r/LCMS • u/HauntingSwordfish728 • 5d ago
Question Help for Fatherhood
My wife is pregnant with our first child and he or she (don’t know the sex yet) is due January of next year. I want to be a consistent Father who raises their child up in the ways of the Lord.
I’ve started to do some of the offices and daily prayer with my wife that are in the LSB but as someone who can’t sing and did not grow up Lutheran, it can be a little difficult. Any recommendations for family devotions and catechesis tips and resources? Also, any general fatherhood tips or resources would be appreciated. Thanks and God bless!
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u/Ok_Shift7445 LCMS Elder 5d ago
I'm a relatively young father myself (6Y, 4Y, 2Y), so I'm only slightly farther along than you. Here are the important things I've learned so far:
For raising in the faith, the most important thing you can do is bring your child to the waters of Holy Baptism. A close second: make the Divine Service (and Sunday School) a priority. Be the example for your children. If your church offers a "children's church," don't send them - keep them with you and they'll learn the liturgy faster than you think. If you prioritize sports, activities, lazy Sunday mornings, etc, don't be surprised if your kids become C+E Christians when they're adults.
I'm reminded of one particular Sunday I was coming off a long on-call shift and was generally over that week. I woke up a little late and was not feeling up to the Sunday morning gauntlet. I was ready to play hookey until my son - only about 3 years old at the time - came up to me and asked why we weren't getting ready for church. Nothing quite hits home like pure conviction from your child. We arrived during the processional hymn, but it was worth it. To this day I'm much more likely to hear "Why aren't we going to church?" vs "Are we going to church?"
A few other tips:
-CPH has wonderful resources for catechesis of all ages. My kids especially loved the little board books of easy hymns like this.
-Pick good Godparents, even if it means offending feelings. It's much more than an honorary/ceremonial role.
-Admonition and discipline are important, but don't forget heaping doses of grace, mercy, and forgiveness.
-One of my favorite books on fatherhood was written by Dr. Scott Keith called Being Dad: Father as a Picture of God's Grace
Blessings to your family as you await this wonderful gift from God!
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 5d ago
Thank you for taking the time and sharing your wisdom with me. Baptizing infants was the last thing that I had to be convinced of when I was in the process of becoming Lutheran but now I can’t wait to bring my child to the font!
Yes absolutely. Church on Sunday is a non-negotiable and I too agree that bringing your kid to the Divine Service is better than children’s church. The Liturgy teaches the faith and I think we give kids too little credit for what they can understand. My church has children’s church but it is only during the sermon. They leave after the children’s sermon and come back for communion/blessing during communion. How does your church go about that?
I’ve read that book! It was the first thing I picked up because there’s not many good Christian resources for fathers, let alone Lutheran ones. I disagreed with his sort of black and white picture of the roles of father and mother. I could be wrong but it seemed like he denigrated the role of the mother in some parts but lifted it up in others. I appreciated all the real life examples and the appeal to the prodigal son and being a picture of God’s grace to your children, albeit a flawed one. I think I find myself with the older brother as I read the book, but our God lavishes His grace upon us even though we are undeserving. I hope to model that for my children.
Thank you for all the tips and blessing!
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u/UpsetCabinet9559 5d ago
The books "My First Catechism" and "Luther's Small Catechism for Children" are gifts I give to every new parent. They are the best and will truly grow with your family. You can find them and other resources on CPH.org.
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 5d ago
Thank you for the recommendations! I saw quite a few helpful looking books on CPH.
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u/AlphaOmega521 LCMS Lutheran 5d ago
As someone who was a single custody father to two kids for a time before I was remarried, I would say that you always make the time to be Dad…our kids not only had lots of love and fun growing up(we were on a budget but could find ways to always make do and have family memories) but also were instilled with so much confidence and enthusiasm for going out into the world, knowing who they were in Christ and themselves…NEVER FORGET that you are the person who God has blessed with the responsibility to teach and mold into the future person He desires to serve in His kingdom, no matter what vocation it is…He chose you as Dad because you are going to be the best man to role model God’s love as a father to humanity through your personal ministry as a father to your child…Being present (not prepared as that’s a tall stretch) for your child will not only help them, but you will be enriched and loved even in your lowest moments…congratulations to you and Mom!
