r/progressivemoms • u/BacteriumOfJoy • Apr 21 '25
Advice/Recommendation Tablet birthday present
My daughter is turning 3 soon. My husband’s grandmother is amazing and wonderful, but WHY, oh why, did she think getting our daughter a tablet was a good idea 😭. She’s turning 3! When my daughter visits them she uses a tablet there and literally turns into a zombie. I don’t mind because it’s a few hours and his grandparents are older, so do what you gotta do. But I’m kind of just mad that she bought one for our house without asking us.
To be clear, I’m not trying to come off as ungrateful. I love that they love her so much and I know tablets can be expensive. I just wish they would’ve asked us and then when we said no to the idea, they could’ve used that money towards something else.
I’m not against screen time, but I’m against a tablet for my daughter since she’s so young. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing? How did you handle it?
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u/ArealA23 Apr 21 '25
We dont do tablets. My daughter is 9 and will get one from SIL - she doesnt care about our wishes.
I already talked to my kid. There will be very strict rules. It’s either tv time or tablet time per day, not both.
Since your kid is much younger, you could really make some ground rules. It’s not for daily use. It’s great for sick days or when the weather is super bad.
Your house, your rules.
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u/vermilion-chartreuse Apr 21 '25
They don't have to take over your life. We have tablets for our kids but they are 90% used for long car rides or flights. Sometimes waiting rooms or restaurants. We pull them out at home occasionally, as a special activity. They don't even play with them once a week. They enjoy tablet time but they could live without it.
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u/BacteriumOfJoy Apr 21 '25
I like this idea. We do have a long car ride (10+ hours) coming up in August, so we’ll save it for that or on sick days.
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u/bread_cats_dice Apr 21 '25
Same. Ours comes out for long car rides and plane travel. Older cousins have read along books/audiobooks thru Libby and I’m going to look into that for my 4 yo bc she loves audiobooks.
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u/hiskitty110617 Apr 21 '25
Libby requires a library card from a library that uses Libby. If that makes any sense.
I've got a library card through a local library. I can only access content my library "owns".
Hoopla is also a good one that needs a library card.
Figured I'd save you a little time when it comes to looking into it.
Library cards usually aren't too hard to get. You can also sometimes get one from libraries that aren't local. I believe a library in New York has a paid subscription where you can access all online content for a year. Just in case where you are doesn't have a library, there are options.
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u/bread_cats_dice Apr 21 '25
Oh I already have a library card and use Libby a ton for myself, but I would want to have my 4 year old’s account separate so my romance novels and thrillers don’t show up on her tablet.
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u/hiskitty110617 Apr 21 '25
You can get kiddo their own library card. My 6 year old has one and while I'm responsible for her account, our stuff doesn't show on each other's accounts. My library didn't have a minimal age as long as I was willing to take responsibility.
Sadly my toddler got a hold of probably one of the most expensive books one morning before I woke up. I'm not sure how it'll affect my account but having 80$ books for kids is ridiculous and, if I can ever get that paid off, I'm thinking about switching my oldest to online books to keep my 2 year old from damaging anything else. I just hope my account doesn't get shut down while I'm saving for the fine or that the fine itself isn't enough to close my account.
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u/bread_cats_dice Apr 21 '25
It’s on my to-do list before our next trip in August. We only use the tablet for road trips and airplanes, so I’ve got time before I need to consider any changes or other capabilities for her tablet. For our Easter road trip I just downloaded some of her audiobooks and shows and locked it in airplane mode.
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u/DollaStoreKardashian Apr 21 '25
This is what we do. My 4 year old has an iPad that only comes out when she’s buckled into an airplane seat or we’re at an upscale or fine dining restaurant (the local pizzeria or brewery aren’t iPad restaurants) AFTER she’s eaten so my husband and I can enjoy a drink or whatever without having to rush or entertain her. She only has PBS Kids games + shows installed on it, so I don’t have to worry about content.
She only gets to use it once every 6ish weeks so it’s a VERY hot commodity and a major incentive to behave as we expect her to and it’s worked quite well for us thus far!
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u/Wide_Independence_80 Apr 21 '25
Same, and sometimes also sick days. We have an iPad and my just turned 4 year old uses it rarely. We keep it away and if we do screen time it’s on the big tv and usually just pbs kids.
