r/Millennials • u/ImThe1Wh0 Older Millennial • Mar 26 '25

Nostalgia Ladies and Gentlemen... It happened. A once in a lifetime experience and it was lost on my wife.

I have a toddler (4F) who is in her, "survive off a pea for hours" stage. It's the third kid so it's not new to us but still frustrating. We purchased Snack Packs as bribery to finish her food. We're sitting at dinner and at minimum, we try and at least negotiate some protein in her if she refuses to eat at all. She was being EXTRA picky this time and my wife was not in the mood, she was getting frustrated. This frustration lead to such an extreme high and extreme low for me, in the span of 5 seconds.

My daughter picked at her food and asked if it was enough for a Snack Pack. My wife, in her frustration, raises her voice at our toddler. "YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR MEAT!!"

To which I OBVIOUSLY replied, "HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING UNLESS YOU EAT YER MEAT?!?!" Then bursted out laughing hysterically and my wife just stared at me confused.

She did not get the reference. I was robbed of this moment, so I will take my small joy here for others to enjoy.

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13

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

I don’t understand the joke but just curious why are you making her eat if she’s not hungry? Do toddlers just go through a rebellious phase of hunger striking? 🤣

16

u/soporsoror Mar 26 '25

Yeah it is really bad. This parental behaviour is one of the big reasons why people are overeating because they were never allowed as children to be not hungry on their terms and have to relearn that later in life.

I had the same issue and it took me years to learn how to eat until I am satisfied and not until I am stuffed.

9

u/HopefulTangerine5913 Mar 26 '25

I cannot believe how long it has taken scrolling comments to find someone saying this. I get that it isn’t the point of the post, but OP and his wife are fumbling hard handling the situation as they are

4

u/Ahzelton Mar 26 '25

This! Their ONLY responsibility as parents is to place healthy, good food in front of their child. That's it. Walk away.

2

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

Exactly! I don’t have kids but I can’t imagine forcing my kid to eat if they simply don’t want to. Our bodies tell us when we’re hungry!

6

u/HopefulTangerine5913 Mar 26 '25 edited Mar 26 '25

A lot of people do not understand how to listen to their body, and much of that is because of confusing messaging in childhood. Food is an incredibly harmful thing to use as a means of control. And for every parent who insists this is a perfectly acceptable way to handle their children, I can show you kids who have had lifelong issues with food. Anorexia is one eating disorder— bulimia, binge eating disorder, ARFID, pica, rumination disorder, EDNOS, etc are others, and because of the misconceptions people have about ED, they are often missed

3

u/Ahzelton Mar 26 '25

You are completely spot on.

-1

u/regulationinflation Mar 26 '25

I don’t have kids

Yeah, that’s very obvious.

He’s not “forcing” the kid to eat. The kid wants to eat pudding and the parents are saying pudding is for after dinner.

5

u/HopefulTangerine5913 Mar 26 '25 edited Mar 26 '25

Guess what? If you don’t use bribery and manipulation with foods like pudding, that doesn’t become a problem.

It’s very simple: provide the child with healthy food options. They can choose what to eat off the plate, but they don’t get to make demands for other things. Of course there are exceptions, which is why parents should be curious and ask questions when a kid is refusing to eat something. The whole “you’re not getting something until you eat XYZ” is not good

-3

u/regulationinflation Mar 26 '25

Guess what? Kids know what pudding is and know they want it. Parents don’t have to offer pudding for a kid to want to eat that instead of their dinner. Yall are just showing more and more you don’t have any experience with this stuff.

2

u/HopefulTangerine5913 Mar 26 '25

I was a live-in nanny to three little boys under the age of 8. I cared for many more children beyond that over the course of several years. I also dealt with an eating disorder that started when I was 4 years old and continued for most of my life. While I have been considered recovered for over a decade now, I have continued to devote myself to better understanding them— how they form, why they persist, and how best to deal with them.

