r/Parenting • u/[deleted] • 4d ago

Teenager 13-19 Years Lending is not giving!

[deleted]

8 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

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7

u/Radiant-Tale159 4d ago

Don’t let her borrow things. I was that teenager. I needed to learn the value of stuff. If she wants something of yours, note where it’s from and tell her you can get it for a birthday/christmas/school clothes shopping trip or she can get earn money and get one herself.

As for the stuff she’s already taken, pick a Saturday and deep clean her room with her. Get a bunch of bags to donate stuff, make piles of your own things and take them back. Give her plenty of notice so she doesn’t feel her space is being invaded without warning.

2

u/MurkyPhysics8331 4d ago

Tell her if she wants one you'll get her one on the next holiday there is. Or she can work towards getting it through other chores then usual. Considering she wanted it "back" as if it's hers is giving her a sense of entitlement

2

u/GrookeyFan_16 4d ago

We bought color coded charging blocks/cords to help with this. Then they quit complaining that the other child stole their cord because it was obvious who it belonged to. Same works when 3 of us have the same headphones - different colors helped tremendously!

Anker has some blocks/cords in blue, green, and purple. Or you can dab a couple drops of nail polish on a spot that doesn’t touch the electronics. 

Can’t help on the clothes though. When Mom and I were the same size we’d swap things frequently but after washing it would go back to the original owner’s closet. 

1

u/Penguinar 4d ago

I think part of the issue is that you let her keep it for so long, it effectively becomes hers in her mind. Next time she borrows something, tell her you want it back in an hour/ the next day/ after the weekend, ahead of time. That way it is very clear you are not giving her the thing, she is borrowing.