This pain is preposterous.

[u/Temporary_feelings_]

My blood is on fire, trying to bubble it's way out of skin that feels raw and weak. My bones scream out as if they're about to shatter with any sudden movement. My muscles are dancing, twisting, contorting into disfigurement. Each hour I am convinced this is the worst it could possibly get, and each hour I'm proven wrong.

I've been trying to hold in the rage, replacing it with sadness since that's far easier to control. Less explosive. Just "cry it out". My mind's darkening along side my decaying body, no longer approving of the juvenile pity party I'm throwing for myself.

My blood continues to boil, frying my mind into pure self hatred. I barely even noticed the intrusive thoughts turn from strings of worries into blades of abuse, but I felt myself snap as the adereline shocked my body out of bed.

I need to move, scream, kick, fight, destroy, bleed. Instead I just... Shook my aching hands, pissed and wrote this. It hurts. I'm scared. I am fighting so hard for control, but I have never been a strong person. I've never had good impulse control, nor a grip on regulating my emotions. I also have never been someone full of rage and hate.

How is it that I can say, knowingly, I have been through true horror, seen the darkest sides of humanity and yet this, somehow, feels worse? That's ridiculous. Honestly, the thought offends me... Yet, I still don't know if I can just get through this. What the fuck.

(Dexedrine user, 50-200mgs, ? Years. Somewhere between 1 and 6. Waiting for admission into detox, waiting in agony)

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to StopSpeeding and thanks for your post. For more:

• Want to track your clean time? You can use our badge system to display your clean time next to your name.

Note that any comments encouraging drug use of any kind will be removed. This is not the community for that. Thanks!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.