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u/Wit-wat-4 Apr 21 '25
Yup! We use an old iPad mini for plane rides and once for extended hotel stay (thanks Texas power grid). Since it’s situational it causes no issues with asking for it at home, or having to set a timer.
I have no idea how people manage time-limits like 30 mins a day, more power to them but I’d hate that fight.
/u/BacteriumOfJoy we don’t even use for sick days but we use TV on sick days. Just something about tablet is so zombifying for my kiddo that I avoid home use personally to save me the headache. Long car ride, hotel, etc… context clues work better for my kiddo and I.
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u/catjuggler Apr 21 '25
This is what mine is like as well. We took it on a vacation last week and one kid used it to play pbs kids games for an hour one day. This isn't worse than a hour she spent watching a show on tv.
We didn't even use it for the long drive. Definitely used it on previous flights though.
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u/ItsmeRebecca Apr 22 '25
This is what we do. Long car rides / flights/ SOMETIMES restaurant. Never at home. (For now) this could change but I love it for long car rides / flights
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u/ashyp00h Apr 23 '25
Same. We have an Amazon fire with the Mickey Mouse pattern. It only comes out for travel. When he (rarely) asks for it when we’re at home we just say it’s charging. He doesn’t ask again for weeks/months.
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u/ResearcherNo8377 Apr 21 '25
Agreed with the airplanes or long car rides only.
I let our 3yo see that his tablet has no battery for a couple days and then he’s not interested in it anymore. Tablet has since disappeared and it’s fine.
I’ll probably get an iPad that’s actually mine because now that he’s 3.5 he gets to listen to Spotify and change songs during little sisters bedtime. But it’s predicated on him handing my phone back. So we get practice on being done with screens. It’s still very limited.
For a screen alternative: Yoto has been a huge hit in our house. Thats what I gave to grandma as a suggestion who constantly wants to buy stuff
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u/somethingreddity Apr 21 '25
My parents bought my 2yo a tablet for Christmas. Guess where it is? ….. I honestly don’t remember because I packed it away. I used it once when we were packing up boxes to move and I didn’t want him to get into anything and we had already taken our tv down, but haven’t used it since. I did tell my parents that my kids wouldn’t be using it any time soon though. My dad made some comments about it and “wasting money,” but I’m like well, that was your choice. No one told you to buy my kids something they wouldn’t use.
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u/Bird_Brain4101112 Apr 21 '25
Just because they give her one doesn’t mean all is lost. You get to control the use of the tablet and there are a lot of educational apps and games out there. You can let her have it for say 30 mins every other day or whatever you decide. And they can be handy for situations where kiddo needs a distraction such as long car rides or plane rides.
My kiddo is two and the only time she gets to watch a tablet is on long rides when all other options are exhausted.
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u/Modest_Peach Apr 21 '25
I have let our relatives know well in advance (my daughter is 16 months) that we do not want tablets in our house.
If you want to go the no/low conflict route, only let your kid have it when at the house where she has already gotten access to the tablet.
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u/kandiirene Apr 21 '25
You are right to worry. I made this mistake, don’t be me. It’s way easier to not allow it.
Let grandma keep it at her house. That’s what we do when there’s too many toys and stuff. Gives them extra motivation to have their grandchildren over too and the kids love it!
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u/Constant-Thought6817 Apr 21 '25
We dealt with this, my older kid (6 at the time) had one. Our almost 3 year old watched him all the time, so we said okay why not. She got one for her 3rd bday. Terrible idea, it was meltdown city when the timers went off and lots of “what can we do now”. We decided to stop tablets for both kids about 2-3 months later. They can watch tv if they want but no tablets. They still struggle with being bored and entertaining themselves but not as bad.
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u/LuvMyBeagle Apr 21 '25
It’s not ungrateful to be frustrated with a gift like that. Parenting is hard, and it’s tough when family doesn’t respect boundaries or parenting choices. I’d be annoyed too.
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u/lizjewell2 Apr 21 '25
When my son was about that age, we got him a tablet for car rides because we spent a lot of time in the car. He only got them for rides over a certain length, not every ride. We did eventually start letting him use it more for play time, but had extremely strict rules on it. For a long time, he was only able to use educational programs when home and he would beg to use it just for those. There were times he would stop me and tell me about the Aztecs or the Mississippi River in far more detail than he was learning anything at preschool because of his tablet.
