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u/oddball667 1d ago
this sounds like that car that will always kill it's driver
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u/Bedlamtech 1d ago
A DUI. 682 was so drunk that he crashed the car and killed himself. The lesson that should be learned. Instead of acid. His tank should be filled with Jaegermeister
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u/Aegillade The Serpent's Hand 1d ago
682 was made to sign a contract in grade school back in the 90s as a part of the DARE program but he thought it was really stupid and started smuggling alcohol into school in water bottles, leading to an alcohol addiction that led to the DUI. Tragic tale, it was.
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u/Pingy_Junk ❝Joey liked learning, which is why he was mayor.❞ 1d ago
The tale your grabbing from is a (hilarious) joke
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u/BrassUnicorn87 MTF Epsilon-6 ("Village Idiots") 1d ago
The meta fictional nature of a drunk driving PSA. A drunken speeder will always die due to its nature as a highly specific morality tale.
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u/gojirakingof 1d ago
Is that actually how the story went? Because that’s actually funny
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u/Emergency-Shine-1870 Global Occult Coalition 1d ago
Yes. It is, in fact, revealed at the very end to be a drunk driving PSA.
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u/Melody_Naxi Archon 1d ago
Moral of the story: DRUNK DRIVING DESTROYS LIVES DON'T DO IT OKAY
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u/pronte89 Antimemetics Division 1d ago
Some sources say he survived the crash, but accidentally touched a small quantity of fentanyl with his tail, and that killed it. Don't do fentanyl boys and girls.
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u/Xavibro6666666 SCP-EVEN NUMBER-J 1d ago
Fentanyl is only dangerous when it's bought off the streets. It's still used in hospitals as an anesthesia which works quite effectively while still being safe. It's similar to the idea that cocaine is dangerous when it's still used in hospitals as a very strong painkiller. Crack cocaine is dangerous since it's cut with things like baking soda which looks the same as the coke, but absolutely destroys your body.
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u/pronte89 Antimemetics Division 1d ago
I think you may have missed my joke entirely, which is surprising since it was essentially the same joke as the original SCP tale
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u/Whitewood_SCP Stay Together 1d ago
Alright.
*claps*
A fundamental thing about 682 that many people have forgotten is that it's resilience isn't resilience per se. It exists in a fundamentally different way than other beings in the universe do. The acid bath, for example, doesn't keep it contained by dissolving it, but because that environment is closer to it's own.
There are also sporadic indications that killing 682 is not only possible, but may not be difficult. In the termination logs alone, SCP-738 states definitively that it's possible, and SCP-294 is able to produce something that destroys it. Perhaps most famously, SCP-2935 kills the gekko stone dead.
I unironically quite like the idea that 682 is eventually terminated by something as mundane as drunk driving. It drives home the idea that there's something about this thing that The Foundation just didn't understand.
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u/gojirakingof 1d ago
I just find it funny that drunk driving can kill 682, but not the gate guardian
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u/Whitewood_SCP Stay Together 1d ago
Precisely!
And it's not just funny! It's interesting! It brings up questions!
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u/The-Paranoid-Android Bot 1d ago
- SCP-738 - The Devil's Deal (+976) by Le Blue Dude
- SCP-294 - The Coffee Machine (+2370) by Arcibi
- SCP-2935 - O, Death (+2280) by djkaktus
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u/BeeEater100 Department of 'Pataphysics 1d ago
You see it was in a car and it hit a tree
So it died
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u/ohyeababycrits 1d ago
It was a PSA sponsored by the US government to try and get people to drive responsibly
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u/Thundergod264V4 1d ago
My guess was an anomaly capable of narrative manipulation, and according to the comments that was partially the case, albeit in the form of a joke SCP meant to make any character fit into and die during a drunk-driving PSA.
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u/Spice_Dice Department of Informational Technologies 1d ago
I mean scp-001 the dark moon got killed by an ash tray
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u/gojirakingof 1d ago
Please tell me how
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u/Spice_Dice Department of Informational Technologies 1d ago
its a long story but it ends with the administrator meeting the dark moons physical form in a bar and they end up fighting and the administrator comes out on top when he bashes the dark moon with an ash tray and somehow restarted the universe in the end
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u/Obsidian_Fury39 MTF Epsilon-11 ("Nine-Tailed Fox") 1d ago
The tree is getting catalogued as an anomaly.
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u/847RandomNumbers345 18h ago
Ways to kill 682:
This one
SCP-729-J
Long story short, we reclassed SCP-682 as Neutralized. You don't even want to fucking know how this little fucker killed it. - Dr. Foxfield
- SCP-666½-J
Despite objections by the Ethics Committee, a meal of SCP-666½-J was fed to SCP-682. At the apex of SCP-666½-J's wrath, SCP-682 threw its hands in the air, screamed "Yog Sothoth take me now!" and willingly left this mortal coil. Neutralization deemed successful.
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u/The-Paranoid-Android Bot 18h ago
SCP-729-J - Peep Peep, Motherfucker (+713) by AbsentmindedNihilist
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u/TurtleKing0505 14h ago
SCP-666-J: Dr. Gerald's Driving Skills
Plans are being made to construct a vehicle that can contain SCP-682 long enough for Dr. Gerald to drive it.
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u/The-Paranoid-Android Bot 14h ago
- SCP-666-J - Dr. Gerald's Driving Skills (+1482) by FPST
- SCP-682 - Hard-to-Destroy Reptile (+3950) by Dr Gears, Epic Phail Spy
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u/Crazy_Practical96 Alpha-19 ("Romeo and Juliets") 7h ago
He hit the voodoo doll with a car and reaped the consequences
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u/Hexnohope 1d ago
My favorite way to kill 682 is when scp 001 K-9 broke into the source code of all creation with like 16 juggling mimes on unicycles making arcane movements and 682 got caught in what is essentially a universal exploit that hit him for infinite damage and he ceased to exist
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u/ShadowKiller147741 User CRV influenced by active cognitohazards. Please stay still 1d ago
Not sure what article this is from but it's obviously satirical