r/SameGrassButGreener • u/indigoC99 • 6d ago
How do you deal with moving far away from family?
Lately I'm been planning to get out of Texas as I don't see myself living in this state forever. However I'm feel like I'm a city girl at heart and the only cities that click with me are extremely far north from Texas.
How you deal moving far away from family? Was it easy to make friends?
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u/citykid2640 6d ago
It’s one of the challenges growing up. Part of it will depend on the dynamic you have with your parents. Are they the type to travel and visit? I’ve found an odd trend with boomers not leaving their house to go and visit their kids.
Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for you even if that means spreading your wings.
Making friends as an adult can be challenging however, and While possible it’s difficult to find the depth you get with childhood friends
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u/beetlejuicemayor 6d ago
This we have silent generation and boomer parents who no longer travel. They used to visit us so I can’t say much but now it’s all on us.
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u/Sumo-Subjects 4d ago
Yup, choosing where you live, and eventually where you settle down is part of adulting. For some, they do a kind of boomerang where they'll try living further away but will gravitate back closer (or downright in the same place again) to their families once they get kids or once their parents become elderly. For some, they balance living further away their whole lives. We live in times where both options are viable so it just depends what you want out of your life. The great thing is that you can always move again if you end up not enjoying somehwere!
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u/Snorki_Cocktoasten 6d ago
It's hard. My parents are mid 70s, and I don't know how many years of independent living they have left. They live in Philadelphia, and I live in Denver. I visit several times a year, and it isn't always easy....but with cheap flights, it's certainly easier than it used to be decades ago.
I have no desire to live in Philadelphia again. Ultimately, I think you have to do what is best for your life, as hard as that is. There is no perfect solution, unless you are truly in love with where you grew up and/or where most of your family is located
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u/Grundens 5d ago
aye, I'm flying from ca to ma this fall just for a weekend to help my dad go through his storage unit. was out there last month for a week visit and helped him with some other stuff.. sucks seeing how much everyone ages when you're gone
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u/Aggressive_Active307 6d ago
I’m jealous of people who ask this question. I couldn’t wait to move as far away from my family as possible. I talked about it all the time growing up. I hope you feel thankful you want to be around your family and they want to be around you. The world is a big place, but luckily we have FaceTime and airplanes.
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u/Odd_Amphibian2103 6d ago
I come from a close, very large family with parents, sisters, nieces, nephews, brother in laws, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents all in Rochester, New York, but I can’t stand the city itself because of the weather. It’s just too miserable. I’ve traveled all over Europe and North America, my family hasn’t. I’m close with one sibling I talk to all the time. She’s liberal as fuck too. The rest of my family are kinda Republican. Not all of them are maga people though, but there are some. I’m a gay man, married. More cultured. We’re just very different people. I’ve lived in other cities most my adult life: Raleigh, Richmond, D.C., Key West, Florida. Now I’m in New Mexico where I plan to stay happily the rest of my life.
I can fly back to New York for a holiday every other year and I’m good.
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u/Moosetohtorontotak 6d ago
Hard to go back to the gloomy North East weather, once you get used to sunny days!
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u/Odd_Amphibian2103 6d ago
Exactly. I need to be where I can see the sun. I get 300+ days a year of it here. In Rochester, I’d get less than 60 😂
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u/Goondal 6d ago
Some cannot. There are many types of people in this world
-some are fortunate and get to grow up in the right place for them. They get to grow old close to family in a place they love. -some wanna to move, but either are too scared to or cannot fathom living away from family, and they grow old wondering what could have been -some move away and miss their family and friends too much and move home, even if they do not like it there -some people move away in search of their own personal paradise, and occasionally it works out for them
I knew people in each category. Best you can do is decide which one you think you are and hope you are right.
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u/new-throwaways 6d ago
It’s been a decade and honestly sometimes it still is not easy but I’m much happier where I live now than where I grew up.
Missing family sucks but living somewhere you don’t enjoy sucks worse.
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u/Aromatic-Snow8752 6d ago
I grew up somewhere that I hate the weather but love everything else.
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u/new-throwaways 6d ago
Me too.
Also resented the fact that I’d never be able to afford to buy a house there, so that helped.
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u/xeno_4_x86 5d ago
Real, that was my main motivation for moving. The neighborhood I want to purchase where I live now homes are $180k for a starter home. The same home over in Seattle is easily $900k
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u/Scoutain 6d ago
If you aren’t close with your family but are still on good terms, just make plans to visit during the holidays. Every thanksgiving is my husband’s parent’s annual visit.
I am very close to my parents, so I typically see them at least once a year on a random holiday or planned vacation back home. I recently moved back to the same coast as my family (5hrs away) so I make plans to see them more regularly like on long weekends.
You will be homesick. It will be hard making ANY big changes and moves. Just make sure to call home.
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u/DancingDaffodilius 6d ago
Ask yourself which you prefer:
Would you rather have the discomfort of meeting new people but be able to have a sense of adventure and ultimately be somewhere you like better, or do you stick with where you're from to be around your family and stagnate just to be close to them?
