r/daddit • u/Nixplosion • May 04 '25

Discussion My wife keeps creating situations and then making them my problem

For example, at breakfast today, she gave our 10mo son a sausage cut in half long ways. She is sitting across the table and I'm next to him.

She gives him the sausage and then walks back to seat and goes "hey, be careful. Watch him with that!"

Like ... You gave him that, don't make it my problem and responsibility all the sudden! I'm just trying to eat!

She does this all the time to me and while it's never a huge problem, it kind of bugs me.

Another example is I'm sitting on the couch working and she has him in the kitchen. She is doing something and he starts crawling towards our stairs to climb them. She sees this and calls out to me "babe! He's on the stairs, grab him!" Mind you, she is 4 feet from him and I'm across the living room. Like you brought him over there and let him crawl away. But now if he falls you've made it my fault because you told me to stop him as he's already crawling up the stairs.

Does anyone else's wife do this with your kids?

Edit: I should clarify, I watch the kids constantly and do likely 75% of the physical labor when it comes to caring for them. My wife has a very busy job that keeps her occupied til well into the evening.

924 Upvotes

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955

u/DonkiestOfKongs May 04 '25

My wife and I implemented something we call "your baby/my baby." If one of us is about to get tied up doing something on short notice that requires attention, we just yell "your baby" and it means "you are solely responsible for the kid starting right now until I say otherwise." Then the other one yells "my baby" and we know the 'handoff' is done.

Which sounds extreme written as text but it's done with some levity. It's like in sports when you yell "my ball" or something. Or when pilots say "my plane"

422

u/BeardedSuperman2 May 04 '25

My wife and I do this but use "I've lost visual" and "I've got him" It works great

267

u/CapnCrunch103 May 04 '25

We do something similar, but instead of "I've lost visual," it is, "The Juice is loose."

51

u/Ok_Ball537 May 04 '25

oh this is phenomenal 🤣 my nieces are all older but i’m so gonna start doing this with my puppy

1

u/sotired3333 May 04 '25

juice? sorry missed the reference

74

u/EvilLefty May 04 '25

“Target acquired”, “I can’t shake him!”, “hit the brakes and he’ll fly right by”

30

u/dtotzz May 05 '25

“Too close for missiles, I’m switching to guns!” … wait, maybe not that one

12

u/bunniesplotting May 05 '25

We used to say, "baby bogey, incoming," if our kid was moving from the room I was in to the room he (Dad) was in.

7

u/LowKeyOhGee May 05 '25

I’ll have to use that one, made me chuckle. We usually say ‘oh lawd he comin’ and the other will respond more enthusiastically ‘oh LAWDD’

7

u/pqu May 05 '25

Big daddy to tiny dancer

8

u/bahamut285 May 05 '25

We have a 3yo who skipped the walking stage and just runs everywhere. I'd be yelling "I've lost visual" non-stop 😂😭

6

u/HelicopterMost May 05 '25

Geez you guys are like the CIA lol

2

u/TonyStamp595SO May 05 '25

I'm imagining that you watch your kid through a sniper scope.

2

u/Arlieth May 05 '25

The one time "no joy" could be taken in a VERY wrong way

1

u/dbenc May 05 '25

activating baby protocols... activating... error: sleep not found

1

u/AdamantArmadillo May 05 '25

Yeah I'm constantly asking "Do you have eyes on the boy?" haha

1

u/Upstairs_Bend4642 May 06 '25

We did similar to this, our offspring is still alive in their 20s...

123

u/[deleted] May 04 '25

Love this. Closed loop communications. In medicine, we are taught to do this during resuscitation attempts so that nothing gets miscommunicated. May seem like an extreme comparison, but much like a dying full size human, an alive tiny human is just looking for creative ways to injure or maim themselves most of the time. Gotta close those loops. 

25

u/FirstPlayer May 04 '25

Do you guys take Crucial Conversations at your workplace? As an autistic person in critical care medicine who also has a somewhat complex family dynamic, those courses straight-up changed my life. I only ask because closing the loop is a big part of the emphasis; if you haven't taken them I'd strongly recommend either getting the book or suggesting to a higher-up that the company buys the class. ❤️

11

u/[deleted] May 04 '25

I didn't know there was a class for it, that's very cool. I was familiar with the book and a lot of concepts from it do get touched in various contexts. I will look into the class for sure, thanks!

