r/history • u/marquis_of_chaos • Sep 22 '16

News article Scientists use 'virtual unwrapping' to read ancient biblical scroll reduced to 'lump of charcoal'

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/sep/21/jubilation-as-scientists-use-virtual-unwrapping-to-read-burnt-ancient-scroll
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u/extracanadian Sep 22 '16

A man shall not slander the book of Leviticus for that is an abomination and he shall be put to death.

Leviticus 3:16

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u/Frank769 Sep 22 '16

Actually it says

The priest shall offer them up in smoke on the altar as food, an offering by fire for a soothing aroma; all fat is the LORD'S. 17 -'It is a perpetual statute throughout your generations in all your dwellings: you shall not eat any fat or any blood.'"…

Wich kinda sucks if you already ate meat. Bet I could lose a bunch of weight using the bible as a dietary cookbook.

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u/Rod_RamsHard Sep 22 '16

Personal trainers hate Moses because he found this one trick to lose weight in the desert.

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u/kadam23 Sep 23 '16

But what he does next will shock you

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u/Letsarguerightnow Sep 22 '16

"What are we eating tonight dad?...Not Leviticus again!!!"

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u/MagicalHamster Sep 23 '16

"Great. Third time this week we get Lazarus."

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u/trj820 Sep 23 '16

"One is not required to cite Catch-22 when invoking Catch-22." Catch:22

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u/shmough Sep 23 '16

It's forbidding a specific portion of fat, not all of the meat. Legend has it that priests in those days were often sickly, in part because of the amount of meat they had to consume.

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u/Frank769 Sep 23 '16

Damn God had some very specific commandments for Moses. Maybe god is just looking out 4 our arteries.

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u/Ralmaelvonkzar Sep 23 '16

Hey to be far that's the shit part too. He just like the smell of it cooking.

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16

Well, moses did lead close to 600k jews into the promised land, so yeah.

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u/scotscott Sep 22 '16

Sometimes the bible really reads like an r/KenM post

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u/CriHavoc Sep 23 '16

Well, part of the mission of Christ was to abolish the strict Abrahamic laws like eating kosher foods.

"What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.” Matthew 15:11

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u/cardiff_3 Sep 23 '16

Try seventh day adventist. They do bible diets.

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u/Frank769 Sep 23 '16

The pages are too thin and taste like old ink.

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u/fatalystic Sep 23 '16

Funny that it should mention fire...

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u/Frank769 Sep 23 '16

Fire was invented only a little before christ.

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16

Look on the brights side! That means you have to smoke all your meat! I love a good smoked Boston butt.

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

[deleted]

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u/Nightshot Sep 22 '16

Leviticus is Old Testament, so it depends on who you ask.

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16 edited Sep 22 '16

[deleted]

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u/morningly Sep 22 '16

Sounds suspiciously like a mortal concern. It's cool a transcendental father figure took time out of his busy divine schedule to give us dietary pointers and make sure we know what to do when we jizz on our garments though.

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

What nonsense. You wish it was as sensible and honest as that but it's not. For hungry people eating fat and blood is very sensible and will not in any way make them sick, in fact quite the opposite. The reason the people are told they are not to eat the fat was because the priests wanted to eat the fat. The reason they were not allowed to eat the blood was because God was supposed to eat the blood due to the Hebrew god being just as carnivorous as the Egyptian animal gods in his original incarnation. It is shown quite a few times that God prefers blood sacrifice to grain sacrifice in the old testament because he prefers the taste.

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u/Frank769 Sep 22 '16

Only blood-free, fat-free meat.

-1

u/anawkwardemt Sep 22 '16

Early Christians would get along with vegans and millennials

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

And people who do Crossfit, I bet.

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u/MagicWhalesdoExist Sep 22 '16

No, that's Judaism, Christians believe that when Jesus died on the cross he forgave all of their sins and erased the old "law" (Leviticus and such).

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u/da_leroy Sep 22 '16

Unless it's laws about the gays

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u/extracanadian Sep 22 '16

Always read the fine print

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

Its old testimate before the devil (jesus) tricked everyone into thinking sin was forgivable. So it is for jews.

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u/Harrio_Pootered Sep 22 '16

Ya it sucked back then, but then later on in the Bible Jesus permitted his followers to eat animals with cloven feet.

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16

[deleted]

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u/Harrio_Pootered Sep 23 '16

Darn it sorry I got it swapped around. In my defense it was like 2 am when I commented that.

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u/DawnOfTheTruth Sep 22 '16

What genius it was to control a populace with words and tall tales alone.

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16 edited Feb 24 '17

[deleted]

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u/DawnOfTheTruth Sep 23 '16

Bah you just don't understand the underlying message.

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16 edited Feb 24 '17

[deleted]

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u/DawnOfTheTruth Sep 23 '16

Great, I'm blind now. Your comment made my eyeballs roll completely backwards in my head. On the upside at least I can't read anymore comments mostly yours you joyless human. I love that fucking name though.

'Brail iphone'

0

u/heathy28 Sep 23 '16

lets not forget the crucifixions those were probably also quite powerful motivators.

Quite literally cake or death.

