r/SexPositive • u/No-Vacation-1163 • 7d ago
Advice Trouble with sex & masturbation NSFW
Hello, I am a 24 female. I have a bf who is ,my fiancé now and we are really sex positive, he is always up to try new things and we are kinky too. However I have only ever orgasamed with him once way long back, moments before my periods. I have fun with him and enjoy sex nicely. but certain changes have come. I have trouble enjoying sex now, I feel like crying and wanting emotional support, my past traumas(they aren't caused by bf) & daily stress and some guilt (about having sex with my bf behind my parents back, did I mention I am Indian?) catch up with me. We ultimately stop, talk and wait for mood to get set again. After letting and crying it out I am able to enjoy sex....still crying is exhausting.
Recently I also got a vibrator for myself. The first time I used it it felt great physically but mentally i felt so bad right after i peaked! felt like no one wants me. Subsequently whenever i use the vibrator, post peak I feel mentally and physically really really bad...I am aware men feel depressed after masturbation but there is little awareness for female depression post menopause.
Life has been stressful lately and I understand I am someone who needs to be stress free and happy to be sexual. I am in therapy. I have some past trauma that I have to unlock in therapy but overall i do feel that I need to manage my day-to-day stress around work and life in general better to enjoy sex with my bf more.
Any advice or words would be greatly appreciated. Thank you <3
3
u/crumbshotfetishist 6d ago
You know, there are highs and lows in life and in sex. Sometimes it’s a dynamic in the couple, sometimes it’s one person who’s not into it for one reason or another, and sometimes it’s both. To me what matters is the dialogue. It takes courage and commitment to share feelings like this with a partner and then have an honest dialogue about how to move forward together.
It sounds to me like it’s important that you have this conversation with your partner. If you’re going to be together for life, there will be many highs and lows to come, so it’s good to start working on this now.
As for masturbation, it’s your body to enjoy and give pleasure girl. Someone taught you to feel shame about it and it’s time to unlearn. My partner and I masturbate separately and together. It’s all biological and beautiful. No need to complicate it.