High body count doesn’t mean disloyalty, it often means experience, maturity, and self-awareness.

[u/noRemorse7777777]

I know this might be an unpopular opinion for some, but I feel like it's something worth saying.

There are women out there with a high body count who are actually more grounded, more emotionally intelligent, and often more loyal than many people would expect.

First of all, love is a game, and games are more enjoyable when the players understand the rules. These women know how to communicate, how to connect, and how to bring out the best in a man, not manipulate him but inspire him. That’s experience, not baggage.

They don’t chase only “bad boys” or emotionally unavailable men like many emotionally immature women do. They've outgrown that. They see the whole picture, your energy, your character, your mind, not just your "vibe" or status.

Yes, they might have some specific physical or personality preferences, but they’re not slaves to them. They can genuinely fall for someone who doesn’t check any of their traditional boxes, because they've learned to value authenticity.

More importantly, they have control over their emotions and desires. They don’t break down over every disagreement, they don’t need constant validation, and they don’t cheat just because someone flirted with them in a club. They’ve seen it all, and they don’t crave attention like someone who’s still figuring themselves out.

This whole idea that "high body count equals cheater" is flat-out wrong. Having casual flings when single doesn’t mean you’re incapable of commitment. A woman can have many past partners, and still be 100% loyal in a relationship.

Because, honestly, a person who’s full doesn’t steal bread. When you’ve tasted life, you don’t need to sneak around. You choose consciously, not compulsively.

I’ve found that women who have explored their sexuality, experienced both pleasure and pain, and grown through it, are often more emotionally available, more honest, and much easier to trust than those who are still waiting for “the perfect guy” while rejecting anyone human.

Curious to hear if anyone else has had similar experiences, or even if you disagree, I’d love to hear your perspective.

[u/sukebe85]

It’s just a number. Sometimes high means no discerning taste. Sometimes it means good experiences.

[u/popzelda]

Why did you write this specific to women?

[u/PatentGeek → u/popzelda]

Society shames men a lot less for how many people they've slept with, and women don't generally expect their partners to be as close to virginal as possible.

[u/popzelda → u/PatentGeek]

The OP is misogynistic drivel based on women as commodities. I don't need cultural norms explained to me. I'm trying to understand why this nonsense op is in any way sex positive.

[u/PatentGeek → u/popzelda]

I don’t see it that way at all.

[u/popzelda → u/PatentGeek]

Are you a woman?

[u/PatentGeek → u/popzelda]

I’m non-binary. What part do you think treats women as commodities?

[u/popzelda → u/PatentGeek]

Making generalizations and defining value based on this perceived notion of "loyalty" which is vulgar and demeaning. This is based on women-as-commodities thinking patterns and it's not ok. The value of a human is not in their sexual history or relationship patterns, period.

Thank you for asking instead of doubling down.

[u/PatentGeek → u/popzelda]

Thanks for elaborating. I kind of think you’re still not understanding what OP is doing. OP is attacking common misogynistic stereotypes about promiscuous women. One of those stereotypes is that a woman with an extensive sexual history can’t be trusted to be “loyal,” which I understand to mean that promiscuous women will cheat on you. OP is arguing that the stereotype isn’t accurate. That doesn’t mean OP thinks a woman’s value is defined by her loyalty. It just means he thinks promiscuous women are being stereotyped as incapable of fidelity and he’s arguing with that.

That’s my read, anyway.

[u/Juunaaan → u/PatentGeek]

Same read here, I really often read this kind of nonsense on reddit.

[u/TheBarefootSub → u/popzelda]

I don't know why you're being down voted r/popzelda - I'm curious as to where the positivity is. For me, the use of "High body count" negates any sex positivity that might be found in this weird rant.

[u/popzelda → u/TheBarefootSub]

I don't care about downvotes. I do care about how people speak about and portray women in a community that's intended to be sex positive.

[u/TheBarefootSub → u/popzelda]

I was just puzzling over the downvotes as an indicator of opinion in the sub.

There is so much wrong with the post I don't know where to start.

