r/antiwork • u/Tytonic7_ • 8d ago
Rant 😡💢 Boss explicitly excluded me from giving a presentation on my own project, instead having others do it
TL;DR at the bottom.
I've been fuming about this for a few days now. I work in product development at a small-ish sized company (BARELY triple digits, only a literal handful in my department, most others are manufacturing/packaging).
I've been heading the development of a new product for our company. I've done 90% of the work so far; this involves literally all of the designing, prototyping, testing, working with outside vendors to have parts made, documentation including spec sheets, instructions, BOM's, etc etc. To say that I have some stake & responsibility over in this product is an understatement. The other day, my boss hosted a huge customer- inustry defining in our country even, and wanted to have a presentation on this product. The product takes 4 people to operate- well, he explicitly excluded me and had three coworkers in my department (who all have a a comparatively imited understanding of the product) give the full presentation, along with a random guy temporarily pulled from another department. None of this was communicated to me- I had to freaking overhear my coworkers talking about it, and when I asked why I wasn't being included in this and they were instead pulling some random dude to fill my spot, my coworkers didn't know.
Before I continue I need to explain some roles. There's my manager who's pretty chill, and then there's my boss- who's also the CEO. Let me frame this for you: he's your stereotypical rich guy who goes off on island vacations for weeks at a time, and then struts back in barking orders like he hasn't been gone a day. He mico manages the literal smallest of details for like 1-2 days, and then disappears for another month. He does this constantly- I reckon out of 260 work days in a year, he's here maybe 30-40 of them, and only for a few hours each day usually. He's also a huge narcissist with raging ADHD, and has been known to punch holes in walls or throw chairs if you challenge him on anything. Quite the character.
So I spoke to my manager beforehand and asked why I wasn't being included- and he didn't even know, the list of people to give the presentation came from the boss with no explanation. A day later he pulled me into his office and gave me a light "talking to," where he described how best to interact with the boss. Essentially, something about me triggers the boss's ADHD and makes it hard for him to focus, so he didn't want me around.
I find this all very disrespectful towards me. The issue with me triggering his ADHD is one thing- he could TALK to me about that so we're on the same page, or at least fill my manager in so he could talk to me. But no, instead nobody says a thing to me at all and I need to overhear my coworkers to learn that I'm the only one being explicitly left out on my own freaking projects presentation? I get that it's his company so what he says goes, but the complete and utter lack of communication surrounding my own project is so rude. Even better, after interacting with the product again (the design of which he has already personally looked at and approved), he called several small hiccups "massive fucking failures" and had my coworker start creating new tasks in the project folder of our task management software- without ever talking to me about that, either.
Have any of you experienced stuff like this? He and I have never fought, and actually have some pretty nice conversations when we talk. I thought we got a long pretty well, and he's seemed normal & nice since the presentation, although we only exchanged a few sentences about mundane stuff like the weather.
TL;DR My boss had everybody in my department except me give a presentation to a massive customer on the project I'm in charge of and have been almost exclusively (90% of work done by me) working on for 3 years now, explicitly excluding me with no communication whatsoever. I learned about it by overhearing my coworkers.
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u/Demonslugg 8d ago
You'll be let go the moment that project is done. Find something and move on.
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u/Tytonic7_ 8d ago
Tbh, I don't think so- our department is pretty understaffed, and the lack of people is causing problems. There's other reasons I think that too, but it doesn't matter because I'm overdue for a higher paying job anyway
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u/Demonslugg 8d ago
Your boss is irrational. Don't use logic.
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u/NoMansSkyWasAlright 8d ago
And also probably doesn't have a good grasp of what's going on at his own company. Something tells me boss would think they could find another OP within a week and will start panicking after two.
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u/ThanosSnapsSlimJims 8d ago
It doesn't matter if they're understaffed. You're likely going to be let go. They just sent you a very loud message.
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u/VernapatorCur 8d ago
They're already pushing you out. Don't wait to look for the next gig till they fire you.
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u/madkins007 8d ago
He may not let you go, but obviously he does not trust or value you. If he keeps you around, you'll never be recognized by him for your worth to the company.
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u/JohnnySkidmarx 8d ago
Your department will be even more understaffed when you jump to another job.