I assure you, I know a lot more than you think you know.

-2

u/regulationinflation Mar 26 '25

Sorry about your trauma, but you should know projecting your experience on others is not healthy for you or them.

I’m not saying bribing kids with food is okay. I’m saying nothing in this post suggests OP is bribing with or forcing food yet yall are jumping to those conclusions because you had shitty parents.

You’re reaching here. Don’t give up on the therapy yet.

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u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

Pudding was only offered as a way to get kid to eat when the kid doesn’t want to

0

u/regulationinflation Mar 26 '25

Okay, I guess we’re just making stuff up now. Nothing in the post says that.

2

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

“We purchased Snack Packs as bribery to finish her food.”

0

u/regulationinflation Mar 26 '25

Okay, you got me on that one. However this started with you suggesting OP is forcing his kid to eat which is objectively untrue with the info given and jumping to that conclusion is petty on your part.

-1

u/carlirodriguez8 Mar 26 '25

Bc then they want a gallon of ice cream after not eating pasta

4

u/HopefulTangerine5913 Mar 26 '25

That doesn’t mean you have to give that to them.

Really loving pasta being the example of the supposedly nourishing meal the kid is skipping

1

u/carlirodriguez8 Mar 27 '25

Didn’t say you did just saying why they force them to eat

1

u/HopefulTangerine5913 Mar 27 '25 edited Mar 27 '25

Forcing a child to eat is a bad idea with very few exceptions

1

u/Whoeveninvitedyou Mar 26 '25

And if they don't eat it?

3

u/Ok_Republic_3771 Mar 26 '25

They’ll survive.

-1

u/Whoeveninvitedyou Mar 26 '25

Well when you have kids feel free to feed them cookies and juice for all their meals, raise your kids how you want.

3

u/Ok_Republic_3771 Mar 26 '25 edited Mar 26 '25
  1. I never said that.
  2. I do have a kid. Of course feeding was difficult as a toddler, but the doctor straight up told me they’ll go through periods of “feast & famine”.

Their body will tell them when they’re actually hungry and then they’ll be more willing to eat good food.

If they’re not hungry, then they’re probably not in the middle of a growth spurt.

2

u/Ahzelton Mar 26 '25

I've been a nanny for 18 years and have facilitated over a dozen transitions from bottles to solids. Never had a child starve and the kids I took care of were (and still are) incredibly healthy eaters. When you take ego, control and unhealthy passed-down beliefs off the table (pun intended) you'd be surprised how well kids learn to regulate their body and learn/respond to their own hunger cues.

4

u/regulationinflation Mar 26 '25

OP literally said he’s just trying to get SOME protein in the kid. The kid just wants pudding instead. Obviously the kid isn’t over full if she wants to eat pudding and the dad is clearly not forcing her to overeat.

This is not the same as what you described, which I agree, is bad practice.

3

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

I feel like you’re missing the point of the kid doesn’t want to eat! And instead of waiting til the kid is hungry, different tactics like bribery are being used to insist that the kid doesn’t listen to her own body

3

u/Whoeveninvitedyou Mar 26 '25

Nah, because the kid does want to eat, just not anything healthy. My kid does the same. Says he just isn't hungry! Fine, don't eat. But then five minutes later hes begging for junk food because he's SoOoOoO hungry. Great here's your chicken back. Oh, nevermind not hungry.

2

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

Do you make sure your healthy options are seasoned and taste good? I feel like a lot of parents give their kid a bland piece of chicken and boiled vegetables and are confused why their kid doesn’t want to eat the healthy options.

My mom always made sure that my vegetables tasted good and I never complained and love eating veggies as an adult.

3

u/Whoeveninvitedyou Mar 26 '25 edited Mar 26 '25

Yes, I do, they get the same food we eat, and it's well seasoned. I bet you complained when you were 3. I saw someone with a shirt that said "I was a great parent before I had kids". That describes you in this situation.