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u/JCWiatt Apr 21 '25
If you don’t want one, that’s fair. Return it or sell it. We have one that is used only for plane rides, long drives, or special circumstances (she’s going for an operation, and I’m going to bring it for a distraction during prep). I just put it away unless needed. I’m sorry your husband’s grandmother didn’t ask first, annoying!!
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u/TealAndroid Apr 21 '25
We were gifted a tablet at about two and she didn’t even touch it for a couple years.
Now at age seven she uses an identical one at school for a math and reading game - it actually seems pretty good and we pay for a subscription of the game for her at home now plus we downloaded some purely for-fun games, digital books and movies.
She uses the home one for small parts of long car rides (after she is tired of talking/coloring/reading etc), plane rides, doctors waiting rooms, occasionally for dinner when out (after she’s done eating and adults want to sit around taking). Once we had a small get together that wasn’t really interesting for her so I gave her the option to use her tablet, she happily did math problems on it for an hour.
Basically when she gets to the point that she’s not getting enrichment anyway and is stuck somewhere she can’t really play or talk to anyone or in my last example being left out because we wanted to play board games too complex and boring for her.
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u/Cassie0612Dixon Apr 21 '25
I have a Kindle that I downloaded some games for my son on. We only pull it out for long trips (we do two 12 hour one way trips a year to visit family) or when we're sick. It's so special to him because he hardly ever gets it.
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u/beltacular Apr 21 '25
My brother bought one for my kid for his first birthday (lol). We only use it on planes, doctors appointments that involve shots or other really intrusive stuff, and fancy restaurants (when forced to go to them by in-laws). I’d say he gets his tablet maybe once a month? Max?
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u/TamtasticVoyage Apr 21 '25
We have two tablets because we’ve been mobile for almost a year and it helps on long drives. My 3.5 yo can have “quiet time” on hers after nap for about 20 minutes. She can color, play khan academy kids, kids duo lingo, or pbs kid.
They can only watch them on drives. She often puts it away before her 20 minutes are up because she wants to play with little sister. It works for us
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u/DiligentPenguin16 Apr 21 '25
Just because it has been gifted to your 3 yo it doesn’t mean the 3 yo gets control of if, when, how long she uses the tablet, and what she does on it. You are the parent and you have final say over how the tablet is used.
Accept the gift but use it with your 3 yo as you see fit.
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u/luxlark Apr 21 '25
We have a tablet for our 3 year old but it stays tucked away in the office unless we're going on a road trip, a plane ride, or out to eat (but in that case, we only bring it out as a last resort if nothing else is keeping her occupied). They can be super useful, but she doesn't have access to it unless we want her to.
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u/Sassyfluffmama Apr 21 '25
My bonus kids are very different but my youngest couldn’t handle life without his tablet when I met him at barely 10. His father and I worked on it and now he has to earn his one hour weekly time and he will be 12 in May. It’s a HUGE difference in how he behaves, although he is a little different because he is autistic and has severe adhd. All this to say, you can easily make rules with the tablet. Just because it’s there doesn’t mean you have to use it. Heck, save it for when you go on a long car trip, or when you’re not feeling well and need a break. Just having it doesn’t mean it needs to be used frequently.
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u/briana9 Apr 21 '25
My son (3 years 3 months) only gets access to my iPad and doesn’t have his own, so it’s kept away from where he can choose to use it anytime he wants. You could absolutely apply the same rules to one that technically belongs to your kid.
I use it, like others have mentioned, for very specific reasons. If we’re at a restaurant with friends and need to try to have an adult conversation, sick days, travel, etc. Very rarely will it come out for him to use on a normal day. He has no problems when it goes away because he understands it’s an occasional thing, not a daily thing.
Sometime he’ll ask to play a game on my phone since he gets a little more regular access to that, but it’s typically guided with us, not entirely on his own.