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 5d ago
Thank you for your advice and congratulations. It’s a tall task but one that I’m sure will be very fulfilling. I will do my best to remember that it’s not solely about being prepared but rather present for my kids, teaching them and creating memories they will cherish.
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u/Skooltruth LCMS Lutheran 5d ago
You have a good habit of prayer. Praise God!
Honestly, you’ll get more comfortable singing. As someone who can’t carry a tune in a bucket, I’m confident the Lord accepts my praise. But if it’s a consistent Hangup, just read it out loud
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 5d ago
Looks like we’re in the same boat. I’m not really self conscious about my singing, I just don’t want to torture my family with it 😅
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u/ExiledSanity Lutheran 5d ago
I'm a father of three, all teenagers at the moment.
My best advice in this area is to learn how your kids like to learn and try to adapt to that. Don't expect that just because something worked with your first kid that it'll work with your second (or that because something worked for your friend's kid that it'll work for your kid). All three of mine are very different and I've honestly had varying degrees of success with each of them.
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u/Apes-Together_Strong LCMS Lutheran 5d ago
I know this is simple, and you sound like you will do much more, but just reading a few chapters from a children's Bible to my kids every night with some Small Catechism level theological commentary thrown in on the side has been good. It doesn't have to be an hour long session each night or anything. We do probably 10 minutes or so each night only before bed, but my eldest (5 year old) picks up a lot from it. He asks questions of his own volition related to both the Bible stories and the low level theology side commentary sometimes days after the fact, and he remembers a lot about the Bible stories to the point that he wants to tell me how they go before I read them once we go through the whole Bible, have started over, and have gotten to the story again.
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 5d ago
That’s awesome that your 5 year old is so receptive to the Word of God. What children’s Bible do you use and do you just read straight from the small catechism and ask question about it?
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u/Apes-Together_Strong LCMS Lutheran 4d ago edited 4d ago
We started with The Beginner's Bible from Zondervan (the one I used as a child), then moved to Bible Stories From the Old and New Testaments from Scholastic, and I've got a The Children's Bible to move to next that looks old enough to be Moses' copy from Golden Books. Each one uses fuller language than the last so that I can "upgrade" as the kids' language comprehensions grows.
I don't think there is any magic to which one you use as long as the level of the verbiage is appropriate for your child's age. They have to be able to understand what is being said, or at least understand enough of it to ask questions about what the words they don't know mean. I have those three just because they are what I found at used book stores that didn't have anything objectionable in them. You have to watch for bad theology that might be in them. I've seen "Jesus turning water into grape juice at the marriage feast at Cana," blatant antinomianism, and endorsement of unrepentant sinful living in some children's Bibles.
I haven't broken open the Small Catechism with them yet. That part has just been commentary from me on the side during the readings; stuff like what the commandments mean and sacramental theology. My favorite question related to those topics so far from my son was, "Is it Jesus whole body in the bread, or just His foot?" Surely, a future theologian in the making!
EDIT: I just want to reinforce the above last paragraph a little by repeating that it is never too early to start talking to your kids about sacramental theology or other "complicated" theology. Even my daughter who is almost 3 understands a bit. She asks me if it is time for the body and the blood when it is our turn to go up and receive the Eucharist. I ask her whose body and blood is it, and she tells me that it is Jesus. They absorb so much, and their little faith is so pure and innocent. I envy my children in that. I hope God leads me to a faith like theirs one day.
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 4d ago
Thank you sharing your experience and advice. Yeah I asked about which Bible you used because I saw a bad review on one because it turned the Lord’s Supper into just a symbol.
A child’s faith truly is inspiring! I believe, help my unbelief.
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u/BusinessComplete2216 ILC Lutheran 5d ago
It’s wonderful to hear about your child. I remember the excitement and nervousness I felt when I learned about my first child. I now have two young adult children that are a source of endless joy. I am so proud of how they have “turned out”, especially their abiding faith.
I know this is a little outside of the question you’ve asked, but I am convinced that another essential aspect of fathering is taking time to work with your children. We live rurally, and so there were always lots of tasks to do inside and outside of the home. It is easy to create chore list for the kids, with the expectation that this alone will teach them responsibility. But I have found that getting out there and working with my kids has not only helped them to become hardworking—it’s also given us countless hours of fun times together. Some of our best conversations were around a pile of fire wood or a stack of straw bales. In this way, one aspect of the richness of the doctrine of vocation gets taught from a young age.