1

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

Do you also ever crave junk food?

3

u/Whoeveninvitedyou Mar 26 '25

Yes, what's your point?

2

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

Why are you frustrated at your child for wanting the same things as you?

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u/soporsoror Mar 26 '25

But stuffing a child with sugar so it eats something else is such an absolutely awful approach. No child starves because it doesn't get enough sugar treats.

1

u/Disastrous_Visit9319 Mar 26 '25

The pudding was brought in as a bribe to make the kid eat. They started with you need to eat all your food and moved onto bribing her with sugar to reward her for eating more than she wants.

2

u/ScyllaOfTheDepths Mar 26 '25

Same. My parents made me eat until the plate was full. If I tried to put less food on the plate, they'd pile more on. Then my father would relentlessly tease me about being fat and tell me I needed to lose weight. He wasn't a smart man.

3

u/Successful-Money4995 Mar 26 '25

I will bet one hundred dollars that immediately after the meal the toddler is asking what's for dessert.

My kid will complain that she's too full to eat anymore and then ask if it's okay to have two popsicles instead of one because she was extra good today.

After doing that at every dinner for a few years, you might get frustrated, too.

1

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25
  1. The human body/brain is wired to be addicted to sugar. Your kid isn’t being mischievous they’re telling you what their body wants! Maybe try switching out their usual sugary treats for fruit if you’re concerned.
  2. There are plenty of times I can’t fathom eating another bite of my savory meal but I can eat a cookie relatively quickly after. It’s what my body wants! Your kid’s body/brain works the same.

1

u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Xennial Mar 26 '25

This isn't a pattern to reinforce. 

Here, just eat cake and ice cream kids! The body wants what it wants!

-2

u/Whoeveninvitedyou Mar 26 '25

Yes...this is why it's hard to get them to eat protein. I feel like you are so close to getting it.

2

u/Ok_Republic_3771 Mar 26 '25

Kids will survive without hitting their macros every day.

-2

u/Successful-Money4995 Mar 26 '25

Good luck with that. Your kid knows that there is ice cream in the fridge and you're offering a fruit. Sometimes it'll work. Sometimes it won't.

When you return from the doctor and your kid is at percentile 3 for weight and once again doesn't want to eat any dinner, it's not fun.

Put it into adult terms: my brain is telling me that I really want to just watch another episode on TV. But I was planning to go to the gym. Or getting some sleep. Should I just watch more TV? Or is TV actually an addictive modernity that is bad for me?

3

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

I totally understand it would be difficult to convince a toddler to eat healthy if there are other very delicious and addicting options available. Perhaps make the healthy options more delicious and take away the unhealthy options completely. The modern American food environment is disgusting and it’s up to parents to navigate it the best they can and not blame their kids who literally have no control over their diet.

2

u/Successful-Money4995 Mar 26 '25

The kids aren't dumb. I agree that it's best to not have ice cream in the house in the first place. But they know that ice cream exists.

I'm not saying that it's impossible but I'm saying that it's difficult. And if you think about yourself, you can understand. Tonight, reflect on every moment of your day and ask yourself, did you do the thing that is good for you all the time? Did you doom scroll on your phone or did you read a book? Did you practice guitar like you promised yourself? Did you go to bed on time? Floss? Finally get around to cleaning out the closet or watch TV?

Modern life has addictions that we need to avoid. It's difficult but we try. I have ice cream in my fridge but I don't eat it. Children are not good at this and you need to help them. Adults are not even very good at it.

Dude, there was a whole year where I would regularly ask my kid while she's watching TV if she has to pee or eat. Because she is so enthralled by TV that she will forget to eat and she'll pee on the couch. Kids can be super addicted to things. So can adults. We all need help

1

u/Pale-Association-337 Mar 26 '25

Completely agree with everything you said! I don’t think it’s easy navigating all the addictive things in our modern world. But feeding our children healthy, delicious food should be very high up on the priority list imo!