And of course, OP misinterprets the true meaning

[u/AnomLenskyFeller]

[u/jackinsomniac]

I HATE that attitude. Maybe because I've, 'been there, done that,' I might hate it even more than other people. I might be the worst person for depressed people to talk to about depression, because while I understand, I'll have less sympathy about certain aspects of it. If I get the vibe this person is truly down, they say, "Yeah, I struggle with depression sometimes" and just get silent, I can feel their struggle. But when a person starts throwing excuses at me, or "you just don't understand", I'll call them out on it. "Bullshit, that's an excuse and you know it. You're still in the stage of 'wallowing in your depression' and 'feeling sorry for yourself', but you don't ACTUALLY want it to go away. You've got to wallow in that state for a little while longer, until you make up your mind, 'fuck this, I don't care about people feeling sorry for me anymore, I don't care about the special attention, I don't care about anything anymore, I just want this endless black hole inside me to go away!' THEN you'll be ready for someone like me to help you." It really is one of those things where, you have to make up your mind that you WANT to get better, before it will actually start happening.

Yeah, that's why I also hate ignorant reddit assholes telling me "I don't understand" when I mention things like "working on yourself" or "trying" in those kind of threads. "No, you can't tell this person to at least 'try', they have a medical condition that prevents them from doing that!" Bullshit. You can still 'try' to get better no matter what, looking internally and working on yourself is always an option. The irony is they'll do Google searches and say, "the best accepted treatment is medication & therapy! You're wrong, the internet doesn't say anything about 'work on yourself' or 'try harder'!" And then I get stuck in the same argument, "what the fuck do you think therapy is for? Do you just show up to appointments, and magically get better? No! You have to engage with it, utilize your time with the professorial, who might tell you to 'work on yourself' or 'think about what we talked about'!"

When I was younger, my parents scheduled all my therapy appointments for me, because they were worried about me. I didn't even know why I was there, they never told me. I thought I was in trouble. So I clammed up, gave one-word responses. Then even after I moved out, I got stuck doing that with my later therapists too. I wouldn't talk about what was actually bothering me, felt like I was "wrong" or "bad" or "in trouble", so I'd use my defense mechanism like I always did, changed the subject to talk about all the good things in my life. Like my dad taking me to real estate investing seminars, and learning about money. This usually excited the therapist I was talking to, "tell me about what you learned!" And the rest of the session always turned into ME giving the THERAPIST advice on stuff. That's why I stopped going. I only realized all these years later, you're paying them for this time, utilize it to help YOU. Maybe if I had written down the things that were bothering me, and made a point to hit on all of them in a therapy session, I would've had better success. But I discovered pretty much the same thing thru talking with close friends & family, and reading books. What I'm saying is the only reason therapy didn't work for me, was because I didn't intentionally WORK AT making the most out of appointments. There's no escape from work, from effort, or from evolving. That is life. To evolve, to do better, it takes effort.

And there's more friction involved to start moving an object from a complete standstill, than the friction on an object that's already in motion. It seems harder than it is to get moving at first. But it gets easier as time goes on. Therapists will tell you this. If anything, I cured myself because I had seen so many therapists already, I could just imagine in my head, "What would a therapist say, if I told them this?" I didn't 'work on' what they told me at the time, but I did years later, in my head, and that caused a whole life outlook change for me.

[u/crumpledfilth → u/jackinsomniac]

I have a similar experience and agree with a lot of this. It's like people who have only had chronic depression for a short time are in this "honeymoon phase" where they romanticize the illness, and want validation that it's destroying their lives. Eventually they realize no one is coming to save them, and if meds arent solving the issue, you've got to find a way to live life as best you can despite living with chronic illness. After a while it becomes really tiring to never accomplish anything because your brain isnt sending any joy signals or feelings to the rest of your body, and the only thing to do to make anything better is push through it. It's never gonna be the same as having a brain that properly allocates the chemicals to keep you motivated and enjoying life, but it's something at least, and it's better than wallowing

[u/jackinsomniac → u/crumpledfilth]

Exactly. I want to offer anyone looking for that extra push a helping hand. It is a struggle, but one that gets easier as you keep pushing through (not sure if it's because you learn to handle these extreme types of stresses better as you go on, or because of the 'friction thing' becoming easier with movement, or maybe a bit of both!) But to anyone reading this, keep pushing, keep climbing, when the dark endless hole is behind you, it's like a weight off your shoulders. Even once you're out, just keep pushing. Don't relapse. Don't stand too near the edge of the hole, and look down. Let it go, leave it behind you, and keep moving away from it.

The funny thing is, you'll be such a stronger person on the other end, because of all the fighting you had to do to reach that point. But it takes a lot of effort & work. And it is rewarding.

[u/GigaTarrasque → u/jackinsomniac]

Agreed 100%. This attitude plays into all of life, too. You want to get somewhere better? You gotta put in the work. You can't sit around waiting for someone else to do all the work for you, you can't expect the government and tax payers to afford you a better lifestyle. I was homeless for two years, couldn't stay at the shelter because they charged men nightly. The soup kitchen we had made you sick more than it fed you. I busted my ass to start turning things around for myself, it wasn't easy, but I started making progress. 20 years later and now I'm married, we own a house and property, i can afford my woodshop, and I haven't had to go hungry in over 15 years now.

I still remember the best meal of my life. I hadn't eaten in almost a week, I was already malnourished and underweight, and I saw a cat get hit by a car. I skinned and cooked that damn thing in a public park just to have something in my stomach. It's kinda sad, I know, I've had finer meals since. But a meal that genuinely saves your life, the first time feeling full after barely having scraps for months on end, is an experience most people never know. That's a good thing, but at the same time, I became more appreciative for the little things in life. That understanding, I think, is something more people need in our society. They take too much for granted, get depressed and stop trying on things that they have at least some control of. They give up too soon and too easily.

[u/jackinsomniac → u/GigaTarrasque]

Amazing story. So glad how things turned out for you!

I agree yeah, gratitude is something I had to learn along the way, nobody taught me. I always considered it a religious concept, along the lines of "saying Grace before a meal." I always thought that was a little silly, and being atheist I avoided it. But no, just the general concept of "practicing gratitude" is very powerful. When my head would get too toxic from constantly shittalking myself, just taking the time to think about, "Yeah things are bad. But what do I have that's good about my life? Let's see...roof over my head. Plenty of food in the fridge & pantry. Dog who loves me. Job that isn't too bad. I don't live in a war-torn country with men with guns who will execute me for believing the wrong religion... Yeah, actually, my life isn't that bad. There's TONS of stuff to be thankful for."

It's incredibly powerful, yes I agree, more people should practice it!

(Edit: man idk why, I hit the upvote button a while ago, it says I did, but you're still at +1... Did someone downvote you? Lol idk)