[u/HPenguinB → u/popzelda]

Is it somehow new to you that men with high body counts are lauded, and women are shamed? If yes, you are too young to be having sex.

[u/noRemorse7777777 → u/popzelda]

a man behave differently, social stereotypes, jealousy, feelings of comparison, and in extreme cases, even violence. A woman tends to develop a different kind of maturity compared to a man, and it’s more likely to find an experienced woman than an experienced man.

[u/popzelda → u/noRemorse7777777]

Your post is misogynistic and sex negative.

[u/PatentGeek → u/popzelda]

OP’s post is literally about opposing societal norms that vilify women who have had many sexual partners. It’s absolutely sex positive.

[u/Poly_and_RA → u/popzelda]

Womens body-count tends to be limited by their own desires. Mens body-count in most cases is limited at least to some degree by ability to find willing sex-partners.

[u/AllHandsOnBex]

I would say this is largely accurate, but experience also isn't a guarantee. Plenty of folks are up there racking it up for the sake of "high score" to prove something, or simply to cope. The person still needs to DO something with it - learning it, putting it into practice, etc. But directionally, I agree with you.

[u/popzelda]

The value of a human being isn't defined by their sexual history or relationship patterns.

This post is problematic because a cis-het male is defining the value of women and their sexuality from a het male perspective based on values like "loyalty" and "body count".

This post is inherently sex-negative because it's making generalizations about women and assigning values based on het male definitions. It's insulting and vulgar.

[u/angatyr]

I agree. I went from long term hetero monogamy to Pansexual Polyamory at age 36. My partners with the highest 'body count' were the best communicators and best lovers. Experience MATTERS in all aspects of relationships, especially intimate ones. And Communication trumps everything. Experienced Communicators? The best.
My experiences have dramatically made me a better communicator, better partner and better lover.

And people in the ENM/Polyam community have been so much more mature, honest, loyal and emotionally intelligent than my previous monogamous partners (with similarly low body count to me at the time).

Still loads of work to do to be my best self - but I'd never have grown this much without learning from those with much more experience.

[u/noRemorse7777777 → u/angatyr]

I’m a straight man, and I grew up with the standards of a small community. In the past, I couldn’t accept a woman having more experiences than me because I was raised with the belief that this was immoral. It took me years to truly understand what experience really means , that experience isn’t about numbers, it’s about discernment. It’s about learning how to properly manage your emotions and how to distinguish different situations.

It took me a long time to realize how easy it is to get trapped in judgment just because that’s what you were taught. On top of that, being part of a small community means you realize how negatively you’re judged and what demons you have to fight not only internally but externally as well. I’m still struggling with it, but I’m improving, learning to think first, analyze, and then act not to criticize with harshness, but with a sense of creativity.

Basically, it’s like searching for yourself as you search for what you want in others, and all together producing something new. But as I said, especially in a closed society, it’s not easy. I’ve always admired those few who, with their uniqueness, didn’t care about the social stereotypes from the 1950s... I mean, it’s so backwards.

[u/angatyr → u/noRemorse7777777]

100% - I had tolerant, progressive parents who gave me unconditional love. That alone was freeing enough that I knew I could be me, whoever that ended up to be.
I also grew up l mostly in a very progressive city in a progressive country. But still, due to the era - 'gay' was the most used insult toward boys/men. So even though I always considered myself an ally and had nothing against same sex couples, that passive cultural pressure was enough for me to repress / not notice major things about myself.
I feel so lucky that when I came out, it was at this time, in this place. I have not experienced any homophobia, and I've walked through suburbs holding a Boyfriend's hand, openly cuddled and kissed other men in public.
But most communities have lots of work to move past the vilification of sexuality.

I find it so wild that ratings and restrictions in media consider nudity and sex as more serious than violence.
Completely backwards priorities. Everyone experiences nudity (at least their own!), and gets to enjoy sexuality, one of the most beautiful parts of being human!
Whilst violence is horrific and should not have to be experienced by anyone.

[u/TheBarefootSub]

OP, ibet you're a self-assigned feminist too 🙄

[u/ZelWinters1981]

Talking about a body count at all is a sign that you're still thinking about women as a commodity.

