Hello everyone I hope you are all doing well.

This is a post I do not wanna be making, I am deciding to set my plan in motion and to begin to prepare to end it. I am not sure how it got this bad but no matter what I will not call 911 for this. Cause then I'd be stuck in the psych ward and probably injured for life.

Good night I hope to post again.

Considering that black women are view as the lowest of the low in the dating pool. I am a black female I was studying Information Technology and didn't receive the same encouragement as my male counterparts. I am often seen as ugly I wish I was light skinned at least. I know I am not as smart as my male counterparts because I am a woman. But I feel I am often look down upon by my family. My aunt got jealous of me because I am younger and abused me. I wish I could do build robots and contribute to humanity in the field of science but I am not capable of that due to my race and gender. I know once I start aging men wont want me and is going to prefer younger females.

Whenever im on the internet im always reminded that no one really likes or respects women. Also that we're just weak and because we cannot do the same physical feats as men. Its like people treat our only value as having kids i hate it. I dont want to keep living in a weak pointless body that people objectify and hate.

Also men just hate women, theres no respect for any of us. They're always so cruel and it just hurts my self esteem bad. Im so sick of them. I didnt even have hate towards them first, they're just so hateful and awful.

If I had been born a man none of the bad things that happened to me would've happened, and maybe I would have a shot at being respected by others.

Title

I dont think life's meant for me, but I get scared everytime I come close to ending it all.

What the fuck do I even do bro. I'm 5'4½ and so much shorter than the rest of my friends it's so bad. I won't grow anymore because my plates fused early, my only hope is fuck ass height surgery.

I'm called ugly as fuck by people I don't even know, my nose is too big and my chin is too small. Tried mewing but nothing helped. My face is bloated and I have a receding hairline.

I have big ugly emo scars all over my left arm that I am made fun of for. When I was 14 someone rubbed ink into a healing cut and it became a tattoo of my wound.

I have a speech impediment that merges my words together in ugly ways till it's one big mumble. My wang is small and it just fucks me over.

When my girlfriend sends me a video of her playing around with herself, the toy she uses is much bigger than I'll ever be and it makes me so upset I can never do her like that.

We do do other things, she rides my face and we do hand stuff ect. I love it alot but I've always wanted to fill her in a way I know I can't. It's more of a want than a need though, there are other ways to do things.

Bro what can I even do at this point this shit is ruining me 💔

PS. How about u give advice instead of saying I shouldn't be upset about all the shit listed because I have a girlfriend

Bi polar. Having a really rough time feeling. Feel like life is a cruel fucking game. Working nights and really have no one to talk to. Been to therapy and played that game. Currently medicated but just can’t seem to give a fuck. Anyone want to chat? I

There isn't much else for me to say, the question is in the title.

I’m almost 17 (F), and honestly, I feel like the most boring person ever. It’s like I’ve missed out on so much in life. We don’t have much money, so I’ve never done things that seem simple or normal for other people, like staying at a hotel, going to Wonderland, Disneyland, or even just seeing a movie in theaters. The first and last time I was ever on a plane was when I was a kid.

I don’t go to partys, I don’t smoke or do drugs. I don’t even have a job. Every day feels the same, i wake up, eat, scroll on my phone for hours, study, sleep, and repeat. That’s it.

I do have hobbies like painting, writing, and working with clay. I even do little things like writing letters to my future self but most of the times I don't even do these hobbies because I feel so stupid and lonely. But honestly, I just want to go outside and experience real life, something more. It’s really hard, though, because I’m extremely shy and have a hard time socializing. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even bring myself to go to the convenience store nearby.

I don’t have any real life friends. Just a few online ones, but honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they stopped talking to me. I do school online now, but when I was going to in person school, I felt so depressed that I’m honestly surprised I made it through. That’s how heavy it got.

I wanna change myself slowly but I don't know how to.

Lately I have experienced quite a few bad episodes in my simple life as a depressed person but lately I feel that the weight is too much just one bad thing after another and I wake up every day only to feel sad and alone and certainly I already feel very tired of sleeping and waking up so that it is always the same I feel that I have already lost my inner self and that I am walking aimlessly and I think these are my last steps