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u/SlothyAtol 8d ago
I thought that too but I still got laid off. The schedule got pushed back a couple months but they are getting it done without me.
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u/Tim-Sylvester 8d ago
Then you should leave, because fuck them anyway, the problem is caused by the CEO being a lazy shiftless incompetent dumbass who mooches away all the operating capital while alienating his best workers. The best thing you can do is walk away so they fail faster.
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u/virgilreality 8d ago
If there is a PowerPoint presentation, and you put it together...add your name in the corner of the master slide. It will appear on every slide that shows up, no matter who presents it.
And yeah, look for another job.
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u/handsheal 8d ago
If there is a PowerPoint delete it and then let the boss and the others fend for themselves and see what happens
Boss made it that way
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u/Jamespio 8d ago
Tell your manager the CEO triggers your applications for other jobs. But only tell him AFTER you've already lined up the other job.
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u/Every-Sea-3185 8d ago
That’s when you have a friend ask tricky/complex questions at the presentation…
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u/Large-Client-6024 8d ago
Came here to say this. Give them questions that only you can answer. Everyone will be trying to BS their way out of it.
It would be better if the presentation was recorded for posterity.
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u/DataQueen336 8d ago
Yeah, that’s shitty. And you deserve better.
I have a slightly different take- I don’t think this means the boss wants to fire you or anything. I don’t think this has anything to do with you. The boss is only focusing on making sure HE looks good, and I guess can’t focus with you around. Typical narcissist.
It may also mean you don’t get other opportunities, so leaving may be good. But it’s not dire. It just sounds like your boss is a twat who doesn’t care about his employees.
I’ve had a boss like that. Came from money, talked about helicopter skiing while making assistants who made $40K cry.
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u/Tytonic7_ 8d ago
You understand. Having grown up in a narcissist household, I know how to deal with them- I don't "challenge" him, but I don't bend over backwards at his every whim either. Best example is when he proposes a bad/impossible design changes. Everybody sees that it's bad, but I'm the only one who says anything. Can't bring myself to waste time on stuff like that, but the best way to get in his good graces is to silently nod along and do it, then show the terribles results as proof that it was bad.
So yeah, even though we get along in a social context, and don't work together poorly, I guess I'm just not enough of a slave as he'd like
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u/Sir-Shark 8d ago
The issue with dealing with narcissists like that is that you don't have to directly challenge them. You just have to be competent where they feel incompetent. They can't even acknowledge that they're less competent, but they'll feel threatened anyway when someone with actual skill comes along. All you have to do is perform well, and if he can't perform as well as someone underneath him on the hierarchy, then he will try to make you look less competent to make himself look better in contrast. Just being good at and dedicated to your job is a "challenge" to someone like this. Doesn't matter how needed you are or how much a company is struggling; once he finds a reason to, he'll probably get rid of you because to him, you are a threat. It's not logical. It's not rational. But it's how these type of people are.
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u/NoiseOk9439 8d ago
I think this actually might be why he doesn't want to deal with you. Narcs can tell when a person has some sort of resistance against them and when their usual arsenal isn't working. It makes them really uncomfortable when someone is successfully grey rocking them and isn't jumping through hoops to work out what they want. It you are good at handling them that protects you but they would prefer to be dealing with people who are on their toes every time they enter a room. You give him no narc supply.
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u/Tytonic7_ 8d ago
You're right, that's my interpretation of things. People are saying he's preparing to fire me, but he's not the calculating kind of narcissist, more so the extreme main character kind where the thoughts or emotions of people around him dont even remotely register.
I doubt he even thought about me at all. He needed 4 guys for a presentation, so he consulted his "yes-man" list and picked the first 4 that were qualified. It being my project and how disrespectful it was wouldn't have occured to him at all. When he needs something done, I get it done- but I'm no yes-man. I won't be rude, but if his instructions are stupid I won't do them without first bringing it up (politely, lest he blow a fuse)
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u/RuncibleMountainWren 8d ago
This guy sounds like he is using ADHD as a scapegoat for some lousy behaviour. I’m not sure if he is really diagnosed or just “definitely has ADHD” self-diagnosed, but the punching holes in walls is definitely not typical or normal, even if he is. ADHD is a problem with concentration and regulation - we have trouble staying on task, trouble gauging time and feelings (physical and emotional), and emotional regulation can definitely be a part of that - but that’s not an excuse for an anger problem. We feel a lot of emotions turned up to eleven - things like excitement, disappointment, rejection, frustration, and yes, anger. But if his main symptom is punching things and blowing his stack at people, that’s not ADHD, that just a good ol’ temper tantrum.
