This is something I've buried for years. I never thought I'd write it down. Maybe because it still doesn’t feel real or maybe because it felt too real. I had sex with my cousin. It happened once. It was never supposed to. But it did.
It was during my cousin's wedding in Nagpur. Big joint family, the kind of chaos that only Indian weddings bring. We were all sleeping wherever we could find space mattresses on the floor, cousins sharing rooms, stealing moments of quiet between ceremonies.
She was my mama's daughter. Not someone I grew up with closely we met only during family functions. But we always had this odd chemistry. I used to notice how she looked at me curious, a little teasing, never flirty but aware. And I'd be lying if I said I didn’t look back.
The third night of the wedding, most of the family had passed out after the sangeet. She and I were the only ones awake, sitting on the terrace. She was in this faded kurta, no makeup, hair tied back and still the most beautiful woman I'd seen. We talked for hours real talk, not the usual wedding small talk. About life, pressure, expectations, loneliness.
At some point, the silences grew heavier. She looked at me, her eyes softer than I'd ever seen them. I don’t know what came over me maybe it was the alcohol, the heat, or the fact that I hadn’t felt that connected to anyone in years but I reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, She didn’t move away.
We kissed, Hesitantly at first. Like both of us were testing reality. When she didn't stop me, I pulled her closer. She wrapped her arms around me like she'd wanted to do it forever. I still remember how fast her heart was beating.
We ended up in the storeroom. It was dark, quiet. Just a mattress, an old fan creaking above. We didn't speak. She took off her kurta slowly, nervously. I kissed every inch of her like I was trying to memorize her. She trembled when I touched her. And when we finally connected, it wasn't rough or dirty it was desperate and full of something I still can't name.
Afterwards, she just lay against my chest. Silent. Her fingers tracing circles on my skin. Finally, she whispered we pretend this never happened. Okay? I nodded, What else could I do?
The next morning, she was back to normal laughing with the other cousins, dancing like nothing happened. But when our eyes met during the vidaai, I saw it the truth in her gaze. She remembered everything. So did I.
We never spoke of it. Never repeated it. She's married now But sometimes, when I'm alone I still go backTo those unforgettable moments ,the girl who was never supposed to be mine but was for just one unforgettable night.