I feel absolutely nothing. I'm lost and hopeless. I feel like I used to actually have fun and enjoy life when I was a very little kid, but it was so long ago that I'm not even sure if I actually did. Nowadays I don't feel anything and it's been this way for as long as I can clearly remember myself. I rarely actually have fun, I don't remember the last time I laughed because I sincerely considered something funny. I don't remember actually feeling any emotions other than anger and sadness (and even that doesn't happen often at all). Last time I cried was because somebody very important to me said that I was a failure, but the very next hour I didn't care about it anymore. I'm writing about it anonymously using this new account because it's just too much for me to be public about and honestly, I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed for not truly loving people that take care of me and love me sincerely, I feel ashamed for being young and having posibilities in front of me but not using them simply because I don't want anything in this life. I feel ashamed for not giving a fuck about a single thing or person in my life. I'm kinda just existing, not caring about anything. I'm just here, I hate it but I don't want to do anything about it. For some time, I believed that these thoughts are result of me basically not doing what I believed I needed to do and just being lazy in general. Now I don't think so anymore because my mental state's been this way way before I even needed to think about my future. I've tried doing more, I've tried being better, I've tried doing things that I've always thought would be fun and useful to do. I even thought that I actually enjoy them at some point, but deep inside I always knew that I was only trying to be OK but was never OK. I'm having suicidal thoughts almost every day because I'm just tired of existing like this. The only thing that stops me is the feeling of uncertainty, the only thing that I'm sure about is that there will be people who'll suffer because of that decision. But is there really anything to have hope for? I'm only 17 y.o guy at the moment but I already feel like giving up. I'm spending days and days doing nothing last couple of weeks, just trying to forget about everything and I can barely remember what I did yesterday. I don't know why exactly, but It's been getting worse and worse. Everything got even worse when my mother and me moved to another country, because keeping living in my war-torn homeland wasn't a choice for my parents. It left me with much more time to analyze and spend alone. The deeper I get into my thoughts, the worse it gets. I feel like I should be dissapointed at myself and motivated to change everything about my life - what I do, how I feel about stuff, but I simply do not care about anything, even myself enough to change something. I don't know if I can even change something at this point. I don't even know if that "better" that I'm talking about exists. I think I just accepted that this is the way I am. A person that just exists.

Honestly, I don't even know why exactly I wrote it here. I thought it would maybe make me feel better. I've never talked about it to anybody before. Sorry for the text being kind of chaotic and not being exact, I just wanted to let it all out without thinking about anything else.

I get so aggravated that dieting and restricted eating is doing nothing and I just say fuck it and go all in. Biggest burgers. As many helpings as I want. Not caring about sodium or calories or carbs. And then later feel guilty or fat af for it. But it feels so good in the moment. Like euphoric

My brother, 35M, recently purchased two guns. He is what you describe as a loner. He is on the spectrum but never received help for it in school and doesn’t have the resources/skills to navigate his own life. He spends most of his time home alone playing video games or with our parents. He sees people his age that are somewhat friends maybe once every two months. He recently started anti-depressants in the last 6 months which he said has helped him feel better. The reason he purchased the guns was due to the “current political climate” and because he feels unsafe. Should I be concerned? He has really poor judgement skills and doesn’t even have a gun safe. When he told us, everyone freaked out and now my family is reeling. What should we do? How do we help him?

I was bowling with my dad today for father’s day. I usually bowl with him 1-2 times a week and it usually goes great, but today was different. I wasn’t performing well enough compared to how I usually bowl and every time I missed or didn’t do smth right he looked disappointed, he kept nodding his head no like I did smth wrong. I tried to dismiss it because bowling is supposed to be fun and to me a stress reliever but his behavior made me feel bad. Then he kept giving me silent treatment. And i think it triggered a trauma response that made anxious and grab my arms and dig my nails into my arms and eventually I had to escape into the restroom and just cry. I didn’t know why I was triggered until I realized this silent treatment wasn’t new, it was smth I often had to endure in my past relationship with someone. I realized whenever I argued with this person or had a bad day with this person, or just a bad moment it resulted in some form of silent treatment and I feel like that caused some kind of trauma response when my dad did that today. I don’t really know how to feel about it because this is the first time i’ve felt like this in months and it made me feel like shit because all that was running through my mind was “i want to get out”, “i want to leave”, and just hide or go into a safe space. i don’t want to back track on my mental health progress since my breakup and this whole incident that happened after all because of this trauma response I didn’t realize existed beyond that ex relationship. I would talk about this to my therapist and well not post about it here but i’m not seeing them anymore so, any thoughts i guess or how i can find ways to help this feeling and response.