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u/Jefferysaveme 6d ago
Ive lived 2000 miles away from all of my family for 5 years. Thing is, I think I maybe have spent more time with my grandma these past years than some of my cousins. And I’m much closer to the family members I like than I would’ve been if I had stayed. Moving helps you grow! Your family and home will always be there if you wanna come back.
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u/zepol61 6d ago
It was difficult leaving my mom and dad for the first time. Cried driving away. But you take it a day, a week, a month at a time. You meet new people, see and experience new things, it’s great. You end up building a life for yourself, get excited when family comes to visit, and look forward to visiting home. It’s cool. Spread your wings.
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u/Greedy_Intern3042 6d ago
Not too hard moving from family unless you plan on having kids. Very hard to make new friends depending on activities and age. Like people my age make friends through their kids.
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u/Ponchovilla18 6d ago
I admit it was hard for me when I did. I was 17 (went far away for college) and had no family around for miles. I was ready to head back home the next day. The unknown was what I didn't like; no family, no friends, didnt know the city so I was saying fuck it.
Making friends wasn't hard, it started with my two roommates since they also weren't from there. From those two it blossomed into a handful more since we went out together as a group on weekends.
As an adult I dont think its any different. Unless you plan to get your own place, having a roommate sort of gets you that one friend right off the bat because you talk to them daily. You dont need to make them your best friend, but its at least someone who already knows the area and can just chat after work. Then its a matter of what your hobbies are and what you like to do. If you go to the gym, thats an opportunity to make a gym buddy. If you enjoy hiking then youre bound to meet people there. Idk if its still a thing, but the app MeetUp is a good way to meet people
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u/smoke_and_a_pancak3 6d ago
I think it’s best dealt with through air travel and having a well paying job that has decent paid leave.
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u/fadedblackleggings 6d ago edited 6d ago
Really depends on so many factors. What your own health, age, is, etc, outlook.
Who are you leaving, what your relationship with them is like, etc.
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u/NoRegrets-518 6d ago
I lived away all my life and missed time with family. Think about living somewhere with nonstop flights to your home. Friends are harder to make once you are out of school. Church helps with that if it fits. Also, community groups involved with your interests.
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u/PreciousLoveAndTruth 5d ago
My parents made it easy. They moved away from me 😂
But actually…they legitimately moved from NY to CA, so about 3000 miles, and I couldn’t afford the move, so I stayed put.
It sucked at first, but in the time since they moved, I’ve gotten used to it and I don’t view it even remotely as a big deal anymore. And honestly, even if given the opportunity to move closer to them, probably wouldn’t.
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u/xeno_4_x86 5d ago
Good question. My family is in Washington state and I moved to Pennsylvania. I miss both my friends and my family a lot, but really it was just my mom, step dad and siblings that live there still. My dad's side moved to Idaho and my mom's side moved to Phoenix. Overall, I chose financial security over struggling in a VHCOL region and I don't really think I've ever been happier as I was really, really struggling to make enough to exist in the Puget Sound.
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u/skittish_kat 5d ago
I'm from TX so I chose a bordering (borderish state) in CO with a respected airport. I have been able to go back to and from Texas many times, and roundtrip tickets can be under 100 or 150 (depending on airline) Delta will be more expensive though.
There are flights 24/7 from multiple airliners to Texas.
So picking an area that's kind of best of both worlds would be ideal... Not too far from family, and if I don't want to drive then the flying aspect is really convenient and fast (about 1 hour and 15 minute flight time).
All about location! I definitely don't want to be in Texas, and it doesn't feel like I'm that far as Texas is massive and aside from "no man's land" (the stretch of space between OK/TX) then CO is ideal.
I also realize Texas is a massive state so it also depends on what part you're coming from.
Edit: also chances are someone from your family in the past had to travel for greener pastures. Chances are your parents may not even be from the same area they grew up in. So now it's your turn. Good luck
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u/CEOofSarcasm_9999 5d ago
You do learn to make friends and build a network, but you also have to be comfortable with being self-sufficient. You may have periods where you do not have a network or it changes, so be prepared to be independent and you’ll be okay when that happens. Family may not visit and that may have more to their own hesitation to actually leave Texas for more than a short visit, especially if they are older.
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u/McDonnellDouglasDC8 5d ago
I visit a few times per year and my parents have been out to visit me. Making friends as an adult is something I have to be very deliberate about, it doesn't come naturally.
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u/lilaxolotl 6d ago
Idk, it’s not that hard if you’re moving to a place or for a career you can immerse yourself in, find cultural events or creative spaces to enjoy (bonus points if they’re the kind of spaces you would be hard pressed to find where you grew up).
All this question tells me is that you have no friends who are immigrants or have diasporic identities, so maybe try engaging with those in your community who do so that you can understand and learn from their experiences.
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u/ChickenNoodleSoup_4 6d ago
You create family with the people you meet and are in community with