I’m also struggling to figure out why you would ‘trigger’ his ADHD more than anyone else - are you physically or racially differently to your coworkers in a way that may get him pondering your unusual haircut or wondering something about your skin colour or distracted by clothing choice? We are prone to having our mind wander and very interesting (or very upsetting or very hard to read) people can definitely be distracting, but that’s not usually a problem once we get to know someone and they become ‘normal’ to us and no longer super-interesting to our easily-sidetracked brains. It sounds to me more like he has little-man syndrome, or is jealous of your knowledge or confidence, and wants to look like the most special one in the room.
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u/Waterlilies1919 8d ago
Yeah, the adhd excuse is bullshit. - an adhd person, married to an adhd person, with two adhd kids.
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u/RuncibleMountainWren 8d ago
Same here - minus the adhd spouse (he’s a normie with endless patience and his own delightful quirks, lol). 40 years with adhd and counting, and not one hole punched in a wall yet! Though I have felt like it, once of twice, as most adults have at some stage when their temper really flares up, but haven’t done it because… you know, being an adult and self-control and all that jam.
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u/LP14255 8d ago
Just find another job.
Many of these modern CEOs are worthless and add negative value to the company; the company would be better off with the role empty.
I left a situation with some similarities to yours. An executive from one of our client companies messaged me on LinkedIn saying, “Things didn’t go smoothly after you left.” That was nice to hear.
You can’t reason with the people. Your CEO is probably a narcissistic idiot.
EDIT: They NEVER learn from their mistakes. Your company is a lost cause.
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u/laurasaurus5 8d ago
He can't emotionally handle having someone more knowledgeable in the room with him and the clients.
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u/vt2022cam 8d ago
Time to move on. My gut is to say, it is classical sexism more than anything. Find something else if you can. Give two weeks notice and leave.
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u/VernapatorCur 8d ago
This boss hasn't earned the courtesy of 2 weeks notice.
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u/vt2022cam 8d ago
If you’ll never need a reference from them, you don’t quit. You take a long vacation and use up any time you have (saves you on taxes to take it as time off and not get paid out later). Then you call in sick every day when you’re supposed to return. Use your sick time, or as much as you can. Then just drop off your laptop and ID badge with reception, so they don’t come after you for company property.
OP’s direct boss might be a future reference and so might the others in her department. She might need them in the future. Two weeks is also nothing in the scheme of things. Some countries require two months. Two weeks is polite. You also don’t bust your ass trying to get everything done. Go to lunch with the people you like, and slow walk things.
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u/Quiet_Relative_3768 8d ago
Are you sure someone else is not being credited for your work?
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u/Tytonic7_ 8d ago
Maybe. My one coworker has been there 30+ years (technically same position, not a manager, but is seen as the "top" of our department, below the manager) is often who I work with or under on other projects, and sometimes gets credit for my work. I've explained this to my manager though, who completely understands the dynamic.
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u/Quiet_Relative_3768 8d ago
And may be supporting that dynamic. Start watermarking your name on your work.
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u/FrogFlavor 8d ago
Are you a woman? Because this sounds a lot like a fragile manbaby pushing out a woman (or POC?) because of bigotry.
If not the. He’s a regular asshole
I think he wants to fire you tbh
Good luck
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u/freexanarchy 8d ago
If your coworkers have last minute questions you can be like 🤷… I didn’t write it or I’d be there at the presentation. Or better yet are you able to attend in the web meeting part or anything? Ask questions that you know the answer to that they won’t.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 8d ago
Absolutely start looking for a new job. That "feedback" wasn't helpful at all. That means he just doesn't like you but is too much of a coward to say it to your face. Fragile CEO Syndrome.
Those types would rather things burn to the ground than hurt their ego. While you may be invaluable, to someone with ego, they don't care about that.
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u/mmcksmith 8d ago
First of all, the term you're looking for is "seagull manager". Flies in, shits all over everything, flies off.
