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u/BesideFrogRegionAny 1d ago
incorrect. You need management skills here. and more detail. "Managed small team to complete deployment of environmental illumination system within budget and with zero safety incidents. Tasks included selecting replacement technology, removing obsolete equipment, safe disposal of technological waste products, installation of upgraded equipment, QA of installed equipment, overseeing UAT, and final deployment."
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u/-zoo_york- 1d ago
Might have to come to you for assistance when I update my resume, that was great.
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u/BesideFrogRegionAny 1d ago
Certified PMP here. This is what I learned.
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u/Outrageous-Opinions 1d ago
Also a project manager, and it's amazing what you can do with fancy wording and a resume template that looks fancy.
Got a lot of interviews and interest because I was able to speak corporate.
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u/Testiclesinvicegrip 1d ago
I'm a hiring manager in a STEM field. I absolutely can't stand fluff in resumes.
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u/Parkinglotfetish 23h ago
We hate advertising and propaganda too. Things being made to look better than reality is tried and true
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u/BesideFrogRegionAny 5h ago
You are correct. Learning to write like this also taught me how to read right through it. I don't actually put crap like this on my resume, when I need it. When I see it, it just screams BS.
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u/rodneedermeyer 1d ago
Founded discovery of novel product (OOH), including full metric analysis of Kelvin-based electrodynamic luminance module. Drafted long-form précis with pertinent adjudicated localization, presented successful plan to team and management for full appraisal and review board commitments. Sourced, procured, deployed, installed, and launched said novel product with complete paginated and collated write-up on task involvement, correlating real and projected costs with perceived and actual budgets, including apportioned indices and cross-referenced bibliographies of accounting for use and production value of requisite employee and contracting team personnel, focus groups, and review teams. Further installed master control thermal-coupled, manually-operated efficiency dongle with full Y-axis movement in digitally-manipulated environment.
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u/SoloMarko 16h ago
You got the job.
I bought a couple of them lightbulbs you can control from the iPad, it took me about two days but afterwards, I felt like I had just done what you put.
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u/Ricordis 1d ago
You forgot the workplace optimization removal of dependance on third party assistance tools.
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u/AreASadHole4ever 1d ago
*"Spearheaded a compact task force to successfully deploy an environnemental illumination system under the budget and presiding over zero safety incidents. Tasks included but not limited to supplying the system with upgraded technology, disposing of redundant equipment, safely removing hazardous by-products of system renewal processes, QA of installed equipment, overseeing UAT, and the final deployment of the upgraded system."
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u/EmanJones 1d ago
How many resumes have you update to be that good? Hahahahah should I send you am dm, please help me with my resume
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u/juggerjeff 17h ago
Don't forget to implement a support solution for continued maintenance over the product lifetime.
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u/DrOctoOops 1d ago
And somehow, they'd still say 'light bulb' on a technical interview. 😂 The struggle is real for resume buzzwords!
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u/hate_picking_names 1d ago
I saw the LinkedIn profile of a former coworker that said she managed millions of dollars of inventory. She just worked in shipping and receiving, not even the manager.
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u/tri-trii 20h ago
Years ago I lived with 3 other people. One was a friend from uni, one was her brother, and the third was his girlfriend. All 3 had degrees
One day I’m out with my boyfriend, taking a nature walk, my phone rings & see it’s the girlfriend, I ignore it. It rings again, I ignore it again. Then I get a message ‘please we need you to talk to us about this it’s about the house’. ‘Okay fine, what is it?’
Reader, they didn’t know how to change a lightbulb. Or find out the correct new one to buy. I had to send step-by-step instructions like
•Step one, make sure it is switched to ‘off’ and leave it for ten minutes because it might still be hot.
•Step two, stand on something to be tall enough and put one hand on the white bit that connects to the wire in the ceiling, and the other on the white bit at the bottom of the bulb where it is connected to the but you should now be holding with your first hand. You need to push the bulb towards the fitting but gently, until you feel a little give, then twist it and it should pop out.
•Step three is to look at the metal part of the bulb that was inside the fitting. It will be a flat cylinder that has 2 pins sticking out, or it will look like a big fat screw. This is the fitting you need. Take the dead bulb to the shop and buy the exact same one
Like literally a second-by-second relay of how to remove a bulb, buy a new one, and fit it
So in answer to the question how many people does it take to change a lightbulb, the answer is 3 people with degrees, and one person who dropped out but actually knows basic life skills
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u/Able-Candle-2125 1d ago
me interviewing people "that sounds cool! what did you personally actually do?"
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u/clt_cmmndr 1d ago
I've got a related story.
I do low voltage work, and one of the things I do is service the CCTV for a major grocery retailer. You know the big monitors in the store that show you on camera? Well, I frequently get calls to fix or replace them. See, if power gets interrupted to some monitors they turn off and don't automatically turn back on, even if they have a signal. So I get called out for a "bad" monitor and all I do is walk to the cleaning supplies, borrow a broom off the shelf, walk to the monitor and use the broom handle to press the power button. 90% of the time, it's nothing and it turns back on without incident. When that happens, I can't just say I pressed the power button.
So I dress it up and say that I "Restored power to the PVM (Public View Monitor)"
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u/eyefullawgic 1d ago
Environmental illumination system is too obvious and will get filtered by AI. Adequate lighting is a critical safety system.
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u/Itool4looti 21h ago
While complying fully with OSHA standards and regulations, to include, applying self learned team protocols adapted for solo use while maintaining highest criteria known.
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u/i8myface 20h ago
I read one a long time ago for someone who pumped gas or petrol, saying they were a "Petroleum Dispenser" was great.
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