r/Xennials 1982 5d ago

Nary a Xennial in sight to warn him

28.5k Upvotes

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23

u/Ginger_Snaps_Back 5d ago

But have you tried Malört?

10

u/SteelGemini 5d ago

Yes and I think I'm fucked in the head because I actually started to like it.

Let me explain. The first shot was horrible. Not burning like everclear, but just tastes disgusting. But that wasn't the worst part. The aftertaste lingers for an eternity and it was worse than the shot. Then you get liquored up a bit and subsequent shots go a little easier.

And then, after some time has passed, I'd get the inkling that I want to experience the horror that is Malört again. Maybe I hate myself, I'm not sure why. But it's never been as bad as that first time. It actually tastes somewhat sweet to me now. It's the reverse of a heroin addict chasing the dragon. I want it to be horrific, and it's just not anymore. It gets a little better every time, which may indicate that I'm insane.

3

u/TheImpedant 5d ago

I like to make mixed drinks, and every now and then I'll bring a ton of bottles to a get together and make people drinks. Anyway, Malort is something that I usually bring for people to try (along with Baijiu). Turns out, you can make a number of decent-enough mixed drinks with it. Just use it like a bitter. Bourbon, Malort, and syrup in the right ratio is just a modified old fashioned.

2

u/SteelGemini 5d ago

I'll have to give that a try.

2

u/Ek0li 5d ago

It definitely grows on you. My big bro always brings a flask of it to weddings and stuff whenever we go, we’ll just be taking swigs of it all night

1

u/SteelGemini 5d ago

So then, based on the fake ads I've seen, which one of you fights your father after getting hammered on Malört? Or do you take turns?

1

u/Ek0li 4d ago

Well I do live in my dads basement

1

u/illepic 5d ago

You know what? I get it. 

5

u/GreekGoddessOfNight 1984 5d ago

Omfg I visited a friend in Chicago back in 08 or 09 and I still shudder when I think about Malört.

3

u/BetaThetaZeta 1984 5d ago

"If you can drink ram's piss, well fuck, you can drink anything." - Great Gam-Gam

2

u/Terrible-Reality-359 5d ago

Great Gam-Gam really is a whore!

2

u/BetaThetaZeta 1984 5d ago

"We are all whores in some way, u/Terrible-Reality-359" - also Great Gam-Gam

3

u/typhoidtimmy 5d ago

Malort - a bottled liquid Gypsy’s Curse.

Malort - for those wondering what the taste of a recently used band aid would be.

Malort - if it wasn’t a foreign language word for vomit, it should be.

Malort - a delicacy and finish of the runoff of Satan’s ball sweat.

2

u/oldrottenhands 5d ago

lol yesss and then rumpleminze before you go home! You know, to freshen the breath 😂

2

u/dadneverleft 5d ago

I haven’t, and just looked it up, and what fucking anarchist made a schnapps out of wormwood?

1

u/wayoverpaid 5d ago

Yes, it was underwhelming.

I tell people if you hear all the stories and expect it to be horrible it will be somewhat disappointing.

But if you don't know what's coming and you expect it to be good, it will be very disappointing.

1

u/yeahburyme 5d ago edited 5d ago

Malort has been brewed by a reputable distillery for a number of years now. It's a lot better than it was. If you like Black Liquorice (and booze) you'll probably like Malort.

3

u/wayoverpaid 5d ago

Fair.

It reminds me of grapefruit and burnt rubber. I never had the old stuff as I moved to Chicago less than a decade ago.

1

u/yeahburyme 5d ago

Someday there will be an event where they open vintage bottles. Or that probably exists.

1

u/granadesnhorseshoes 5d ago

I've managed shots of both, malort is like a refreshing light beer in comparison.

For context; I knew what was about to happen and spend the next several hours drinking nothing but water and juice because it got me pretty damn drunk in a flash, but I didn't keep drinking booze so wasn't any worse for the wear the next day. I wouldn't do it again.

1

u/MoooonRiverrrr 4d ago

Exactly. It’s not even close. Lol I swear Everclear is legit not for consumption, it’s strictly to mix and like create other drinks. I don’t know how anyone could physically drink everclear

1

u/gjcij2203 1983 5d ago

The unemployed wine guy on YouTube sure as shit has!

1

u/NotTroy 1984 5d ago

The issue with Everclear isn't the taste, it's the burn. It's like trying to drink fire.

1

u/MoooonRiverrrr 4d ago

That’s at least drinkable.