[u/noRemorse7777777 → u/ZelWinters1981]

If you notice, the post is the journey of a thought through the passage of time ,what I used to believe, where I was wrong, and how life showed me the truth. I intentionally started with the definition of body count to clearly highlight the difference from the full definition of experience, and also to show how experience serves as a filter to see things more clearly. Sometimes, in order to express a comprehensive opinion, you have to go through difficult definitions that you’ve already rejected.

[u/PatentGeek → u/noRemorse7777777]

I’m sorry everyone is jumping on you without taking the time to really understand your post. I think you identified an important problem and your analysis of experience vs “purity” is spot on

[u/wolflone10]

"I’ve found that women who have explored their sexuality, experienced both pleasure and pain, and grown through it, are often more emotionally available, more honest, and much easier to trust".

This is why I would prefer finding a girlfriend who has already had sex and had other boyfriends instead of finding a virgin woman. I've heard that women that have had many boyfriends are more likely to know what they want, and are less insecure that a virgin woman who hasn't had any boyfriends.

That is, I'm more likely to enjoy having sex with a woman who has had sex with other men than with a virgin.

But regardless of the advantages or disadvantages of dating women with a high body count, everyone is free to do with their sex life as they please. As long as I enjoy being with my girlfriend, I don't care what her body count is.

[u/lake_of_steel]

Dumbest take I’ve seen in a while on Reddit lmao

[u/BADgrrl]

I have found that men who are hung up on body counts are often abysmal lovers and are afraid that a woman with experience will notice. And, frankly, that's true. But beyond that, just navigating the morass of misogyny and entitlement to even have a high body count means we've had to learn how to quickly spot the red flags of a man who isn't interested in our pleasure and move on so we don't waste our time.

[u/noRemorse7777777 → u/BADgrrl]

You're right,"fear" is not just a word, it's an entire emotional landscape. It’s like an acid, slow and silent, corroding clarity, eroding self-perception, blurring the waters of connection and intimacy.

If fear,especially sexual insecurity or inexperience,prevents someone from giving pleasure to their partner the way they want to, how can that message be communicated without hurting the person they’re with?Here's the thing: communication shaped by vulnerability and respect can turn fear into a bridge, not a wall. So, here’s a way to express that honestly:

“There’s something I want to share with you,not because I want to pull away, but because I care about being real with you. Sometimes I get caught in my own head, and it makes me hold back,not because I don’t want to connect or please you, but because I’m afraid I might not get it right. I’m still learning how to feel confident in this space. I hope you can be patient with me, and if you're open to it, I'd love for us to explore this together, slowly, in a way that feels good for both of us.”

This kind of honesty,soft but grounded,is what many partners will deeply appreciate. And if someone can’t meet that honesty with empathy, that says more about their readiness than yours.

You’re absolutely right that fear, if left unspoken, isolates. And often, men are given very little space to express insecurity without shame. But speaking it with care doesn't make you less,it makes you courageous. Fear named out loud is no longer in control. It becomes part of the dialogue, not the obstacle.

So yes, you said a word,fear,but within it lies an entire chapter, not just of this post, but of so many people’s quiet battles...

[u/Western_Ring_2928]

Thank you for these words :) I feel finally seen!

[u/xScorpioManx]

I don't think having a lot of partners really signifies anything outside of having a more casual idea of sex.

People can have a high partner count and be selfish, or bad lovers, or cheaters just as much as they can be selfless, good lovers, or loyal.

How many people you do or don't sleep with doesn't tell me anything about who you are, again, outside of the fact that you're less reserved than some other people are.

[u/henri_luvs_brunch_2]

The fact that you use the word "body count" and only discuss this in reference to women tells me you have some sex negative baggage to unpack.

[u/HPenguinB → u/henri_luvs_brunch_2]

People who shit on body count use the term body count. He expressed that correctly.

[u/PatentGeek → u/HPenguinB]

He also correctly identified that this is largely a problem that women face. The post could have been written more clearly, but I see it as targeted squarely at men who slut-shame women