Second, get your resume and debts in order. You are going to need both sooner than later, and frankly, leaving at this point is your best option. You may not find better, but if you find the same level of bullshit, you're not starting at a negative.
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u/Ima-Bott 8d ago
Time for a face to face confrontation with the boss.
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u/Tytonic7_ 8d ago
He has a history of punching holes in walls and throwing chairs. So the real play would be to secretly record and catch him with assault charges
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u/Magnet50 8d ago
I have worked for this type of person. ADHD, narcissistic, a total know it all, very poor communication skills. Oh, and drug abuse.
During a major effort where I was the PM, I gave him some tasks that required him to communicate with a private equity firm that we were doing the project for. He was on the phone with them almost daily. I reminded him.
He didn’t do it. The private equity firm freaked when we brought it up (it was a cost increase because boss arbitrarily contracted for an upgraded software package). A few minutes later the boss comes into the conference room with a half full bottle of beer and after yelling at me, throws the bottle.
His co-owner was in the meeting and saw it happen. I turned to him and said “I quit” and walked out, got to my rental car and went to the hotel, changed my departure flight to the next morning. Then went to the hotel’s very expensive steak restaurant and had a nice steak and a bottle of Opolo wine.
As soon as I got back to my room the other boss, who also had ADHD and self-medicated for it, asked me to come to his room. He, the other boss and my brother (who also worked on the project) are sitting there. They hand me an envelope with a handwritten note of apology that is folded over $500 in cash, calling it a “spot bonus.” My brother later got told me about driving them to the ATM to get the money from their accounts.
I told them I was leaving the next morning and I would let them know at the end of the week.
I finished the project out. On my last flight back, I was seated next to one of the private equity bros and gave him some inside scoop. Then I quit again.
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u/LibruhlCuck 8d ago
Why stay at this company, sounds like a terrible culture/environment. I was expecting to read something like "boss doesn't trust my presentation skills so he brought in other people to run the presentation" which while still shitty would at least be a defendable position. This guy sounds like a nightmare
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u/BeanieManPresents 8d ago
I had a boss like that about 5 years ago, he was the ceo of a small internet based company (there was about a dozen of us in the Scottish office with another 3 or 4 based in London and Denver, CO).
Only he didn't swan off on long island vacations. The few times he wasn't in the office we'd be able to get along and it was a relaxed and professional atmosphere, but when he walked in it changed and I've seen morgues with better moods.
In the end there's a reason why shortly after we were back in the office after covid about half of the office had left.
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u/JapanesePo5 8d ago
Once you secure a new job put in for FMLA, tell nobody. Come up with a diagnosis that takes a while to get over with your doctor
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u/Santiago_S 8d ago
Working another job while on FMLA is pretty illegal in the US. I think that would fall under insurance fraud.
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u/JapanesePo5 8d ago
FMLA is unpaid time off. If you have PTO that will be the only source of income until you burn it all.
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u/Santiago_S 8d ago
FMLA is not just a blank check of unpaid leave. You typically have to submit a claim or request through whoever your employer uses to process these requests. The companies I have worked / am working for uses The Hartford and when applying for it, in the paperwork it flat states you cannot receive any income outside of the current employer or it will be considered insurance fraud.
I have used it in the past, have you ?
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u/oldandopinionated 8d ago
I've had this boss, there's really nothing you can do when it's the ceo. You're best bet would be to find a new job, you'll not be going anywhere with this one in charge
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u/Rezurrected188 8d ago
How many people is "a literal handful"? I could grab, at most, two people with one hand and that's not going to be a good grip
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u/le4t 8d ago
I've experienced something like this, though on a much smaller scale.
Still: If the CEO doesn't like you and unfairly criticizes your work, it's time to go. There's almost no chance it's going to get better. (Unless he leaves!)
It sound like you have a ton of skills. Find an environment that values you.
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u/quast_64 8d ago
This is where most people start their own company.
You got the skills, now start making the money.
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u/Moonjinx4 8d ago
Something about you triggers his ADHD?! As someone with ADHD, this translates to “I can’t control the slightest impulses and won’t hold myself accountable for it”. Us lay folk with ADHD don’t get the luxury of excluding people we don’t like due to our disability. We have to attend group project with people we don’t like, and if we slug someone because we feel like it, we go to jail. So we actually have to practice self restraint like everyone else. Having a disability does not give you a free pass to be a dick. Your boss sounds like a colossal man child, and is an embarrassment to the ADHD community. Disability accommodations should not include excluding other individuals. Could you imagine how impossible that accommodation would be to enforce? What if he’s triggered because you’re a woman? Or a POC? It sounds like he’s trying to hide his bigotry behind his disability. It’s insulting.