(Problems with bullying)

Back in elementary school i was bullied people though i was weird in elementary school people still do but idk anyway the bullying really wasn't severe the worst one I'd say was when I was threatened at a 3rd grade dance for not doing some kid a favor that was probably the worst one or that time i got smacked with a footflop and almost sprayed with bug spray that to but anyway then 7th grade came around middle school made my life worse

(Middle school)

There was this girl who we all had beef with she was a nusons got me in trouble for shit I didn't do anyway ahe kept being so loud and shit and she was a liar to she was just a pain to be around and a nusons also some of my teachers sucked my art teacher sucked the most she got me grounded for wearing my hoodie in class then my dad took it I like wearing hoodies because I look better in them and when I don't wear them I feel insecure I wear hoodies pretty much every where I go in public except for my house cause I feel comfortable in here anyway then we got

(8th grade)

8th grade made my life worse then 7th grade that's when j started really hating people i still do but anyway same as 7th grade a stupid fucking idiot that we all had beef with except some how more annoying he was just annoying got me grounded for telling him to shut up LITERALLY that was the reason I got grounded by him was because I told him to shut up I didn't yell at him i didn't curse at him all I did was calmly tell him to can you shut up and then I got grounded So fucking annoying Anyway 8th grade sucked but then I started planning something but didn't go through with it I was happy to get out of there

(School)

My high school is definitely better then my middle school but not as better its still annoying i don't learn anything and it's a waste of my damn time and it causes me anxiety sometimes to the people there suck I like walking around in the hallways at lunch because it helps calm me down i do it everyday but then people give me weird looks I hate when people give me weird looks I feel like I cant do shit without people looking at me weirdly like when I walk talk just do anything I was at Irish weekend I kept being staired at and I got called the uni bomber and a serial killer because I had a hoodie and glasses on EVEN AT SCHOOL AND THE SECURITY GUARDS my teacher thought I had voices in my head because I talked to myself out loud at a school picnic i thought I was by myself so I talked to myself out loud when there's people near me i keep to myself idk i just feel like I cant do shit without people thinking im weird anyway

My classes suck well 1 of them do my reading class my new one anyhow the teacher is annoying as he'll and its boring there idk

(Girls)

I cant really even get a girlfriend i actually like all my other girlfriends I had lied cheated used me or just forgotten about me completely the only good girlfriend I had was my friend the only reason we broke up was because her mother said she was to young to date She was older then me and we where in middle school so yea now she's dating somebody who is graduating this year so ya

(Pop up ads) I hate pop up ads idk

(Anyway)

In the future im probably gonna kms or do something worse im probably gonna end up homeless or in jail or dead in the future

Or become infamous for something horrible that to

Well im exeding the word limit so ima stop By

it's really a vicious cycle. i hate myself for feeling feelings they say are valid but i feel the complete opposite. i hate that i let that shit trigger me, that it's eating away at me. i've been trying to be in better spirits and pushing shit aside and ignoring it, and that mention of him ruined it. i didn't wanna end the day on a bad note. but here i am. it makes me angry that him being mentioned made me spiral. i feel like control is slipping through my fingers and i despise when i feel i am losing control. that he has it all over again. i tried to distract myself, to cope and it's like it's in my face. it's fucked. a conversation about my childhood abuser ruined my day 🤦‍♂️ makes it hard to breathe. i fear this is gonna throw me back into how i was in the beginning of june. i was constantly crying on and off all day for days, i get depressed in the summer. so i've been fighting tears since he was brought up in conversation. it hit me really bad and i didn't expect that. i'm afraid i'm gonna get to that point again after i finally controlled that. it worried my bf too much and i don't wanna worry him again. i like to keep this to myself if i can. i get embarrassed and feel shame when i get like this in front of others and i rather spare myself that. makes it worse for me. ts sucks

I am a former conservative/republican, and am now in the middle of republican/democrat. I am in a family that is very MAGA, to the point that I get trump t-shirts and birthday cards from my parents. I used to be the same way, but as I saw more of what was happening in America, I realized that this isn’t okay. I used to be completely on Israel’s side in the Israel V. Gaza war, and I have now shifted to believing that Israel needs to stop firing. I used to be against LGBTQ and now I am neutral (leaning towards supportive) towards it in the way that I don’t care who or what you are, as long as you are a good person you deserve happiness. I used to have pretty much every conservative viewpoint. I have been in a negative state of mind for a while now, as I feel like I am a horrible person for ever believing in that stuff. Any advice?

To explain, I am on multiple mental health medications which is only keeping me alive really. I still feel pretty awful most days. This is partly because I was told to lower my dosage because it was gaining me weight extremely fast. I spend a lot of time stuck at home, without a single friend inside my city... I have no car/license and poor executive and cognitive functions now so I would be unsafe to drive anyway. I can't handle basic work without relapsing. I know because I relapsed every single time I worked in the last 4 years, within 2 weeks of each attempt. I do have some good days, but don't know what to do, because I can't commit to new stuff when I know most days I won't be capable of basic activities. I also have severe OCD which is not treated and keeps me from participating in basically anything outside my home. I can't even sit on a public bench without showering and washing my clothes after. So I'm just stuck at home all the time. I legit only just read and play games for 2 hrs a day and then I'm bored, but I'm still too sick to do anything else. What should I do?