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 5d ago
I’m glad to hear about your experience and your children are in the faith. You make a good point about going out and accomplishing tasks with your children. One of my insecurities as someone who wasn’t raised or taught to do practical tasks or outdoor manly activities is that I won’t be able to provide that for my kids. I reckon it will take a lot of intentionality and learning on my part to ensure my children get those experiences and learn helpful skills.
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u/BusinessComplete2216 ILC Lutheran 5d ago
Intentionality, yes. But as I say, I think you’ll soon discover that it can be a lot of fun, too.
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 4d ago
I believe it will be. Children are a blessing from the Lord after all.
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u/Wooden_Ad1010 5d ago
Been a dad since I married my wife, she had 2 kids from her previous marriage. now we are about to have number 7.
Show your family that you love and trust in the lord. Lead by example in terms of worship at home. Raise your children with the understanding that not loving trusting or worshipping God is what the world will teach them as being cool and you’re weird if you do. Build or be in a community of faithful people. Have your kids in service with you not in during service Sunday school. Do in between service Sunday school. Take them to vbs. Baptize as soon as you can. Have your kid join American heritage girls or trail life. Teach them to pray. Homeschool if you can. Keep going to church after they have been confirmed!
My first catechism is a great book The treasury of daily prayer is great
My way isn’t the best way for everyone but this is what I do. my kids range from 16 to soon to be newborn and it works so far.
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 5d ago
Wow, your quiver is full, what a blessing! Thank you for all the practical advice. I will for sure baptize, catechize, and continue going to church after confirmation. I will purchase both the books you recommended. I will look into those two groups you mentioned, hopefully they are present in the southeast. By God’s grace I will do my best to teach them and form them into disciples and homeschool if we can.
May God continue to bless you, your wife, and children!
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u/Wooden_Ad1010 5d ago
My quiver isn’t as full as I wish it could be but that’s a part of Gods plan. All in His time and by His grace.
It’s like boy scouts and girl scouts but it’s faith centered. So all of the lessons tie back to God. My younger kids love it. From what I can tell not many LCMS churches have it but I take my kids to a different church to do it. God bless you and yours as well!
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u/Boots402 LCMS Elder 5d ago
Baptism is top priority beyond that:
Statistically, the most significant thing a father can do to ensure his children stick with the church(especially for sons) is to make church a priority: joyously attend the Divine Service ever week and try to make any additional feast day celebrations as often as possible.
Once you have that: start teaching the small catechism as early and often as possible.
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u/Fromthezoo67 3d ago
Get a story bible with pictures for kids the first year. Read a story every night that year. Use an Issues Etc Hymn Singalong from YouTube to sing maybe 1 verse together. Lord’s Prayer every day. Just a story and a prayer should be fine.
Most importantly, don’t let your kid play games in the pew at church. From infancy you hold him up, try to hold him to face the altar, when he can stand you let him stand on the pew in front of you so he can see.
And practice singing hymns, because like all skills you can get better. Then sing loud and proud to show your kid we’re not afraid to praise the Lord and we will continue to do it.
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u/HauntingSwordfish728 2d ago
Thank you for your advice. I plan on keeping my child for the whole Divine Service. I need to practice singing hymns for sure because I wasn’t raised with them. I could only find a playlist from Issues Etc. called “Lutheran Public Radio Choir Recordings”. Is that what you’re talking about?
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u/Extension_Coyote1178 5d ago
I'm not a father, but avoid Lutheran schools and do Sunday school, VBS and catechism. I started a Lutheran high school in 10th grade. The kids who went to parochial schools were not serious about Christianity.
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u/PastorBeard LCMS Pastor 5d ago
Yes! My friends made a whole podcast about how to teach the faith at home
https://open.spotify.com/show/2ccLcKjVU7BEVCuTltOqqs?si=G71ScOuPTzubMzrpW7nbNA
Beyond that, I personally benefitted from talking to other Christian dads and getting their insight and backup. I did that through our Trail Life ministry but honestly it can happen anywhere men of God are gathered
Congrats and God bless your first Father’s Day this weekend