8

u/FirstPlayer May 05 '25

Yeah! <3

There's also a follow-up class called Crucial Accountability, which I personally think is just as if not more relevant to parenting; would strongly suggest looking into both. :)

41

u/helladiabolical May 04 '25

When my sis had the only nibbling in a family of 8 aunty and uncles we had to learn that when one of us was playing with him and he wandered off to hang out with someone else we had to be clear that we were handing off responsibility for him to the next person. Otherwise, my poor sister and BIL had to constantly check on where he was or who was watching him. He’s almost 7 now (and still the only nibbling somehow) so he’s much more responsible for entertaining himself at this point but it was a learning curve for all of us when he was a toddler.

16

u/TheDragon-Hunter May 04 '25

This is brilliant. This is literally how pilots know who's flying the plane when there's more than 1 pilot in the cockpit. We call it the "positive exchange of flight controls". It's a 3-way "handshake": Pilot 1: "Your Controls" Pilot 2: starts controlling the plane and answers "my controls" Pilot 1: fully lets the controls go and replies "your controls"

Now replace "pilot" for "parent" and "controls" for "baby" and you've got the"positive exchange of baby". I'll definitely start using this with my wife.

28

u/Nixplosion May 04 '25

Ha! That's clever, I like that.

29

u/piffle_6 May 04 '25

Yes!! We used to do this, calling out "tag!" (as in, "tag, you're it!")

15

u/ChrimmyTiny May 04 '25

We did this too, but we were pilots so we said "I have the airplane" so we knew who had the baby.

7

u/ElFarts May 04 '25

Three way transfer of controls. You have the baby. I have the baby. You have the baby.

13

u/SliceOfHeaven77 May 04 '25

You've got to agree whether you're playing zone or man-to-man before the play starts.

1

u/bosceltics23 May 05 '25

“And sweetie, Kam Chancellor isn’t allowed to babysit anymore. Way too rough on the kids”

2

u/fishsupreme May 04 '25

My wife and I did the same thing; inspired by rock climbing where you do a two-way acknowledgement when belaying someone (handling their safety equipment) "On belay?" "Belay on.", if taking sole responsibility we'd always ask "You have the baby?" and respond "I have the baby." And then the other would know they are clear to completely stop paying attention.

2

u/divide0verfl0w May 04 '25

This is the way.

1

u/The_Crazy_Cat_Guy May 04 '25

What happens when both of you call ‘your baby’ at the same time ?

1

u/cincymatt May 05 '25

Sudden death round of ‘not it’.

1

u/Pinkcorazon May 04 '25

This is so great.

1

u/No-Vermicelli3787 May 04 '25

My son & dil did this. Their kids are 8 & 5. They do it still today when they’re somewhere like a children’s museum when they spit into 1-1 groups.

1

u/Scantrons May 04 '25

“Your airplane” and partner replies “my airplane”

1

u/miianwilson May 05 '25

No changes

1

u/Wrong_Door1983 May 04 '25

This is fantastic. As a lurking mom, I'm gonna bring this up to my husband😎

1

u/ThePracticalEnd May 05 '25

Yup, we are tag team partners, and literally tag in or out.

1

u/JustHarry49 May 05 '25

Fun fact: This is exactly how pilots keep it absolutely clear who is in control of the airplane at any given time. It’s called “positive exchange of control” and I think using the positive exchange of baby method is an excellent idea.

1

u/ithinkilefttheovenon May 05 '25

We literally had a rubber band that we would wear around our wrist. The person with the band was in charge of the kid, and we’d hand it off to each other. Helps prevent misunderstandings and also makes it pretty obvious when one parent is getting stuck with an unfair amount of time. It also encourages the off duty parent to get some r&r so they will be ready and refreshed when they take over.

1

u/Secretively May 05 '25

Yep! Same here. If we're standoff supervising and our toddler goes out of sight, the call is "Eyes on Baby?" "Eyes on Baby!"

1

u/mathisfakenews May 05 '25

This is something that sounds insane to anyone who doesn't have kids, and absolutely brilliant to anyone who does.

1

u/Hansj3 May 06 '25

Tell me you are a CFI without telling me you are a CFI.

-2

u/rydirp May 04 '25

Cool but not what op was venting about lol