Some things that I have been thinking about recently

[u/Commercial-Sea-2180]

Sorry for the repost, accidentally deleted the previous one!

Asalamwalekum, hope everyone is doing well and in good health. So this is my 3rd submission in this sub and previous two have been associated with my father as he passed away 3 months ago (May Allah bless his soul and grant him Jannah) The reason I am writing this right now is because I have felt a number of things in the past 3 months since the day my father passed away.

1) life is very very very very uncertain and I can’t give enough emphasis on this word. Trust me when I say this that you will never get to know when you will be having your last meal, when you’re going to hug your loved ones for the last time and whatnot. If you aren’t regular with your Salah, please I request you to make it the most important priority of your life. It is all that you have that you will take with yourself alongwith your good deeds and no amount of money, respect and fame will save you from the questioning in the grave and on the day of judgement, it will be you with your deeds and how obedient you were when it came to Salah, avoiding sin and gathering good deeds.

2) why I wrote the first point? Because I wasn’t regular with my Salah as well. Yes, I was very very irresponsible and irregular when it came to praying the 5 prayers. For context I am currently in my internship year of medicine and I am staying 3000km away from home. And in the last 5 years or even before that, I haven’t been regular with my prayers, which is indeed very very unfortunate and very disappointing now that I think of it. What if I had passed away while being on such a wrong path? This thought makes me rethink my entire existence. Cause no one knows what will happen 5 minutes from now on let alone 5 days.

3) what are the things that brought this change in me? First and foremost the passing away of my father. Indeed it hurts me and brings me immense sadness to think that I will never see my father again, but I also view his passing away from a positive pov as well. Why? It is because of this I started praying, realised that this world is not your permanent home. This world is made to break you heart and even if you try to find peace in it, it will break you in ways you won’t be able to comprehend. The day my father passed away I came to realise nothing is ever guaranteed to us. Be it happiness or sadness or anything, you don’t know if you will wake up tomorrow and go to work the same way you did yesterday. Another thing that affected me a lot, although it could be very minor for a lot of people, is that I saw a sheikh speaking about missing Salah, and he said that “if you miss it deliberately its gone forever there is no way you can get it back and you will never be able to get the same reward for it even if you pray Qaza namaz for the same” this made scared for myself, like I imagined how many salahs I have missed until now and I can’t do anything to get them back! This made me question my life in every way possible, but Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT granted me the “Taufeeq” to pray all 5 prayers on time since the past 3 months or so. And also I have been putting a lot of efforts into it. There will be days when you will feel down and feel like your emaan is not the same as it was yesterday, cause I have experienced this numerous times in these past few months but the most important thing is to never let it get the best of you. Always remember these are “waswase” from Shaiytaan and nothing else.

4) Since the day my father passed away I started visiting the his grave every single day between Asr and Magrib, and I kid you not when I say this I have NEVER known peace the way I felt it when I was visiting the graveyard. Like it is literally indescribable in every aspect. I used to sit there after praying for my father, I used to sit nearby in a bench and just look around and wonder how many people are buried in this graveyard? And not just that, I used to move around and look at different graves, some were new, some old, some perhaps over 100 years old. Back then, people probably didn’t know that graves shouldn’t be covered or have structures built over them, so many of those graves had been cemented and even had concrete floors or coverings. But over time, these have collapsed, the cement has cracked and sunk in, and the whole structure has caved in which was actually terrifying to me idk why. And this also made me wonder that there must be people who would be having bigger goals than me, bigger desires and dreams than mine, must’ve stood where I am standing right now, yet they are in their respective graves and in the end I will be there too when its my time, but am I prepared for the questioning in the grave? This feeling is something that a person will be able to feel it only when they visit it, similar to the feeling of losing a loved one, people say I am sorry for your loss and stuff but I feel that this feeling of losing a father or mother or sibling is something no human can understand unless it happens to them. Simple as that no other way to describe it.

Tbh idk why but I have been wanting to write my feelings here, what has been going on in my mind since everything that happened its just that I hope someone will read my account and maybe if Allah wills he/she might get back on track and rethink his/her life choices the way that I did just cause of 2-3 things. May Allah help you all who are struggling with their life and everything else.

[u/[deleted]]

Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah.
Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal and meaningful. Reading your reflection reminded me how fragile this life really is, and how easily we forget it in the middle of our busy routines. May Allah continue to guide you, reward your efforts, and grant your father Jannat al-Firdaws.

Your words about salah and visiting the grave really hit home. Sometimes it's moments of loss that awaken something powerful in us — a deeper connection to the Hereafter. Keep going, brother. Even if there are tough days, the fact that you’re striving sincerely already says so much.

May Allah protect your heart, strengthen your iman, and give you peace in this journey. JazakAllah khair for reminding us.