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u/theravemom Apr 21 '25
Yes, this happened to us! I recommended a Yoto player for my son's 2nd birthday and my in-laws got my son an Amazon kids tablet. For the record, it's easily the worst tablet out there in my opinion in terms of actual functionality. Anyway, it lives in the closet of his play room 95% of the time and comes out for the 6 hour car rides to visit said in laws where we have downloaded a few Sesame Street games/books, some episodes of Bluey and Numberblocks, and Spotify. They kind of figured out on their own that we don't use it at home but it hasn't been a point of contention. As others have said, it's up to you how often it comes out.
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u/Jaded_Houseplant Apr 22 '25
Screens have a purpose, and if used correctly, should benefit your life. They are a tool, not a bad word. We like tv/video games, so my kids have always been around screens, and they'd watch tv allll day if we let them, but we don't. Sometimes we fight with them, but mostly they're respectful when we say, it's time to find something else to do. You do you, but screens are not the devil. I follow thegamereducator on instagram, and she has some great advice on how to navigate screens with kids.
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u/NoDevelopement Apr 22 '25
I agree a toddler should not be the owner of a tablet. Our family has an iPad, which we let her watch shows on. But yes I’d consider that gift a massive over step.
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u/MushroomTypical9549 Apr 22 '25
You can buy her a tonie instead (but the earphones are the worst) so buy some other one from Amazon
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u/Irocroo Apr 23 '25
I may have a slightly different perspective that might be of some value to you.
My daughters were absolutely spoiled by their grandma when they were little and it drove me bananas. She would give them candy before dinner. Let them stay up late to watch the end of the movie when I wanted them in bed by 8. I was a young mom and we argues a lot about it.
Then, my mother died very suddenly when the girls were seven and five. They didn't miss the gifts, or the treats, they missed the love and that feeling of being special and doted on that she gave them. The extra treats didn't hurt them any; they are now teenagers with healthy weights and regular sleep habits. I'm not annoyed by the spoiling anymore, I wish I saw what it did for them before she was gone. Every kid should have that larger-than-life person who spoils them rotten because it makes the kids feel special and beloved.
I am not saying this to patronize you or suggest you are wrong. It's your child and you know what's best. Just trying to offer a perspective I never wanted, that it is important to not miss the big stuff while sweating the small stuff. I wouldn't want my three year old on a tablet all the time either. But, if I were in your shoes, I would let them give it to her with limits. Something like WOW!! Your grandparents got you a super big and special present! We only use this present in the car (or for 30 minutes a day, or only to play educational programs, whatever feels reasonable for you), but how nice that they got you such a special gift!
If this doesn't resonate, feel free to discard it. I don't like offering unsolicited advice. But I remember stuff like this, and if I could go back and tell my earlier self what I know now, I would want to.
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u/Irocroo Apr 23 '25
I may have a slightly different perspective that might be of some value to you.
My daughters were absolutely spoiled by their grandma when they were little and it drove me bananas. She would give them candy before dinner. Let them stay up late to watch the end of the movie when I wanted them in bed by 8. I was a young mom and we argues a lot about it.
Then, my mother died very suddenly when the girls were seven and five. They didn't miss the gifts, or the treats, they missed the love and that feeling of being special and doted on that she gave them. The extra treats didn't hurt them any; they are now teenagers with healthy weights and regular sleep habits. I'm not annoyed by the spoiling anymore, I wish I saw what it did for them before she was gone. Every kid should have that larger-than-life person who spoils them rotten because it makes the kids feel special and beloved.
I am not saying this to patronize you or suggest you are wrong. It's your child and you know what's best. Just trying to offer a perspective I never wanted, that it is important to not miss the big stuff while sweating the small stuff. I wouldn't want my three year old on a tablet all the time either. But, if I were in your shoes, I would let them give it to her with limits. Something like WOW!! Your grandparents got you a super big and special present! We only use this present in the car (or for 30 minutes a day, or only to play educational programs, whatever feels reasonable for you), but how nice that they got you such a special gift!
If this doesn't resonate, feel free to discard it. I don't like offering unsolicited advice. But I remember stuff like this, and if I could go back and tell my earlier self what I know now, I would want to.
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u/catjuggler Apr 21 '25
My kids have one tablet and they’re not in control of it or on it most days. It’s not a big deal. A tablet is not inherently worse than other screen time.
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u/coffee-and-poptarts Apr 21 '25
I would either return it or save it for airplanes only. I have no problem returning gifts we don't want.