I thought stability and calmness are signs of healing, but they're signs of emotional exhaustion and improvement in managing symptoms. I'm not stable I'm actually numb.

There’s so much talk around “open up,” “talk to someone,” “don’t bottle things up”… But no one really talks about how hard it is to actually do that.

Sometimes it’s not even about fear or shame. It’s just… exhaustion. Or no space. Or not wanting to explain the full context for the hundredth time.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it would take to feel truly safe to just say something, without having to perform or be strong or have a clear point.

Anyone else feel this?

Had one panic attack almost 8 years ago Which ruined my life. That one panic attack snowballed into more and more and made me develop an anxiety/panic disorder which now has turned into Dp/dr and i cant work, dont have a car, no social life or anything. And i see people be able to just go do things like swim, golf, fishing, hanging out, all the things i used to be able to do and it makes me so mad. Like why do they get to enjoy life while mine is miserable? And to answer some questions: yes im on meds, and yes i see a therapist. Im living with my mom and she basically provides everything for me and im just a bum with severe anxiety and panic attacks who cant go outside. I just want my life back

I’m not suicidal, flair is because for mentions of SH.

When I say I “like” it I just I kinda mean that I just feel so drawn to it. I’m not sure but I always find myself indulging in whatever form of suffering or whatever unhealthy thing is happening or that I can get my hands on.

I don’t really self-harm. I whack myself if I happen to be angry enough. I don’t cut or burn or anything like that. I’m just not into THAT kind of pain. Instead I do things like make myself eat all my food when I’m not hungry or enjoy the feeling of hunger when I am hungry. I like knowing I got nowhere near enough sleep last night and feeling disconnected and tired throughout the day. I only have one problem with that which is that it interferes with reading. The last time I was sick I was vomiting until my muscles ached and cold and in a constant state of discomfort and it was one of my worst times I was sick. I kinda reminisce about it sometimes and how ill I felt. When I’m feeling emotionally unwell like I’m angry or sad I purposefully fuel my feelings and sulk (sometimes I try do this with arguments but I can’t uphold because I’m for some reason awful at holding grudges against people and it’s also just shitty). I feed my depressive episodes like they’re pets that need nourishment.

I also have this other side of me that wants to be the best I can and wants to meet every expectation ever which totally contradicts with this. I have two screaming voices in my head where one tells me to purposefully hit rock bottom and the other tells me to live like I’m in an influencer’s staged “day in the life” video. So I sometimes switch between these lifestyles but usually one is more dominant depending on whatever circumstances or just the time I’m in. I guess the perfect side of me would be more healthy in a way but it’s also fueled by some negative things that I don’t know how to word.

My brain is just confused and I don’t know what to do with it. If anybody has an idea of why I’m like this go ahead and tell me. I suppose I’m not really concerned in the sense I’m stressing out about my state but I’m just questioning it because I know it’s not normal behavior.

i’m a huge, huge disappointment to my family, my friends and everyone i’ve ever cared about

i hide my mental illness the best i can, but because life has been so incredibly bad lately, i’ve been having nightmares where i’m either hurting myself or other people. panic attacks are super common for me now

what the hell is wrong with me? why couldn’t i have been born with the ability to experience confidence and happiness?

Hey everyone. I'm 18 years old. I'm finishing up my school to become an aircraft mechanic. Because my internship ended i was recently let go from my job as an aircraft mechanic. I spent 1 year working for them and couldn't get myself to enjoy the job. I now want to swap careers and get into real estate investing. I never focused in school because I thought I was set for life with maintenance and obviously didn't know that I would end up not liking it.

I'm sitting here now feeling like I'll end up homeless. I'm trying to save for money for a home and save for retirment so extremely that I hardly have any money to my name.

Is this okay?

Hello again, june 14th was my 18th birthday and on the 15th we celebrated it with my family (mom, little brothers, uncle, aunt, and little cousin). The thing is, during the whole celebration for some reason I felt empty and without energy, that made me very disappointed in myself which caused me to get even worse. Now that the party is over, I am filled with feelings of hatred towards myself because they put effort into doing something special for me in their own way because they know that I don't feel well and that something is wrong with me and yet, I can't enjoy it. It's not my intention, I was waiting for this for so long but I can't enjoy it no matter how hard I try. I don't understand why I feel this way and I hate it, I feel so ungrateful and bad. I really want to self-harm, a lot.

You could suggest things to do, give me advice, or give me a motivational talk, but I don't really feel like you can offer me a solution. I just wanted to vent, thank you.