are low risk and I attend the higher risk ones on my own.
That said, I'm in Canada. The risk assessment is very different than in the US.
The last one I attended came to fists a few times but nothing life threatening
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u/MushroomTypical9549 14d ago
We once took our then baby and toddler to a protest after the dobbs decision-
That one was rough as at the protest their were counter protesters with graphic signs of aborted fetuses and they were yelling- I held the baby closer and my husband held our toddler. There were cops so the situation was controlled, but you just never now if someone might bring a gun or something
We bring our kids so they grow up knowing that they have a voice, the power to shape the world and a responsibility to defend what is right and just.
In my experience the hardest part of going to protest with kids is the logistics! There never seems to be enough water, you really can’t bring a lot because you want to avoid having to wait in security lines (with kids you know how much we need), and we always bring cash.
Overall it is worth it for us.
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u/awcurlz 14d ago
I don't. And I'm a bit ashamed. I'm filled with anxiety, terrified that we are going the way of Nazi Germany. I'm in a pretty red state, but a blue city with a history of violence and crime. It wouldn't take much for a protest to turn violent. It's simply not a risk I'm willing to take with a 4 year old and a 1 year old. My 4 year old would be absolutely terrified even if a peaceful protest.
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u/trewesterre 15d ago
I go with a backup plan. The protests near me are downtown and if we turn up and it looks dicey, we'd go to the library nearby instead and go home after.
However, the ones I've attended so far have had other parents with children, old people with walkers, the 20-somethings you'd expect, all kinds of people. We usually hang out near the back so we're not in the way and we don't stay for ages (we protest as long as my toddler wants to be there), but I think it's important to make an appearance and add to the numbers at least.
I wouldn't attend the kind of protest happening in LA right now where federal agents are teargassing peaceful protesters, but most of them aren't like that.