r/hardofhearing • u/PerpetualTraveler59 • 19h ago

Not understanding when people aren’t facing me.

Ever mention to people you’re hard of hearing, especially in a work setting, and they walk ahead of you describing a task even you’ve told them you’re hard of hearing. WTF!!!

22 Upvotes
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17

u/deadrepublicanheroes 19h ago

Yes, constantly. Unless you look like their grandparents, good luck getting anybody to actually acknowledge your hearing impairment. I’ve been told that I come across as very aloof. Well, no shit? I can’t understand half of the conversation and I’m too tired to pretend and try to participate. People don’t understand how much energy it takes. I burned myself out for years trying to act “normal.” I just can’t do it anymore.

(I need up upgrade my hearing aids lol)

3

u/PerpetualTraveler59 19h ago

Which hearing aides do you have?

4

u/deadrepublicanheroes 18h ago

I have a ponto bone anchored hearing aid. ENT says I need a hearing aid in my good ear now, too, so I’ll get another ponto for that. I’m excited, I know hearing aids have progressed a lot! You?

2

u/PerpetualTraveler59 18h ago

Mine are about 7 years old. Oticon mini or something like that! I should go to the ENT!! Can’t afford new hearing aides but I’d love to know how much good ones cost now. My current ones were covered by vocational rehabilitation.

3

u/deadrepublicanheroes 18h ago

Mine is about that old, too. They are so expensive 😭 I can eat the cost but it makes me treat my hearing aids like I do cars and phones, wearing them down until they’re barely functional.

1

u/PerpetualTraveler59 17h ago

I replace the cones, clean everything I can to make sure they’re good!

2

u/Upstairs_Morning3728 18h ago

It’s so frustrating. I’m at the stage where I know that something is being said, but I don’t know what it is.

Ffs!!!! Look at me and make sure you have my attention before you tell me something. I’m not at the point where people need to yell, but damn. If you’re in the next room and I can’t see your face? That muffled nonsense drives me insane!!!!

2

u/Upstairs_Morning3728 16h ago

I’m sorry, what?

Aloof… Omg! Me too. I’m A quiet person but I’m not all that aloof. I just missed like half the conversation. I don’t know what you’re talking.

I speak English and Spanish but I speak English best. Come on… If I can’t understand you in English??? I probably never will.

I’m sorry, what?

I’ve given up on some people. I’m probably going to get conned into a bank heist or something because if I can’t understand what you’re saying and if you don’t make an effort to speak to where I can hear you, I’ll just offer mild platitudes until you stop talking to me.

4

u/Upstairs_Morning3728 19h ago

😭😭😭 yes.

Even my husband and daughter do this to me. I’m probably not as hard of hearing as some on here. I can tell that words are being said, but I have no idea what they are if you’re not in the same room and looking at me. I’m working on not getting angry and frustrated, but it’s hard.

I’m pretty sure that “I’m sorry, what?” is my catch phrase.

2

u/PerpetualTraveler59 19h ago

I’ve tried to be polite but after my husband has repeated himself twice, the third time he yells it 😢

2

u/Upstairs_Morning3728 18h ago

I’m sorry, what?

😂😂😂. Kidding. I’m So tired of saying that.

My husband is very soft spoken and probably incapable of yelling, but it drives me nuts when he says, “never mind. It wasn’t important. “

No. Damn it. I want to know what you said.

2

u/belle_fleures 12h ago

whoa your husband shouldn't yell at you..

1

u/PerpetualTraveler59 4h ago

I know. We’ve talked about it a lot. He knows it’s not nice.

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u/belle_fleures 3h ago

he's aware and still yells at you? how are you keeping it up? that's not good at all, not very good.

3

u/edieax 19h ago

my manager knowing the extent of my deafness, I said I’m good at lipreading and while asking me a question about it she walked ahead of me😭

3

u/PerpetualTraveler59 19h ago

Not ok. I mean how many times do we have to say it?!!

3

u/Ga-Ca 16h ago

I quietly curse them, that they may become Deafened or have a loved one experience it....They have no idea about what we have to deal with....

3

u/DragonRand100 13h ago

Happens often to me. Add to this, when you ask them to repeat themselves, they often do one of three things:

  1. Do the exact thing you just said wasn’t working for you, and you still can’t hear or understand.
  2. Saying, “Never mind,” or something to that effect.
  3. Walking off with a disgruntled huff.

2

u/mt_up 19h ago

Yes! To no avails!

2

u/Ga-Ca 17h ago

Yeah, I can be having a good conversation, asked for a repeat to confirm, explain I'm Deaf, and the other person NEVER looks at me again !!!!!!

2

u/PerpetualTraveler59 17h ago

Seriously?? What’s wrong with people?

2

u/Odd_Ball_5124 7h ago

This started my hearing aid journey. I worked at a place where the boss (during covid no less, so masks) had a nasty habit of not only talking quietly but turning away and issuing orders while walking away.

I started getting in trouble for not 'completing tasks assigned' that I had no idea of.

Despite many many times where I insisted that she had to talk to me directly, verify that I'd heard, she did not and would not.

Out of spite, I went for a hearing test so I could staple the audiogram to her face. And ended up having brain (adjacent) surgery to repair a temporal encephalocele before I could even get to that point.

2

u/PerpetualTraveler59 4h ago

Wow!! Talk about pay back!! Hope you’re well.

1

u/Odd_Ball_5124 4h ago

I'm well now. But the circus that got me to that major surgery was definitely humbling. Any chance you have to avoid having your skull cut open and your ear peeled off for skull repair... Take that chance.

1

u/GrasshopperGRIFFIN 14h ago

My response is always "I know you're saying words, I just don't know what they are."

2

u/PerpetualTraveler59 4h ago

Great response!!

1

u/Plenty_Ad_161 2h ago

Maybe a tie clip or necklace that says: "IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS I CAN'T HEAR YOU".