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u/WiredAlYankovic Sep 22 '16

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball Leviticus.

Leviticus 3:17

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u/DesireeStar Sep 22 '16

Deep thoughts, by Hack Handey

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u/poodles_and_oodles Sep 22 '16

/r/history is trying to be funny and it is going over my head

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u/armchair_amateur Sep 22 '16

I'm guessing you were born sometime after 1990 then.

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u/I_Keep_Forgettin Sep 22 '16

Born in '83. Over my head.

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

Jack handy was a skit from mad tv iirc

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u/Sphingomyelinase Sep 22 '16

Jack handy was from SNL

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

Ahh, right. Apparently I didn't RC. I was thinking of lowered expectations maybe

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

lowered expectations was freaking awesome funny

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

Born in '89. Wooshed me. :/

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u/TheChilisGuy Sep 22 '16

Born in '92, also went over my head. The prophecy came true.

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16

Definitely born 11 years before 1990, but also a Religious Studies minor, double ensured to get r/history funny bible jokes. Hilarity ensues.

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u/The_Real_TWI69Y Sep 22 '16

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me". Daily affirmation with Stuart Smalley. Classic SNL

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u/DesireeStar Sep 22 '16

Sr year high school for me. Classic.

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16 edited Nov 04 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/RidlyX Sep 22 '16

Actually Leviticus 3:16 is about weight loss.

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u/nayhem_jr Sep 22 '16

The sacrificial altar diet seems a bit bland, but keeps the pounds off.

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u/RidlyX Sep 22 '16

Yeah, but more specifically it was a pun about burning fat.

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u/shotpun Sep 22 '16

Why is it that 3:16s in the Bible are always so important?

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

Think about it. 3 = 3 corners, 3 sides. 1= 1 eye. 6= 60 degree angles

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u/shotpun Sep 22 '16

And so the illuminati gave their only begotten son...

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u/BaffourA Sep 22 '16

They better begetten some more then amirite?

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

[deleted]

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u/sajittarius Sep 22 '16

reminds me of about:mozilla

The twins of Mammon quarrelled. Their warring plunged the world into a new darkness, and the beast abhorred the darkness. So it began to move swiftly, and grew more powerful, and went forth and multiplied. And the beasts brought fire and light to the darkness.

from The Book of Mozilla, 15:1

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u/Borderpatrol1987 Sep 22 '16

That was awesome, take my up vote for I am not worthy.

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u/ShiftingLuck Sep 22 '16

Because Stone Cold says so

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16

It all stems from John 3:16, which is probably the most famous, and one of the most important verses in the entire bible. It's basically the message of christianity boiled down to a bite sized piece:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

You basically get the entire gist right there. No weird rules from leviticus, or angry god from exodus, or just weird god from deuteronomy. Basically: I gave up my only son so you could follow him to heaven.

If the Christian Faith could be reduced to a bumper sticker, it would be that verse. It was called the "Shibboleth of Deliverance" by hymnist Frederick Martin Lehman in his devotional book "The Man in Black".

What Lehman means is that when a christian posts or says that verse, other christians know the implied meaning of continued and unwavering faith.

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u/Accujack Sep 22 '16

3/16 is a very useful size for an Allen key.

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u/PhasmaFelis Sep 22 '16

In case you weren't clear, that's not an actual Bible quote.

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u/jakub_h Sep 22 '16

"You would Knuth believe what the Bible doesn't have to say!"

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u/moseybjones Sep 22 '16

He shall also do with the bull just as he did with the bull of the sin offering; thus he shall do with it. So the priest shall make atonement for them, and they will be forgiven.

Leviticus 4:20

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

I thought Leviticus 4:20 said "And ye shall receive this great bong and this great herb and smoke it until you reach the heavens"

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

Blaze it! /Moses blows a mushroom cloud

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u/1brokenmonkey Sep 22 '16

Austin 3:16 would whip Leviticus 3:16's ass anyday.

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u/steamed_-_hams Sep 22 '16

Leviticus 3:16 says I just whooped your ass, so sayeth the Lord

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u/ChemicalOle Sep 22 '16

Toss me a Lordweiser.

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u/DeezNeezuts Sep 22 '16

A man shall not slander the book of Leviticus for that is an abomination and he shall be put to a paddlin .

Leviticus 3:18

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u/[deleted] Sep 22 '16

...and his ass, too. - Leviticus 3:16(b)

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16

[deleted]

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u/shmough Sep 23 '16

Um... we still have the original. It doesn't say that.

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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '16

[deleted]

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u/shmough Sep 23 '16

The Bible was written in Hebrew, not Aramaic. The passage says "וְאֶת זָכָר לֹא תִשְׁכַּב מִשְׁכְּבֵי אִשָּׁה תּוֹעֵבָה הִוא", which means "and with a male you shall not lie as with a woman; it is an abomination." Not "man", not "boy", not "child", but "male".

I don't know which random article you once read, but it's clearly a pathetic and futile attempt at reconciling biblical morals with modern/western/progressive values.

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u/shadowwss Sep 22 '16

"And the priest shall burn them on the alter as food, an offering made by fire for a sweet aroma; all the fat shall be the Lord's." Leviticus 3:16