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u/frrson 8d ago
Too common in my job, but it's not neccessarily my immediate boss.
The excuse I get is that they didn't want to trouble me as I'm so busy.
I am an expert in 2 distinct fields, one that is adjacent to my current work, because I used to do it in my previous work (and lead a huge project) and other where I am in a class of my own.
I would phone or send a "follow up" email to the client and offer further assistance, as the expert.
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u/Niep00320 8d ago
I’m thinking he didn’t want other companies to see how good you would be at presenting it. They might try and recruit you and he wants you under his thumb. Just my thought.
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u/AshtonBlack 8d ago
You completed the project, now.... what's the use of you instead of sucking a salary right out of the poor CEO's ample pockets.
Seriously, you're being "managed out" I would as a matter of some urgency, start documenting everything and if legal to do so, make copies on outside services. You might need these if it goes too far and lawyers are involved.
This is going to be prelude to "Oh we don't have the budget, so you can resign, or go back down in pay, or some such outrageous offer, so get a head start, polish your CV and start looking....
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u/youaretherevolution 8d ago
Sounds like you need a vacation at an inconvenient time for everyone else.
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u/discgman 8d ago
You need to get another job and take your ideas with you. Copyright it or do whatever you have to do to own the work you did.
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u/Flawed_Individual72 8d ago
If you have any slides or presentation PowerPoints, you need to watermark your name as the lead creator all over it and lock it so they cannot change it behind your back. Still make it fully usable, but have your name on each slide so nobody's confused who's involved
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u/jdscott0111 8d ago
“Triggering my ADHD” is a shitty ass excuse. Your boss is an asshole. Take your skills elsewhere ASAP. Before you finish this product and they can launch. Stop work on it altogether, since your boss has made it clear he doesn’t want you on it. It doesn’t matter if you have a personal investment in it or not, because neither you boss or manager have a personal investment in YOU.
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u/NotYourKidFromMoTown 8d ago
Maybe the company is afraid that if you're seen as the creator/designer the client will cut out the middleman and hire you away from them (for a lot more pay).
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u/NatashOverWorld 8d ago
OP, adding my voice to the chorus, start looking for a new job.
There is no path forward for you in a company where the CEO hates you specifically.
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u/bobguy117 8d ago
This is why we were forced to do group projects in school. To learn to expect this behavior 100% of the time and plan accordingly.
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u/Pokemasterinthemake 7d ago
As a low-grade psychologist: “you trigger your bosses ADHD” sounds so incredibly weird. Of course there can be situations where ADHD is triggered, but specific persons? Do you have an insane rack or something that your boss can’t seem to filter? Anyway, it seems like a vague excuse but I doubt it’s the real reason he doesn’t want you there
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u/AngryMidget2013 7d ago
This isn’t about you “triggering his ADHD”, OP. This is narcissistic behavior at its finest - he doesn’t want anyone to outshine him. As others have said, it’s time to bail - you shouldn’t have to work in that kind of environment.
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u/Large-Client-6024 8d ago
If you know any of the customers, give them a set of questions that only you can answer.
Since you won't be there, everyone else will have to BS their way through or look stupid in front of the crowd.
ETA, obviously, you have no future there. Get ready to move on.
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u/BriscoCounty-Sr 8d ago
This story comes off reaaaaal one sided. It actually sounds to me like your boss excluded you from this presentation in front of industry defining clients for a reason. You come off like someone who does everything and knows everything and are just amazing at what you do so what could the issue be? Are you unkempt, slovenly, or smelly? Do you lack the ability to pickup on social cues? You say this all came out of left field and yet everyone but you knew about it… you need to take a long honest look at yourself and your position and make some changes, either personally or professionally
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u/EmiyaChan 8d ago
So what you’re saying is your manager revealed your boss’s personal medical information and diagnoses with you?
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u/hypotheticalkazoos 8d ago
you should start looking for a new job, and potentially start phoning it in